vids that make me laugh

Was thinking of how I could go for a viewing of Peewee's Big Adventure again. I just love that movie. Why I suddenly have it on the brain is cuz I have a friend on Facebook, a high school classmate of mine, who just recently moved his family to San Antonio, TX. He wrote on his wall this morning, something about trying to decide what to do for the day. Well, to be specific, he wrote: "maybe off to the riverwalk. maybe the zoo. maybe the alamo. maybe seaworld. maybe just stay here cuz i can't figure out what i want to do" And reflexively, I just wanted to comment "I warn you: there is NO BASEMENT in the Alamo" but I had to withhold & suppress that response because I assure you, he does not strike me as the type of guy that would catch a Peewee's Big Adventure allusion (nor would many of his friends, I'll wager). And so, if I had typed that, it woulda just come off as some sort of weirdo cryptic code of sorts. So I refrained. And that's why I have Peewee's Big Adventure on the brain. It's like idea reflux.
Anyways, this is a very brief snippet of PBA, nothing to do with the Alamo's basement (or lack thereof) but one of my fave bits.

I can't hear "Jimmy Crack Corn" without that scene springing to mind. Haaa.

Okay, one of my favorite audio funnies from this page is the "Trololo" button (center yellow button, row 7) I just fancied that little snippet, but had no prior knowledge of this jackpot of insanity that it was culled from--

　Ok, first of all, pal, I don't think you of all schmendricks should be pointing & laughing at me (approx 1:55). This was on some Russian variety show of the late 60s and the amazing thing is...I think this was TOTALLY IN EARNEST. It seems improbable, I know. How can you hear that sound coming out of your borscht-hole and not find it (and yourself) ridiculous--nay, reDONKulous?

This next one is rather more contemporary. I just stumbled onto it today. I gotta say, I am not all that keen on the broad rubbing cutlets on her cutlets, but I think this rap is very clever. Not just clever, but catchy too.

It could just be that I dig this because they very capably incorporate "broccoli" not once, but twice. Brav-O. It's an established fact that I appreciate any song that features broccoli

　

　

my big fat yap

Yesterday I inadvertently dissed the counter guy at McDonalds. It was a subtle diss, and it may have escaped his notice, but I immediately felt like a bitch for it. I had gotten a vanilla cone (quick parenthetical editorial:: plain cones, I have ruled, are the very best cone style. Not that sugar cones or waffle cones are yucky –they certainly are not—but plain cones are the best. Y’know the clinching factor—it’s the grid section at the base of the the cone, where the ice cream seeps down into and you wind up with perfect cone > ice cream integration. The only edge that waffle cones have is that they hold a mega buttload of ice cream…but I’m going to rule in favor of plain cones nevertheless) and he was doling out my change. He paused in the middle of this transaction and says “Have you seen the new penny??” He says this all eager-like—either I have the look of an avid numismatist or he is one…or both. Anyways, he shows me one of these coins (looks like this ) and I respond “ Looks like a seal for Justice League” And he said “That’s what I said!!” In retrospect, I see that I could have, and should have, let him have the last word here. But for some odd reason, I felt it incumbent upon me to produce a response of some kind. So I said “OH.” It’s not so much what I said as how I said it. In that singular syllable, I very clearly conveyed how I felt about our newfound concord. Disappointment could be heard, certainly, but the more discerning ear could pick out the more nuanced undertones of "ohmilord If I am mentally simpatico with this schlomo than my q rating has gotta be lower than I thought..SUB-subterranean" -brand disappointment. As soon as I heard the "Oh" I felt bad about it. I'd not intended to be a snotty bitch. But there were no reparations to be made.. . one of those situations where further discourse would just botch things even more. What do you say? "Oh, I didn't mean to infer via my tone that you are some kind of dork loser. Oh, NO, sir!!" I had the good sense to shut my trap at that juncture. I grabbed my cone, and my .17 cents and bolted.

