Tuesday, April 07, 2009

misc. oddments

Question: am I the only one finding Seth McFarlane rather dishy in his ads for Hulu.com?? Even with the alien worm emerging from his navel-- hubba hubba.

At the office, when I want to buckle down & work hard at my desk (usually on some damned spreadsheet or another) I plug in my headphones and try to zone out to some tunes. My 'net radio of choice is Accuradio.com. As I was botching some horrible project for Cathy today (I didn't even finish it, and found out late in the day that I wasn't doing it right) I was listening to their "Decades" channel (pretty broad genre there, unless you deselect some decades) and Whitney Houston's "One Moment in Time" came on. If ever there was a song for belting out, that is it. I had a strong compulsion to belt it out loudly and off-key (this happens to be the only manner in which I perform Whitney Houston).

Once I was riding around with my sister and I had the sadistic urge to do a Whitney Houston medley. I succumbed to this urge and thought it might get me shoved out of a moving vehicle. Still, the danger was worth it, as that may have been the musical comedy highlight of my life (thus far). Although I have participated in some pretty silly-ass duets. For instance, Laura and I perform a quite unique, and very, very memorable rendition of "Shake You Down" (originally by Gregory Abbott)

I gotta go hop on to iTunes, see if there's any new Flight of the Conchords podcasts for me to download...

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Dr Dog

Saw these guys perform this song ("The Ark")on Jimmy Fallon's show the other night and I became a bit smitten with it... I've been checking out more of their stuff, trying to ascertain whether or not my smittenness carries over to the band in general...

While I decide on that, check out this video. I'd say "enjoy this video" but it's uhhh..not so enjoyable. Well, let's just say it's a bit too heavy on the severed heads for my liking. But enjoy the song. I do!!


Last night I was running laptops back to our Randolph & Woodstock branches and after my last delivery, I stopped at Maplefield's in Woodstock. I find a lot of enjoyment (possibly an inordinate amount) in a high quality convenience store. You know, something with extensive & diverse stock that is laid out nicely & well executed. And Big Gulps ...there must be Big Gulps available. I LOOOVE ginormous fountain sodas. Quick soda tangent here... have you noticed ('cause I surely have) how if you get a soda at a small "mom & pop" type restaurant, 9 times out of 10 you get a beverage with a disappointing syrup-carbonation ratio? Most frequently, the result is a drink that's a little warmish and a lot flat. That 9-times-outta-10 might be an underestimate, really. It seems I'm always disappointed with my soda in non-franchise restaurants. Now, fast food joints-- blackhearted lard-peddlers though they may be, they always have their carbonation-syrup ratio shit together, I gotta give 'em that. See, that's why the Big Gulp is so rad-- it's the premium quality soda you get from a fast food restaurant without the temptation of getting a friggin' BACONATOR.

But before this soda rant, I was raving about convenience stores, si? There's a pretty decent convenience store in Springfield, VT that I always find an excuse to stop at whenever I hit that berg. It was a Blue Canoe but I believe it was bought out by Circle K, but I still call it the Blue Canoe, just because I'm used to calling it the Blue Canoe, since I have for years now. I actually rather like the notion of going to a Circle K, on account of Circle K's affiliation with Bill & Ted (and their Excellent Adventure... however, I don't recall any Circle K involved when they made their Bogus Journey ..) but nevertheless, I continue to say "the Blue Canoe".
Now, Maplefields is even better than the Circle K Canoe. It's got a pizzeria/sub shop in there, a big wine selection, and beaucoup baked goods. Plus they did the interior with these nice hardwood floors and exposed brick walls. I kind of wanted to move in.

I really like to provide some sort of link when I rave about something (as a sort of: "click here for corroborating evidence!") And I thought I might find a Maplefield's website because it is a regional franchise (albeit a little one). But no dice. An interesting thing I discovered though, whilest scrounging about for an online HQ for Maplefields, there is such a thing as MAPLE SYRUP URINE DISEASE. I know, I know...another thing to worry about!! Look, if your urine reeks of piss (and not Mrs Butterworth) then you're probably fine.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

also...

..I **had** to stay up until 2am watching TV last night. Y'see, after I got me HSR fix, I got totally drawn in to this PBS documentary on Jim Jones & Jonestown. Maybe I'm a-gonna freak you out by saying so, but that is some mucho FASCINATING shit and I kept thinking throughout this thing: why haven't they done a big studio movie about this whole deal? Well, I feel a bit blasphemous (considering how many lives were lost in the Jonestown massacre) to call it a fascinating topic. Sorry. I do, of course, recognize that-- while fascinating --it's simultaneously dark and grim and horrific.

That's why, after watching that whole doc, I said to meself "Holy shit. I am going to have nightmares!!" And so I prescribed a couple hours of lighthearted TV diversions: Dinner Impossible on Food Network and Reno 911 on Comedy Central. Actually, I watched Reno 911 and then watched Tim & Eric's Awesome Show on Cartoon Network, but Tim & Eric's show is kind of funny but also kinda nightmarish in its own way, thereby undoing some of my good works, so that's why I had to tack on an hour of Dinner Impossible.

Also my eye is much, much better thanks for asking. It looks so nice and sunny out, it makes me lament the fact that I can't slip on my shades. Honestly, the capability of buying and wearing a wide variety of cheap sunglasses (*cue the ZZ Top) was the #1 reason I decided to get contact lenses. But now I am banned from wearing contacts for a whole week. I could wear shades, if I had the giant Tron, Roy Orbison-ish monstershades that slide over your eyeglasses...or if I had clip-on Dwayne Waynes. But I'm waaaay too fashion forward for one, and only Dwayne Wayne hisself can get away with the other . I'd rather squint than wear either.

