What an ordeal for poor JLo. I don't know how she could handle it (she's a better broad than I, I suppose) Working day in and day out for months with---

---and then going home to the pallid little wraith that is her husband.
OK, OK...totally shallow of me, I realize that. Maybe J-Lo didn't come away from "The Back-up Plan" shoot totally let down by reality. Maybe. (Oh, but come on...LOOK at that guy!)

Wishing all my freaky-wild amigos the happiest of Bicycle Days….

Reunited--and it feels so good

I am not really a Tom Hanks fan. His DaVinci Code hair grossed me out and, speaking of grody Tom Hanks (and going back even further) the whole premise of Big grossed me out. I guess that was more on account of Elizabeth Perkins’s character though. This broad schtupps a 12 yr old and— well, to her credit, she didn’t know that at the time—but I don’t think she was adequately mortified when she did find out. I think she’s sort of a pre LaTourneau LaTournea figure, si? That, in a nutshell, is my whole problem with that flick. Minor detail, perhaps, but it sorta sours the whole thing for me. Though it does have Robert Loggia in it, so it’s not a total waste o’ film.

Anyways, back to Tom Hanks. My DaVinci hair aversion aside, (and I’ve decided not to count the ickiness of Big against him) I just don’t get the appeal of Tom Hanks …especially not as a romantic comedy lead. Although I did really like Sleepless in Seattle, but I think that’s a testament to how very likable pre-Crowe Meg Ryan was. I totally love When Harry Met Sally and you’ve got to have a special kind of heroine to make you go along with Billy Crystal for a romantic lead. (“There is too much pepper on my paprikash. But I would be proud to partake of your pecan piiiiiiie.” Haa.) Oh, and a couple other Meg Ryan rom-com musts –a smidge obscure but waaay watchable-- Addicted to Love (w/ Matthew Broderick—I own this DVD) French Kiss (w/ Kevin Kline—I want to get that one; I don’t have it, but I’ve seen it like a thousand times somehow) Meg Ryan was so adorable…but then in the late nineties, a lethal combination of Botox and Russell Crowe sapped all the spark, & joi de vivre out of her. So sad. But I keep veering off topic. The topic is Tom Hanks.
I’m not anti-Tom Hanks. He doesn’t impress me, but he doesn’t impress me negatively either. I’m just kind of apathetic toward him. However, I read THIS today, and I do believe it moved my approval-meter a notch or two toward “Like” in regards to Hanks. Granted, it’s not stop-the-presses news, and it’s sure as hell not going to compel me to watch the TV Land Awards, but still it’s nice. It seems like, more often than not, big stars will shun their humble beginnings. For instance, I think we will see blizzards in Hell before we see Clooney make an appearance on a Facts of Life reunion.
So I find this news pleasing. Good on ya, Hanksie!!

Today was my first day back to work after taking Monday & Tuesday off. So that was pretty distasteful, but I was wise enough to go in there with utterly abyssmal expectations.. . .expectations so low that even a shitty day would seem a surprisingly good outcome. That more or less worked. I Jedi mind tricked meself.

Lemme give you a Reader's Digest rundown of my uneventful days off before I move along to other mundane non-events. ...

• Saturday I met my sister for lunch at noon...it felt wrong to go to lunch so goldang early. What's next-- dinner at 4pm? I'm programmed for 1pm lunch, but even so, I can be flexible on the weekends. But noon is too too much...most egregious of all, I feel like it ate up precious sleeping-in hours. Later on Saturday I made the world's finest omelet. I'm putting it on my resume, I was so effing impressed with myself.


• Sunday...did absolutely nada.


