Phat Tuesday

Before I commence with my long weekend recap, I gotsta give a happy birfday shout-out to my sister...who turns 2 bumfit and a pit today. Or, if you prefer-- a score, dicks & a pit. Or a score an' bumfit. Obviously, one would prefer to count it by BUMFITS. Bumfits are rad.

I called Laura to wish her a happy birthday today. I asked her how her birthday was going thus far, and from her sardonic delivery of "Greeeeat." and the loud caucophony of kids (@ home with a snow day today)in the background, I could tell it was just another nutso day at the asylum. I tried to cheer her with the thought that she shares a b-day with Laurence Maroney, who can't be having that hot of a b-day either, having just lost the Superbowl and all. Also born on Feb 5: Bobby Brown. Now he may be having a great birthday ...or maybe not...either way odds are good that he'll be arrested today so you can certainly count yourself lucky to not be that Feb 5 trainwreck. Heeey, y'know that lecherous hogger Daniel Baldwin has vacated his bed at the Celeb Rehab manse... and that just might be the perfect birthday gift for ol' Bobby-- mandatory committal.

So, anywhoo, this weekend...lemme recap...

Friday: work, ordering out from Applebees, ice stormy goodness, home to hibernate.

Saturday: I slept in, took my mom out to Market Basket grocery shopping [while at Market Basket , I was nearly killed by some ocular daggers projected at me by some store manager schmoe who overhead me kvetching to my mom. Ok, so I was kvetching quite loudly, but still ..I wasn't effing talking to HIM. It wasn't even a full-fledged kvetch, it was just a minor quibble. I was overcome by this funny whim to do Seinfeldian ranting about their weird aisle signs ("Whaat is THE DEAL with these aisle signs !!??") Their aisle 6 sign read "AISLE 6: Bread/ Cookies /Crackers/Chips/Oyster Crackers/Saltines" And I was all "Can they not give us credit for being able to deduce that saltines & oyster crackers--as they are TYPES OF CRACKERS--just might be in the same aisle as 'crackers'? Sheeesh..why not list 'graham crackers' and 'Ritz crackers' on the sign??" Anyways the store lackey didn't say anything to me but he looked quite displeased that I was disparaging the Market Basket signage.]
After Market Basket and a late dinner at Pizza Hut, I commenced to crafting some victuals for Sunday's Superbowl party @ casa de Jill y Billiam.
Sunday: After mass and a brief layover at Laura's, I drove to Vergennes for Jilly & Bill's S-bowl soiree . Schmoozed with some fabulous people, ate some delish eats, oh..and there may have been some sporting event on the TV (the latter was less satisfying). Anyways, I had me an excellent time...during the party.
Now, I'm grappling with a touch o' residual guilt because I'm reviewing my Superbowl Soiree deportment and have judged it lacking. I was not the best of guests...sure I brought food & beer, but I'd wager I consumed most of both. I was adequate company (well..adequate upon arrival..upgraded to "good company" after 2 beers...but then downgraded somewhat after ingesting the better part of a six pack and succumbing to that hyper-loquaciousness that tends to accompany my tipsiness) Worst of all, I was not so helpful a helper...sort of a loafy mooch, actually...and my momma done taught me better than that!! I even remembered , about a half hour into my trek homeward on Monday, that I think I left behind a dirty coffee mug, I was so addlepated and groggy..eager to make it back home in time to meet Laura for lunch. Well, I definitely DID leave it, I say I think I left it behind, only because I departed before Jill's cousin Ben, and he seems an upstanding sorta dude (a good deal more thoughtful than moi, I'll wager) and so the offending mug might not have been there when my hosts returned home. If not...thanks Ben!

I'm temporarily withholding my Jill/Bill thank-yous...I think I am going to mail a card. I'm always so charmed when I receive Thank You cards and yet, sadly, I NEVER send 'em out. I believe I may have something within my stationary arsenal suited to the occasion...

For most of the drive home on Monday I was consumed with worry over this continual chirping noise coming from somewhereabouts in my Taurus's innards. Actually, when I refilled my windshield washer fluid I was looking right at where the noise seemed to be issuing from, and I am pretty sure it is a belt (some kind of belt) that is chirping away. Why is it belts chirp? Dirt? Moisture? Because they don't know the words? (Haa!) Well, whatever the reason, it was all my ears could focus on as I rocketed southward on I89. It was diverting me from some choice tunes too. I kept thinking "It can only chirp for so long, and then it's just going to SSSNAP! in two as I'm going 70 mph down the g-d interstate. And what happens when a belt snaps when you're zipping along at such speeds?" Every scenario I played out in my head invariably culminated in fiery wreckage. Oy..

But then, around Sharon (3/4 of the way home) the chirping STOPPED suddenly. But then when I took exit 20 for W Leb it started again, was quite loud as I tooled around W Leb and remained chirping for the remainder of the day. As for today...hasn't made a peep. I am oscillating between concern and dismissiveness and perhaps I could settle on one if this syptom wasn't so fucking intermittant!! GarrrrgrrrrDAGNABBITALL TO HELL!

I need some kind of KITT-like car that will just explicitly TELL ME what the frig is ailin' it. Well, as long as we're dreaming up tall orders, lemme further stipulate: I want my car to have a British accent. But a hot British accent -- perhaps somethin' Clive Owen-ish ....NOT all squeaky and priggish like David Beckham(sorry Becks, but your audio just does NOT synch up right with your magnifico visual).

You know... there's some totally LAME lookin' Knight Rider movie coming up on NBC this month. I'm curious as to who's doing the voice of KITT. I'm pretty sure Mr Feeny is still alive & kickin' (not kickin' so high or all that vigorously at his advanced age , but y'know...still amongst the living anyways) and he's apt to be lookin' for work too. As much as I'd want my talking car to be British I think it'd be nice for the producers of Nouveau Knight Rider to throw Feeny a friggin' bone. Am I right or am I right?