High School Reunion rant

I was going to post about this week's HSR episode, but then I was yakking back & forth w/ my friend Kara about it on email and got the sense that I had expended all my valuable insights (I was spent!) so I wasn't gonna bother. But then I got an anonymous blog comment asking about my thoughts on this past episode and I am always so tremendously THRILLED to find that someone out there reads this cyber-rag, that I couldn't withhold my HSR impressions after that.

But still...I am going to cheat (and yet confess to cheating right at the outset...because I do have qualms about it) and copy & paste my nutmeats of HSR insight from today's email discourse here. Be forewarned... it is the sort of stream-of-consciousness, unformatted format that I use for my personal emails...so yeah.... it's even more incoherent than my usual writing.


WHO elected Tom the Mayor of Reunionville? I guess he was a better emissary to go speak to Jessica than Octavia was, because O couldn’t manage to actually *say* anything in her Jessica conferences (just kept making her patented tight-lipped face of empathy ). And then when she (Jessica) came out to address the group, Tom was all “Well, speaking for everyone here..” and I was thinking (as I queried before) WHO elected Tom mayor of Reunionville? But still, I can’t criticize, because :a) I like Tom…he’s a sweetie and b) everyone did seem to agree with him ..so maybe they did elect him mayor in some off camera pow-wow (or probably just spokesman)

As for the mass forgiveness for Jessica… well I was kind of annoyed by that, and was missing classclownScott’s outrage and that villagers-with-fiery-torches mentality we saw a few eps back. And it was not so much that I thought Jessica’s tirade was soooo unforgiveable (it was amusing more than anything else) , but I think I was outraged more on Dennis’s behalf. I mean, what he did—whilest schnockered—was not ½ so bad as Jessica’s fit (in my esteemed opinion). Besides Dennis being drunk, we’ve since learned that he’s pretty stupid (but, in his defense, VERY sweet. I was super impressed with his hall pass usage this week…if the producers didn’t put him up to it, that is ) For example, I had to chuckle at his input during the whole Jessica caucus: “Hey, whatever you decide, that’s your decision” GENIUS contribution, that. Anyways, Reader’s Digest version: I guess it’s ok that they forgave wackadoo & accepted her back into the fold…but for sweetdumbDennis’s behalf, I wish they hadn’t done it so quickly/eagerly.

I also thought it was lame that when Scott W. ( understandably) cut to the chase and asked the very clear question “WHAT IS THE DEAL?” In response, Maricela babbled a whole bunch of vague and obscure gobbledygook and Scott instantly acted like that totally clarified everything. I was like :WHA? I was totally dissatisfied with that nonanswer answer. I wonder if she really told him some actual factual stuff but it was off-camera or edited out. That’s the only way Scott’s reaction makes any sense. I do like Scott W. but that whole match up with Maricela smacks of fraudulent showmance and I think HSR producers think the viewers are like “Awww. Romantic. Sweet. Awwww.” but it just makes me sorta gaggish. But I could be atypical.


Still, I don’t understand why all her (Maricela) protests were so very vague. I imagine I would just say, in no uncertain terms: “I am **NOT** ---nor have I ever been --a hooker!” if wrongly accused of hooking (actually doesn’t happen to me too often). Still, it’s very possible, that she had some clear rebuttal that the editors cut, in order to cultivate suspense/ mystery/ ratings. I am rather wary of those wily reality show producer types, don’tcha know.

Oh, and some
reality blurred article from last week had a clip of an extended Jessica wig-out scene and they wrote that in the clip (I didn’t watch it) Jessica said something about proof of M’s prostitution being on some website. Wonder what that’s all about?? My best guess: M did a stint at a technically legal “escort service” (which could very well have a webpage) and during her tenure at said service one (or a few) of her gigs turned dicey (the line between business date & personal date blurred somehow) and she accidentally got paid for “her favors”. So maybe Maricela was able to forgive J's allegations so easily because they were –maybe not exactly accurate—but not waaay off base after all.

In spite of him being smarmy…and dumber than a bag of hammers, I really DO like Dennis. Actually, I would like to see Dennis get some love.. hook up with somebody on the show…not Kara. I would like to see him fall in to some unlikely arbitrary romantic entanglement. Sholonda would be too pat, in a neat, full-circle kinda way …plus I think she’s married . Is Liz married, I wonder?


I suspect I’m in the minority here, but I hope Tom & Kara just decide to be better friends and don’t try to give it another go. I’m thinking there’s probably a good reason they got divorced in the first place and the whole reconciliation plot seems like a good idea mostly because they are more or less quarantined in romantic Hawaii. That’s pretty jaded of me, huh? But of course they go to the prom together…no shocker there.

I have a feeling that Drew does get another shot with Lynette.. something I saw in the season previews gave me that notion. Eww. Even if it’s just for closure purposes…ewww. He doesn’t deserve it. Creep. She’s exercised due diligence …and then some. She’s 100% off the hook. He should take Jessica to prom. She loves to natter on about sex. He likes to cannonball into pools all nakey. It might be a Loooove Connection.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

BLAARRRRGH

I was going to post some schpiel about March 31st being an awesome celeb birthday day but I was busy busy last evening and then when I got some free time…I got sick. So unfortunately, I have to post this list belatedly—
--BORN ON MARCH 31—
Christopher Walken [3/31/43]
Angus Young- AC/DC guitarist [3/31/55]
Ewen McGregor [3/31/71]
PAUL FROM THE WONDER YEARS! aka Josh Saviano [3/31/76]

Baaah.. Christopher Walken woulda made for a better big finish, but I opted to keep it chronological.