• Monday, I had a scrap of a plan to scope out the Vermont Country Store in Weston VT. I'm kinda a big VT Country Store fan, which is totally bizarro when you are actually from Vermont, but go figger. I've been to the Rockingham store a dozen or so times (it's really not far from me) but I've never been to the original VT Country Store in Weston. So I was going to abscond with the Tom-Tom and make my way there. Buuuuuuut...I made up for Saturday (and then some) and slept in majorly and I didn't get primed, preened & ready for take-off until 2:30, at which point Tom-Tom informed me that the VT Country Store (which I still adore, even if I am tiring of typing its name)in Weston was 1hour and 42 minutes away from me, and since said merchantile closes at 5:30 pm I decided to hastily cobble together a plan B. So I cruised to a mall and indulged in a smallish spree and then went to the movies. Now this was not my first stab at solo movie going, but I felt like I was taking it to a whole 'nutha level by seeing a movie called "Date Night" "Date Night" was really good by the way, I'd definitely see it again. The plot was pretty unsurprising, formulaic material, but Carrell & Fey very capably made up for it. Both were hellah funny, and together they made an amusingly believable couple. Oh, and I now really wanna see "Get Him to the Greek" which was one of the previews (the bestest one) before Date Night . The trailer was SO funny that it does make me wonder if they saved any good bits for the movie. Also there was a trailer for "The A-Team" which almost looked good (y'know, for what it is...) but then Jessica Biel flashed onscreen and I wrote the flick off entirely. I can't explicate why exactly, but I have a fierce Jessica Biel aversion. And it's not that I want JT all to myself (I don't think that's it) I mean, he was with Cameron Diaz for quite a long time and I only have a mild aversion to her. So it' s probably not the JT factor. I don't know what it is. But she's ruined the ATeam movie for me without my ever having seen it and I do think it would have been kinda rad if, when working on the movie Valentine's Day, if she'd really annoyed Jessica Alba and that annoyance did a slow roiling boil into rage and Alba had gone into a berserker THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE (Jessica) Outlander-style break with reality and taken Biel out. ANYWHOOO...Date Night...good movie. If you can bear shilling out for something in shabby, old timey 2D, then I highly recommend it.


• Tuesday I took a friend out to lunch for her birthday. That was lovely. Then, in a last ditch effort for mini-holiday adventure, I bought gelato and a kind of wine that I'd never had before. That worked out well in the past with Gewurztraminer...which I bought one day just because I was enchanted by its big long kooky name on the label, but now it's one of my go- to wines. I bought Malbec yesterday and it's not half bad (it just so happens I polished off the bottle tonight) but beaujolais is still my favorite red (at this juncture anyways--I'm still quite the noob when it comes to vino) (Typing these last few lines called to my mind this skit...which I so love)

So I'm back to work, and I've begun a stint housesitting for my sister while she is driving the fam down to Florida. Suuuure, I didn't have to stay here, I coulda just popped in on the cats daily, but she has this big nice house , which looks so much bigger and nicer when contrasted with my wee putrid studio apartment. So, natch, I'm going to play at nesting for a week and a half. Oh, and her cable is 100 x better than mine. I mean, she has THE GAME SHOW NETWORK. Me wonders if they're still playing old Love Connections in the afternoons....if so, I may DVR those.

Tonight I was in the bathroom (don't fret...I am not going to get all TMI here. It wouldn't be waaay uncharacteristic of me, but truly, I'm NOT gonna) at the grocery store..in the handicapped stall and I spotted , mounted low on the wall right next to the TP dispenser---

it looked just like that. Would seem to be a doorbell, I 'spose but por que ? I was compelled to push the button and see what happened, but I was also running through the myriad disastrous possible outcomes of giving in to that curiosity. My first thought was that it was a "help-I've-fallen-AND-I-CAN'T-GET-UP!!"button and I wasn't really keen on the Shaw's bag boy kicking in my stall door like fecking Starsky, to ply my sorry ass off the scuzzy tiles.

Or--zoinks!--it coulda triggered an ejector seat.

Obviously, I refrained from pushing the mystery button.

I used to be a frequent viewer of Craig Ferguson’s Late Show, but once Jimmy Fallon got his show on NBC (in that same time slot) I switched over to that. I still like Ferguson quite a lot (he’s Scottish, ain’t he?) but I just felt like, in the interests of keeping my MUST-see-TV roster pared down, there COULD ONLY BE ONE in that 12:35 slot.