I feel pretty certain they opted to take KITT in a different direction (though I shall hasten now to IMDB to be sure of it...)

Woulda been coulda been worse than you would ever know!!

Have we had the Grammys yet? I do believe they're later this month, no?? I think, of all the new music released in '07, I've enjoyed Modest Mouse's song "Dashboard" the most. It's EXCELLENT. And that's really the only pop music standout that comes to mind for 2007.** Anyways because I am fond of the tune (and my musical taste is IMPECCABLE) the Grammy powers-that-be should most definitely rain down beacoup awards on Modest Mouse. Come to think of it, have the VMA folks handed out awards for excellence in 2007 videos? Because the "Dashboard" video is also MAGNIFICO...
Check it...



** To be utterly truthful, 2 other songs sprang to mind. There was the very awesome "Wolf Like Me" by TV on the Radio, and the less awesome but still very cool "Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups. But neither actually qualify, because even if I only noticed 'em in 2007, both were from albums put out in '06

Things about Today; a brief list

• We ordered lunch from Applebees. I got the "Pick n' Pair Lunch Combo" of a chicken fajita rollup + french onion soup. Totally clashing my cuisines, there, I realize. But I don't care, it was utterly delish. Particularly the "mexi-ranch dipping sauce" Yeah, just for your future reference-me mucho gusta mexi-ranch dipping sauce.


• It's lookin' very messy outside, weather-wise. Furthermore, I've gotten reports from my sis confirming that yes, the driving is every bit as treacherous as I've been imagining it to be. Wonder if there are any rules in the corporate handbook regarding camping out in one's cubicle??
• If I do make it home tonight, I have to pay my damn rent ...and after that unpleasantness clears I'll have naught but 3 score an' mether-a-dicks left in my checking account. Yiiikes.

Of sheep and puppets...

So, I was IM-ing Lisa about something...she did me a solid I think, and I responded with a "thank you, madam!" And then I felt compelled to clarify, "I don't mean like a proprietess of an ill-repute house type of madam...I mean like Madam, of Wayland Flowers and Madam fame" But then I began second guessing myself : Wayland Flowers? That's one crazy name...am I remembering that correctly??

Remember those two?? From Solid Gold?? Anyways I had to check it, to see if I was right or not. Come to find out I was mostly right: his name was Wayland Flowers (he died about 20 yrs ago) but her name is Madame. Pronounced the same, just spelled fancier. Furthermore, I found that Madame is back at work (with a new partner) after a lengthy hiatus. And--bestest of all-- she has her own website!! There is even a link on there to email Madame. I was reporting this exciting fact to Lisa and she's like: "Do it!! Email her!!" But...aw, shucks..I wouldn't know what to say to such a LEGEND

Although it has occurred to me that my wardrobe is sadly lacking in glamorous turbans. Maybe Madame could refer me to a retailer of such headgarb...

Another thing recently learned (completely unrelated to the phenom that is Madame) is that long ago in many areas of England there was a counting system for tallying one's sheep. You know how a baker would not be apt to say they baked "24 cookies", they would say instead "2 dozen cookies". Except in this sheep counting system there was a name for every number 1-20. I first got wind of this from my tremendously informative Schott's Almanac desk calendar. Behold----

I dug a bit further and discovered (here) that these sheep counting systems varied so greatly amongst different regions/counties, that I reckon it was damned difficult for shepards of disparate counties to talk shop with each other.

As you mighta presumed, I just LOOVE this. I would like to work these terms into my everyday conversation. And with my job , I could easily do it. Like suppose I get a call like: "Do you have stock on such 'n' such a torch in your TX warehouse?" I check and see 31 there. I could then say "Aye, sir. We've SCORE an' YAN-A-DICKS in our Texas warehouse." It amuses me to no end...but my coworkers are STRONGLY urging that I refrain from trying this. I probably don't have the proverbial stones to try it anyways (especially since our calls have started being "recorded for quality assurance")

I particularly like 15 ("Bumfit") As in: Arrgh, I've naught but 3 bumfit in me ol' checking account. (this is apt to be a true statement on any given week nowadays..)

Mind Rrrrrot

Check this headline about poor Sean Young...(click to enlarge )
I think the Yahoo scribes were unfair to label it "a bizarre heckling incident." Well, I clicked on that provocative "What did she do??" (!!) link for the full 411 and I learned she heckled director Julian Schnabel...he was at the podium and slow to collect his thoughts and start talking and she was hollering for him to "get on with it". Rude, yes. But bizarre?? When a celeb-journalist talks of celeb behavior and uses the adjective "bizarre" , it calls to mind memories of Margo Kidder hiding in shrubberies and Anne Heche calling out to her mother ship. In light of such highly loopy criteria, does Sean Young's li'l slip up really qualify as bizarre?? Hardly!

I think the peculiar element here is that Sean Young was at the Directors' Guild awards in the first place. Sure, the public drunkenness was a bit sad. Although my immediate thought was... that Sean Young is trying to land herself on the Celebrity Rehab show. Either she wants to meet that dishy Dr Drew or it's yet another case of her desparate for work. That's what I like about Sean Young...she ain't too proud to beg. And furthermore, she don't care if you know she's beggin'. I read this big EW interview with her. True, there is a hint of "crazy biotch" about her, but she's refreshingly straightforward as well.

Ok, about this "Celebrity Rehab" . When I saw the previews for it, I was like, "OK, I know I've said we'd hit the bottom of the barrel before--but that was premature. THIS is the definite barrel bottom!!" Laura and I debated this... I was saying how it's the most ruthless exploitation, and the vilest sort of voyeurism. She was saying how celebs going to rehab has become such a blasé convention, but this show is valuable by showing just how UGLY it all is (as well as the grim reality of addiction in general). Well I gave a more eloquent spin to what she actually said, but that was the gist of her argument.