So last night, while I cooked dinner for my parents I did a load of laundry. Bueno multi-tasking, si?? I made a pork loin, potatoes au gratin, and steamed baby carrots. I was kind of amused at how I was listening to my iPod playlist of folk music as I cooked, and at the moment “Dixie” was playing, I was doing my damnedest to hack all the fat off this raw hunk o’ pork loin (Yeeeah…I’m not such a huge fan of “marbling”. I prefer to ingest my daily fat via ice cream, or in some other format where that fat is not so visibly lardish) Probably any authentic Southern cook woulda been appalled—if there’s fat on your meat—hallelujah! Slather some butter & Crisco on that fat!! So that struck me as amusingly ironic. That’s irony, right??
So after dinner I cleaned out my car. It was a long time coming. It wasn’t even “the works” as I ignored the trunk entirely (jammed to capacity, that trunk) and didn’t bother with vacuuming. Still it took me a looongass time to do it. Looks much better.
I wrapped the car cleaning around 10pm and set for a spell to watch the DVR recording of The Mentalist and was mighty peeved to discover that only 54 minutes was recorded due to lack of space. It cut off right at a pivotal moment. I wonder if I can get that ep on Hulu or Fancast or maybe the CBS website???
Then I ironed my dress for today and ironed a shirt for my Dad.

Oy, I think it was the ironing that done me in. It’s uncharacteristic enough for me to be cleaning my car…but then add to that ironing which I never, NEVER do. It was just too much of a shock to the system…. and said system retaliated by giving me colossal tummy troubles. My Dad asked me if I ate anything I found in my car (hardy haaar), but NO, I did not, so it had to be the ironing. Damn you, corporate dress code!!
There is nothing so reassuring, is there, as a steady grip on a plastic bucket when you’ve got torrential output at both ends. Bless my plastic bucket…I sprayed its innards with hot yarf 4 times last night. Oh lawdy, lawdy! It wasn’t the nausea that freaked me out so much…I was also getting cold sweats and lightheadedness. My Dad was very sweet and, at 4am this morning, he got up to smash the hell out of a dozen ice cubes (old skool style—plastic baggie & rolling pin) so’s I could have ice chips.

Anyways, by 7 this a.m. I felt fine. I hate to think it was something I ate (as that would imply a misstep in my stellar culinary preparations) so I’m going with “mysterioso stomach bug” as the explanation (even if one of the nurses here said it sounded like a reaction to something I ate)

Monday, March 30, 2009

update

I opted to come in to work today . The commute in (driving like a Cyclops much of the way) was rather dicey, and I was about 5 miles away from home and thought “This was NOT a good idea” And so it wasn’t. The fluorescent lighting in here is so unkind to my healing eyeball.

The PA from the ER was making it sound like I’d feel so drastically better by today that I’d feel like I don’t even need to keep applying the Erythromyecin good he gave me. Not so. I feel waaay better than I did on Saturday, and a skoach better than I did yesterday. But no way do I feel 100% yet. My left eye won’t even stay open all the way. In fact, it looks so freakish that I’m regretting that they didn’t issue me an eyepatch. That’s right—I’d feel LESS freakish wearing an eye patch. Currently I feel like I have eyes like Sloth from the Goonies.

Also, I wish I had Erythromyecin eye drops instead of Erythromyecin goop to put in my eye. Has that been invented? Someone should get on that if it’s not invented yet.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

the damned NCLUAB has got me!

You know how a coupla posts back I was saying how I was annoying the fictitious National Contact Lens Usage Advisory Board? But that they couldn't attack me too fiercely on account o' my having made them up? Well they took that remark as a challenge and the bastards got me good.

So the upshot here is that I spent about an hour and a half in the ER tonight with a corneal abrasion to my left eyeball. There must have been debris of some sort or maybe a tear in the contact I put into my left eye. As soon as I shut my eye (after lens insertion) there was a STABBY PAIN. And then I couldn't reopen it again without mucho pain. It was all I could do to prop it open again long enough to get the contact out. But even after then lens was out I couldn't keep my eye open for longer than a second. I was insistent for a while that if I just chill with a wet washcloth on my eye that it would work itself out. After approx 6 hours or so of NOT improving, I let my Dad drive me to the ER.

My Dad was endearingly defensive on my behalf (not so endearing to the desk nurse, though) I had to stand at the window and answer questions and sign forms for like a half an hour before I got to see anyone. And my Dad gave the girl a gruff "Do you ever have anybody DIE before they get seen??" I was hardly in that bad a shape but I did appreciate the support.

Those numbing eyedrops they give you (so's they can look in your ouchy eye and see if there's a corneal scratch and/or debris in/on there)are friggin' AMAZING. They work really fast too. I wanted a bottle to go!! (but they won't let you have 'em) They gave me a tiny tube of antibiotic gel (apply once tonight, 5 x tomorrow & 5x on Monday) and said to take ibuprofin or aspirin for any pain. I took 2 extra strength Tylenol but they're really not doing a whole hell of a lot. Ah well, they're working to some degree, I suppose. After all, I am now able to periodically keep my left eye open for a record THREE SECONDS.

watched a spot of Comedy Central this a.m....