Since I stopped watching, it seems like Ferguson is coming a bit unhinged, which of course, intrigues me. He’s doing like, monologues via puppet and one recent show he eschewed the regular talk show format and had one guest for the whole hour (and a good pick too—the very cool Stephen Fry). But this clip I stumbled on to online finally convinces me that I MUST start DVRing Ferguson in addition to Fallon--

EPILOGUE TO MY LAST POST OF LAST NIGHT---embedding those vids (which, very annoyingly are slightly cut off on their right sides for some strange reason) has resulted in me having the song “Think About the Epilleptic Dogs” stuck in my head. And ya know how sometimes, when a song gets stuck in your head there will be one bit that will, arbitrarily stick harder than the rest of the song? Like in this instance, I keep hearing Brett belt out “Send a check and a letter to make a setter feel better!!!”

loooove...

Adult Swim's /Cartoon Network's new "Brit Block" programming is fabu, though I'm not really into the old eps of the original Office (even though I do like Ricky Gervais). Anywhooo, it was through the Brit Block that I've recently discovered The Mighty Boosh. I am very, very smitten. Their shit is f-ing hilarious, and I get the feeling that their great accents make it all 10x more hilarious. Well when I reimagine it with an American accent, it's still funny I suppose..just significantly less delightful. I dunno why that is. I shouldn't overthink it. I just love these guys...

I can't help but compare them to another terrif duo, Flight of the Conchords...

Both are a couple of comedic buddies, rockin' the delightful accents, both have that trying-to-make-it-in-the-music-biz premise in common. There are differences, of course. The major difference being the strong fantasy element in Boosh (shamen, the singing Moon, and tranny sea creatures, for a start) Also, the pals in Boosh really seem to adhere to the Ernie-Bert paradigm of friendship, whereas FOTC guys seem to be a pair of Berts.

I just love both shows/teams. And yet...I feel strangely compelled to pick a favorite.

Rationally, I know that I could just adore them both and there's no real need to designate a fave. I suppose there is just an intrinsic human proclivity to impose competition on like commodities. A hard-wired questioning of "Yes....but which one is BETTER??" This, you see, explains the existence of "Deadliest Warrior" on Spike TV and "Animal Face-off" on Animal Planet. BTW, that show on Animal Planet claimed that in a tiger-lion fight , the lion would win. Bollocks! I still say a tiger would triumph in that match-up (my sister and I have actually debated this several times, her arguing for a Lion-victory)

Well, back to the match at hand---I call that it's waaaay too tough to call. I shan't ever decide (it's like Sophie's choice!). I suppose I can leave it up to you all to pick my favorite. I will provide brief clips of each show --a wee taste of each brand of comedic brilliance--to give you some basis for your judgement.

The Mighty Boosh-- Vince is trying to talk Howard into a party for his birthday. He proposes a bouncy house at this possible bash....



Flight of the Conchords-- trying to impress a girl, Brett & Jemaine throw a benefit concert to raise awareness/funds to ease the plight of epileptic dogs...

losin' it

Today, I picked up a bus schedule and was perusing it with great interest. I've never taken the bus around here but the-ever-more-decrepit sloppy jalopy is giving me signs that make me feel like...well, like it would behoove me to familiarize myself with the bus schedule.

Lemme tell you about the symptom du jour. It started on April 1 actually, and I harbored a funny, irrational expectation that it would just miraculously vanish on the 2nd because--haaa!--the jalopy was April foolin' me!! Anyways, sometimes when I hit rough road now, or ride over a divet where a manhole cover is, my car makes a noise like kicking a toolbox. Kicking a toolbox full of heavy old tools, not the made-in-China Sally tools they sell in the poor excuse of an automotive section at Walgreens. But I digress... The noise seems to dwell in the front right corner of the car (shocks shit the bed, I'm thinkin'??) but it doesn't happen *every* time I hit a bump. Well, obviously...because it's more apt to drive me bat guano loco the more confoundingly inconsistent it is! Everytime it does happen, I look quickly into my rearview to see if I have a trail of clangy bits bouncing down the road in my wake.