Well after American Gladiators this past Mon night (I was very pleased to catch it in its entirety this week!!) the STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS came on and I was like "What a tremendous DRRRRAAG, man" And I started flipping about the channels to see what was on that didn't harsh my mellow so damn much. In the course of this flipping, I wound up on VH1. Celeb Rehab didn't harsh my mellow so much, but it wasn't exactly light & fluffy programming either. But it was compelling stuff. I could NOT stop watching.

Y'know I still find it exploitative & voyeuristic but I now see some validity to Laura's argument too. I mean, if I watched that show when I happened to have in my possession a not-yet-tapped ration o' crack (an eight ball, right? Izzat what it's called??) I would promptly get rid of the shit after seeing the tragic spectacle of The Artist Who Once Was Kenickie. Seriously. Even if I spent 2 month's rent on it I would flush it down the loo post haste. It IS some scary shit.

So methinks I probably WILL tune in to tomorrow night's new episode. And to the next new eppy...and so on and so on for the rest of the season. I can't help myself-- it's ADDICTIVE !! (haaa) Two things I want to see during this show's run...
*A visit to Brigit from Flaaaaava -FLAAAAV! 'Cause, like FORGET Romeo & Juliet, those 2 schmoopies are an epic love story for the ages....
In lieu of a Flav cameo, it would also be an intriguing to see ol' Sly Stallone check in ...for his dependance on Bovine Growth Hormone or whatever it is he keeps getting busted for in airports... How awkward would that be??

*Also I wanna see Mrs. Dr. Drew. I have to cop to being a wee bit smitten with the good doc. (I mean, Conaway was right--he DOES look good in his tight tee. Damn good) He is quickly emerging as my very favorite famous person with the first name of " Doctor". You know Dr. Phil would loooove to have a successful celebrity rehab show (witness his recent Britney debacle) and , yeah, maybe he could do it, but he couldn't without being a loudmouth jackhole about it . Anyways...I couldn't help but glance at Dr Drew's all important digit--and of course it is be-ringed. Which makes me curious about what sort of dame landed him. I 'spose it's not entirely implausible that we'll get a peek at the Mrs....she might pop in one day, brown baggie in hand: "Oh honey, you forgot your lunch..."

I am my own MARPLOT

Sometimes I love my purse, sometimes I just don't want to be encumbered by a purse. It was the latter case Monday night when I stopped off at a convenience store to buy a bevvie & Subway sammie. So (like a man) I just jammed my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans and headed in.

When I went to pay for my armload of goods, I yanked out aforementioned wallet. It felt thicker to me than usual....my curiosity is piqued at this. Have I gotta wad o' bills in here I forgot about?? Sweet... I am holding the wallet a bit away from me, at counter level, as one is apt to do when extracting their cash/ plastic. I turn the thing around, and on the underside of my wallet was a pad I'd had been toting around in my jeans pocket. (Just as "Ultrathin" as the packaging claimed...'cause I hadn't even realized it was in there) A quick upward glance confirmed that the cashier was in fact staring at my sanitary napkin. Terrif. I very quickly stuffed it in my parka pocket.

I concede--I was a smidge embarrassed. Usually I wouldn't be (for the record). I'm sure as hell not embarrassed to buy 'em...I mean you gotta buy such things (I don't want to meet the chick that handcrafts her own femme products. That's just taking the DIY movement TOO DAMN FAR.) And I've had 'em pawed over by airport security before and don't really give a rat's arse. I think what got me Monday night was how--just for the span of 2 seconds-- that guy at the register looked utterly aghast. Perhaps he was all panicky at the notion that I may be about to try and pay in some frightening new lady currency. "Do you just take Mastercard and Visa or can I pay with my Always? Oh, and how many sodas can I get for three tampons?"

It might have been amusing to attempt a barter, but I can't bear the thought of possibly being banned from that Expressmart because they make my particular variation of the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub just perfectly.

Moes keeey geee , OK

I have this coworker who has a hopeless hillbilly accent. For instance, one of our key products we sell is plasma cutters, and I am perpetually hearing B. say the word "PlasMER" Also she is often mispronouncing big words...and I don't know how much of that she owes to her hillybilly heritage or a legitimate reading disability. Either way, I realize it's terribly catty of me to laugh at this. And I don't---not aloud anyways. But me & Robin hear these manglings of the English language and always IM each other something like "PlasMER. Ha hahaaa!" So, I'm catty --but not as catty as I could be-- and I'm not solo in my cattiness.

Today, we both heard B. verifying the address of someone who's in Muskogee, Oklahoma. And she very laboriously prounounced it "Moes-key-gee". And after Robin & I had a good chortle over this, I was saying to her how it gave me flashbacks to grade school when I was always less sympathetic than I shoulda been toward the "bad readers" of the class.

I'm sure this lack of sympathy is why I am so immensely amused by this Gerry Dee bit...


I heart this dude. I totally think he shoulda won LCS!!

Fancy foreign phraseology

One of my weekday customs (time permitting) is to check a few dictionary sites (there are 3 I use regularly) and see what their "word of the day " happens to be. I only give it a quick peek, and only click for an expanded definition if the word instantly arrests my interest.

I have found, through this practice, that I have a bit of a penchant for foreign phrases. French and Latin, in particular. I love dabbling in Latin. In fact, I was so delighted by this directory that I've made it a new fixture on my links sidebar.

Anyways...here's a couple of blue-ribbon vocab. acquisitions I have recently picked up...

SANGFROID-- This term I have read, but previously I kinda skimmed over it without perceiving its meaning (shameful, I know!) But I find it kind of a handy word now that I've read up on it. Unfortunately, the pronunciation of it is a bit awkward and it can't really be slipped seamlessly into conversation like other French words like beaucoup , or tres. No, like "soupçon" this one might be best reserved for written expression.