...and saw Bo Burnham for the first time ever. Usually I get bored with all-musical stand up, but this was exceptional. I mean, there's a lot of singing stand-up acts out there but he really distinguishes himself. First of all, I'm impressed when anybody can rap. Just the ability to rap dazzles me. It's just effin' hard to do!! Have you tried ?? I rap at my reflection in the mirror all the time...or I try to anyways...it's tres sucky. Well, NO, I really don't do that, not all the time anyways. I mighta given it a shot once or thrice. But my LAME attempts to rap along with my favorites is indication enough of how deeply deficient I am as a rapper. Aside from the verbal challenge of rapping, writing rap lyrics is beau coup impressive. If I could write a rap song, it would be cut rate, sub-bargain basement Sugarhill Gang type stuff and chance are the start of it would be along the lines of "My name is {insert 2 syllable nickname here} and I'm here to say, I {somethin' somethin' somethin'} in a major way!" I don't think I ripped that off of the Sugarhill Gang actually, I think that was a cereal commercial of the late 80s " My name is Barney and I'm here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way"
Woooah Nelly have I careened off topic!! Anyways, Bo Burnham= rad because he injects rap segments into more traditional (pop /folky) musical comedy. And his lyrics just dazzle with the sheer volume of jokes he crams into his lyrics-- lots of clever puns . I do appreciate a good pun.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Most thrilling Thursday night EVER

So yesterday evening I thought I’d take a smidge of a nap before tuning in to Ugly Betty & Grey’s . This was at 6:30 and I *thought* I set my alarm for 7:30. However, when I woke up later to pee, I had the distinct feeling that more than an hour had passed. I thought: Hopefully I’m just in time to catch the start of Grey’s. Then I checked the time—12:09am!! So I got up, hit the potty, and went back to bed. So, essentially I went to bed at 6:30 last night (unintentionally). I am such an old granny.

Props to ABC though, for posting full episodes of both shows on their website. I never bothered to DVR ‘em.

In Friday’s news, my right eye contact popped out when I was rubbing my eye (think I had had it in inside out) and I miraculously spotted it on the office carpet, took it in the bathroom, rinsed it under the tap a bit and popped it back in. I am sure the National Contact Lens Usage Advisory Board would have some not nice things to say about my actions, but I only have 1 pair left at home and am trying to delay reordering. Like, these are supposed to be 2 week contacts and I know I’ve worn ‘em all month. The aforementioned NCLUAB is annoyed with me on like, SOOO many levels. However, I do believe I made them up, so their wrath should be fairly bearable.

We got our pay stubs today (or paychecks, for people silly enough to forego Direct Deposit) and enclosed with them was a print out of the new & improved dress code policy. Oy freakin’ vey. One line that just slays me (and I quote): “Hair should be clean, neat, and free of odors.” I’d like to know who it is in management that is designated to roam the office sniffing our hair to make sure we’re compliant. And Larry told me (and I promised to keep it on the down low..but I’m not *telling* anyone else…posting about it hardly counts) that they really devoted a lot of time to dress code policy in management meetings. And this new policy is actually a lot more watered down and lenient than other options they discussed. For instance- there was talk of prohibiting offensive bumper stickers on peoples’ cars. I mean, that wound up on the cutting room floor but it does aptly illustrate how very thoroughly THE MAN wants to squelch my individuality. Grrrr.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hawaiian Hookah!!

Was watching tonight's High School Reunion eppy, and my sister walked in & caught the tail end of it. She's not been following the show at all, but happened to tune in at a pivotal shit-hitting-the-fan moment and consequently was riveted. She asks me: "Is she REALLY A HOOKER??" How the hell should I know? Umm, check for her in the Yellow Pages? No, actually what I replied was "Maybe? Not sure..."

I mean, if Maricela is NOT a hooker, than the big reveal here is just that Jessica is batguano loco. And that can't be the big huge mindblowing shocker that HSR promos have been hyping all season, well, because that fact is such a huge, obvious, NONshocker. On the other hand, I wonder -- if Jessica's not talked to Maricela in the 20yrs since high school how would she know that M is hookin'?? Do their pimps play racquetball together or something? Or maybe she was a hooker in high school? It seems so very far fetched. Although, if she's not some sort of shady lady, why did the previews for next eppy show so many shots of Scott W making his mega inner torment face?? Add to that M's secretive & teary pow wows with Jenny... looks rather suspect. But my gut is telling me that they're going to pull some sort of bait& switch with this thing. She's going to have some kind of secret shame, but not quite as wicked (or illegal)as being a hooker.

I just don't know..

I've sort of avoided the HSR website & blog as I've been into this show this season and I haven't wanted to delve much into the behind-the-scenes stuff ('twould squelch the show's magic...it's something akin to seeing the Muppets with all those puppeteers affixed to their asses) but after this episode, I might have to take a peek. Probably it won't enlighten me much. From what I've seen before (perusing the HSR Season 1 blog) those blogs are carefully designed to not have any spoilers whatsoever.

