some random shit ...a list of 20 things

I signed in wanting to post, knowing I've been delinquent. But truly I am so very blogstipated.  I've nothing worthwhile to say whatsoever.  But once I logged in, I saw how REALLY delinquent I've been, (no posts for the entire month of April!! I'm DREADFUL!!) so there's no way I can procrastinate even more on it. So I'm just going to list stuff all stream o' consciousness & rapid-fire like, and if nothing else, it will prime the proverbial pump.  .. I hope.

1. French's Fried Onions. 

I fecking love them.  I think there are large segments of the populace who are doing themselves a disservice by buying French's Fried Onions only when they have a green bean casserole to make.  They're pretty terrific just plain from the can.  HOWEVER, the last time I bought some, they were soft , which I guess is their fate when they succumb to staleness.   Y'know, you'd think if I LOVE loved 'em, soft, stale onions would be--while not ideal-- acceptable.  But nooooosiree Bobby.  Soft fried onions are repugnant. A REPUGNANT ABOMINATION, I TELLS YA!!  I still have this can, by the way, I have plans for said can.  Initially, I was like "WTF, Co-Op?  I can't believe a highbrow grocer like yourself would leave old product on the shelf!!"  But, actually when I turned the can over to scope out the date stamp it was a "use by 5/2013" stamp.  So I'm going to see if I can leverage this into free French's Fried Onions FOR LIFE.   Gosh, EVERYONE will wanna be my BFF then , huh?

2. Distracted driving.  
Last week, I  had to drive allllll over creation for work.  I went to Canaan, Plymouth, Pomfret, and Bradford.  A total of  193 miles!! If I have to go anywhere next week, I am going to Hulk the @#$% out, I swear. Both Monday morning and Wednesday ,as I zipped along, I simultaneously slathered on Gold Bond Medicated Foot Cream.  Mid-slather, I was thinking: heeey, this actually has a quite pleasant odor (the cream, that is...notsomuch my feet) and I bet Ralph Teetor would be appalled (or at the very least, annoyed)  if he knew I was appropriating his brill innovation of automobile cruise control to do something so g-d stupid.
You're going to have to take my word of honor that I didn't just now Google the inventor of cruise control.  I knew from before, I really did. Teetor was blind, and therefore  I found his accomplishment 10x more commendable and extra interesting (which is why he has remained in my noggin)

3. I get super annoyed with people who are excruuuuuuciatingly SLOW with their right turns.  And hey, you really don't have to come to a complete stop first.  That move mighta gotten a rave reviews from yer Driver's Ed teacher once upon a time, but you don't hafta do that out here in the real world, Sparky.

4. I don't  think guys named Dennis should spell their names with one "n". There are some that do, and it's idiotic of them. Oh, and DON'T EVEN get me started on Stephens. . . .

5. Speaking of name spelling. . . I encouraged my coworker Sue to change her name spelling to the cooler, punkier "Sioux" . She's only slightly cool and not punky in the least, but it would amuse me and therefore she should do it.

6.Distracted driving II--  It is a truth universally acknowledged that a quality soundtrack is *imperative* to a good drive.  Lately, I've found this song below to be my top car-karaoke pick. Terrific song, blecch video...


Both Elton John & Lionel Richie were acquired tastes for me.  As a young 'un, I avoided everything of their oeuvres, but in my adulthood I've revisited their stuff and felt I dismissed them too hastily.  Mind you, there's still a few Elton John songs I can't take..."Crocodile Rock" is a trifle too chipper for me to take, and "Levon" is just dreadful.  But I do like lots of his stuff.
And to make it up to you for that hum-drum video above (if you indeed sat thru any of it) I give you Lionel Richie, starring in one of the best videos of all time.  Yeah, I know you're thinking I'm going for the obvious pick-- "Hello". Yep, creeper Professor Lionel  macking on that simpletion blind girl (INAPPROP!!) and then that hideous bust she sculpts of him is, on its own, worth the price of admission.  That one IS classic.  But naw, am gonna go back to his Commodores days.  I adore this song and they made SUCH a cheeztastically awesome video for it--

But back to the subject of car tunes...and why they are so necessary.  Well it's mostly to keep you from getting bored, and depending on your condition, to keep you from nodding off.  But personally, I find that if I'm not musically diverted whilest driving, I am prone to succumb to philosophical reveries.  I succumbed to one the other day, but as it wasn't one where I got all dwelly on the subject of my own mortality, it ended up happily enough, with a quirky insight. It started off with me generally contemplating free will vs. destiny (ohhh THAT  old chestnut).  Was thinking basically about how one could work really hard to have their life turn out one way and life could still take an unexpected turn on its own and thwart their intentions entirely. And suddenly this concept reforms in my head as: PLINKO is a metaphor for life.  You do all you can to line up your chip just so, so that it winds up in that $10,000 slot (the big $$ center slot was a $5000 slot when I used to tune in, back in the Bob Barker era) but the spokes ricochet that chip about  every which way and you still might wind up in a $0 slot, regardless of how carefully you lined shit up.  (scope it HERE, if you're not up on your TPIR pricing games  &  are in need of a visual aid)  Think about it...

7. Speaking of game shows... I watched Family Feud the other night...the Steve Harvey version. Mehh.. I've always felt like, in theory, the Feud was one of the best game shows out there, and yet, though the actual game has altered not much over the years, I only *really* enjoy watching the classic Richard Dawson hosted episodes. I've always been rather curious about how the infamous SURVEY is conducted. In my mind's eye, I envision Family Feud interns schlepping around the suburbs with clipboards with a dozen or so show questions clipped to them. Although I'm sure it was never done that way. Nowadays,I'll bet they use some dullsville web-based voting system.
I watched tha Feud because I was watching GSN ...back-to-back episodes of The 25,000 Dollar Pyramid.  Is it just me, or did most of the recent Dick Clarke tributes neglect to make mention of that show?  Stupid oversight--that show ruled.  Dick had this great habit, when a team failed  in the final Pyramid round, missed by one or two, he would try his hand at giving the clues to see if they could get it.  Now, the guesser , who already feels shitty, is like "UGH..just put me outta my misery already!!"  Also, that move is somewhat of an F.U. to the clue-giver.  It sorta sez "Now let me show you how someone who wasn't a total shit-for-brains would've handled that..."  Looooved that.  And y'know, I would LOVE GSN if they would stick to classic game shows.  But they are compelled to make all these new shows and they tend to suck.  I don't know why there has not been a decent new game show in DECADES.  OK, so I am willing to entertain the possibility that I just miss the doofily-coiffed guests of the early 80s and/or the checkered suits, helmet hair and skinny mic of like a Gene Rayburn-type host. Well that's all true certainly (nostalgia junkie that I am) but I also think it's true that they haven't come out with any worthwhile new game shows in eons. Deal or No Deal?? HOW can that even be classified as a proper game??

8. The check engine light in my car is on.  As far as I can tell though, it's not running any differently.  I feel like if the jalopy had a SERIOUS ailment, I wouldn't have been able to drive 193 + miles last week without breaking down. Ohhh, I dunno.  A check-engine light haiku--
                                                             O, vague glowing plague
                                                        meaning impending doom OR
                                                                  nothing much at all

9. If I was starting up a bar & grill (or some such establishment) , and it was festooned with the multiple flat screen tellys that are standard equipment in most places nowadays, I would say to hell with sports, and play music videos on all screens.  It would be something of a novelty-- music videos on a TV.  I'm not saying the medium of the music video is dead...but I would certainly bet that most videos are now viewed online.  So in my bar, you'd have the novelty of having them back on the TV, and also, usually when you watch a vid online, you've selected it , clicked on it, so there is no element of surprise. It's always great to hear a good song,  but there's something more to it, when it accosts you unexpectedly, like when your jam comes on the radio.  So, yeah, I'd have that going for my place too.  And you just know I'll  be playing the Commodore's Lady video in there.  I'm also very fond of---


10. I realized this while writing this post--  Gene Rayburn of Match Game / EuGENE Wrayburn of Charles Dickens's Our Mutual Friend novel. That's just a coco-bananas cultural juxtaposition, that's all

11. Hey, has Wheel of Fortune ever done the Before & After puzzle "FLEETWOOD MAC AND CHEESE"?  They very well  might've, without me knowing it, as I am not a big fan of the Wheel (aside from the Before & After puzzles--thems are clever) But if they haven't... they f-ing SHOULD!!

12. APRICITY

I found this word on the terrific site The Futility Closet.  It occurs to me that it would be quite clever to repurpose this as a name.  I like names that mean something.  And what a sweet thing for your name to mean, right?  I just don't know what you would shorten it to for casual address, that's the only prob.  OK, well it's not my #1 baby name pick, but someone should use it.  It sure as shit beats "Neveah"  (which is heaven spelled backwards....I have seen that name on an astonishing number of our newborn peds admissions at work...ick) It could be a character name.  You could have twins named Felicity and Apricity.  I am perpetually stumped for an original plot idea, but am always finding names I like for characters.  Am starting to think I should start a written compilation.