Click on pic for definition. Or hear pronunciation here.

also I appreciate the Latin NOLENS VOLENS --which I'd never heard previously. But it does seem to me to be eminently useful.



Click on pic for definition

Many Cheerful Facts About the Square of the Hypotenuse!

For lunch today I had boiled dinner leftovers that I swiped from my parent's place this weekend. Yes, they're STILL feeding off the leftovers!! I told you I made a gogmagogical TON! Well, I weren't jus' whistling Dixie, sister!

I sure as hell hope it was still a-okay for consumption. I didn't see any mold or moss growing on anything, at least. I skimmed through some online article--last week I think it was-- that said that recent studies indicate food poisoning may have lasting effects on your health. It was scary stuff at just a perfunctory glance-- probably would have scared the hell outta me if I'd fully read the thing.

MSN.com always has such interesting headlines...I kinda miss it as my homepage. I just changed my homepage last Fri from the MSN site to yahoo.com. This was to keep me more vigilant in regards to my yahoo email inbox. I cleaned it out last week and there were about 70 emails in there (lotsa junk mail mostly).

Saturday I went on a bit of an iTunes buying binge. Today, I have been thoroughly enjoying my new acquisitions. I shall enumerate 'em for you (+ commentary, of course )

From The Pajama Game soundtrack:

• The Pajama Game /Racing with the Clock



• I'm Not At All in Love



• There Once Was a Man (I particularly dig this one; however, this is the B'way show soundtrack not the movie's and I find Janis Paige's voice a smidge grating on this one song and prefer Doris Day's take on it)



• Steam Heat



• Think of the Time I Save



• Hernando's Hideaway



• Seven and a half Cents

And I already had 2 versions of the classic "Hey There" (imported from CDs I had) Thought I'd mention that, lest you think I made a foolish omission..

Some Clapton stuff:

• Cocaine
• Promises (my absolute fave Clapton song. "Lay Down Sally"--which I already had-- is a *close* 2nd)

Some "light opera" (Gilbert & Sullivan):

• I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General ( from Pirates of Penzance--which I've never seen, but I find myself wanting to now, simply on account o' this terrific song. It's been caught in my noggin & I keep singing just the first two lines over & over, well, because that's all I've got down pat at this point. But hey--now that I have it on my iPod, and I've found a site w/ the lyrics... I should be performing this in no time. Yeeeahh, that & the jaw harp....
• Titwillow (from The Mikado; this is good but it goes without saying that the Rowlf & Sam the Eagle duet is lots better!!)
  

Some crooner-y goodness:

• Button Up Your Overcoat (a very good qual. version, but I've no idea who performs it. If you know this oldie, you know the lyrics are comprised of naggy motherish advice ie: "Button up your overcoat, when the wind is free.." Well I am especially delighted by this one line: "Keep away from bootleg hooch, when you're on a spree" EXCELLENT advice...that I shall take pains to heed in the future)


• Swinging on a Star (Bing Crosby)


• High Hopes (this version by Frank Sinatra; I love this song. I remember singing it at camp one year. I'll never understand why the phrase "high apple pie in the sky hopes" never became part of common vernacular.)

Some Roger Miller-- I don't know if I blogged this before, but I LOVE Roger Miller. I generally am quite anti-country music, but there's an exception to every rule, si? Well I have 3 exceptions to my general "Country music sucks" rule: Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton and especially exempt is Roger Miller.

I learned recently that Miller hosted a Season 3 episode of The Muppet Show. This makes me all antsy-in-the-pantsy for a Season 3 DVD release. 'Cause y'all know I was gonna be buying it anyways.

Anywhoodle, I had downloaded some Roger Miller on my very first iTunes buy, but somehow forgot to buy these two songs:

• The Moon is High



• You Don't Want My Love

Some Classic Rock picks--

• Dance, Dance, Dance (Steve Miller Band)
• True Fine Love (")
• Jungle Love (")


• Seven Bridges Road (The Eagles)
• Southern Cross (Crosby, Stills,& Nash)
• Misunderstanding (Genesis)
• That's All ( " )

A li'l something more current--

• O Valencia! (by The Decemberists; this song makes me think of work --just a smidge. Only because in our TX office we have a coworker named Valencia. When this song 1st came out --I think back in 2006-- I actually emailed a link to the song to Valencia. I'm not even that chummy with her, but I felt obliged to do it. It's always cool to have a popular song with your name in it {unless like me, all you've got is that horrid Mambo #5. Which is, as I think I inferred, HORRID, and you've got to share it with about 20 other girls besides} and O Valencia! is an excellent song to boot. But I didn't know if it was a mainstream radio staple out in TX so I thought I'd give V the tip just in case. Come to find out, my instincts were impeccable in this instance, as she'd never heard the song and she wound up liking it immensely.)

And from Waaay out in Left Field--

• Put Another Log on the Fire ( this funny song I became smitten with when I saw it on a Season 1 episode of The Muppet Show. It was SUPER hard to find online and I had to settle on a cover by some hick group called The Geezinslaws { no shitting} I like the one sung by Jim Henson better. Y'know, it's absolutely CRIMINAL that the Muppet Show soundtrack {available on CD since 2002} is not available on iTunes. Lyrics of this song--by the way-- were penned by Mr Shel Silverstein. So it's no wonder they crack me up. The guy actually wrote a lotta songs-didja know that? Probably most famous of these: A Boy Named Sue)

• Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport (very amusing.. I'd never noticed before that the chief instrument being played throughout this ditty is...I believe...a piece of sheet metal. Well, that's what it sounds like anyways..)

Scan-a-palooza!!

Yesterday I stumbled onto (in the cupboards under the bookcase in the livingroom at mi padres' casa) a FamilyCircle that was older than I am.

Specifically it was from June 1976. Here is the cover---



Our cover model Susan is the daughter of then-president Ford. Does she not have a faint Kate Hudson look about her? I rather like that little beach robe she's sporting. Family Circle seems to believe I can sew one up "in a snap"!! (so claims the article within)

I've scanned all the noteworthy pages. Browse thru along with me, won'tchya??