chic to freak

So I was riding high after yesterday's sartorial triumph but shortly after arriving to work this morning I was brought down to Earth with a resounding THUMMMP! My boss called me into her office and told me that I was not compliant with the company's dress code policy but she would give me time to go home and change or iron my pants. Yes, not only was my jacket (a denim jacket...but it wasn't some kind of torn & acid-washed monstrosity. It was a cute li'l jacket from Target and it pulled the outfit together nicely) a no-no, my pants were too wrinkly. They were a bit rumply toward the bottom, but nothing drastic, I swear!
So yeah, I was miffed. Not at my boss, because I have worn that same outfit (to be specific: mauve long sleeve tee, tan & mauve houndstooth check scarf, denim jacket, brown pants that were like cargo pants w/o the cargo pockets & brown boots) a dozen times and it's been totally fine. She seemed like she really didn't want to be saying it. It's no coincidence methinks, that the agency CEO had walked through our part of the office about 5 minutes prior to this chat. This same CEO is very preoccupied with all these cosmetic changes to the agency that she's instituted, but I think it would behoove her to worry about the agency's myriad inefficiencies and insane turn over rate. I won't even be petty and say that she should worry about how nobody likes her. Ooops, guess I just did. But really, this dame is like your quintessential dragon lady and I am not exaggerating when I say she is universally loathed. Well, probably her family likes her. But she doesn't have many fans at work.

OK, I am getting a little overly irate perhaps. Thing is, I see the point of a dress code. I am not a total lawless, free-to-be-you-and-me hippy. In this biz, I can see how dress code can be a necessary thing. We can't send out LNAs with multiple facial piercings and monster tatts because that freaks out our old people patients. Our office dress code says: no jeans, no sweats, no flip flops. Sooo fine. There's no real practical reason that you should be able to mandate that, but fine, I'll deal. I don't wear jeans or sweats or flip flops. Today, I had found a grey area-- I was more casual than the honchos wanted me to be, (no doubt they'd like me to be suited up in some fucking Talbot's issued business lady costume--blarrgh) but technically I was compliant. And it's not like it was some wacky & inappropriate grey area--leotard & moonboots or something like that. Oh, as it happens, there's a lady in finance who will, every now & then, wear pajama pants to work. She thinks, because they're plaid (as opposed to having cartoon sheeps on 'em) nobody knows they're pajama pants. Man, if she continues to do that and doesn't catch hell for it...
Anyways, they should have just let me be. It was nitpicky. When management puts soo much energy into punishing such *minor* infractions of the dress code...well,it shows them to be foolishly hung up on superficialities. The worst part about it was that news of it spread like wildfire around the office. I didn't mind people coming up to me and joking about it. I mean, 'cuz that's my view of the whole episode--'tis pretty effing ridiculous. But I really coulda done without the coworkers that put a consoling hand on my shoulder and asked--in their most concerned and discreet tones: "Are you okay??" I wonder if they heard that I was caned for dress code violation or somethin'.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Someone told me today that I look very chic. Which is a pretty RAD compliment in & of itself, but the best part about it was that I had been walking around thinking to myself "Hey--I look pretty chic today" Get that? The exact same choice of adjective there. WOW, right? I was either spot-on in my self-assessment, or this dame is a pandering telepath.

Hmmmm.. am posting constipated. I think I need to maintain a post it Post-it, à la mon ami Kara. I could yammer on about last night's Heroes ep, but I suspect tomorrow night's High School Reunion will leave me with a lot to say, and so I'll delay a TV-centric posting 'til then.

Here's a kinda cool shopping site I found when researching Giant Gummy Bears on Sticks (don't ask). I was a bit fixated on it during my late afternoon doldrums today. While I mainly browsed their product offerings before, when I just now revisited the site (to get that link) I noticed they had a sort of trivia section. In said trivia section, they had booger trivia. Ohhh, a site after my own heart. Oh, cringe if you will, but the science of boogs IS interesting. Grody...but interesting. I remember, long ago, watching a booger themed episode of Beakman's World.

Anyways, enough about TV--back to purchases. I shall now complete my post by itemizing how I spent the $15 iTunes gift card my sis bought me a couple weeks ago. Yes--purchase itemization--the refuge of the uninspired blogger (or well, this uninspired blogger anyways)

I bought 2 episodes of Comedy Central Presents (stand-up specials) -- Doug Benson & Dan Cummins. Y'know I really do like Doug Benson, but I've seen him be much funnier than he was on his Comedy Central special (like when he was on Last Comic Standing, for instance) Incidentally, I'd been browsing the Comedy Central offerings looking for some Gary Gulman but no dice. Still, it's cool that they've put all that stand up on there. If you are now inspired to rush to iTunes to git you some Comedy Central Presents goodness, I would recommend you get the episodes (I think there are 2) featuring Nick Swardson. Thems are hellah funny and the only reason I didn't wanna purchase those was because I've seen them so many times I could probably lip synch to his act.
I also bought Episode #4 of MTV's The State. It's sort of random & out of order to start in at #4 I know, but that episode had in it Barry & Levon & $240 worth of pudding and for me that is the most resounding (albeit ridiculous) thing from that show. The best part is Thomas Lennon *whispering sweet nothings* to the pudding mound: "Ohhhh puddin' you lookin' so RIGHT" HAA.
For music I bought--
SOME FOLK STUFF--
Black Jack Davey [by Mike Seeger]
Shady Grove [Doc Watson]
SOME NEWER STUFF--
Heartless [Kanye West]
I'm Yours [Jason Mraz]
SOME KID STUFF--
I've Got no Strings [from Disney's Pinocchio-- yes, I love this song]
It's a Small World [many consider this the world's most annoying song, but I just adore it. Plus--bonus-- this version features Maurice Chevalier singing and the hyper-Frenchy Frenchiness of Maurice Chevalier --especially when set to music--never fails to amuse me]
80s NEW WAVE GOODNESS--
Just Can't Get Enough [Depeche Mode]
SWINGIN' STANDARDS--
Nice Work if You Can Get it [Frank Sinatra]
MORE FRENCHINESS--
Je t'aime moi non plus [Serge Gainsbourg; Maurice Chevalier had me in a French sorta mood. But I do want to expand my iPod's repertoire of "international music" . And also Folk. I want more old timey Folk/ Blues/ Bluegrass type stuff ]

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Been over a week since I last posted. Arghhhh! Bad me.