Maybe it was due to yesterday's accidental snobbery that I found myself so chatty today. I think, more often than not, I keep to myself. But every so often I surprise myself with these days where I feel like blasting total strangers with a max dose of wit and charm. I think the outcome of that Psych 101 quiz I took many moons ago (CSC freshman year, specifically) was on the mark..I am an ambivert. Well, I think I part of the reason I was extra-amiable towards the W B Mason sales rep I met with was that he was young, apparently single*, and not too shabbly aesthetically. But I had to be making amends for yesterday when I opted to chat up the unicycle guy in the parking lot. There was no romantic ulterior motive there, I assure you. Though there is something liberating in having a unicyclist in your parking lot to chat up. I made this corny joke , which he didn't even get , yet not only did I not have any corny-joke regret, there was none of that uncertainty that naturally accompanies talking to strangers. Not that I'm shy...but if you totally don't know a person, there's no way of knowing if striking up an unsolicited convo is going to evoke a mean "why the fuck you talkin' to me??" type reaction. But dude was on a unicycle for chrissakes. I don't think surly people ride unicycles, and besides: isn't riding a unicycle in a public area a sort of invitation for comment anyway??

*this means I spotted no wedding ring. But really you can't go on that as an indicator of fair game anymore. This dude--a ring-free dude-- at Staples who was answering my questions on a laptop uttered the words "my fiancee" about a dozen times.. I mean, we were looking at a laptop that was the same brand as the one HIS FIANCEE owns and he was talking of his personal experience of the brand. So there *was* context. But still, his verbage...it just seemed like he used the phrase excessively...like he could've trotted it out there initially and then proceeded with the easier pronoun "she". But he said it quite alot and that made me suspect that I had been eyeing him like a fattie looks at a Twinkie. I very well mighta been.

until they make" Major Dad: the Movie" this will hafta do

this movie looks like it will be all SORTS of kick ass--

So that jibe about "Major Dad:the Movie" was in jest. I would, however, be game for a movie version of Simon & Simon. Though I INSIST that they retain and prominently feature the original theme song. The Simon y Simon opening credits music is one of the best instrumentals ever. It just makes me happy and makes me want to dance like a drunk uncle at a wedding reception (y'know, all bouncy knees & wild elbows) (OK, OK, if you're straining your brain trying to recollect what the eff I'm on about, well strain thyself no further)

But back to "Get Low" The sole unfortunate thing about this flick (from my initial impression anyway) is that the two words of that title calls to mind countless ass-wobbling hip hop anthems and the lower-bod dexterity tests they incited on the dance floor. Not really synching up with the apparent tone of the movie. But other than that, it looks utterly awesome-sauce. Bill Murray is the cat's jammies, I used to adore Lucas Black from way back in his American Gothic days (I loved that show! "Someone's at the door!!") And of course, Bobby Duvall is always a solid performer (hey, we lunch together, I'm perfectly within my rights to address him thusly) The movie (at least the glimpse I got from the trailer) has a sepia feelin' to it, and that reminds me lots of "O Brother Where Art Thou" (a FAAAAVE of mine) though I don't think this movie will be quite so comical as O Brother. I just really dig that whole aesthetic just the same.

And yes, it is a bonus to see Gerald McRaney in the mix there. It's an unexpected twist. I get an odd thrill out of seeing arbitrary obscurities pop up somewhere you're not expecting them. And I guess that's an easy reaction to get outta me because, you're never really expecting to see Gerald McRaney anywhere are you? I don't want this to sound like I don't think he's good, that is not what I'm saying at all. He's just not exactly monopolizing the cultural consciousness nowadays, eh? And I like that...one sure tires of all the A-listers .It can be refreshing to have someone from the shadows of stage left photo-bomb into the sphere of spotlight. Another example: generally I do not give a baker's fuck about any fare that can be classed as an "action movie". However, I've kinda been eyeing "The Expendables" with some interest. Why? DOLPH LUNDGREN. He's in the movie AND cropping up on the poster. His name, while not right up top, is about in the middle and in BIG PRINT. Decent! Though I can't say the Dolph Lundgren factor would delight me enough to persuade me to pay to see a flick like The Expendables. Oh, but if somebody else wants to buy me a ticket, I'll certainly show up. I love me some cineplex popcorn!!

one of my fave bands in the news

I don't know what I think about this news story. I mean, I suppose as a model, or , one-time model, you want to be paid for your work, even if your work is mouldering away unseen for nigh on 30 years. But this broad is suing for 2 MILLION dollars, her argument being that --

"the album design, in which the Photograph is featured prominently, was a substantial factor in generating recognition and buzz for the Contra album, thus increasing sales and profits."

What-EV, lady. I loved Vampire Weekend's first album and was eagerly awaiting a follow up. I would have sought out Contra even if the cover had been a dead rat in a pile of pig vomit.

If her signature was really forged on a release document, then YES that is bad. But how were the fine fellahs of Vampire Weekend to know that wasn't a legit signature? (of course I give them the benefit of the doubt, I adore them) If she makes any loot with this moneygrubbing litigious endeavor, I say it should come from the pockets of this photographer or his agency.