I know the decor is terribly outdated but I rather like this kitchen. It's like they were going for neauvo-medieval...with a dash of squirrel statuary.

I so recognize this artwork but can't quite recall the illustrator's name. The dude used to draw for MAD mag though, which is why this seems familiar to me (as I was mad for MAD right up 'til freshman year in h.s.)

15 cents? Really?? Come on...I don't think that'll buy you anything ..not even back in '76.

I LOVE spoon jewelry !! Damn you General Mills Co/Betty Crocker for not continuing this fabulous offer!! I have a spoon bracelet and a spoon ring (ring is currently MIA, unfortunately) but I could always go for more!! I don't like the "Silver Satin" collection but "Brahms" is lovely...

Genuine circa 1976 recipes and if you can expand this pic to readable size you're free to recreate these dishes in your own kitchen. I should forewarn you that the gustatory delight at the top of the page , left side is actually macaroni salad WITH HOT DOGS CHUNKS in it. Grrrrody. Not even that daft dame Rachel Ray would do that!!

this ad is for Campbells soup...which would be obvious if I'd scanned the other 1/2 page of this 1 1/2 page ad spread. I just wanted to capture the idyllic picnic scene. If I lived in this sweet li'l farmhouse I would put my diningroom set out in the backyard and dine in just this fashion. Substitute French onion soup for the split pea (bleccch!) and it'd be paradise.I'm so glad she can remember why it is she smokes. I rather think it more imperative for her to remember to fully button up her damn shirt.

Next up: another doofy cig ad. Magazines are so lacking in this wonderfully mockable shit nowadays...

"Helen, I thought you were going take pictures of us foolin' around by the waterfall? Get on over here!" "Just ashing on some wildflowers,hon. I'll be over in just a minute..."

No offense, Ida, but Marion's dog is, like, 10X cuter than yours.

Do they still sell Gainesburgers? They strike me as pretty awesome (both Gainesburgers and Gravy Train do). I don't know why I should be so delighted by either, as I'm not a frequent ingester of doggy food of any variety.

**The bicentennial of our great nation and all they can come up with is "Grand Olde Vanilla"? Really? Methinks Elsie--as the chief Borden ad mascot--pulled rank in this case, because son & hubby really had some better suggestions...

Pretty unexceptional ad here. But this product just makes me laugh. Are these appetizing to ANYONE? This stuff makes Spam look like filet mignon.
I remember back in 7th or 8th grade my friend Christina and I used to hang out in her backyard in her family's camper in May & early June when they were "airing it out" for the camping season. And one time we found a few cans of this crap in there that had been rattling around in the camper's cupboards since who the frig knows when and we opened 'em up out of curiosity. And one of us (I can't recall which one of us) called them "little belly button sausages" because it looked to us like a can full of outie belly buttons. And that's what I have called these things ever since. Because what the fuck do they have to do with Vienna anyways??

**This pic will expand if clicked on, BTW. I'm never sure (until after publishing) if Blogger will allow my images to do that or not.

Quite caught up on my beauty sleep

OY. I was crrrrazy lazy this a.m. and slept in until 1pm. Well, I woke up at 10:30 at which time I had to pee just the tiniest smidgen, but I was sooo comfily coocooned in my blankets that I couldn't be budged. Woke up again at 11:37 and, yep still had to pee, but I was so warm and snuggly that I dropped off for another hour and 22minutes of slumber. When I woke up the third & final time (at 12:59pm) I said to meself "okay this is redunkulous ...you're going to hurt your damn kidneys. What if you have to donate one of those one day?" But anyways, just goes to show you that my bladder can be quite easily subdued if properly swaddled in soft blankies.

Like most times I sleep away the morning, I dreamed a series of totally random, disjointed vignettes. I don't remember most of 'em, but in one dream mi amiga Jill and her sister Pam were models. And then right after that I dreamt I was travelling by train in a foreign country and this train had enclosed passenger cars and then these "open-air" cars . And I'm not sure what country I was in but outside there were tigers everywhere. Not particularly threatening tigers...they were kind of all just laying around. I guess they were SOO lackadaisical that I had no qualms about strolling out and riding in the open air car (it's tough to describe..it was sort of like the top of a double decker bus...except on a train car) but the tigers were jumping into the train...but they were still pretty chill once they got on the train too--lying around, licking themselves, pacing, sleeping. Still, methinks dreamSandra was nuts not to beat feet back to the enclosed car...

I wonder if your standard issue dream dictionary is apt to have an entry on tigers...??

Fourth & Final Grover Friday

Here is a scan of an inspirational Grover shot I have posted up on my desk:

One of about, oohhh a million or so pieces of "cubicle flair" I have surrounding me . I had to scan it because...even though I had found this on the web when I originally printed it, I can't find it anywhere online now. Which is a real pissah, because it's a color picture, but we can only scan things into black & white on this copier. If I coulda tracked it down online, I could've provided a pic with nice resolution & full, glorious Technicolor.

I tried my hand at colorization via my mad MS Paint spraypaint skillz, but ...mmmehh. See the wonky results for yourself....

So if you wanted...what you could do is print out either artsy B&W Grover or crrrazy Technicolor Grover (your choice! )and then you can post him up on YOUR cubby wall (or up on your office wall, or on the wall by your desk if you are not properly fenced in) and thereby you will feel closer to MOI, on account of our shared motivational propaganda. Good idea??

Here is a bonus Grover item-- a career compendium I found on Muppet Wiki. This chronicles all the various jobs that Grover has had during Sesame Street's 35+ year run. In a way, it corresponds with yesterday's post --me kvetching about my lack of direction. We are simpatico , Grov & me. He doesn't seem to know what he wants to be when he grows up either.

are you STING RAY ? are you FAY WRAY?