13. Siri-- My 14 yr old niece has this on her phone...damned petty of me, but I am SOOO jealous.  It's not as easy to use as Sam Jackson makes it look in his commercial.  Have you seen it? Way to show the softer, sultrier side of Samuel "get these motherfuckin snakes off my motherfuckin plane" L. Jackson, eh?  It kinda feels to me, like it should have a schmoopy rom-com twist ending where Sam's date night date stands him up and  he has a romantic night with his true love Siri... I mean, he'd been flirting with her the whole commercial, hadn't he?  C'mon, if you've seen the movie "Some Kind of Wonderful" you know just the sorta ending I mean.  Zooey Deschanel's Siri commercial is even stupider.  I do indeed covet the iPhone, but I would hate to become so Siri-reliant that I cannot trust my own audio-recognition of the sound of rain on the roof without having my smartphone verify it.  Oh, and there's always the old timey peering-outta-the-window tactic. And Deschanel herself--I don't dislike her, but she  seems too cutesie to be a real person. She really doesn't  seem too far removed from the SNL parody of her.
Anywhoo it was the older Siri commercial, the one where the aspiring musician instructs his phone to call him "rock god", that inspired me. I got ahold of my niece's iPhone and told it to call her "fuck-tard". I know, I know,beaucoup INAPPROPRIATE.  And  then I discovered that there is no amount of enunciating that can make Siri not hear that as "Fucked Hard"  ZOINKS-- now that is a trifle too inappropriate.... even for a crass beeeyotch like me.  So anyway, I changed Chloe's iPhone alias to "Turd Burglar" instead.

14. I won a laptop at the Windsor Rotary Club Penny Sale.  It was the 98th prize in the third round (3 rounds in toto, 100 prizes per round) I was kinda zoned out and resigned to not winning a damn thing, and wondering what time I was gonna get home when suddenly I make out my number being called and --holy frijoles-- it's for one of the big ticket items.  SO awesome!!  I don't particularly need a second laptop, and what I really ought to do is give it to my niece (you know the one--Fucktard Turdburglar) for starting high school next fall.  But I'm kinda liking having a second laptop.  I feel all stacked--in a technological sorta way.
15. Speaking of techno-geekery, I highly recommend the show The I.T. Crowd.  It's damned funny and Chris O'Dowd is kinda adorbs.  Another terrif Brit-com (that I've just recently stumbled onto) is Outnumbered.  They only play reruns of the early seasons on PBS (and you can find season 1 on Hulu)  but the inavailability of  newer seasons doesn't vex me since I rather suspect that later episodes where the kiddos have grown out of their cuteness are less entertaining.

16.Cheap hair product that works like magic--

 I dunno how that stuff works but it really does.  And I've had fine hair forev, have tried all manner of product for going on 20 yrs now,  and I don't think I've had much work as easily as this stuff does. It could very well be pixie dust.  I also like that brand's dry spray shampoo.  That'll give you a good hair day, but also can be somethin' of an enabler for a sloth like me that would much rather sleep in an extra half hour than get up and take a shower.

17. I started a Twitter account... I did it on a whim , in the middle of the night one night.  I was up with..er..uhh, fructiferous borborygmi...and signed up on my phone.  I wanted to comment on something on The Voice, but, when I scrounged up a message board on the NBC site, it was actually something of a ghost town.  The Voice is HIGHLY Tweet-centric ..and also I am an old fogey not realizing that message boards are soooo 1999. But my enthusiasm (to remark whatever remark  it was) waned, and I never really used the account.  I'm thinking it could come in handy for all my weird TMI confessions I sometimes feel compelled to put out there. (about fructiferous borborygmi, possibly) I would never put it in the public forum of Facebook, and this here is only quasi-anonymous.  I could change my Twitter handle (also no one would be following me to begin with)  and then let fly with every humiliating and/or icky Tweet fathomable.

18. I've always been fascinated/ amused by the pet name (primarily used in hardcore R&B / softcore hip-hop) "tenderoni".  Why on earth was anyone ever inspired to call their g.f. that?? It sounds like a Chef  Boyardee product.

19. I watched Flash Gordon today and I loved it.  I don't think that film could be made the same way today--so unapologetically cheezy.  There's something innocent about it.  Sam Jones plays Flash like a total featherbrain and it's pitch perfect.(let's just give  him the benny of the doubt that it's a deliberate choice). I would *much* rather be Princess Aura to Timothy Dalton's Barin any day.
Wonder why Topol doesn't act anymore??

20. OK, to balance this list out, I'm stating for the record that I don't only like/ ingest crap food (like item #1) I love me some green onions...it's so very simple to snippity-snip some up with the kitchen shears and improve nearly any dish (aside from like, chocolate pudding) Also I enjoy a good radish...so much so I could probably become a Fraggle.  Radishes, in case you did not know, are their staple comestible.  I also happen to be down with the whole ethos of their race (dance your cares away, worries for another day etc. etc. etc...)

There's some ebb & flow to my work load..

I would say I'm in an ebb phase at present.  My friend Roxanne says to play the eager beaver and pop into my boss's office asking for stuff to do.  I feel like that is the exact WRONG thing to do.  And I'm not just saying that because it totally goes against everything I am either (though it does).  I feel like, if you're in an ebb phase, and you have a boss that is less than vigilant (and are CONFIDENT in your assessment of The Man) then the proper course of action is to take what dribs and drabs of work come your way and dra-a-a-a-w them out to last the whole day.  Look  industrious.  If you repeatedly alert your boss to the fact that you don't have enough work to do, then they might start thinking they could absorb your role into another role and  you are quite possibly out of a job.

I also find my own valid,  nitpicky jobs to busy myself with. For instance, today  I read our online safety manual and I found all the grammar and spelling errors therein.  Of course, I did not print this manual out, mark these errors (and there were tons) down, or call this to anyone's attention. This way I can do this job again during future lull times.  The important thing is if my boss comes galumphing around the corner without my knowing...well, I'm reading the agency safety manual.  How can the harpy object??

Below you see the end result of two days of surreptitious doodling..

OHHH Sometimes I Crack My Own Shit Up...

I had a fun Saturday night out in Rutland with my friend Andrea.  We went to this nice little restaurant and then to a comedy show.The only thing I didn't particularly like about this eatery was the name. They call it "Roots the Restaurant".  Now, I woulda been fine with just "Roots" .  The other bit makes it...I dunno..patronizing.  Yes, I am familiar with Roots: the Miniseries, but I'm hardly going to get it confused with this restaurant am I?? There's considerably less LeVar Burton & whipping...at least on the Saturday night that I went.  Jimmy Fallon's house band is The Roots, so they are adequately differentiated, methinks.

Anyway, while dining at Roots THE RESTAURANT, Andrea was snapping pics on her phone, live-commemorating the fun.  We did 2 smiley, heads-together portait shots and she HAAATED her face in one of 'em but didn't delete that one because I asked her to send it to me because I thought it was the better shot of me. I actually came out looking half-decent in both shots, but in the one Andrea favored, the keep-it-on-the-hanger-ribbon-loop of my shirt is clearly visible.  I'm such a putz--always forgetting to snip those off...and they always be fucking up my decolletage.



Andrea said I could have the shot she didn't like but before sending it to me, she sternly FORBADE me from posting it to FB without first cropping her outta the pic. Well, I thought I could do a much more clever edit than a mere crop...and I put out a sort of demi-album on my Facebook page-- all the people besides Andrea I hung out with on Saturday night.

Well, 1st, scope out the original shot (this one NOT posted to FB..in accordance with her wishes)--

I actually wanted to pixelate Andrea's face, but could not, for the life o' me, figure out how to do that. Perhaps if I shilled out $$ for some software that's a bit less basic (MS Paint is my medium in all these)

This is the best I could manage...




The original... with Witness Protection Program grade identity blur.



A DREAM.  Kinda f-ing rad, this, but it also has a sad fangirl stalker undertone. That's why I moved on to...





...artsy sophisticated  stalker fangirl. Doesn't Uggie look like he's poised to bark up a storm to alert his oblivious master to the creeper hiding behind his sofa? Good boy, Uggie, good boy!!

I was also going to do a Richard Dawson one, just so's ya know. Couldn't find a decent Dawson pic to work with.



Ohmigod CAROL CHANNING is wicked fun to do shots with you guys!!

Holy Guano, this is the one I really love. It gave me a mighty guffaw.  I have never seen anybody so thrilled to meet somebody as Bat Boy was to meet me (CLEARLY).  And after reading Bat Boy's wiki bio , I realize that I should have been the one ecstatic to meet him. He is surprisingly accomplished!!!