Well this whole subject gives me a fine excuse to post this, which I love lots---

These guys are playing a show in Holyoke MA in September. I kinda want to see them, but it depends on how much $$$ tickets are. I mean, as much as I gush over 'em, I can only really sing along to 1/3 of any given Vampire Weekend song. I feel like, to shill out 100 bucks for a concert ticket, one ought to be , how you say.."hardcore"? And the minimum requirement for hardcore status, I believe, is to be able to sing along accurately to EVERY song. I hardly measure up..

EXCLUSIVE!!!

I gotta post this video here, because my friend Andrea would give me hell if I put it up on Facebook. And I'd hate to waste it (all glorious 37 seconds of it)

I went with pals into NYC this past Saturday. This was our emerging from Penn Station into the magnificent metro...

Weird thought I had at work today

The cleaning crew left a giant wheeled garbage can in the hallway outside the supply room (the very supply room that I go in and out of constantly throughout the day) and after my 3rd trip past it, I mused: I could hide in there, I could take some paper wrapping from our last McKesson shipment, pull it over the top of me and no one would know I'm in there. But then I thought of the down side of no one knowing that I'm hiding in the garbage-- half eaten taco salads raining down on my head and the like. And so I thought : It's too bad I couldn't hide in there, and then have Mr Bundles come in and wheel me away to freedom like he did for Annie. Except Mr Bundles doesn't pick up trash, he picks up big carts of laundry, and if I waited for the cleaning crew to wheel me away to freedom, I would have to hunker down in there all day, perhaps suffering the aforementioned taco salads upside the head. And escaping with the laundry is not a feasible option, as our laundry is brough over to Kleen drycleaners (not picked up) with NO predictable regularity...Larry collects it all in a ginormo-sized buff plastic trash bag and hauls it over there himself. It would not particularly trouble me that Larry would throw his back out on account of the bag of dirty bags unexpectedly being 1000x heavier than usual, but it would suck that the additional weight of moi would be DEAD weight, what with my having asphyxiated from hiding in a garbage bag and all.

Eventually I did flee to freedom, and had a hankering for a cheeseburger and so currently am at a McDonalds, polishing off a Happy Meal. I should have foregone the Happy Meal and ordered a Unbearably HILARIOUS meal like the dude at the booth behind me ordered. He is on the seat attached to mine, (we're seated back-to-back) and since he sat down there, the bench has been quaking almost nonstop. Since the shakes are *sometimes* coinciding with jests his companion is making, then I am presuming it's humor-induced, laughter-related quaking. I don't hear any laughs, but not everyone has a booming guffaw. I mean, shit, if he's NOT laughing over there, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with him....

How bizarre is this??
Actually gets more bizarre: the new development on this project is that they added Micki Dolenz to the cast. Don’t get me wrong, Dolenz has always been my fave Monkee. And, nevertheless, I gotta question the thought process behind casting that dude in anything. It’s either that he’s the only one trying out for the part (which is hard to believe…you could populate a mid-size country with all the struggling actors waiting tables out there) OR producers are deliberately striving for that kitsch effect.

H & G

Me surveying my finished peeps in my workshop/parent's garage...

I have got to shake this dumbass tendency I have to provide background narration of "HMMMM hmm hmm hmmmmm" It's like I feel that running commentary is a must, but I can't really think of any worthwhile comment at times, and so I go with "HMMM hmmm humm hummmm"

Dear Ralph Macchio...

I'm sorry that I used to scoff at my cousin Denise when she used to buy Tiger Beat because you were on the cover. I'm sorry that I found you underwhelming / uninteresting when you were on (RIP) Ugly Betty. This video is all I need to convince me that I have misjudged you; you are, in fact, all sorts of rad

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

mystery pic

One of my 2010 wall calendars is of Art Nouveau paintings. Some of them I find not so Art Nouveau-ish, but most of the selections are pretty lovely. I particularly liked April, I liked it so much, that I left it up thru most of May. May was about 3/4 through when I took the calendar down and scanned the April pic. But I was very disappointed that *nowhere* on the calendar is the artwork's name or creator mentioned.