ARE YOU JIMMY RAY? (who wants to know? who wants to know?)Remember that song? I was rockin' out this a.m. on my commute to work to that one-hit wonder (I don't even know if you can call it that, as I'm not sure it qualifies as a "hit" "90s Blip on the Pop Music Radar" would be perfectly fitting, but it's also quite a mouthful)

Dunno why I was so cuckoo for Jimmy Ray this mornin'. Maybe I had some cheesy residue leftover on my disposition after watching "My Chaffeur" last night. Yeah, I kinda heart that movie (own it on DVD, don't I??) even though it's more or less a Harlequin novel on film. Deborah Foreman is truly charming though. It's too bad she doesn't act much anymore. But on the other hand...what roles would she get nowadays? I get the strong sense that she'd wind up as mom of {insert wholesome tween star/starlet's name here} on some Disney channel show. And perhaps it's better to get out of the biz early than wind up in that role.

Note the new link added to my sidebar (Fast Rewind). I was on there seeking out "My Chaffeur" (SHOCKINGLY omitted!!). While I was on there I was thinking...this is SUCH a faaabulous site...do I have a link to it on my blog? And then...(after checking) I CAN'T BELIEVE I didn't have this on my blog already! Insane! And thusly, it became a new addition to my links sidebar. As movie info goes, it's no rival to imdb (the undisputed MECCA of all cinematic knowledge...nyet! Strike that! it's not merely cinematic, it's anything EVER committed to film.. well, practically) But it does have better browse-ability than imdb. It's pretty much a stroll down 80s Movie Nostalgia Street... with these frequent stops to exclaim "Duuude! I forgot about that movie!! I loved that movie!"

In the course this 80s cinema reverie, 2 new DVDs wound up added to my Amazon wish list. My new must haves:

Well, I SHALL post again this afternoon, pets. Did you think I would forget it was Grover Friday on the very last Grover Friday?? Oh ye hath little faith....

UVTI

Ok, so I remembered that I never filled y'all in on what went down on Tuesday night at that "information session" I went to with Laura. The program was not sketchy and since attending said info session, I have learned the name of it (I got that much out of it, at least) and that is Upper Valley Teachers Institute (or UVTI hasten to their website for the particulars, I'm too dang pooped to type it all out)

The abridged outcome-- I shan't be joining up. They manage to certify you in that abridged 10 month time period because you're at it 5days a week (1 day of "seminar" and then 4 days in a classroom as a "teaching intern") I'm sure it is a very fine program and every bit as highly regarded as they espouse, but it's better suited to that happy chunk of the population who is independently wealthy, or to couples able to eke out a living on one income. UVTI is federally funded, so I could get state $$ for the tuition, but as for groceries, gas, rent, bills etc. in that 10 month period...I would just have to make up hundreds of persuasively worded I.O.U s in my finest calligraphy , I suppose...

Laura said to me "Oh, well if you moved back home with Mom & Dad you could probably manage it." First of all, the truth of that is doubtful. Secondly, I don't care if it's a 10 month program that turns me into GOD, I'm not moving back in with my parents. Nooooooo thanks.

The definite highlight of the evening was my making an ass of myself with my nerves-induced verbal diarrhea. I was a little embarrassed, but was able to shrug it off easily on account of the good probability that I'd never see any of these people again. More than anything, I was pleased that I'd embarrassed Laura, since it was her STUPID fault I wound up there anyways.

Y'see the pow-wow was held around this long conference table, and there came a point where we were to go around the table, and on our turn we give our names, backgrounds, reasons for coming to the UVTI orientation thingy. You know, the standard shit. Well, everybody is giving a rundown of about the last 15 or 20 years of their lives and many of them had very relevant work experience (substitute teaching, paraeducators of special needs kids, etc) and they ALL have these extensive & very professionally impressive backgrounds and worst of all, they're all giving these very impassioned reasons for wanting to teach. Oy. First off, I was not feeling that I wanted to be all that forthcoming with these yahoos I barely know. And the whole exercise had me feeling out-of-place, and I didn't even really know just why I was there. My insecurities were swiftly awakening and they were pissing all over my natural eloquence. (everything needs a good piss after waking up, you know) I AM eloquent, damn it, but believe me when I say that it's hard to utilize the ol' eloquence when it's all soggy and waterlogged from metaphorical piss. And I wanted to be honest...and yet avoid the total candor of something like: "Hey, I'm not sure yet what the fuck I want to do with mi vida loca, but I sure thought a gig with summers off and beaucoup vaca besides would be rad. Am I right or am I right, people?" What I said was not much better. I actually copped a phrase from the blog post I'd typed about an hour before.

I said (roughly paraphrasing here)-- "Hi, my name is Sandra Lemire. I went to college and got a Bachelor's in World Lit and uhhh, nine years down the road I somehow found myself idling in this cubicle purgatory. I have this inner voice nagging me that I'm not doing with my life what I should be doing with my life...which is not to say I know what I should be doing with my life. So my sister {indicating Laura across the conf. table from me } knowing about this dilemma, suggested last night coming to this meeting. But I didn't really have ANY prior info about the program. So I kind of came here 'cold' ...for all I knew she was taking me to some van with painted-over windows. So I'm very glad to be here. . .in a conference room"

Compared to the other attendees...I was shockingly stingy with the detailed personal info. Surprising, really, that I volunteered my last name. I didn't give my alma mater name, any job history, I didn't give the name of my current company or even say what I do in my current job. Gotta retain that aura of mystery, eh? Well, that wasn't so much my goal but I sure accomplished it!