"Recently Added"

Since I am an insatiably ravenous tune consumer as of late (more so than usual), let's review some of my new acquisitions.  Here are the 15 tracks on my "Recently Added" playlist. .. plus a smattering of inept commentary.  As much as I LOOOOVE la musica, I am utter crap at writing about it.  I can dissect a song up to a point, say what  bits of it I particularly like, but when it comes to saying why I like what I like, well, that is where I founder. That's very esoteric isn't it...the why of our likes.  It's esoteric to me, anyway.
Well, sans further preamble. . . .

Recently Added

1.  The Cave [ Mumford & Sons ]-- I'm a smidge behind the times in getting this one.  I think it was their 1st hit,  but I really latched onto "Little Lion Man", snatched that up and listened to the hell out of it (as I still do...LOVE that song) Then, belatedly, I gave this song a repeated listen and decided "Oh hey. This one is also good". Had it on my iTunes wish list for a bit and finally bought it on my latest spree.



Also belatedly realizing that Marcus Mumford is pretty dishy.  Yes, he for real IS named Mumford (I, too,  had 1/2 suspected it was just arbitrarily picked out for the band name ).  I wonder if he is on the hunt for a g.f.  I wonder if I got to be that g.f. if I would get over the compulsion to call him "Amazing Mumford" all the time. A LA PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!!

2 Play the Guitar [ B.o.B. feat. Andre 3000]-- I mostly dig this song because I love Andre 3000 and I missed him!! He needs to cool it with the razor commercials and make more music.  It's kinda bullshit how he gets the "featuring" 2nd billing when he really does 98% of the song here.  I particularly like his trippy-ass  playing-guitar-on-top-of-fast-food-restaurants imagery. Also like that little spoken word bit at the 2:37 mark..


3. Don't Slow Down [Matt & Kim]-- the sound here is as coked-up as the title suggests.  Maybe it'd make for good cleaning music.  I used to clean to the Ramones. I haven't listened to the Ramones in some time.  This is why my apartment looks a friggin' fright.
4. What's a Girl to Do? [Bat for Lashes]--I heard of Bat for Lashes before, but hadn't previously checked out their music.  Natasha Khan has a really neat voice (I do believe I forewarned you vis a vis  my ineptitude)

I do prefer the other Bat for Lashes song I bought, but there was no question I had to embed this one.  Did you watch that?? If no, watch it RIGHT NOW. It's fantastic and weird.
5. Daniel [Bat for Lashes]-- A real breathy, ethereal sound here. Me mucho gusto.  Additionally, I am hoping in time that this song will take the place of Elton John's Daniel as the track that plays in my head whenever I hear the name "Daniel".  I find that so many Daniels go by "Dan" so  a "Daniel" really stands out.  Even "Danny" seems more prevalent.  Anyways, the name usually makes "Daniel" play in my head ...the Elton John one...which I don't really like.  Although occasionally it makes me flash on Daniel Striped Tiger, which is ok by me.  I always welcome a sojourn to the 'Hood of Make-Believe.

6. Levels [Avicii]-- I've not much of anything to say about this song (other than that I like it).  The video is remarkable though. . .it is exactly how I want the zombie apocalypse to go down..

 7. Hang Me Up to Dry [Cold War Kids]-- I love the aggressive guitar in this.  And who doesn't like to belt it out along with an angry chorus??
8.  We are Young [fun.]-- this is all over the tube in some Chevy commercial .  I had to hunt it down because I loved the little snippet in the commercial.  That commercial is probably doing more for fun. than it is for Chevy...whatever Chevy model is in that commercial. I'm *pretty* sure it's Chevy...
9. Some Nights [fun.]-- the title track of their latest.  I like fun's sound, but in retrospect, I should just bought that one song ("We are Young")  This is pretty good, but not a MUST HAVE. Hence the lack of link.
10. At Least I'm Not as Sad as I Used to be [fun.]-- when checking out fun's back catalog, I was won over by this quirky-dramatic song title and the cover art. Behold--

It sure is fun! It's like Lily Pulitzer, Ludwig Hohlwein, Peter Max, and Vera Bradley got together for an orgy....and after realizing there was no sexual chemistry in the room, opted to collaborate on an album cover.  Don'tcha think?? I enjoy it.  The song is beginning to bore me a bit though.
11.  212 [Azealia Banks] -- Be forewarned, before clicking play...these are some pretty graphic lyrics.  Crude stuff....particularly if you have an aversion to the C U Next Tuesday word.  That's one of the few words of English that actually *does* offend me, but I think this song is so slammin' that I can overlook it.  I freakin' love this one...

12. We Found Love [Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris]-- I always did like Rihanna, but for the past coupla years, I kinda got over her.But this song, I really dig.  I suspect it's the influence of Harris that cinched it for me.  After all, I also bought...
13. Bounce [Calvin Harris]-- A little bit of electro-melodrama that I REALLY enjoy..

Occasionally songs delight me because of the goofy accompanying dances I can see in my head.  With this one...well my mental .gif I'm seeing is me doing the running man and playing along with that riff on a key-tar. LOVE.
14.  F*cking Boyfriend [The Bird & The Bee]-- just discovered this duo.  They have a cool sound and she (the bird, I'm presuming) has a really cool voice.  But I found a lot of covers, notsomuch w/ the original material. I do think this song is an original of theirs and I LOOOOVE it.
15. Airport Surroundings [Loney Dear]--This is the song I am ADDICTED to presently. I love the Micromachines-guy style vocals.  And the dance-along in my mind's eye is quite funny...it's something akin to the minimalist moves of Tracy Morgan in the SNL performance of  I Wish It was Christmas Today.

All I wanna to is Zooma Zoom Zoom Zoom down I89!!

It's too bad...I had a great time this weekend with amigos....and I had my camera sitting in my computer bag in the car the whole time.  I snapped a pic or two on my phone, but they came out pretty lousy. 

I stumbled upon my camera on Sunday afternoon as I was about to embark on my way home.  Batteries were dead though.  This necessitated a stop-over at  Kmart. But you don't understand...it was a long awaited Kmart expedition. There is a Kmart that I've passed a hundred or so times on the Shelburne Rd in Burlington that looks a li'l something like---

Well actually, it looks *exactly* like that. That, above, is a photo I snapped from the parking lot. I wanted to stop there for a long time because I am a bit of a nostalgia junkie, I thought perhaps the store interior was as outdated as the storefront, thereby giving me a nice little 'stalgia fix.  I guess I was dreaming of something like....

OR




Both images borrowed from the Pleasant Family Shopping blog...a really RAD site that all my fellow nostalgia fiends should check out
http://pleasantfamilyshopping.blogspot.com/

 
But the inside was just like any other circa 2012 Kmart store.  Quelle disappointment!!! 

Well, I was decidedly NOT disappointed with my next stop.  I wanted some road eats. I spied that a Five Guys had sprouted on Shelburne Road since I'd last travelled it. I decided to check it out.  Fecking 'ell was that a good burger!!!  Also I am not a total ignoramus--I do know that is a real kamikaze move--nutritionally speaking .  I'm just glad I don't have one too close by ...the temptation would plague me for sure!!  If I go back...I will plan ahead.  I will  lead up to it with a week long cleanse (OR would one cleanse afterward?? Probably wise to do before & after....only green roughage for a 1/2 week prior to the 5G pilgrimage, green roughage for 3 days thereafter) Or I will bring someone to split everything in 1/2 with.  That seems a WAY more feasible workaround.  However, according to the chain's website--
"There are over 250,000 possible ways to order a burger at Five Guys."
Could I ever agree with someone on the proper burger specs???  For my inaugural Five Guys feed, I got a big soda, order o' fries (OMFG- SO good. Got 'em plain when I prob'ly shoulda gone for Cajun style...since that's one of their unique things. Oh well...next time?) and the burger thusly-- cheez burger w/ bacon
mayo & ketchup
grilled onions
grilled jalapenos
pickles

PERFECTO!!  
Oh, since I had just resurrected my camera I was feeling a little snap happy whilest waiting for my order--

For what it's worth...  I only ate 1/2 the burger and 2/3 of the fries and decided to eat the rest for supper.  I thought if I had to ingest 9zillion calories all by myself, I would split it into 2 meals. So gnoshing only preoccupied me from Exit 13 down to about Exit 11...after which there was still  a looong way home (quite a number of miles between exits in VT, you must realize) and I have driven that stretch of I89 a kazillion times, so I was bored as hell and seeking some other preoccupation.

And so you have the below video.  I was trying to capture the thrill of winter weather driving (though the snow ceased around Exit 6) . Ok so nothing actually happens in these vids...but watch 'em anyway, huh?  I've pared 'em down to <1minute.

This has NO CONTEXT...

...except for I heard some Bob Marley on the radio the other day.  And it made me think of this, one of my fave SNL Digital Shorts.

ick.

Yesterday, I left work early for a routine physical. I should specify:  I reluctantly left work early.  Now, that's a great indicator of how very averse I am to visiting the MD. You know I'm dreading somethin' like a muthah, if I would prefer to put in a full day's work.