Anyways, without further blather, the mystery pic---

Hey kiddies. If I've seemed a smidge derelict in my blogging duties, blame it on Hansel & Gretel. This past weekend was WHS Alumni Weekend and this year happens to be my 15th alumni year. We had to put a float in the alum parade (parade theme :fairy tales or nursery rhymes). Well, I suppose we didn't **HAVE** to do something for the parade (class of 1985 did absolutely nada for alumni this year.. . .losers) but a small contingent of us felt like we oughtta. A small contingent from a small class...I'm not gonna name names or point fingers (BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!*) but only about 1/6 of our class worked on this thing. It's a good thing we had Phil, who is in the carpentry/construction trade. He pretty much built the candy house on his own. We pitched in on painting & embellishments & such, but he did all the structural work. He was amazing. Liz was the major organizing force (also amazing...and slightly annoying in a way I can't quite articulate). And my assignment was Hansel & Gretel. Liz had talked about using a projector to blow up an image of H&G, then trace that projected image onto big paper, paste the big paper onto cardboard...basically to make cardboard cutout Hansel & Gretel. I'm sure I am partly influenced by the 3D mania that is monopolizing the cinemas these days, but this cardboard cut-out notion struck me as a little lame-ish and shabby. But, instead of pointing at Liz and yelling "LAAAAAME! SHABBY!!!" I just said "Well, can't we do something more 3D, like with papier mache?" To which Liz retorted , "Can you make 2 people out of papier mache?" Ohhhh SNAP. This is why it doesn't pay to contribute to the conversation. And that is how Hansel and Gretel became solely my bailiwick. (not the best verbage that, but bailiwick is a f-ing kickarse word and I was suddenly very compelled to bust it out there)



So I have spent the 1st half of June making papier mache people and then doing general float work on Tues & Thurs nights. Ok, well the people aren't entirely papier mache (only head, arms & legs) if I did 100% papier mache, I suspect I'd still be waiting for that shit to dry. To be utterly precise, Hansel and Gretel were: papier mache, paint, chicken wire, wood, newspapers, brown & white gingham patterned cotton, cheap Family Dollar kiddie shoes spray painted brown, ribbon, brown dyed mop heads, one of my old white tees, Crazy glue, Hot glue, spray adhesive, zip ties and Mighty Putty (not necessarily in that order). I say "were", because a few of us (me, Phil, and Liz...natch) gathered this past Monday night to demolish the float and I put H& G in the cardboard burn pile. My Dad was appalled that I sent them off to their doom. But, like I sez to him, I sez -- I got footage for all posterity of my crafting triumph, I can keep that. What the hell would I do with two 3ft high characters? A little too elaborate to repurpose as doorstops, thems.



So yeah, not only did I shoot a quickie vid of H&G in the garage-workshop that birthed them (just minutes after I'd finished up) , I also have about 4 minutes of group float work (the Fri night before the parade) and also I had my niece film the whole alumni parade (approx 19minutes...seems like 5 min of that being clowns on mini wheelie ATVs) So if you wanna see any of that, lemme know. Say the words and I will post that shit (otherwise, I'll not waste time uploading)

In the afternoon, our class had a small, chillaxed, boozy BBQ, which I popped into after my apres-parade nap. That was nice. And then that night, the all-alumni party at the Mountain. That was marvy. I had the good sense to *not* bring my flip cam to that ( obviously a pretty ginormo potential for disaster in that idea) There were a few, uhhh, snafus. I got in a minor tiff with my sis (but it was minor. . and we made up by the end of the night) I had an embarrassing mudbutt episode in the constantly packed ladies room (but just the one episode...and I camped out in that damn stall, courtesy-flushing away until there came--quite miraculously--a 3 second lull in traffic. Like, I figure it was too minor a crisis for GOD to have intervened, but perhaps a miracle granting apprentice of some sort was at work there. Is there a patron saint of drunken diarrhea, I wonder??) Anyways, overall, it was a hell of a lotta fun. I'm already stoked for next year!! But if my sister asks me to be her DD (will be her 20th year ) then, I'm sorry...feck that...I will be scraping together a taxi fund.

* this parenthetical scorn is futile... as none of my h.s. classmates read this blog. Unless they psychically intuited its existence, that all caps hint of disapproval is totally in vain

LCS--I call BULLSHEIZER!!

Heidy-hooo..anybody out there watching Season 7 of Last Comic Standing?? If you haven't been, you can catch up-- it's only 2 episodes in (though the premier was double length) and the full eps are available on the NBC website. And you *should* catch up-- it is the only MUST must-see TV of the summer (sez ME and I am the authority on good taste)

Anyways, they had some great picks from the NYC auditions--Mike DeStefano was terrific, Kirk Metzger very good. Plus, I was especially pleased that Tommy Johnagin was picked. He's very funny in a smart sort of way, I remember him popping up in a previous season and he was passed over then and I was appalled.