So while driving from Point A to Point B nowadays, I have this impatient urgency to reach Point B. If the sloppy jalopy is going to die, I want for it to die in its sleep. I just will go to it, at Point A some morning, go to start it up and...."meeh. Nothin' doin', fucker" ...it won't go. But what I dread is that it will crap out, en route to somewhere... and it feels more apt to do this while I'm idling somewhere--at a stop sign, or waiting for the dude in front of me to turn. So I am wanting to be in motion as much as possible, and it causes me to be very irritable with my fellow drivers. So irritable, actually, that I'm losing all ability to cuss out other drivers with any style or creativity.

A specific example--I was behind a slow right-turner the other day, the type of driver that has been vexing me the most. I mean, even with my propensity for continual vehicular motion, I still don't fancy turning into oncoming traffic whilest executing a left turn. For that reason, I have a modicum of patience for left turners. They have damned good reason for their pausing. But you don't have to come to a complete stop and wait a full one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi before commencing your sllloooooowwwwww motion right turn..GAWWWW! So yeah, while waiting behind one of these agonizingly pokey right turners the other day, I hollered out, "MOVE ALREADY, YOU FUCK-FUCK!!"

I ....called somebody... a "Fuck-Fuck". "Fuck-Fuck"?? Undoubtedly, some of your finest quality epithets contain the F-bomb but... fuck-fuck? That's like elemental caveman profanity. I'm so disappointed in myself!!!

tunes

My iPod spit out some stellar 80s songs during my commute-home shuffle.

First off was "Vienna Calling" by Falco. I don't think this one was ever as popular as "Rock Me Amadeus". I love it though. "..Amadeus" probably is the better song, but I don't think it right that "Vienna Calling"is overshadowed. I think I just love pop songs in German. Further proving this theory-- I am markedly less into "99 Red Balloons " vs "99 Luftballons".

Speaking of ethnic 80s rock, I also listened to one of my more obscure gems- "Live is Life" by Opus. OK, so that particular tune is in English. But I always got the strong sense , when I heard it back in the day, that Opus was...uhhh, not of this country. In fact, I got the idea into my head that they were Greek, definitely Greek. I had never actually heard or read that about them...it's like they just struck me as Greek, and at some point I converted that impression into a cold-fact.

So tonight I look up the "Live is Life" video on YouTube and watching it, I think: "I thought these guys were Greek but now I see that they are actually SUPER DUPER GREEK" I mean, c'mon-- that crazy-ass gymnast lead singer guy, and that one guitarist (the one leading the audience in the up-high clap-along at 50 sec. in) How can those dudes not be Greek??



They're AUSTRIAN!! How could I have been so off base? But, Austrian? Really???? They don't look even slightly Cap'n VonTrappish !! But I read this on Wikipedia, and Wikipedia is super DUPER smart.

Last 80s tune I heard this evening was Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough". That is *such* a quintessential 80s song. I think it's the beginning, especially. There's a lot of 80s flava synth out there in the world, but I don't know that any tops the opening riff of "Just Can't Get Enough" for y'know...sheer eightiesness.

It's just as well that I'm enjoying my current cache of tuneage, since I am at an impasse with iTunes. 3310 songs should be sufficient, but now that I am unable to buy any new tracks, there's all these songs I want. For instance, I have been loving everything I've heard off of Vampire Weekend's new album Contra. And I've loved the song 1901 (by Phoenix)for ages now, but just recently figured out its title & artist .

Here's the deal with my iTunes-- I had my whole library on my sister's computer--kept there because of the speediness of her internet. But then they had some internet connectivity issues a while back, and there was twiddling around with their computer innards, connectivity probs were solved, but iTunes had to be reinstalled and the whole library..GONZO...well maybe the tunes are in there somewhere, but I'll be damned if I could find 'em.

My niece plugged her iPod touch in and transferred her purchases, so now there is a bit of a library on there--580 songs approx. But when I plugged mine in, the only option I'm given is "Erase & Synch" so I just hit "Cancel" and disconnected.