So I got through the appointment with a minimum of weeping, and a wee twinge of humiliation. I shan't dwell on the former, but I will tell you about the embarrassing bit. So she came at me...brandishing  the otoscope. Peered in the left ear..."Ok, all looks good".  Peers in right ear...pause...extended pause..."Hmm."...walks over to retrieve an implement.....oh maaaan...

At least Shrek has the defense that he is an ogre, and GRODINESS is one of the defining properties of ogrehood.  Me, I dunno why I had 10 lbs of schmutz in my ear. Okay, YES,  that quantity is exaggerated...but I refuse to tell you by how much.

I will say in my defense, that I have a negative Qtip incident in my past.  Years ago, I was Nairing my legs one night and had a spot o' time to kill while  waiting for the Nair to do its thang.  So I did a li'l ear canal once-over with the Qtips...or cotton swabs...it's likely that I was not sufficiently moneyed to be buying the big name brand. 'Kay, cut to 4min later...Nair swiped off-- victory!!--legs like a fecking Rockette again. I took a wee cat nap and woke up about 30-45 min later with a non-functional left ear. Not only was it not hearing anything, it felt like it had been filled in with cement (it had not...my local Mr Sandman is not as overzealous & misguided as all that) A few hours passed ...in which I rinsed the affected ear with hot and cold H2O, and also tried stuffing it with cotton balls whilest applying my patented fix-all method of "ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away". Well, eventually I shuffled off to the ER. I vaguely recall the ER doc being (much to my dismay) quite good looking, and I recall having this dialogue exchange--


Doc: How old are you, again?

Me: 19

Doc: Heh heh hehh...we usually see impacted earwax in 90 year olds. Ha haa.

Hardy effing Har, Marcus Welby. Well, consequently, I haven't used Qtips for anything other than cosmetics application in all these years since. I do a couple head tilts in the shower, swish around the agua therein, drain, repeats, but...GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, I'm going to have to step it up some!!!

 I jokingly told my doc (after my initial exclamation of "HOLY GOD!") that I was going to get into ear candling.

bam, bam, BAM!B.A.M.!!!

I kinda feel like a hypocritical ingrate by dissing Books-a-Million (as I am poised to do)  because when they came to town, I was SO grateful and hugely stoked.  You can most definitely do your thriftiest book buys on Amazon, but there is something to be said  for actual, physical browsing.

Everytime I check out at B.A.M. they ask me if I want to be in their galldurn Millionaire's Club.  You save a % off on some purchases or every purchase, I don't know.  I just tire of these bloody GIMMICKS. My patronage should be enough to grant me savings!! But y'know, if aforesaid membership was free, I would probably acquiesce. But no, it's $20 annually.  I know what you're sayin', or maybe sayin', or maybe just thinkin' in your head, and that is "Oh, $20. a year is not a staggering amount.  And with her B.A.M. binges it would  pay for itself soon enough"  And to you, I say...how the hell do you know that I shop at B.A.M. all the time? You're right, of course, but...that's well creepy.
It's the principal of the thing, dammit.  If I resign myself to this gimmick, it will surely beget MORE gimmicks.  I suppose, if I  felt reeeally strongly about it, I would boycott the place entirely. But I know me...I can't manage that.  But hey, griping in this forum could really stir the masses.  I have a readership bordering on TWENTY STRONG! Grass roots movement, amigos.

Oh--it gets more ludicrous. It was undoubtedly the nutty generosity with the wi-fi that toppled the Borders empire, therefore, there is NO free wi-fi to be had at B.A.M. You get some access code if you have a Millionaires card. Bollocks!!  It's not just that this rule thwarts my agenda, but I think it must lose them money too.  I always feel compelled to drop a pittance of moolah anywhere I am bogarting the wi-fi, and I would bet there are a good deal of people who feel likewise. But  when I get that wi-fi connection kaibash message at B.A.M, I am NOT inclined to stick around there and shop.  I'm like "Lates, bitches. Off to Paneras, then" 

Stuff I watch when I'm not watching the Superbowl

That's right, I didn't watch Superbowl XLVI.  SSSSsshhh--don't tell anyone!! They will revoke my New England membership card.

I know it's trite as shit to post about what you are watching on the telly, but just for blog proliferation purposes (check out the concerns of prev post)  I'm gonna resort to that
  Let's do this in alphabetical order then, shall we??

 DOWNTON ABBEY (or..as my dad insists on saying--"DOWNTOWN Abbey")

It had really seemed to me that there was a good deal of hype surrounding the US Season2 premiere of Downton Abbey. And then I second-guessed that perception, thinking that—OK, perhaps it’s just that I’m especially attuned to such publicity. I love me some Downton Abbey (like I do w/ most things Masterpiece Theater...even Mouret’s Roundeau...I like nothing better than sitting in my wingback chair, rockin’ Rondeau at top volume, while enjoying a Calabash pipe . .. filled with bubble solution...or sometimes I forego the Calabash for a licorice pipe. Forgive me, I digressed..). But no, I was right, the US public is quite into Downton. . . suddenly…. inexplicably. I certainly don’t mean that Downton is not worthy of all the love...it’s just not this country’s sort of thing...usually.

So I have yet to figure why Downton has so virulently caught on on this side o’ the pond (inspiring at least SEVEN memes--wow). but I thought seeing it crop up on this weekend’s SNL for sure confirmed that it is indeed front & center on our pop culture radar. This more-or-less accurate skit I thought was pretty funny and at this juncture, I was going to embed it, but for some odd reason NBC Universal does NOT want that clip on the internet. I can't imagine why. They posted all that Bon Iver shite from the last episode ( I don't get what all the buzz is about that guy. I nodded off during his 1st song and that 2nd song he did I only sat thru because I was puzzling over which obscure 80s soft rock nobody he was channeling...it was TOTALLY Bruce Hornsby, BTW) The only thing I can think of is that they appropriated a bunch of Downton goodness without the BBC's greenlight. ..or somethin' like that.

Anyway, sans further ado, here be some of my DA-induced ravings—

Anna/ Bates--
I was charmed by the Bates & Anna dynamic in S1. Back then it was all sweet Anna mooning over resistant mystery man Bates with the shady past. Not that Bates was ever a bad boy, he was just mysterious and wounded (unsure that the masses could readily perceive the emotional wounds, DA writers threw in a limp for emphasis) It was a quiet burgeoning thing. That dynamic was charming. But now that mystery shady past essentially boils down to a PERSISTANT BITCH of a wife (oh, there was some stint in the hoosegow exposed, but that was pretty swiftly pishawed by Carson ...and maybe Lord G as well...I can’t recall 100%) And now he’s all “I WILL marry you—I swear it” and Anna’s all “ We will be together no matter what!! I stand by mah man” and it’s got an overall “Love shall conquer all” vibe and seriously, a little bit o’ that goes a LOOONG way. Not that I want them to fall apart, but just, y'know.. ZZZzzzz.

And—OH YEAH-- I *knew* that Vera was wormfood as soon as I saw that brief chat scene w/ Bates & Lord Grantham. Bates let fly – in this very uncharasterically hot-headed way—that he wished his ex-wife was his late wife . And Lord G was all, “Ooookay. Rage much?” And Bates responded “Please forgive the lapse in composure. It was a necessary clunky bit of foreshadowing I had to dispense with.” Ok, so those last two lines of dialogue were not actually uttered. But seriously, don’t you love it when writers BLATANTLY tip their hand like that? I do!! Well, I do and I don’t. I feel like it is often so contrived or lazily formulaic of the writers, but on the “pro” side, I do get a small rush of superiority a few episodes later when I am able to declare “ I *TOTALLY* called that storyline, bitches!!” And you know Bates didn’t off anybody, but he is going to hafta extricate himself from some sort of murder-accusation imbroglio. Also, I strongly sense that O’Brien is going to have some part to play in catalyzing said imbroglio, because this perked-up, extra attentive look crossed her shifty little visage when she noted the scratches on Bates’s face. And then later when they learn of Vera’s death, O’Brien makes that same ORLY? face. She not quite overt enough to arch one brow, but the mono-arch is surely implied. Well speaking of which...

O’Brien &Thomas-- This maybe DA blasphemy, but I say this pair is considerably more interesting than Bates &Anna. Both of 'em are SUCH rotters but then occasionally show these glimmers of humanity. And of course, this is key to creating The Likable Villain. O’Brien on her own is not terribly likable, but avec Thomas, there is a snarky rapport there that is entertaining.

And she also sorta made a connection with Lang . Yeah, remember the shell-shock guy? His was a blip of a storyline, eh? Is he coming back?? Did they arm him with a pleasant letter of recommendation and then just kick his ass out ?? “Have a nice life, good luck on shit creek, try paddling with your hands!!” Anyway, she was downright nurturey with Lang.

Also she has this very warm regard for Lady G...which seemed to suddenly spring up in her after she passive-aggressively made her miscarry. And looks like m’Lady is hit with a health crisis next episode...one so bad that it makes O’Brien crack. Should be entertaining.