But the travesty of justice I alluded to previously was them not picking Jared Logan. He was excellent in both his try-out and the night's showcase. He kinda reminds me of Sean Cullen, who I thought was so weird & quirky (awesomely so) back in season 6. They could have made room for Logan, I mean, out of the 4 chicks that got picked, only 1 of them was very funny (Jamie Lee). Roy Wood Jr wasn't all that great. Y'know, I really liked all of Logan's material, despite the fact I think I've heard it before. He might have had a Comedy Central special before. I'm just going to presume he's been ousted for being overqualified. Or maybe it's a situation like Jim Norton backing out of season 2 --some kinda contractual obligations..

Bamm on Bam violence and unrelated musings

The assailant in the attack was said to be a white haired cartoon toddler, clad in an orange and black loincloth.

Ok, well if you follow the link, you’ll learn quickly that, NO, this was not a case of Bamm Bamm vs Bam. But that was my initial suspicion when I read the headline. I mean, the motive is there ( moniker theft) and the M.O. absolutely matches. It’s a good thing for the Rubbles that this crazy bat-wielding broad was caught or else Bamm would have to make with a decent alibi. And if he couldn’t. . . THE DIP!!

Ohmigawd, WHAT was the name of that judge that Christopher Lloyd played in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? He was pretty fucking terrifying, that’s fer sure.

Speaking of judges, I was straining at the brain this morning to come up with the real life name of the actor that played the judge on Night Court. I bring this up because I spotted the opportunity for a decent segue, but mostly I mention it to indicate what very arbitrary and unexpected stops My Train of Thought makes. Not at all predictable like route stops on Amtrak or Soul Train (I type “Soul Train” , but in my head I hear “Soooooooooul Train!” like they trill in the opening credits) I was on one of my a.m. bathroom breaks, enjoying the downtime, and by some detour of my Brain Train I was pondering Night Court… there really was some follow-able chain of thoughts that led there (I didn’t jump the rails entirely) but I’ll be damned if I can remember what that was. But anyways, somehow-er-nuther I was thinking about Night Court. I still find the Night Court theme song strangely memorable….which is not to say I like it. It was very saxy, but in a bad way, not in an awesome, Yakety-Sax sorta way As for the show itself, it seems like it was quite popular during its run, but I can’t fathom why, can you? I think people watched it for Bull. He was the Fonzie/ Rerun/ JJ/ Schneider/Kramer etc etc. for that show. I myself, had this 6 month spell where I watched syndicated episodes…it wasn’t because of Bull though…I have no idea what I watched that show for. .What a crappy show. But then again, I’ve lived thru some very questionable TV kicks that I just *cannot* account for : Wishbone, Bananas in Pajamas, Matlock.

Anyways, I kept trying to think of who played that judge, and the name “Harry” kept popping into my head, but then I’d dismiss it thinking: “Nooo no noo, that was the CHARACTER name…what was the ACTOR’S name?? He was in the dumb forgettable TV show based on the life of Dave Barry and he was in IT with John Ritter and Pennywise the clown and a big assorted cast of others….has he done anything lately???oh what is his name??” Of course, when I returned from el bano I promptly looked it up on IMDB and found that—tricky!!--- “Harry” is his real name and his character’s name. (It’s Harry Anderson…like you were yelling 2 paragraphs ago) Whenever they do that on a TV show, and they do it a lot, methinks, I feel like it’s either the writers being lazy with name generation (“Ohhh…we just really can’t come up with another name that fits his face”) or possibly the actor is so helplessly stupid and bad at acting that he will not be able to stay in character when other actors address him by a strange name. Probably that’s not the case most of the time (either scenario…or is it neither scenarion? When I shift in to high-gear rambling my grammar starts to suffer, I’m afraid..) but I just always think that. Of course, there’s Tony Danza…who seems to be Tony in EVERYTHING. But in that case, it’s permissable, because he’s Tony Danza and normal rules don’t apply to him on account of him being all sorts of awesome. When I was in 3rd grade, I wanted to marry Tony Danza when I grew up . Shut up. You know you did too.

In summation: I hate Night Court and I hope Bam Margera is on the mend (and not brain damaged).