I did a bit of snooping about on the web and I think if I get a new computer ( I'm hoping to scrape together some moolah and buy a laptop) and download iTunes on that, I can use the tips in THIS article to get all my songs in the new library. (Just noticed, when creating that link, that the article I'm pinning all my hopes on dates back to 2006...that unnerves me a smidge) Until then, though--musical-spending freeze.

In the meantime, I'm going low tech... I was putting silverware away tonight and felt compelled to try and play the spoons. I got some kind of sound out of them, but I can't figure how anyone can manage any sort of tune on the spoons. (haa! Rhyming!!) Perhaps I just haven't watched that Soundgarden video enough.

I guess my only hope of jugband superstardom is on the washboard. It's gotta be a cinch to play the washboard. I can play a jug, but I don't think I have the lung capacity to really excel at it. Once upon a time, I bought a jaw harp on a whim but I've not figured out how to play it. It looks so damned easy on YouTube, but I've found it to be damned difficult!! I have taken to carrying this jaw harp around in my purse. I think the oddball reasoning behind this is that if the instrument is semi-omnipresent and often on my person, I'll be reminded that I need to learn it. If my life were a movie, the camera would have panned in close on that perplexing jaw harp by now and I'd be soon to get into some scrape where I need to beguile people via music to save my life. You know, the type o' scenario. It'd be like PeeWee staving off a biker beating with his brilliant big shoe shuffle (Tequila!) except, if it's my jawharp saving me, I'd prob'ly be in Arkansas and the menace would come from dirty fellers wearing no shirts under their overalls (ack!! phantom nipple chafe at the thought!!)

kind of a shocker, really.

..I mean it sincerely this time...no smartassery intended. McCarthy & Carey have split. They truly did strike me as a viable couple...

chicks 'n' tix

I was driving home tonight and spotted a yard full of chickens, sans coop, totally uncontained by any fencing...uber-free range, eh? Which is just delightful for these chickens, until they figure out that they are on a major class 1 road in the center of town, and they are going to find that out THE HARD WAY, brutha!! If one of those chickens toddled across the sidewalk and into the path of my vehicle, not only would I NOT swerve to miss it, I would take that roadkill home and fricasse the baaastid.

It's not so much that I'm bothered by the notion of vehicular poultryslaughter, but I am just perplexed at these people whose house is practically rubbing up against their neighbors', they have a lot that's 1/64th of an acre and they say, " Gosh, we've got a good place for rearin' up some farm animals here, don't we?"


No. No, you don't.


In other critter news, tick season is upon us again (so BE ON GUARD!) No, I don't get any special newsletters, rather, I came to this conclusion when I plucked a ginormo tick off of Boogerbear the wonder cat. So I had this fatty tick pinched between my tweezers and I was waving it around and doing a sort of impromptu show & tell but then I didn't really know the officially sanctioned S.O.P. for tick disposal. My dad said to just throw it in the garbage, but that felt wrong to me. My What Wouldn't a Horror Movie Chick Do? behavioral code kicking in there, perhaps. One ought to consider in every sitch what a chick in a horror movie would do, and do the total opposite, because horror movie chicks invariably make the most RUHtarded decisions. So, no thank you, I will NOT throw the presumed-dead tick in the garbage so it can sneak its way out and surreptitiously muckle on to me to later exact its revenge when I am least expecting it. I didn't just fall off the rutabaga truck this morning, brutha. (in case you's wondering, I am channeling Hulk Hogan somewhat, yes)


It just so happened I was in the garage with the bastard tick, a good venue to work my resourceful adlibbin' magic. I ripped off a bit of duct tape--roughly 2"x3"--and placed this, sticky side up on top of the bench vise , and then stuck the tick on one side of the tape. I folded the duct tape over the victim, and then I SMASHED him with a ball peen hammer. The smashing was superfluous, I suppose. I was avenging my poor, darling, supped-on cat. I then threw the square of duct tape in the garbage.

My sister said it's when ticks burst that Lyme disease is spread...so it's sliiiightly possible that I'm a big plague-monger, but I think I was pretty fastidious about the whole operation, it's unlikely that I'm guilty of Lymey-D propagation..