Also, I came off as very wishy-washy and vague re: my future goals. Although, I've known LOOOONG before Tues. night that I have a problem with that!! I think my trouble with setting professional goals is...well part of me, is exactly like Peter Gibbons (protagonist in the classic Office Space). He's hypothesizing with a friend over what he would do if he were financially set and didn't have to work. And he would do...NOTHING. He would sit on his ass and relax. I can totally see his viewpoint. A big part of me just wants money but doesn't want to work for it. Why should I have dreams of being a teacher? Or a writer? Or a bus driver? Or a butcher, baker , or mothafuckin' candlestick maker? In my heart I often just wanna be a vapid heiress like Paris Hilton, born into a lifetime annuity and picking up an occasional extra 20K to pop into someone's fete and coo "That's HOT!" Ahhhh but life and circumstance will push the whole career thing on me. Bah.

Don't fret my pets. I am not fully delusional. In my brain I realize the independently wealthy train has so left the station and I gotta do something to earn my daily bread (such as it is) And also.... part of the great pie chart that is Sandra feels she should make something of herself...that that's the honorable thing to do. I know....yuck. Do we label that pie wedge, "superego"?"Jiminy Cricket"??

Riddle me THIS, foo'

Above you see a riddle I picked up in my web meanderings. I IMed it to both Lisa and Robin and they were all "Ohhh...I'm too busy with work to figure that out. I'm so diligent and nose-to-the-grindstoney. Ooo!" Well, I'm paraphrasing a bit there, but the fact remains that they wouldn't play at riddles with me. (waah)

It's kind of a bitch of a riddle, and I know it's calling out for an algebraic equation in order to crack it, and for that reason just reading it makes my brain feel all addlepated and ouchy. My immediate reaction was to head right for the answer, but I resisted that impulse until late in the evening. Well to be totally accurate, I didn't seek out the answer. I actually had Greg work on it, (after I'd given up, utterly frustrated) and he thought he'd had it solved but he went online to check the answer and announced he was WRONG ...it was actually the car was 18 months old and the tires were one year old. So it was really GREG who caved and looked up the answer. But uhh, I wouldn't have gotten it in a million years.

Here's another one that I like much better...



Answer is -- Baltimore

**Note: I used hide "secret answers" in my posts by typing them in white, but now that I have reformatted the blog, white text shows up just fine. I can't seem to get the text the exact right shade of purple to render it invisible. Well, this method will have to suffice. I've always wondered what the was the point of having that weirdo "webdings" font, now I guess I know...

if u don't cheat u don't try

I cheated today at "Doritos or Cheetos?" with Robin (reacquaint yourself with THIS post if you find you are perplexed) and got Fritos. It's the first time in a long time I stumped her, but I am more-or-less ethical, and so I assured her that the defeat would not be recorded on her permanent "Doritos or Cheetos?" record.

The other night (Monday, specifically) I came home from shopping at the CoOp (the CoOp is right near Margarita's and Laura & I walked over there after din-din) and it was about 8:40pm. I was ferociously hoping that American Gladiators came on at 9pm but that was sadly not the case. I was hoping for a 9pm start time, but deep down I knew it started up at 8. But they SHOULD start it at 9 and not only because I happened to come home at 8:40 the other night. Think of the children, dammit!! If American Gladiators came on at 9pm--when most kiddies have been tucked into bed-- it would greatly reduce the risk of kids emulating these jackass gladiators. I mean, do we want kids staging makeshift versions of "Joust" with throw pillows strapped to curtain rods?? OK, while it does show some commendable resourcefulness, you would still be pretty annoyed as you drove 'em to the ER.

So as it was, I didn't catch much more than The Eliminator. That was pretty entertaining though. One of the guys, though he wasn't a real commanding physical presence (or didn't appear to be anyway) managed a phenomenal time of 1 min 29 seconds. I was MOST impressed. And then, in contrast, I thought both the female contenders were going to drop. When one of the chicks finally crossed the finish line --well, there's not really a "line" per se...I suppose if I were being accurate I'd call it a "finishing wall" (of blocks)--anyways when one of the ladies finally finished, with all the speed and gusto of a stoned slug, I thought the first phrase she was going to wheeze into the Hulkster's mic was gonna be " I NEED A DOCTOR!" (it wasn't) I concede that if I were able to finish the Eliminator my time would be APPALLING and it might wreck me as well. But I can't help it...these chicks get interviewed before the Eliminator and they're all "Oh, yeah, THIS is really my event. I'm going to rip thru this thing and this is going to land me right in the Top 4". And so you see, I MUST laugh at 'em. Confidence is key, I understand this. But still I would find it SO refreshing if a contender was interviewed before an event and said "This is damned intimidating. I'm scared!!" Also, I am rather a superstitious type...if something like "I'm going to win" and/or "This is my event" sprang outta my mouth, I'd immediately thereafter think "Ohhh, SNAP! I just jinxed myself".

So after 20min. of American Gladiators, I put in my rad new DVD of "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle". I am not oblivious to how very stupid that movie is but it cracks me up nonetheless. Even the gross part with Freakshow and the Mrs. ...when they show him working on the car and singing (singing alone the 2 different parts of a call & response gospel song -"Hey Randy? ...What?") that CRACKS.MY.SHIT.UUUUP. Hys-friggen-sterical! I also love Harold's screaming fit after his car is stolen. By NPH, as it happens. I would be remiss if I didn't mention his pivotal cameo...who doesn't love NPH? Really...seriously..tell me who. I will hunt them down.

Oh wait...thought of somebody... Heather probably doesn't like NPH. Tuesday a.m. were rehashing our viewing choices of the previous night and when I mentioned watching Harold & Kumar, Heather responded "How can you watch stupid shit like that?" Hullo? This is the very same Heather who once espoused her love for the Cheech & Chong movie Nice Dreams. Yeah... Hi, Pot ? Remember me--Kettle? I do believe our black arses have met previously....

Heath Ledger dead. Holy shit... how awful.