{EPILOGUE—I remembered, in the course of all this blathering, how I got to contemplating Night Court: I was thinking of this movie I watched last night (Spring Breakdown—rented it off iTunes. DO NOT waste your money!!) and how astonishingly terrible it was. I was considering whether it was bad enough for me to visit its IMDB page and post a message board post solely to have my repulsion noted. The last time I did that it was for this awful movie that I saw on a bus coming back from Boston and had we not been speeding down the interstate (and instead were travelling <50mph)>) I might have attempted a tuck ‘n’ roll out the emergency exit to escape this turd of a movie. Oh, and that movie was (relevance imminent) Dave Berry’s Guide to Guys. And the crappiness of that made me reflect that Dave Barry seems to have made a nice living out of being not that fresh or insightful or clever (though, I acknowledge that this was just an off-the-cuff, uninformed rogue notion, since I have never actually read any Dave Barry…I suppose I was just taking that movie to be exemplary of his entire oeuvre, and that’s probably unfair of me) and even had a whole sitcom about him in the 90s and who was it in that? Oh his big role was on Night Court…and yadda yadda yadda…you see how the Train of Thought got headed down the aforesaid track, yes?}

My Name Is No Longer Earl

Memphis Beat looks like it may be worthwhile. Methinks it will be refreshing to watch Jason Lee play someone other than Earl Hickey for a switcheroo. I do adore Jason Lee but that sitcom was getting MUCHO STALE.

consumption

I'm trying to drop some elbees, and eat healthier, & what not (yep, yet again..) I was grocery shopping in Price Chopper the other day and not too far from the produce section is this "cheeses of the world" kiosk. I have always been a cheese fan, but OMFG. now that I am trying to..well, not abstain from cheese, but significantly limit my intake, the stuff seems more MAGICAL than ever!!

So I was circling said kiosk like a Great White (the shark, not the band) (haa) and I spied this little brick called Juusto. Oh, marvy! I was then not only trying to resist cheese, but I was trying to resist exotic, unexplored cheese (having never tried Juusto). It was only thru an act of SUPERHUMAN WILLPOWER that I managed not to buy the cheese. Oh yeah, and I summoned up that superhuman willpower by looking at the nutrition facts. I've been doing that a lot lately, I'm afraid (and sometimes it'll knock ya on yer arse!!) I actually don't think the fat & calories of the Juusto were as astronomical as I was expecting them to be, but then I took note that the recommended serving size is a 1" cube. That's redonkulous!!! I know anorexic hummingbirds that eat bigger chunks of cheese!! OK, well there's only one anorexic hummingbird I know (Ralph) and I only saw him eat the cheese that one time, but it was an ENORMOUS piece (camembert, if I recall correctly).

Anyways, I need someone who's tried Juusto to tell me it was actually rather putrid and I'm not missing out on anything. But DON'T lie to me--only tell me that if it's the God's honest truth!!

So in this dietary rehab endeavor, I have enlisted the aid of this secret society that requires me to "journal" what I eat and tally it all up by its points value. (ok so, it's not all that secret a society) . Anyways, I was contemplating whether or not I *really* had to jot down dinner & apps from last night (I went here; their Carne Asada Salad was waaay delish. I recommend it!!) considering the fact that I yarfed it all up at about 1:30 this morning. Today I feel surprisingly good considering how sadistic I was to my poor liver. I was almost refreshed , like my body was saying "Oh hey..we've not done that in a while". But I am not moronic enough to really think my body is so subversive.

ridiculous commercial I just saw

This was just on TV--

--to which I gotta make the obvious wisecrack (everytime I see it...aloud...I really do): That dude has more serious fucking problems than ED to yak about with his doc!! If you're having regular conversations with your reflection like that, you need a check up from the neck up!!Maybe put off your chat about Viagra and ask about some anti-hallucinatory meds, eh??

Fartsy artsy

Yesterday, I was covering the front desk while the receptionist was attending our all-agency meeting. I decided, during this front desk stint, I'd work on one of my "fun" work projects--signage for the bathroom. Larry asked me to make a sign for the bathroom that somehow reminds potty patrons to use the fan if they're going to leave behind a big stink cloud in there. I object to such signage. I mean, you feel bad enough if you stink up the loo, (oh yes, I've been there) you'd don't need someone nagging you on top of it. That's just mean. It just...it... it makes me want to take a shit of defiance in the middle of the floor. Well....ok....I AM overstating my ire a smidge, but it really does vex me. I don't like being micromanaged.