My aunt's cat is apt to be quite tick-riddled and she said (it was a big family tick symposium-me, my aunt, my sister...pretty fascinating conversationalists, our lot) that she flushes all ticks she plucks. Now that really runs afoul of WWAHMCD? logic. I mean, if you happened to pluck that very spiteful, greatly ambitious uber-tick...well, he'd have pretty spectacular means for revenge now wouldn't he??

Release the Kraken!!

Whenever I see ads for “Clash of the Titans” my ears perk up at the bit where Liam Neeson intones: “Release the Kraken!” There’s not much else for dialogue in the trailer (possibly that’s the only dialogue, I can’t completely recall) but they made sure to cram that phrase in there. It’s almost like…”For your consideration—the Movie Catchphrase of the Year for 2010. . .” And though I was thinking it has immortal movie catchphrase potential, its major flaw is that it may struggle to be relevant to everyday conversation.
However the phrase did pop in to my head this morning (I mention, at the risk of thoroughly repulsing one and all) as I was trying to eject a singularly stubborn deuce. So there’s that …but aside from scatological jests I can’t think of any apropos applications…

Yippeee Yi Yay

I remember watching The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour with my childhood pal Jenny. No, no, I'm not THAT old...this was a revival of the Smothers Bros show they did very briefly in the 80s (1988 to be exact). Still, it was over 20 years ago that I watched this and I remembered EVERY SINGLE WORD of the below song. Which makes me think that she had it on VHS and we watched and rewatched and rewatched the tape. I don't think it would stick in my mind for 2 decades after just a single viewing. It would make sense, us watching it obsessively as this is just the kind of funny that delights a 10yr old to no end. Well, OK...I'll admit it....I still find it pretty damn funny...




Jenny's parents also had a laserdisc player. It was a technological oddity even back then. She was the only person I knew who had one. So rad.

bizarre dreams

So I slept in until 11:30 am today, and it was one of those light sleeps where I'd periodically wake up, listen to the rain on the roof for a spell, flop over onto my other side and fall back asleep. Which is why I had a series of weird dreams (of which I can only remember scraps now..) because (if I correctly recall the sleep chapter from Psych 101) it's stage 1 REM sleeping when you dream all your dreams. I seem to always have my weirdest dreams in the morning anyways.

In one dream I had a baby and was taking her to the pediatrician and I don't remember much more about that.

Another snippet I remember was my friend Roxanne driving past my house and the police followed her car and yelled at her over a bullhorn that she has TWO flat tires and so she turns around and pulls up my drive and we go to get her new tires. In defense of real-life Roxanny, I do believe she would notice a difference in her car's handling and would hear the loud THWUMP-THWUMP-THWUMPING on the road and would *not*require a cop to shout at her over a bullhorn to notice she had 2 flats.

Another dream I had--and the one I remember most clearly (I think it could be that a spectator part of my brain instructed me "OOooh--this is GOOD. Remember this one!") was that I was having an illicit affair with Kevin McKidd which is weird, because it's not like I've just watched Grey's Anatomy, actually I missed the last Grey's and haven't seen it in quite awhile, well, a bit over 2weeks (oh..that's something to catch on ABC.com when I finish posting) In my dream, he wasn't the actor Kevin McKidd, and he wasn't Dr Owen Hart (oh, real life side tangent...kind of unfair that he doesn't have some sort of Grey's nickname. I suppose a Mc- something nickname might be played out, or it might prove overkill vis a vis his Scottishness, but he's going to feel like a guest star until he gets saddled w/ a proper nickname, don'tcha think?) but he was some doctor or medical professional because he worked with me at the VNA. And my having one of the few access cards to unlock the supply room came in quite handy. Anyways, later in the dream a group of us went to his house for some reason and I realized he had a wife....at which point the dream started to suck. If I could have just cut it off at the supply room...