I've started playing Scrabble on Pogo.com. There was an advert on the telly for it--really the most quick & basic commercial imaginable-- it was like the pogo logo (ha! RHYMING!) and a voiceover saying, "Play Scrabble at Pogo.com! www.pogo.com/scrabble!" And that was all I needed. I was all, "Heeey, good idea, that!" and 5min later I was at it. Quite the effective commercial, I'd say. So either there was some subliminal messaging going on in that or I'm just severely predisposed to wanna play Scrabble. I think the latter, because I bought it for my iPod and play it all the damn time. I thought having actual live competitors would kick it up a notch (BAM!) for me. Come to find out, I'm rather shitty at online Scrabble. You know what my biggest problemo is? Online Scrabble accepts all sorts of words that are total BULLSHIT (starting with the excessive "2 letter word" list they provide players with) and I have an ethical problem with playing them, even if the game sez they're kosher. For instance, they have this scrolling message that congratulates the big winners of various Pogo games and it also gives shady Scrabble tips--one of them being "Did you know that ZA is a another term for PIZZA?" No , No, it is NOT. I don't care if the Z lands on a g-d triple letter score square, I will NOT play the word "ZA", you imbeciles!! The scrolling Scrabble tips also proclaim what a great word "BRRR" is to play. What the mangy mongoose fuck is WRONG with you eeediots? And the proverbial icing on this idiot cake (a 3 layer idiot cake, by the way) is that it rejected the word AZTEC when I tried to play that. I know that in traditional, sane& righteous type Scrabble, "Aztec" would be shot down on account of being a proper noun or somethin' like that, but this Scrabble thinks 'Za" is a bona fide synonym to the word 'pizza" so I think, I'm playing loosey-goosey anything effin' goes Scrabble, so why not give "Aztec " a go? But no! Shit no!

I still want to play. I must have a mighty powerful Scrabble addiction.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Another thing that struck me about He's Just Not That Into You... the movie seemed extra product placementy--what with the CVS shopping & Crest White Strips, & American Spirit smokes. It didn't particularly bother me, I just noticed it. And if **I** noticed it, it had to be pretty blatant.
I must confess: I am totally ghetto in the movie theater—I run my mouth throughout the whole feature. I had fooled myself into believing that I saved my commentary until I had a real witticism to impart (doing sort of a restrained MST3K sort of thing), but that is not the case. Yes, a good deal of my commentary is of the comic variety, but I also find I do a lot in the “Oh no he di’ in’t!” vein. In my defense though, I keep it pretty much sotto voce.

I came to this realization (that my theater chatter had gotten out of control) last night when I went to see He’s Just Not That Into You. For the majority of the flick, I was not able to see Bradley Cooper come onscreen without hissing, “You BASTARD!!” and, during one scene in Home Depot, verbalizing my wish to see him run over by a fork lift. In Scarlett Johansen’s first scene in the movie, she got totally geeky over winning a cooler, and I found it kind of endearing, and I thought: Wow, a movie where I might actually like ScarJo—how novel! Well, soon after, I did a drastic 180, and in fact, for much of the movie, I couldn’t see ScarJo come onscreen without sputtering “WHOOORE!” Not to give anything away. Heaven forfend that I let fly a dreaded spoiler. People are freakin’ RABID about spoilers, are they not? I’m recollecting an instance where I posted a question about a movie on its IMDB message board, and instead of the clarification I needed, I got RIPPED A NEW ONE because I had posed the question and neglected to put SPOILER in the subject line, bracketed by the obligatory 15 asterisks. C’mon now. Browsing a movie’s IMDB message board is like traipsing through a spoiler mine field and if you’re SO intensely spoilerphobic, perhaps you should refrain from doing so until after seeing the movie, eh? Jackass. But I digress….

My reactions weren’t ALL negative. Overall I dug the movie, even though I was planning not to (because I wanted to see Watchmen more, but Rox was too chickensh*t to see that) Oh, and if you didn’t “Awwww” in response to Justin Long saying [*SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT*] “You’re my exception.” well, then you’re made of stone. I gotta say, this movie made me kinda wanna marry Justin Long. And Ginnifer Goodwin was actually likable/ adorable enough to be worthy of him. So that storyline was gratifying. I thought Kevin Connelly was cute too…particularly that little vignette during the end credits, that was another “Awwww” from me.

I wasn’t the only one talking by the way. I’m pretty sure some chick on the other side of the theater was also calling Bradley Cooper bad names. Oh, y’know, one of the trailers before the feature was for All About Steve, in which Bradley Cooper plays (you guessed it) Steve. And I think Steve is actually not supposed to be a a-hole…or maybe Steve is an a-hole who reforms during the course of the story. Either way, I don’t know if I’ll be able to buy Bradley Cooper in such a role. Total, irredeemable a-hole is the guy’s specialty, am I right? I’m searching my brain for anything I’ve seen the guy in where his character was a decent human being, and I’m coming up with nada. Oh, and Roxanne was talking too. Not a lot…but she kept saying “I’m confused. There’s so many characters!!”
Sheesh--makes me glad I didn’t talk her into seeing Watchmen!!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Funnies

I don't know about y'all, but I just had a SHIT day at work today. So I thought it would be good to share some yuks wid yous.