In Larry's defense, he does not care about laying down bathroom law. However some o' the office folk came to him the other day asking that a bigger fan be installed. I know he does all the plunging, but apparently even when there are issues of mere malodor, he's the go-to guy. How lucky is he?

Even if I take issue with the signage, it's a good project, as it requires me to (ever so slightly) flex my creative muscles. Somebody had put a sign in one of the bathrooms previously (that got taken down...*not* by me--I swear!) That said "Don't be one of these...{then a shabby clip art skunk...he really looked more like a badger than anything. But from the context, I got that it was a skunk} Turn on the fan...please!" So, I was disappointed in their lame choice of graphic, and I didn't like people trying to be the boss o' me (there, of all places!!) but that sign had one thing right...RHYMING. If you want people to get a rule ingrained in their noggin for the long run--bust a rhyme. Think about it: "Red sky @ night, sailor's delight" and the one that governs my life: "Beer before liquor never sicker, Liquor before beer-in the clear" and, ohhh, about a ka-JILLION others. So I was tossing about possible rhyming sign verbage but they were all tending toward the uhh, crasser end of the spectrum ("If you stink up the can, turn up the fan" was the nicest I had).

But then I actually got down to designing the thing yesterday a.m, and I ditched the rhyme-plan altogether and went for something high end...

Of course, it was shot down. Dunno if you can read it here, but it reads "Please avail yourself of the fan. Thank you." *I* LIKE the term "avail yourself", but I suppose it's not kosher for general public signage. If I MUST dumb it down then I am scrapping the delightful Victorian ephemera...they're getting black, all-caps block letters on a white background.

As is my custom, I spent the bulk of the all-agency meeting (the later session, that I attended) doodling. I didn't fill the page as much I usually do, since I unfortunately got stuck with a seat close to the front. Here is all that I could manage--

Goode? How 'bout GREAT...

I confess: I'm a suckah for a schmoopy rom-com (provided that neither of the 2 leads irks and/or repulses me...in other words ...well, I'm not namin' names, but that means no "Alex & Emma" or "Fool's Gold" for me)

But prior to renting Leap Year on iTunes the other day, I had no opinion of Matthew Goode one way or t'other. I like Amy Adams though, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I do recommend it (if you like that sort of thing). The funny thing is that Goode plays a dude who's really kind of an asshole. But because he was also RIDICULOUSLY CUTE at the same time, I wound up being totally dismissive of the assholishness. It ain't right, but there you have it. I am a shallow, superficial broad. It is now a matter of record.

Summer Lovin' part deux

I was gonna blog yesterday about how very enthused about summer I am, and the Grease thing was just an opening side-tangent, and then I got carried away on that tangent and then I found myself too tired to keep writing and get around to getting to the point (methought I was gonna do a faceplant on my keyboard!!) So here we go...

I am stoked--nay--MEGA-STOKED for summer. The weather lately has been way hot and I just love it. I think I might love summer more every year.

Here's some mental cud for y'all to gnosh on...

complete this sentence (sincerely, that is. DON'T be a smartass...this isn't Match Game '74 and I am certainly NOT Gene Rayburn...thought I do look quite dashing when brandishing a skinny mic) :

Nothin' makes it feel like summer more than________________

Am also not looking for the obvious, no-brainer answers to that question, ie: "80 degree weather" or "it being June 1st". There's a zillion, subjective, personal indicators of summer, some of them unexpected. Ferinstance... I am very seasonal about tunes... in the summer, there are 2 musical genres I gravitate toward--2 pretty disparate genres. Every summer needs to have at least one bona fide club banger. So I want to listen to those every summer...all the bangin'-est, most infectious hip-hop in my tunes aresenal. The other type music I want to hear in the summer is 50s or 60s rock 'n' roll--but not just any & all of it. It has to be 50s music one would listen to whilest "cruising the strip" as they did back in the day (or I have been led to believe they did anyways... small side tangent...I sometimes feel like I got the shaft in regards to the era I wiled away my teens in. I mean, I dunno why, but I hold this romanticized notion of youth in bygone eras. The 50s/ 60s seemed rife with some sort of magical ambiance, and the 70s seemed way more FUN than what I got stuck with. Even the 80s (to a slightly lesser degree) seem cooler than...bleccch ...the 90s. That's *precisely* the decade in which the magical ambience reserves dried up, I'm sure of it, and it's SO unfair)

Ok, wheeeeere the hell was I? Oh yes... in the summer I most dig 50s cruisin' music or 60s music of the sort that woulda cropped up in Dirty Dancing. Example: I always love to hear "Stay" [Maurice Williams & the Zodiacs; this one's actually in Dirty Dancing] and recently have downloaded "Come On, Let's Go" by Ritchie Valens and am really digging it.