LOUSY

This morning I woke up stuffy with a slight headache (nothing I couldn't have worked through). I froze for a minute, I was sitting there, a contact lens on my left index finger, seized with indecision. Once you put in the contacts, you know, you are officially awake--no going back. I was having my customary Monday morning, "UUGH! I should just call in sick!!" sensation that I've felt on 10 thousand other mornings. But this morning, I guess, there were just a few extra factors that tipped the scales (to the renegade side) I was listening to the rain, thinking what a damn fine soundtrack that is for sleeping in. I had a bit of a headache (so that the needed lie would have very tenuous roots in reality) . Plus, I had this lady from payroll accost me in the lunchroom last week to let me know that I had soooo much ETO banked (over 300 hrs) that I wasn't accruing it anymore. What an opportunity to make a little dent in that, right?

So I returned my lens to the case and called in to work. I kinda feel like, if I'm ALWAYS there and for the most part reliable (which I am...I think 300+ hrs of untouched ETO speaks to that fact) that it shouldn't be a black mark against me if I were to call in and say "I have some ETO to use and I just spontaneously decided to take a 'ME day', I felt like I would be much happier if this week were only 4 days long, so I shall see you on Tuesday!" No, I didn't say that. (OF COURSE I didn't!!) But I feel like I should be able to. What's wrong with it? Oh, there's something wrong with it if you do it all the time, but I think a few times a year is perfectly reasonable.

But no, this morning I said "I just feel LOUSY and I'm not going to be any good today. I will be in tomorrow" So a nonspecific "lousy" gives me some hours to deliberate over just what my malady was. A "splitting headache" sounds like a kinda wussy complaint, but on the other hand, I always use diarrhea/nausea , so I feel compelled to mix it up. Otherwise, my boss might urge me to go to a GI surgeon. Just jesting... I *really DON'T* do this very often.

Ohh...some other factors I forgot that make this a fine day for hooky. It's the birthday of 7th prez Andrew Jackson...who was a pretty rad presidente. He fought 13 duels to defend his wife's honor . He delivered a beatdown to the wackadoo who tried to assassinate him. He was like an action star for the nineteenth century. Very Die Hard for the powdered wig set.

Also...the ides of March. Maybe my inner Calpurnia thought I would come to harm if I went to work today. After all, that's how it worked right? (So sez the Bard, anyhow) Cal had the dream of Caesar getting offed and she begged him to skip work and send word he was sick. Caesar was too good for such a ruse and LOOK WHAT IT GOT HIM--- multiple stab wounds. Doesn't pay to be hyper-ethical, eh?

good news/ bad news

*I* always go for bad news first so here goes--

Corey Haim is dead at 38 yrs old. As I was opining to mi amiga Kara--it's one of those things that seems so likely to happen that part of me thought that it wouldn't happen, as if it was like, too probable or something. And so I'm actually extra surprised by very unsurprising news. And then my rational self is surprised at myself for being surprised...so it's double or triple surprising. I lost count. Yeah, I don't think Kara understood me either.

Corey Feldman is going to be stalked by "exclusive"-seeking press 24/7. Poor guy...I can't imagine he has the kind of $$funding$$ needed for Brangelina level security.

In my happy news (but not *my* personal news, at all...also it is not as happy as the Haim thing is sad, but I am pleased nonetheless) Last Comic Standing is coming back for a Season 7!! I so love that show. I had thought it was cancelled forever...I'm delighted to find out otherwise!! In and ideal world, we'd see Gary Gulman or Gerry Dee come back for a "Faves from LCS Past" tournament and win it. Jeff Dye & Sean Cullen were pretty terrif too.