As for Thomas....I find him strangely delightful. I didn’t particularly care for him in S1 when his big pastime was tormenting William & Daisy because those simpletons were quarry that was... I dunno.... both undeserving and not worthy at the same time. This season we got the humanity glimpse when he was in the war...scared shitless...and then he got smitten with that blind soldier who looked like a skinny indie rocker who later killed himself (the Downton character, that is, not any indie rocker that comes to mind...not lately anyway) So then when he returns to Downton to assume command, and he is ALL smugness, I cannot really dislike him for it because : a) you know he's *extra* frontin' due to recent heartache and b) he never did anything all that dastardly with the power he grabbed. He just had it, and was rather smug and smirky and maybe lorded it over some folks, although he didn't even do that too much. He's soon to start black marketeering food or something like that, but I feel that's a pretty mundane story arc for him and I'm not really looking forward to it. Let's see him get some lovin', or get in a brawl or do something hugely comical. This won't be drastically different from his S1 wine shenanigans will it??

Lord Grantham/ New Maid Jane-- I DO NOT LIKE the implications being sown here. I mean, does it not seem like Cora & Robert are SOLID? After all, they defy popular dormitory convention so's they can spoon!! Does that not speak volumes? If Lord G has a dalliance, it will be EXTRA shitty comportment since it looks like (judging from  previews) it will closely precede a big health scare for his wife. (Oh, of course extra, EXTRA, EXTRA shitty move if it's during/ after the illness...though I don't think the guy is quite up to that level of dickery) In an ideal Downton, they nip this extramarital bullshit in the bud. Like, NOW. Or, if they MUST develop this somehow, Jane falls into unrequited love, turns all Fatal Attraction loco, and somehow, thru some machination, Ethel is there to save m'Lord, snagging back her old job in the process (with a fat promotion as well, to be fair) Ethel was kind of a snot, but I do feel bad for her, and she was for sure more interesting than this Jane chick.

Yep, that's it, Jane will go 'round the bend and get offed in some spectacular fashion. Ethel comes back with her bambino. Thomas, because he doesn't really have a job now or anywhere else to go, has to become a full time babysitter if he wants a place to live. And...bonus...you get Jane's son popping into their lives around Season 4 when he returns from boarding school where Lord G has been paying the tuition out of a sense of guilt over inadvertantly murdering the lad's Mum via his damned irresistable flirting. And perversely, it's like having the son he's always wanted. Ok, before I lapse into nutter fan fic...

Sybil /Branson-- I keep waiting for this pairing to BLOW UP, but thus far it's just a slow simmer. I’m not averse to a slow simmer…if you get to see something develop, that is. What is with Sybil and Branson though? He’s a Socialist, she…she… well she certainly is not apathetic. She goes to rallies and -ZOINKS--she wore those dreadful (but pioneering) PANTS in S1, so you know she hold some manner of political viewpoint and she AIN’T playin’!! And they’re both purdy. I guess that makes them a logical pairing then. So yeaah, I guess his love for her has somehow sprung up and blazed into a mighty let‘s-plan-a-future-together love over a series of errands (mostly offscreen) that he’s taxied her around on? And she likes to hear him talk Socialism while he works on carburetors (again, mostly offscreen) Oh, though we did get to see him feel worried for her that time she got half-trampled at the rally she duped him into taking her to. All in all, it’s not much of a basis for JACK. Still, her saying “wait two or three weeks for me” is kinda giving the guy hope that they WILL make that future together (oh, plus I inadvertently happened upon some spoilers on a UK site that pretty damn well assure that)

So I guess these two are gonna go from 0 to 100mph in 1 minute (so to speak) and I’m going to say …I suppose it’s a plausible pairing? Well, what’s past is past, and I suppose the task at hand is to make the pay-off SO caliente that the viewers don’t give a damn how feebly it was  all established.

Daisy-- Needs to shake it off already, I can’t think of a more innocuous little white lie…well, it was a biggie, I suppose. But it was indubitably of the white variety -pure, dazzling, blindingly white. Daisy has always been irritating but a tormented Daisy all racked with guilt is THE WORST. Ugh, I reeeeeally don’t like her. Can she just be discreetly written out??


Edith / Peter-Patrick-- OK, there was this one episode where I kinda nodded off in the middle. I truly do love my Downton, but I was exceptionally tired on this particular evening. I see Edith suddenly decide she must master driving and shortly after she manages this I lapse into fuzziness.. .slumber…I come to and she’s in love with some farmer. WTF and , for that matter, where the bloody hell did this farming couple come from? But whatev…farmer man just  illustrates how Edith is ripe to fall in love with anybody who so much as gives her an especially cordial “Good day, Lady Edith!” It’s been some years for me since taking Psych 101 but I do believe that predisposition can be attributed --somewhat--to birth order. Middle children are great peacekeepers, but they are often quite attention-starved. Now if Edith was purely this big ball of needy twitterpation, I wouldn’t like her. But I do like her…on account of she’s shown a sort of capable, sensible, pluck that was not evident in S1. Maybe learning to drive tapped into her dormant pluck reserves. It’s also possible she was once too preoccupied being bitter to be plucky. It would be hard not to resent an older sister like Mary. It’s not just that S1 Mary was too fabulous to bear. No, it was that she was too, inordinately fabulous *and* quite the hard-ass. Yep, she was a TOTAL hard ass until that dead Turk in her bed knocked her down a peg or two.

Anyway, it’s a damn shame how this burnt-up con man zeroed in on Edith’s needy, twitterpatability and exploited it. I am thinking Pete-Pat was probably a con man because almost immediately after he was informed that his story was to be checked into…fellah hit the bricks. Add to this hasty departure, the apologetic tone of his note to Edith. I would think if it was the cruelty / insensitivity of his own family that DROVE him away, he wouldn’t feel that he had to apologize. But that’s really just speculation. I like that they didn’t explicitly reveal whether he was or was not the real deal. It’s not that I am anti-closure, but they introduced Pete-Pat and then hustled him outta there all so swiftly--it’s better that they ended with a sort of elipses rather than a full stop. As a complete story arc, it would be such a gyp!!

Oh boy, if that really was Patrick, the whole Crawley family with the exception of Edith &Matthew were a pack of bastards! I understand a reluctance to wholeheartedly buy into his tale, but they couldn’t have 110% DISbelieved him either. If that was the real-deal Patrick--what a miserable, barely civil reception!!

And, honestly, more power to Edith that she was right back in love with him as much as ever. Possibly it’s yet another illustration of how quick-smitten she is, but dammit, it’s still commendable. It’s not the guy’s skin that gets me…it’s that left eye of his. Or rather, his right, my left, but I might not be able to stare at him long enough to work out those logistics because-- EGADS! Then again, I suppose if I were well and truly in love….I mean REALLY in love now…

Matthew / Mary/ Richard/ Lavinia-- Now, even though the Matthew-Mary pairing is (and has been from the start) the central romance of this saga, I am still fuzzy on several key points. It was fairly late-ish in Season1 that it was established: he is in love with her and OMG yes she actually LOVES him back and there was some smooching and marriage was discussed. I cannot, for the life o’ me, recall now who turned down whom and WHY. And at the start of S2, that split is a distant, amicable thing and they’re ostensibly old pals now, and oh, there’s this Lavinia Swire. Wait-whaa? Where the FFFfffeck did this Lavinia come from anyway?? Surely there were some alluded to , off-screen happenings but I’m betting that most of these question come from there being such a loooooong wait between S1 and S2 that I just couldn’t retain the facts in my addlepated noggin.

But of course, the $64,000 question is why hasn’t Mary just @#$%(ing COME OUT WITH IT already? We all know the answer: they’ve gotta draawwwww this central romance out…longer…longer..at least long enough to make a Season3 happen. This knowledge does not make Mary’s emotional constipation any easier to bear. I do like the softer, gentler Mary of S2, but it seems like--in just this regard-- she’s lost her backbone ENTIRELY. I guess, when faced with a milquetoast as *deeply* drab as Ms Swire her pity is so roused that she can’t bring herself to do it. I almost thought than when her dear Carson counseled it, she was going to ‘fess up. It wouldn’t have been wicked of her to just write him a simply stated letter. No entreaty, no pressure, a purely informational, “Dear Matty, I just thought you should know, SINCE YOU MIGHT GET KILLED IN WWI, that I still love you. Best Regards, Mary” Nope…presumably all her missives pertained to the weather at Downton and how Miss Lavinia was getting along. Phoo.

And then briefly, Matthew was M.I.A., Mary was distraught, and I thought that at his homecoming (right on cue for his part in a duet, natch) would have her so overcome that she would blurt it out. NO dice. And AGAIN, back at the front he gets bomb-blasted, gets carted into Downton looking SERIOUSLY to’ up and she’s clearly upset and…nope. Nada. Clearly, she’s not gonna utter the L-word without sodium pentathol or waterboarding.