Oh, speaking of new iTunes buys (file this one under "club bangers" though....old skool club bangers) I just got & cannot stop listening to Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three's "The Roof is on Fire" I just love it. It's this interesting dichotomy... the song is riddled with these old-timey hip-hop cliches ("everybody say HOOO!" urging listeners to wave their hands above their heads in a manner that implies apathy, etc. etc.) which I certainly don't fault it for. I mean, at the time of its recording, this was new material. It has only been borrowed, and re-borrowed and rendered trite in years hence. But still, because of all the old gems in there, the song winds up with a somewhat, ummmm, dorky vibe (which I happen to love , btw) Y'know, it sounds just a bit like your dad trying out his hip-hop chops. Anyways, add another layer of dorkiness when you notice that in parts of the song, Rock Master Scott sounds EXACTLY like DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba! (and yes, I get dork points x infinity for noticing that. 'Sokay, I own it. But do a little audio-comparison...you'll see that I'm totally right!) So you've got this fun, dorky-innocent vibe and then...."MOTHERFUCKER" hollered multiple times at the end of the song. That is like, the CUSS GODFATHER!! Or quite high up in the hierarchy of profanity, at least! If you don't know the song already, that kinda takes you unawares (the MF-bomb, that is).

Ok, a few more of my own seasonal harbingers...

• Flip-flops! (that's one for many folks, I'm sure)


• Sunglasses that look like---->>

would those just be referred to as Ray Bans? I believe Ray Ban makes lots of other styles, so methinks that would be a misnomer. That style needs a name though...or maybe it has a name and I just am clueless as to what it is.

I happen to be, like the Imelda Marcos of sunglasses (well, I'm workin' towards it anyhow) and I have all different styles (no amber lenses or granny glasses though...both look horrid on me!) but this style is somehow, to me, the summeriest. The penultimate summer outfit would involve just such shades....flip-flops.....and some manner of fluorescent fabric betwixt the two.

• Shishkabobs!! This is what I wanna eat all summer. I just love grilling, despite the fact that 8 outta 10 times when I light the grill I singe off some arm hair. Or maybe....because of that fact. Perhaps I thrive on the element of danger. And definitely I's got arm hair to spare. I have rather hirsute arms, I fear. I'm lucky that I'm fair haired. Anyways, I just did veggie kabobs the other night (though generally I throw some cow meat on the skewer) and the mushrooms were MAAAAD DELICIOUS!!
• Sangria!! This is what I wanna drink all summer. Ohh, but that might either break the bank or KICK MY LIVER'S ASS! So, instead, here's my bev-itinerary for the next 3 mos: iced coffee --probably just in the a.m. Then my afternoons I will imbibe some combination of Diet Cokes, iced teas, Miller Chill, & sangria (NOT all mixed together, dumbass)

summer lovin'

..that reminds me, a Grease sing-along is hitting theaters across the country this summer. Major cities only-- that's the pisser. These things never come to "a theater near me". Therefore, I have never attended a sing-along cinematic event. Of course, with The Rocky Horror Picture Show (which is probably the most commonly staged sing-along) I don't really feel deprived. I'm not really into Rocky Horror (odd, right? it seems like I would be..). But a Grease sing-along, I would really dig. Well, I don't totally adore the movie like so many do. The overall message is pretty despicable--it's something to the tune of-- you need to let fly all your inhibitions and succumb to a total whorebag makeover to hang on to that man (paraphrasing there). But I'm more of an escapist than I am a moralist, so that's not a huge impediment to me enjoying the flick. My big thing is that Olivia Newton John irks me, and I'm pretty tepid in my feelings on Travolta (even in his Barbarino days) I used to really like Kenickie, but now that portrayal is just a sad reminder of what a stud the sad sack that is now Jeff Conaway once upon a time was. (I feel like that made no sense. You get my gist, no?) But there's still the uber-cool Stockard Channing, and most importantly, I know and love all the songs. That's why I'd really appreciate the sing-along, but the closest they're coming to me is Boston, and I just don't foresee it happenin'.

I watched some Sound of Music anniversary documentary, and they showed how they throw these mega sing-along/ act along showings at the Hollywood Bowl. Now *that* is my ultimate sing-along event. I would SO love that.