CRITICAL COOKIE EPILOGUE

I couldn't just leave the question out there, I had to go nosing around wiki and I have returned triumphant. I learned that Samoas also came to be known as Caramel Delites and Samoas and Caramel Delites are actually coexisting. Well, I don't believe any troops are selling both Samoas and Caramel Delites (though there IS a slight difference--I'll get to that in a moment) but they coexist on a national scale. Wikipedia further elucidates--

"Samoas® and the alternate version, Caramel deLites, are the second most popular variety of Girl Scout cookie sold by the Girl Scouts of the USA. Both brands consist of a circular vanilla cookie about 2 inches in diameter with a small hole in the center, covered in caramel and toasted coconut and then striped with chocolate. This is one of the few cookies in the group that has differences depending on the bakery, which is the reason the cookies are sold under two different names. Samoas® are made by Little Brownie Bakers. They are circular, with an orange color and are thicker from top to bottom, usually they also contain more caramel per coconut, and they are made with dark chocolate. The Caramel deLites, made by ABC Bakers, are actually hexagonal, with a more yellowish tinge, are made with milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate, and more of the cookie comes through in the flavor because of the lower caramel content. Overall they are both very popular, and most people never notice the differences. Both varieties come in purple boxes. The two types of cookie account for 19% of Girl Scout cookie sales, making them the second most popular types. "

Now, my GSC peddlar was selling Samoas not Caramel Delites, but I'd like to figure out how to buy a box of each, just to disprove that author's smug "..and most people never notice the differences" assertion. Betcha I would!! I have a HIGHLY EVOLVED palate!!

I feel a bit bad...like with my copious wiki-text pasting, I have sucked all the mystery out of Girl Scout Cookies. Well, here's another cookie puzzler to ponder...I SWEAR I won't turn around and Google this in 5 minutes, I will leave it a total mystery for your pondering enjoyment.
WHY DON'T THEY SELL COOKIES AT MCDONALDS ANYMORE?? Their mini chocolate chippers were fairly decent, but I especially LOOOOOVED the McDonaldland kind. All the cookies looked grotesquely dissimilar to the characters they were 'sposed to represent, but that was half the fun...

I'm going to get mad controversial here and posit that the greatest Girl Scout cookie of all time is the Samoa. The masses love their Thin Mints , and I can't say as I'm averse to Thin Mints, but the Samoa is a VASTLY superior cookie.

Wasn't there a few years where the Girl Scout cookie powers-that-be renamed the Samoa? I'm pretty sure there was a brief era where my order was all--"OK I'll take two boxes of the caramelly coconutty--the--oh, they're the--umm, they used to be called SAMOAS".

Holy schnikey--you gotta be joking!!

Stunning news item du jour. The last time I was this shocked, AP had just broke the news about bears shitting in the woods!!

spacing out

Since I play my car tune-age so damn loud , it is important to me to have something cool playing when I drive through town...when I remember to pay attention to what's playing, that is. Today I was lost in thought and cruised through town blaring the theme song to Benson



There are a few TV theme songs that are cruising-through-town worthy. "Benson" is NOT one of them. "Magnum P.I." is fairly boss. Oh, and 2 of the coolest instrumental TV theme songs *ever* (the emphatic asterisks denote here that this is not subjective, I am now stating factual, empirical TRUTH)-- "Simon & Simon" and "Sanford & Son" I am going to email Danger Mouse and see if there's a mash-up to be composed there...

Well, anywhooo, speaking of spacing out (I am loathe to admit this. I am SUCH a fecking idjit !!) I pulled in to Texaco to get gas on Friday night and I side swiped the concrete guard that keeps people from hitting the gas tanks. So yeah, good news-- I didn't plow into a gas tank and explode myself. Bad news-- the sloppy jalopy has a monstrous gash in the back passenger's side door. I WISH I could plead drunkenness...but that was not the case. I was just driving, didn't have my head in the game, and wanting to pull up close to the tank (I am usually a bit too far away), I botched the endeavor entirely. Yeah, I pulled up close, alright. I said "FUUUUUCK!" and then I sat there, dazed for a moment, and was going to either cry or let loose with a litany of sundry cusses but then it popped into my mind how, earlier in the day, I was pulling notes from the file of a patient who is getting Hospice care from us, and I spotted that his birth year is 1984. AWFUL, I know. But it does give one perspective. I wound up saying to myself -"OK. Stupid. Yes. But in the grand scheme of things it doesn't fucking matter, eh?"

Nevertheless, it's still a smidge embarrassing when I get asked the inevitable "WHAT THE HELL happened to your car?"