It doesn’t look good for Mary that he’s now getting leg tingles. Lavinia comes back simply because her undying love won’t let her stay away (forget that Mama & Carlisle had conspired to fetch her…there is so far nothing to suggest coercion) Pretty soon, Matthew will begin hobbling around, and *then* Mary is going to say, “Oh hey wait, I still love you actually” (Good timing that, now that he’s literally back on his feet) “And PS my fiance is not the simple slime ball I took him for, I just found out he’s actually quite a mean f-er” All very real sentiments, but her motives are going to look disingenuous in comparison, aren’t they?
 

--Grey's Anatomy--

These “dream sequence” type episodes can be kinda fun but also they're frustrating in that they don’t really do anything to advance the current storylines. The last new episode ended on a DREADFUL spat betwixt Christina & Owen. I mean, if you can’t refrain from top-of-your-lungs hollering at a friend’s kid’s birthday party...that definitely qualifies for the “dreadful” tag . It ain’t good!! I love O & C, so I wanted to see the aftermath of that fight. The episode opening did give a brief shot of them decidedly NOT spooning in bed (surprising that they were even in the same house, I thought) but aside from that , not much fresh intel is proffered.

My standing gripe with Grey's is --and it applies to this episode too-- Eric Dane didn't get nearly enough screen time.  He rarely ever does.  (and , no, I did NOT make that collage in case you were wondering.) It's such a perpetual show flaw that I'm not even gonna bother with it.

So the premise here , in a nutshell-- if Meredith hadn't lost her mom to Alzheimer's she wouldn't have become the intriguingly "dark & twisty" Mer we know and love.  Oh, and lest you underestimate how thorough and far-rippling the Ripple Effect is-- Ellis Grey's survival somehow makes Bailey wear her hair in cornrows and dress like a schlomo. Go figure. Meredith's bit in the alternate universe was dull.  But there were a couple bits I did like...just a couple..

I think drug addled, tatt-covered little Grey is a major improvement over actual little Grey.  She needed more than just a dash of dark & twisty to make her character interesting again. They should morph her into that in the real storyline.  A drug addiction should be easy enough to whip up on a medical drama, am I right??

I hadn't thought of the Kepner +Karev pairing, but that could be good. You know how good that hate-to-love TV romance trope can play out. Like, how great was Moonlighting, right? I f-ing LOVED that show. Now it's a known fact that Kepner needs--NEEDS-- a love interest. I can't even believe the show tried to pair her up with Peter MacNicol. She is too young and cute for that. Avery is the obvious go-to...too obvious...it would be a snooze. I had the idea that it would be an awesome curveball of a story if they paired her with Sloane.  It would be like the reincarnation of Rob Lowe & Mare Winningham in St Elmo's Fire.  That was the BEST part of that movie!! A Karev-Kepner match up would have a similar vibe, but to a lesser extent on account of Karev being a mere demi-god (vs Sloane being thoroughly & immensely divine )

--An Idiot Abroad--

I don't have much to say on An Idiot Abroad. Just this: If you're not watching it, you should be.  Unfortunately, I don't have the Science channel (which is the channel that airs this in the States) so I have to wait a couple days after each new ep premieres and catch it on Xfinity onDemand (side tangent: it's like Comcast has multiple personalities now with the Xfinity onDemand, but using the Comcast name for other shit.  Stop confusing me!!)

I just caught episode 2 where Karl travels the Trans-Siberian Railway and makes a stop in Mongolia.  It was pretty great but I'd been anticipating this choice bit that I'd seen in preview that wound up being completely cut from the episode!!  Whyever would anyone cut this??? It clocks in at <1minute and it's hi-fecking-LARIOUS!!

---Project Runway All-Stars--



I think my fave moment of that last episode (#5) was when Isaac Mizrahi was about to THROW DOWN over who most loves a jumpsuit. It amused me.

Otherwise, hese PRAS judges are yet to surprise me. I can’t always pick out the top & bottom 3, but once those are chosen, I can ALWAYS call who is headed home & who’s winning. I knew Jerrell wouldn’t get the boot because it’s rare that they eliminate for offenses of batshit craziness. I knew Michael wouldn’t get the boot because he makes for good TV. THANK GAWWWWD he didn’t win this week—though he still managed to have his requisite attack of overwhelming emotion, didn’t he? I thought it was funny—Anthony comforting him, as if Michael were the one ousted. And Anthony is definitely in the running for most graceful exit in PR history. I know I’ve said that about other PR designers (which is why I ‘ve said just that he’s “in the running” but not, hands down, the MOST GRACIOUS LOSER ever) but it surprised me, coming from him. Being such a ...uhhh, BIG personality, I definitely saw potential for tragic melodramatic meltdown there, but I guess this just shows...the optimism is *strong* in this one. And it’s a good thing too, because you notice, on PR All Stars, the losers don’t get the gentle hug and sympathetic “I need you to clean up your workspace” final mentor send off. Which really highlights how very inadequate this Joanna broad is. I mean, of course she’s no Tim Gunn (who could be??) but if she, at heart, gave a shite, she would make a stab at reproducing that bon voyage ritual.

I was fine with Mondo winning. I like him (but Austin is my #1 fave). I think Mondo deserves a prize simply for getting and keeping his hair in such a colossal Mohawk. Impressive. I think, as far as my personal fave that I would actually wear...I actually liked Kara Janx’s best. (and what’s with her having so damn much “game” anyway? And I’m not talking design game either....that fellah she accosted in the park was all sorts of twitterpated..) Out of the top 3, I liked Rami’s best. I did quite agree that his fedora was irksome—it was altogether too jaunty to be worn in a real-life, non runway scenario (except by the most victimized of fashion victims) but I DO hate it when the designers get penalized for little nitpicky issues of styling.

DEPLORABLE!!!

 

If that image looks vaguely familiar, that's because it's my tally of blog postings located oooh, about 2" east of this here post. Well, I'll bestow on meself a li'l kudos first...I've been at this since 2006!!  5, going on 6 years, is nearly ANCIENT for a blog, no? 

I note a disappointing trend here though. My number of posts is decreasing every year!!  Now that 96 for 2006, I don't consider shameful since I think it was mid or late July 2006 I launched.  But that 32 for last year....deplorable!!

I vow to do better for 2012. For me just as much as for you.  I have no wish for my writing muscles to atrophy!! 

Help me embark on the road to a comeback.... pitch me something to post about. I'll run with it to the best of my ability.



Tunes &War Paint

I just spent a wad o' $$$ on Sephora the other day.  I gave my email address to the cashier the last time I was at Sephora in the mall.  Consequently, I now get these "SephoraBeautyInsider" emails all the time.  Usually they are offering 20% off this or 30% off something-er-other and I delete it almost instantaneously.  But the other day I was reeled in by their proffered deal --free perfume sample with order.  Plus, I've kind of had a burgeoning yen for some quality make-up.  I have these kicks where I just, aesthetically, GIVE UP & totally go 100% don't-give-a-shit hagged out everyday.  But after a while of that, (2, 2.5 weeks max) I get very sick of it, and launch into an avid primping kick.  Well, one of the latter kicks kicked in, and I also recently read a Yahoo blurb about this chick Tanya Burr.  She was a makeup counter girl, doing shopper makeovers, and she started doing these YouTube make-up tutorials, and somehow that BLEW UP for her and she was able to ditch her retail gig.  And she got written up on Yahoo...and presumably elsewhere on these internets...
Well heck, if a picture is worth 1000 words, a video embed is worth 100,000. Behold--


She rather impressed me, and yeah, I'll say it, inspired me a bit. I maybe took for granted what artistry can go into slapping on some "warpaint" (as I have been known to refer to it).  Although, I gotta gripe that...seems unfair for this girl to be so skilled with cosmetics. She's naturally gorgeous.
 Y'know,  even in one of my more aesthetically conscientious moods, I've never acceded to a cosmetics clerk makeover.  I think if a Tanya Burr-type had asked, I would consider it...but usually the clerks pitching me a makeover look like evil drag queens.  Something like Divine, but heavier on the lipliner. Ha haa.

But I'm not just frittering away my pay on makeup, I also went  on a bit of an iTunes spree.   I go through phases in my listening preferences.  I have a smattering of every genre on my iPod, but I don't tend to listen to the whole spectrum at once. I go through spells where all I wanna listen to is folk, or like this fall, all I was really in the mood for was classical.  I tend to start jonesin' for hip-hop in the summer months.  Well I've lately craved , I guess you'd class it indie music.  I particularly wanted to discover new artists/ songs and to that end, I started listening to AccuRadio's "Alternative Now!" channel.  Good call, me! I stumbled onto lotsa great stuff there.  I bought a bunch of it this past weekend.    Like, f'rinstance, I am just SMITTEN with this song right now--


The version I downloaded wasn't live, but it didn't differ much from what you see there.  I usually don't like live versions of songs (not as much as the album version anyway) but in this instance, I like the live jam a mili-skoach more just because the accordian sounds even more accordiany.  Love that.
I also learned that I quite like  AWOLNATION. 