Every Brown in Town

My wardrobe goal today was to incorporate this totally cuddly chunky knit scarf that I got from my sis for Christmas. It's this dark brown with glittery threads in it. I guess it's dark brown , but the more I stare at it the more it looks like it might be dark brown with eggplantish undertones or just entirely eggplant colored. I'm not sure. I think I need my garment care tags to state somewhere on them a color name so it's not left up to my own judgement. This tag only tells me it's 100% Acrylic and from H&M (which I mightily appreciate...the H&M part, that is) So I didn't quite know how to mesh my outdoor accessories with indoor attire so I decided just to match "cuddly" with "snuggly" and wore my favorite cardigan. It's this shapeless shaggy thing that totally makes me think of Obi Wan Kenobe (the Ewan McGregor version..maybe that's why I LOVE it so!) It's a taupe colored sweater so it doesn't match up with the scarf so well. And then I thought I'd muddle things further with a tan tee shirt...clip on a tortoiseshell hair clip...throw on my light brown faux uggs.. It's a good thing my brown cords were in the wash(wound up wearing jeans instead) or I would have gone beyond overkill on the color. I would not look entirely out of place sheparding llamas in the Andes or somethin' like that. However, I did put on these lovely earrings I got from Jilly for Christmas. Well, they're in tones of brown too, but they're tres chic and the only thing that lets on that I'm really not a llama farmer.

Maybe psychically I got some telepathic memo from Robin. She had brown on today too. Laurel too. Eerie, no?

Today for lunch I had curried chicken salad (yum!) and 1/2 a container Moroccan beet salad (ugh... I made myself eat 1/2 the container...because beets are sooo good for me but...I repeat...UGH.. And I am the self-proclaimed kindred spirit of Captain Vegetable, so you KNOW it was seriously loathsome.)

I'm going tonight with Laura to some informational meeting about classes to become a teacher. She told me about it last night when we went to Margaritas-- apparently anyone with a bachelor's degree (I gots one) is eligible for this 10 month program that, if passed, nets you a teaching degree. According to L, the program has very high job placement. I've been told before that I should get in to the teaching racket, but I've just never thought it was a great idea for me to be molding & shaping young minds, y'know?? On the other hand, what's not to like about summers off and beaucoup holidays in between summers? I dunno. I'm mostly going because Laura's wanting to check it out and is not wanting to fly solo. But, I will have an open mind. Although, as you may have surmised, I have scant details about this program... let's hope I don't discover this "information session" is held in some van with painted-over windows....

The Triumphant Return of Cap'n Vegetable

The weekend was low-key and low-budget (just what I was requiring).

I hung out with the folks, did laundry & played Bejeweled (that game puts me in a damn trance!!) on Saturday and made a boiled dinner on Sunday. I had a ham to use up that the co. gave me last month for Christmas. I added beets to the boiled dinner, which is new for me.

I believe I was probably influenced by this article I read "The 10 Best Foods You're Not Eating" a list on which beets was the numero uno. Also on there was cabbage, which I LOVE and I do always put into my boiled dinner, but this time I doubled the amount (2 heads be better than 1, I say). Don't worry that I was overly swayed by this list--I managed to refrain from using guava or goji berries. But, aside from the aforementioned beets & cabbage, I put in beaucoup veggies : parsnips, carrots, onions, rutabaga, turnip, potatoes. It didn't seem like a ton of food when I was cooking, but--oy!!- after dinner, when I went to store the leftovers in Tupperware, I realized there was enough boiled dinner to feed a small country. (Liechtenstein, for instance) I sent some leftovers to my aunt & uncle but my parents will still be eating boiled dinner for at least a week.

Also on Sunday I was hell-bent on catching Masterpiece Theater ( Northanger Abbey this week) from the very beginning--regardless of where I happened to be at 9pm. Previously, I missed out on the 1st half hour of Persuasion and that pissed me off immensely (as you may well know). So, around 8pm ( when it became clear to me that I was not going to return to my abode until Monday) I slipped into the livingroom where my Dad was watching the Giants-Packers game. Now at that precise moment, he'd left the game to stoke the fire in the woodstove in the garage, so I was able to get my mitts on the remote. Dish allows you to set a timer for a program that will automatically switch the TV on to that channel at the start of the program. I rather surreptitiously set this timer for PBS at 9pm. So an hour later, I'm doing dishes and my Dad hollers to me, in a sort of befuddled voice, "Uhh, Masterpiece Theatre is on." And I'm all "Ohh!! I WANTED to watch that! However did you know??" And he's like "Did you do something with the remote?" It sure can be handy (sometimes) to be the most
technologically advanced in your clan.

I'd done a bit of research and saw that there was a later showing (at 1am) , so I offered to watch that if Dad was deeply invested in the Giants-Packers game. But, amazingly, he said Masterpiece Theater was OK and to leave it on. Maybe not so amazing...I did, after all, just prepare a ginormous ham. So, yeah, moral of the story: you can gain a good deal of clout in my family if you employ a bribe of HAM.
My Dad actually sat there in the armchair & watched Northanger Abbey with me. It was mildly annoying really...occasionally he would pipe in with the unnecessary query of "You like this stuff, huh?" To which, I just replied, "Yup". (I was so glad to be catching MT in its entirety that I didn't even bother with sarcasm. ) Also he kept nodding off and when he would wake up he'd ask questions about what was going on "Where is she now?Did they kick her out? What happened?" That was more irksome, but I was certainly inclined to cut some slack. I had offered to watch the 1am airing, but really didn't want to (as I had to wake up at 6:30am).
At times I had a tinges of guilt for monopolizing the TV and subjecting him to Jane Austen. I mean, I love the stuff, but it's a mite too frou-frou for most males I know. Ok, well ALL the menfolk I know. I really have no idea why Dad didn't retreat to the kitchen to read the paper (I'd expected him to).

Here's a wee taste of what I subjected the poor guy to...(oh by the way- if ever you intend to view this movie, and you're not keen on spoilers, DO NOT click the play arrow. This is the very end of it...the happily-ever-after bit...)