This one is quite whispery, so turn your volume WAAAY UP. Unless you're at work that is. DO NOT play this loud at work. NSFW audio. But mucho hilario.



Often while I'm totally cracking up at crass & stupid shit like that I am simultaneously marvelling at how amazingly infantile I can be. I wonder --is it normal for a grown person--and a woman for that matter-- to find the word "boobies" so funny? Like, it never fails to amuse me. I can't fathom it. It's possible I need a check up from the neck up.

I think there's just this sect of words that just magically & innately exude the funny . Here's a few off the top of my head:
  • Boobies
  • Poop
  • Cucca(sp?) (my mother told me once this was my first word...I suspected she was foolin' me but never determined for certain)
  • Slacks
  • Fanny (both "slacks" and "fanny" sound with a funny Midwestern accent when I hear them in my head)
  • Dungarees (my parents use this word... totally in earnest though! HAA.)

By all means let me know if I left out any of *your* faves!! But, I must leave it at that before I regress any further. 'Tis high time I log off and catch some ZZzzs. ...

Vince Vaughn off the market! Say it ain't so!!

Read it and weep, girls.

The nerve of this dame, marrying MY Vince Vaughn. If I were in the LA area, or if I had the wherewithal to put myself in the LA area, I would hunt this chick down and administer a harrowing interrogation vis a vis her Intentions with darling Vince. Y'know, the classic intentions talk. You grew concerned upon reading the word "hunt", am I right? Well, simmer the hell down. I'm not as unhinged as all that!

After all, it coulda been worse. I would've been TREMENDOUSLY disappointed in VV had he proposed to that horrid Jennifer Anniston... So, yeah, in light of that chilling alternate reality: CONGRATS, BABY!!

Misc. TV blather

HSR RANTINGS--
Is it whack of me to find the anti-Dennis coalition more tiresome than Dennis himself? Oh WAAAH, people! It was like they could NOT get enough of conferring about his behavior, concluding and reconcluding and reiterating ad nauseum that it was Unacceptable and Unforgivable to act in that manner. Except for Liz, who took the occasional break from this practice to reflect on how Jenny’s defense of Dennis is such a great illustration of what an evil bitch Jenny is. I agree that Jenny *does* seem deeply bitchy, but Liz is an irritating whiner and that may be even worse. But you know who is the most irritating of the whole lot?? ClassclownScott!! In the opening credits they intro him as “the class clown” and instantly I’m inclined to like him…. but then…quel suprise!...we find the guy’s a tremendous prig. Shouldn’t a card-carrying class clown have more hakuna matata spirit than this guy?? Manny was not exaggerating all that much when he said "They're acting like he (Dennis) murdered somebody" The apex of their ridiculousness was when they were gathered for the big oust-or-forgive symposium and Jenny said something about forgiveness being best and ClassclownScott WENT *OFF*. He's all sputtering "That's horseshit, that's just HORSESHIT!" and he sprang up from the sectional because he had to take a turn about the room in order to cool off. If you want the guy out of the house, whatever, fine. But if you open the issue up to debate, try not to rupture a forehead vein when someone expresses a contrary opinion, matey!!

I TOTALLY called Scott W's hall pass shocker. The one they hinted would "stun the class?" Yep. I totally called it. I didn't call it here in this forum so you'll just hafta take my word for it...or ask Kara. She'll tell ya. Anyways, I thought Scott was rather a sweetie to take Dennis out on a li'l bromantic spear fishing "date". Scott W is probably my #1 fave on the show of the alums arrived so far (with Tom a close 2nd & Kara &Maricela tying for 3rd) which is why I'll be beyond peeved if he succumbs to the vapid charms of Jessica. Ugh. Scott W. is such my fave that I've bothered to remember his differentiating last initial. I keep forgetting ClassclownScott's last initial, hence his becoming "ClassclownScott". And the other Scott, even though the show calls him "The Loner" I am opting to christen him "NondescriptScott" My feeling is, that if you're a Scott, in a class of about 9,000 Scotts, you should perhaps try to bring a li'l somethin' to the table personality-wise , y'know? So yeeeah, I'm pretty underwhelmed by the guy.And even though Kara said what a great, nice, fun date she had with him (they all gush about how terrif their snoozy-seeming dates are, don't they? With the exception of Dennis & Scott W, that is) she was probably underwhelmed too. To be fair, I'm sure it was tough for the poor schlub to convey any strong sense of his character when his date keeps nattering on about her ex-hubby (tsk, tsk! that's an OBVIOUS no-no, Kara!)

Lastly, how 'bout that classic cliffhangery ending? Don't tell me they didn't plan that!

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WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES...

Monday night I caught the premier of the Barry Gibb Talk Show--er , uh, I mean Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I always adored Jimmy back in his SNL days. Then he left, did a movie or two that I skipped, and I kinda forgot about him. I was stoked to hear he was returning to TV. But even as overly merciful as I am, I thought it was BAD. It's understandable to be nervous for your first show, I get that, but the fact remains that it was a bit painful to watch. It was first show nerves + him being starstruck by DeNiro equalling the MEGANERVOUSNESS that pervaded the show. Now, there weren't continual rivulets of perspiration streaming from Jimmy's hairline but if there had been they would have fit right in with his demeanor . I mean, the nervousness was so huge and obvious that it made you squirm with empathetic nervousness. So, in summation : bad. But I was relieved in a way, because it resolved my inner turmoil over whether I would keep tuning in to Craig Ferguson (whom I love) or if I would become a Fallon viewer.