"Burn it Down" is probably my second fave (a *close* second) right after "Sail". The "Sail" video's not as fun though.  Also bought the tracks "It's Not Your Fault" and "Guilty Filthy Soul".  In my estimation, 4 stellar songs all on one album is a damned feat.

Well, don't let it be said that I've neglected the blog for weeks and weeks and weeks.  Unbeknownst to y'all I had a post draft  in the hopper dating back to 1/4....so that should upgrade me to only semi-negligent, no?

The nascent post was all about a job I was applying for in Madison, Wisconsin.  I'd only gotten 3/4 of a paragraph composed, but you know me...it was destined to be a rambling, neurotic debate...agonizing & over analyzing over the classic question: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO NOW? 

Well, since I let the post marinate for a coupla weeks, I am able to FF right to the epilogue.  I didn't get the job.  BOO.  And y'know, I half believe in jinxes jinxing shit, and so I can't help but think that this rejection email (received on Tuesday...it was just about the warm& fuzziest rejection communique I've ever read, I'll grant 'em that)  was partly sparked by my resolution to TAKE the job if offered.  Even if I never did write it out, I did go thru all that debating, hemming & hawing etc.  But around Sunday I had decided, that if the job were offered to me, it was The Universe handing me an opportunity and you should not spit in the face of the Universe...particularly if you are hanging your head outta the window of a vehicle moving at high rates of speed. Plus, a very sage amiga of mine pointed out that if I took the chance and it didn't pan out, it's not like I would be CAPTIVE there.  So I said, "Fuck it, I'm a-gonna do it"  But then they said "Fuck you. Stay in VT. You guys have cheese there too."  No, no, no, I fib. That is NOTHING like what they wrote. They were uber-cordial.  No hard feelings. But who knows if I will stay in VT--maybe, maybe not.  I don't hate it here, I just despise my CHRONIC COMPLACENCY. (As well I should)  And so I will continue to search...

To compensate for not having any *actual news* to share, I am going to share instead some of my faves from my list of "Likeds" on YouTube (Oh yeah...I would be remiss if I didn't throw in here a "DEATH TO SOPA/PIPA!!!") and some original Monday doodles.  There were three recent Mondays --12/26, 1/2 & 1/16 --where I was working and everybody else in the world was NOT.  I acutely felt the injustice of this sitch.  When I am at the office on such days,  I really feel like I should get full marks for simply SHOWING UP.  Any actual work achieved counts as extra credit, maaan.  So on 1/2 and 1/16  I alternated little brief spurts of productivity with idle doodling.  Here is what I do when I am reluctantly cubicle-bound---



Add caption


Now a couple of the funniest vids I've seen in a long time--
 This impression is BRILLIANT.  A LeVar Burton cameo and I woulda been over the f-ing moon!!


That Mitchell & Webb Look  is a terrifically funny & smart Brit sketch comedy show...or I should say it was, as I don't believe new eps are being produced anymore. I discovered it in the Netflix Instants library, but if you don't stream Netflix, you can also find a lot of Mitchell & Webb onYouTube. This one sketch is a fave because I REALLY relate to Mitchell's character (the non-sporty boozer)


Some other Brit funnies...
this one QUITE ODD, but I really like it nonetheless--

guess this one is odd too....and I suspect I wouldn't even like it if not in that accent.  That guy at 0:32 REALLY cracks me up though--


Haaa..funny AND educational...


more by Peter Serafinowicz. Not uproarously funny this one, but I cannot overlook a Dickens shout out



Ok, just so you don't think I'm a total, excessive Anglophile, here is a FRENCH commercial.  It's not funny, but it's so cool and artsy and if our commercials for BK were this neat-o, I might even consider eating there.

Better said...

Though I don't regret my foray into serious matters, I do think (upon rereading it all) I could have put it in a more succinct, less raving manner.  Harry Belafonte made the point much better than I did, with some drums and some Muppets.  I love this song, it has always resonated with me ever since I first encountered it (the lyrics that start around 2:57 in particular)

The $64,000. Question!!!

WARNING: I am about to break from the generally frothy tone of this blog and get all profound and/or philosophical and/or neurotic. Definitely verbose (though, that's a given, regardless of subject matter). 
So...a question has been ricocheting through my brain lately, one that should be omnipresent, and I think it has been, but I'd heretofore done a stellar job of drowning it out. The question...

AM I A GOOD PERSON?

I'm beginning to feel like I've fallen prey to the complacency that entraps so many--that is, the presumption that if I am not an actively BAD person, I am a good person. That's bollocks.  I need to actively aspire to be a good  person. 

Ok..subsequent puzzler: DOING GOOD DEEDS = ATTAINING GOOD PERSONHOOD?

 I wish I could slap a unequivocal HELL YES on that, but alas, I am an onion of neuroses that overthinks everything. Yes, I want to be a person that does good. But what I really, really want to be is someone that TRULY cares more about other people more than I care about myself.  I know it sounds harsh to say that I care more about myself than I care about other people, but I think it's true. It's hard for me to say that it's true, but when I committed to pitching "frothy" out the window for one post, I guess I committed to brutal honesty too (blast it!!)  I have family and friends that I love, that I would take a bullet for....but would I take one for a total stranger??  I am not devoid of ethics...I KNOW that that's the right thing to do.  But would I do it?  Well, it's often said (of EXTREME situations like that) "you don't know what you'd do until you're in the situation" and that may well be true.  But honestly, if I was in that situation, and I did the right thing, I would surprise myself (if I lived to be surprised).

Yiiiikes, let's take a real life example that is not so horrifically extreme....

Though my ID badge at work identifies me as an "Office Specialist", I call myself a "clerical gun for hire".  Any non-clinical jobs at the agency (I work for a visiting nurse agency) I either have done or am doing.  Oh well, except for Accounts Payable/Receivable.  Have NOT worked that gig because I seriously can only withstand brief, sporadic doses of math (or I sprain my brain). So one of my tasks now, is answering front desk calls. Although I only sit at the front desk when the receptionist goes to lunch, I get a good deal of these calls all day long-- they have the main phone line set up so that any calls missed by reception ring to me.   A call I got the other day was a woman inquiring about bereavement support groups.  That is something the VNA organizes, but it's the purview of our hospice chaplains.  The chaplains have yet to post a centrally accessible calendar of support group meetings that would help me answer these calls myself, so how I've been handling such calls is just to take the caller's name and number, and assure them that one of our chaplains will call them back to help them find something.  And then I shoot an email to the two chaplains, who are always really prompt and conscientious about getting back to these folks.  One of the chaplains just writes back "I will call this person this afternoon"  but the other one is hyper-conscientious (about everything, really) and she writes back like a paragraph summarizing how the call went.

So the other day, I get this email from Sharon, " I called back Deb this afternoon. She lost her husband to cancer this summer, she lives alone but has some adult children nearby.... {not going to paraphrase the entire email but it summed up like--} no meetings in her area until February but I offered to meet with her on a one-on-one basis until then."  And this simple little email launched an interior dialogue that went a li'l something like...

• That Sharon is really good at her job--a real natural
• Why wouldn't YOU be a good hospice chaplain, Sandra?
• Because other people's grief / strong emotion makes me uncomfortable
• WHY? THAT'S TERRIBLE .
• Terrible, but true.
• You are too wrapped up in your own shit, Sandra.
• Everybody's wrapped up in their own shit.
• Sharon's got her own shit...her husband was just hospitalized with some pretty serious health probs. So she either: a) truly cares about other peoples' shit more than her own OR b) can put aside her shit and care about other peoples' shit. A is more outstandingly virtuous than B but in either case she's a better person than you.

But like I said before, I am an onion of neuroses (many layered, that is. Not tear inducing...though, if I've made you cry, please let me know.) and I even question the goodness of my wanting to be a good person.  I'm sure my motives are partially selfish..and selfishness is at the root of my problem! 
I think there are people--extremely RARE people--who by default, and in all cases, put others before themselves.  Not only are those people few & far between, I think they are superhuman.  I sort of visualize it as scale--one side selflessness...the other side selfFULness.  I worry that my scales are too egregiously tipped toward selfFULness (durrr,OBVIOUSLY).  Ideally, I would be tipped waaay in favor of selflessness, and I wouldn't even know it. I would just innately put others before myself, I wouldn't think about how good I was for doing so, I wouldn't have any images of scales dancing in my noggin, it would all be very simple, and easy, and natural and, and...well, clearly I was not born that way at all.   So now I can do good things, and make a deliberate choice to consider other people and that's great.  But....fucked-up onion that I am....it will always irk me that my altruism is tainted by a lust for personal betterment.

BIG SIGHH. I'm going to stay in this same heavy duty territory, but take a break from obsessing over my own emotional deficits and talk about why Eleanor Roosevelt is full of shit.

 "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. "

I hadn't heard that quote before, but discovered it when a former coworker had it as part of her email signature.  I tend to not like email signature quotes, but only because I've never known anybody to rotate their quote. Just the same pearl of wisdom, over and over and over again, ad infinitum and I get desensitized to what would otherwise be a very wise pearl. Exceptin' the above quote, that is.  I don't know if Kathy's email signature attributed the quote to Eleanor Roosevelt, but according to the illustrious Quote DB, that is who said it. Kathy was...well, kind of tough to get along with...not just for me, but recollecting objectively, she didn't have a lot of friends. Before I started aspiring to be a good 'un, I would have dismissively summed her up as a rager/ nutter.  I imagine she was aware of people talking smack about her all the time, and that is why she so liked that quote.
Eleanor, though,  was condemning gossip...I think.  Truthfully, I only know a smattering of US history, but I think I do recall that ol' FDR was a bit of a rake in his pre-polio days.  And infidelity is primo gossip fodder, as y'all know.

Well, sorry Eleanor, gossip is not all  bad, and your famous quote is shite. Ideas?  What good are ideas unless they somehow relate to PEOPLE? Events spring from things that PEOPLE do. To me, that quote is shit, because people are the best and ONLY thing to talk about.  There is, for certain, an element of schadenfreude in gossip that is not to be commended.  But, at least if you are gossiping, you are taking an interest in people around you.  Yes, I worry about my selfishness level because I worry about the health of my personal soul.  But I also feel like my issues are a microcosm of a huge societal defect. I return to my earlier thought: EVERYONE IS WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN SHIT -- it's a big generalization, so not 100% accurate. But it's pretty much everyone, right?  We would have to be some sort of  amazing cyborg-saint society if everybody is willing to take a bullet for everybody else.
But I'm not hoping for such drastic measures...  It's as simple as looking at someone on the street and really wondering, "Who are they? What is their story?"  I mean it's a simple thing, but so huge.  And maybe it's all in MY head, but I get the feeling lately that people aren't doing that enough. That people are isolated. And to make with more specific examples (and I hate to disparage my own kin in doing so) my sister was encouraging my nieces & nephew to talk at the dinner table about their day at school. And my oldest niece and nephew were just spouting off about all the kids in their class that were "stupid" and "weird" and "gross".  My sister told them to "quit the negativity".  But me,  I had to open my big yapper and elaborate "You should always remember that people have troubles that you might have no idea about.  You should consider that before you call them stupid and gross" Yeah, yeah, I know-- even as I was saying it, I was gagging at how preachy it sounded.  And I'm a big hypocrite too.  Of course, I was the very same way as a kid.  And really, I'm the very same today except now I will reproach myself after my snap judgments about 50% of the time.  I know it's a dreary thought, to think "Everyone I see is somehow, secretly struggling." It's a hell of a downer.  But I feel like if people were able to be mindful of that truth, than we could reduce some of the judgement and anger and envy that pollutes life.  Criiikey, I make compassion sound like such a maaassive effort, don't I?  I wonder if that makes me compassion-challenged or just jaded ? Let's just hope that I'm jaded without cause, that my seeing everywhere this epidemic of selfishness is just me trying to write off my own selfishness as societally inevitable.

I don't know what brought this mindset on, but it could just simply be the time of year.  I suppose all this ranting could just boil down to the  Christmas cliche of wishing for "Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men".  Except that I really, really mean it, and I've dissected the hell out of it.

Bow Wow Wow yippy yo yippy yay

This is the latest addition to my family--is he not ADORBS??  He's not quite mine (I cannot have one in my lame-ass apartment) rather he is the doggy I've been harping on my sister to get for aaaaages ("I can't believe your kids are growing up without a dog. You are a BAD MOTHER.") Well, I wasn't nagging her specifically to get this very Yellow lab-Golden retriever mix, but I've just wanted her to get a dog in general.  

I came over the Sunday they got him and immediately was solicited for my best name suggestions. Of course, I had input, but  the debate was fierce and I didn't particulary want to throw myself into the fray. 

The first name to spring to mind, after gazing at this sweet punum, was Henry. I think it fits him quite well, but of course, no unanimous support could be found (though my sis liked it lots..that was her top pick)  More brainstorming ensued.... someone tossed off "Duke" and Seth really liked that one.  Duke is a pretty cute name, albeit a tad trite.  But this dog looks nothing like a "Duke" .  I know the most famousest doggy Duke--Duke Bush-- is a golden, but he doesn't look like a Duke either. Oh, also he is a duplicitous bastard of a pet, so there's another fine reason to veto that name option.

I thought we should look to U.S. Presidents of yore for inspiration.  I often do this when naming things and tend to find anybody FDR or earlier  to be interesting (not sure why the more recent prezzes bore me, but they do).  So, in this vein, Laura said "Woodrow?"  Now, even though I get the distinct impression that Woodrow Wilson had a colossal stick up his ass, his first name is , nonetheless, all sorts of awesome.  I declare it the BEST dog name ever!! You can be all cas. with him and call him "Woody" and if he drops a deuce on the carpet, it's "Wood-DROW!!" Ohh, and additionally it has connotations (in my mind, anyway) of curmudgeonly but adorable cowboys because of Tommy Lee Jones's portrayal of Woodrow Call in 1989's Lonesome Dove. Yeah, I said it: Tommy Lee Jones is adorable. I STAND BY THIS ASSESSMENT!!

Well, amigos, you have my express written permission here to utilize my #1 top dog name because they didn't go for that either.  The kids rather hated it.  (Again, Laura and I were pretty simpatico on our faves)  We settled on Bo. Or Beau. Chloe *insists* it is spelled the latter way. I don't see why the spelling matters too terribly much, because how often are they gonna see it in print? Probably just on postcards from the vet. It's not like this is a bonafide, with PAPERS show dog.  Crikey, that would have been an EPIC battle--if they'd had to come up with one of those ridicu-long show dog names. Pemberton's Incredibly Posh Beau of the Cypress Glade  or some such shite, y'know?    Though they did give him a middle name....Duke...a nod to the name Seth had his heart set on.  And yes, we did make the Dukes of Hazzard connection (OF COURSE! Um, have you met me?).  It's kinda cute, naming this pale pup after one of the blondest organisms ever to draw breath.  I was always more of a Luke Duke devotee, personally, but it's still pretty cute.

sing it, Rosie!!

I was really in a black mood this past Sunday and Monday.  I can't quite say why ...perhaps my "humors" got all imbalanced.  I mean, I for sure have my issues, but they are all pretty much longstanding issues.  I didn't get any *new* ones thrown into the mix recently.  It's just that, I have this fundamental sense that the world is a good place and I am a good person and that sense helps me handle aforementioned issues.  And then , on Sunday, all of a sudden, I could tell myself that, (world=good/ me=good) and rationally agreed with it, but I just was not at all feelin' it.  And I exacerbated the whole thing by dwelling on it, although in my defense, I am inescapably doomed to dwell.  Aren't we all?  Or maybe it's just me...  it plays out thusly : I start dwelling--questioning WTF is up with me, trying to dredge up a bit o' happiness, failing at that, then asking: but am I feeling better now? Maybe incrementally better? Hmmm..no. How 'bout now?Now?  Then part of me realizes: the only thing to do is to go on auto pilot, stop obsessing, put it out of your head. It will simply hit you  at some point that --hey, the overhead cloud is gone and you gave it the slip without even trying...without even noticing.   All very sage counsel, but in summation I instruct myself: DO NOT OBSESS.  Is there anything more condusive to obsessing than that, I wonder??

I was right of course...  Yesterday (Tues) I was driving. It was sunny. I was singing along top volume to "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz and ...Oh hey...I'm happy now.  That's how it goes.  But Sunday and Monday I was really trying to FORCE it.  And I was thinking on Monday.. I think what would really help is if I had a good cry.   But try as I might, I couldn't.  Yep, down in the dumpiest depths of the proverbial dumps and I couldn't muster any tears.  Oh, wait--that's not true.  I squeezed one lone trickle out of my right eye and I think that was from multiple big yawns in rapid succession. 

I got to wondering about it--- how did this notion of the "good cry" evolve? (that was, believe it or not, the intended focus of my post before I got carried away with neurotic blathering. Criiiiiikey-- I don't mean for this blog to be a cheap-o therapy alternative)  How is a cry "good" for you?  Now, from my own personal experience, I have found this to be true.  I have felt the...après-sob calm kick in. But *WHYYYY* is that?  It's weird to me-- that your troubles and sorrows can pain you less  just because some amount of fluid has seeped out of your eyes.  Heyyy--(*idea lightbulb*) perhaps it is not the eye leakage but the nasal output that makes things better. It just so happens that many of my "good cries" involve the snot in my noggin fwoooshing forth like the water at Splash Mtn.

Oh, I'm sure there's some dull, science-y reading that would enlighten me ...blah blah blah hormones...endorphines...yadda yadda (can you tell I'm not much of a science buff??)  But I am opting to give credit to Marlo Thomas, Rosie Grier, and a little film called "Free to be You & Me"  It was well over 20 yrs ago, but I still recall being introduced to this in my formative years---