The one thing I did LOVE about Fallon's debut show (and I type that LOVE in all caps because I loved it so) was Justin Timberlake's appearance on it and his impressions right near the end of the show. Particularly him doing Michael McDonald singing a Bud Light with lime jingle. There just should be MORE Michael McDonald impressions in the general realm of impressionism I say.

Anyways, I happened to flip onto Fallon's show last night and ZOINKS!! Something really clicked for him at some point between Show #1 and Show #3 (could possibly have clicked during Show #2--I dunno, I missed that one) His Wednesday show was really, really good. So now I do have the Ferguson vs. Fallon dilemma, but of course the sensible answer is fucking go to bed before Letterman because I never get enough sleep!!
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AND ABOUT TV I'M *NOT* WATCHING--

I just have to kvetch that it *kills* me that the long awaited second season of Flight of the Conchords is running right now on HBO and I (with the super economy pirate deal I get on cable) am incapable of watching it. And o' course, those HBO bastards are stingy with their programming--no freebies on Hulu and no full episodes offered on their website either. BAH. Now, the songs from every new episode are being released on iTunes right after the episode airs, but as for actual episodes for download, they only have Season 1 available...which I already have on DVD. So I reiterate: BAAHH.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Was home sick yesterday. Unlike my last “sick day” I really was illin’ yesterday. Congestion, sore throat, sneezies, etc…your garden variety cold tribulations. I worried that I looked suspect because my sniffles coincided with that snow squall, but we didn’t even get a whole lot of accumulation here. And I’ve definitely driven in a lot worse conditions. Plus, I really *was* sick!! It’s sorta redonkulous when your sense of job insecurity makes you paranoid about taking sick days when you’re sick and stress about your credibility when you’re telling the truth. I’m feeling crummy all day yesterday, and still I’m obsessing : “Is this reeeeally sick enough to justify a sick day?”

So, after last night’s Heroes I finally know what you can accomplish with cut-rate Aquaman powers. Apparently they’re indispensible for hiding in backyard swimming pools. Also probably if you were being chased in a more rural area you would be able to jump in a pond or lake and you wouldn’t need to break a reed off to use as a makeshift snorkel –a definite boon, as that reed-cum-snorkel scenario never turns out well because invariably BEES swarm down your snorkel. I’ve seen that happen A LOT. Actually, that usually happens when it’s bees that are chasing you in the first place...and you're a cartoon character. So..I guess there’s still not a HUGE range of applications for that power. But let’s not forget the underwater makeout session. That’s a neat trick.. .almost makes me wish Alex were staying on the show longer. He’s fairly easy on the eyes too, I’ve noticed. (But what’s with the glasses? Reading glasses? Strictly a fashion accessory?? They seemed to be rather optional. )

Poor, poor, Parkman. How’s he gonna get outta this jam?? Somethin’ like this has got to make him wish he was still stranded in Africa with that dude that fed him loco fruits and called him Pac Man.

The previews for next Monday’s episode hint that Nathan might somewhat redeem himself vis a vis defusing the bomb-strapped Pac Man. Not that I care much if Easter Island nog redeems himself. I don’t particularly like him. But surely that would make SweetPete happier… so of course I’m for it.

So the big questions that have me tuning in next week—WHO could “Rebel” be? When that handle first showed up (on a text to Claire telling her to save Alex) I had presumed it to be a code name for Peter. But obviously that’s not the case—since Parkman & Peter are now getting transmissions from Rebel too. The show is trying to hint that it might be Angela (nope-red herring—it’s not her). But I’m sure it’s supposed to be a surprise and I think the most obvious surprise pick for Rebel is Nathan or HRG…with Nathan being more likely. But I can’t recall if they’ve both had opportunity or not. And why would they repeatedly involve Claire when they both seem to genuinely want her to freeeekin’ chill-lax and butt out of things? So I guess I’m stumped. Is it a future Hiro that’s had his powers restored? Maybe Rebel has that machine-manipulating power that that Micah kid had. Well, I’m just dying for them to bring Eric Roberts back (in any capacity) so I think it should be him. Yeah, yeah, his character was shot, but the writers could get around that point easily enough. Oh, and what happened to Invisible Claude anyway?

Second nagging question—who will they bring in to play Sylar’s father? I think it would be too cheesy in a coinky-dinky sorta way to have a pre-existing character be the Poppa. But they’re going to have to cast somebody that has beaucoup presence. Plus he has to be waaay menacing. Maybe not overtly menacing, but subtle about it. A veneer of calm showing creepy glimpses of a massive underlying evil. Dream casting??? Richard Simmons! Just foolin’…I actually stumped myself on that one. I’ll hafta ponder that…

Oh, I also watched Chuck last night. I always watch Chuck, but never post about it because, although it's fun, it's not particularly noteworthy. It lacks pith. It's the TV equivalent of a marshmallow Peep if that conveys it any better. The only reason I post about it now is because they brought in this guy to guest for a few episodes as a MI6 agent and--Mmmm mmm. A fine specimen, that one. I have a thing for a Brit/ Scot/ Aussie accent though. Case in point: I was also mighty pleased by the dude they cast as Colin on Ugly Betty (another show I watch regularly but never post about due to its frothiness) and consequently was very vexed when they showed him to be a thieving bastard in last Thursday's eppy.