"Hi, I'm uhhh.. calling to cancel my TrimSpa order.."

..'cause it's probably not going to mix well with all that methadone I've been taking.

Just like the crazy astronaut story, I heard the chattering about this one before spotting the MSN.com headline. I get off the phone, and I hear J-Beau, my cubicle neighbor to the north, saying, "HOLY SHIT, and she just had a son die, didn't she?? And now she's DEAD?" I knew right off what the news was. Seems like Anna Nicole had been in the headlines all the time lately --and not much in the way of good news either-- paternity tests, law suits...oy vey. I wonder if perhaps this was intentional...

Well...yeah...uhh, HOLY SHIT is right. J-Beau voiced my own sentiments precisely. It reminds me of when I read about the split up of the Federline marriage. Well, obviously this is a WAAAY more tragic occurance. But it does remind me of that because it's another completely unsurprising thing that shocked the hell out of me.

Top Design

From 9pm-11pm, I took time out from my all-night Dickens homage, to catch myself up on the latest greatest Bravo reality TV offering-- Top Design. I was peeved that I missed its premiere last week, but Bravo very kindly re-ran the previous eppy before this week's (as is the Bravo custom...I LOVE them for that, btw). So I am all caught up...and HERE be my thoughts on the show. Every last, minute, trivial one of 'em...

The Designers--
check here for bios and pics of the rooms ...

Heather- First axed, along with Lisa "mother of Storm" ... I didn't really get a sense of her design style, because it really seemed like she let Lisa dominate their first & last project. Her bio on the Bravo site though, says she has a "historical & progressive" design style. That might've been interesting... too bad she's out of the game. Incidentally, I really liked the dress she wore on her last episode. Great pattern there.

Goil- Such an unfortunate, unfortunate name. Not sure what it means in Thailand, but it sure sounds to me like the unsightly hybrid of a goiter and a boil. Ewww. But what's in a name, eh? Because this guy's really clever. (although, enough with the peppers, eh?) I think he's truly creative and will go far. Let's hope so, because he's such a sweet little goiter-boil and seems to really want this.

Ryan- What was wrong with his oceanside feline-centric bedroom?? I REALLY liked it!! These judges are whack for putting it down. I will concede that the bed was probably dangerous, but she probably LOVED it. Besides, there's only about a million or so kids who slumber dangerously every night on the top bunk of a bunk bed. I'm not sure, at this early stage, who my singular numero uno favorite is, but right now Ryan's in my group of favorites. I think he eschews the tried & true (and SAFE) interior design conventions, and I dig that.

Elizabeth- I like her too...her soccer room was pretty cool. And y'know just 'cause that dim-witted jock boy didn't immediately know what those buckets were for doesn't mean it was a bad idea. I liked the buckets. And probably that stupid kid woulda too if someone had explained them to him.
Also, I also must gripe about how lame-o I think it is that the winners of the inaugural challenge (that'd be Liz & Goiter-Boil) won a measly $100. addition to their budget. C'mon Bravo...you guys ain't hurting for dinero...how about an extra thou each??

Carisa- I wasn't crazy about her first room, but her jungle bedroom was pretty rad. From the season preview reel, it looks like she may prove to be a Type A spazz in future eps.

John- Gee... after his bummer of an admission at the start of Episode 2, I kinda felt bad for thinking he was such a tremendous douchebag in episode 1. For about 3 minutes. And then he proceeded to be more of a douchebag. I thought it was funny, in episode 1, how he was soooo aggravated with having a bunch of "queens" for roomies, and groused that he might as well have been living with the girls. But then when the mystery client was revealed to be Alexis Arquette...he was just absolutely delighted. "She just ROCKS!" he gushed (or something like that). Anybody else note a paradox here, or is just moi??
Anyways, repugnant personality aside, I was actually disappointed by his Episode 2 elimination. Yeah, his floor was unfinished, but you could see where he was going with his design and it wasn't heinous. It certainly wasn't my favorite design, but it was NOT as putrid as Michael's.
Andrea- Her collaberation room (Ep1) was good, but how much of that was Ryan's vision? I dunno. I wasn't crazy about her kid's bedroom though. I mean it wasn't ugly, but just looking at the room, I would never think a kid slept there. Wowie wow--a working Murphy bed. Big deal. And why is she needing to push her bed up into the wall? This isn't supposed to be a studio apartment for a 10 year old is it?
And thus far, I am soooo not getting the punk rock vibe from this chick. (Her bio sez "Andrea is a self-proclaimed punk rocker, and she prefers to live by the fringe and often dyes her hair pink" Surrrrre. If you say so..)
Matt- I like this guy. Maybe it's only due to my sentimentality & being charmed about his comment about picking out jack-o-lantern pumpkins with his daughter. But I did love his Ep 2 offering. I didn't really think the black cloth was the big deal that the judges made it out to be. I thought Felicia's room was way more dour. And how awesome was that wall lighting?? Plus that girl seemed to absolutely love her room...
Felicia- Her 1st episode room was very good I thought. I liked the bench and the round table and the art work. But that 2nd room? Bleeccch! One of the judge's comments was right on the mark--- that it looked like a nice hotel room. Very sober. It was posh, but too blah & drab to be a kid's room. For some reason, the judges glossed over this point, I guess because they were SOOO delightedly in awe of her brilliant, innovative, turn-the-bed-around-sideways move (Holy sh**..pure GENIUS!!).
Michael- I could not take sides in the brief but explosive Michael-John war, because they are both SUPERHUMANLY ANNOYING. Oh, Michael has got his own distinct brand of annoying but annoying (as hell) he is. And I couldn't agree more with the judges' assessment of his room. It did look like a room in a nursing home. Although the pillow didn't singularly offend me (the wall color + the art pieces really made the geriatric effect for me) like it did everyone else. However, I was sorta offended, when they asked Mikey where he acquired the item, he goes "It's a department store pillow!!" with such bravado...as if it is some kind of tremendous feat of resourcefulness that he found anything of merit in (*shudder*) a department store. Not all that miraculous-- you guys were shopping in TARGET after all (wonder if anybody picked up pieces from the Oldham line??)
Lisa- Distracting hair. Reminded me of Storm from the X-Men...except middle aged (hence my earlier "mother of Storm" crack)
I think I would've liked that "Chinese wedding bed" if it had different bedding on it. I am no a fan of Oriental decor (overall, I hated their room) but I liked that piece. I like that it was ornate & old fashioned looking. I would like to see more of that... I would love to see some design with an art nouveau feel about it, but with this crew I don't think that will happen unless it's a specific challenge they're assigned. Everybody seems to be pretty contemporary no matter how diverse a group the Bravo write-up claims they recruited.
Erik- Yo-HO , Yo ho, a pirate's life for me! There was no doubt that that room was over the top, but who cares? His client was craaaazy about it...and the attention to detail, vision, and sheer effort he displayed on that challenge....well, I think his win was justified (obviously)

Thoughts on the show in general--
Todd Oldham-- I didn't think there could exist a host that would make me yearn for that wench Heidi Klum but...ZZZzzzzzz. Todd Oldham may be a terrific designer, but he's the TV personality equivalent of a rice cake. I think, if they want to keep the bloke on as host, y'know, for his design cred, then it would behoove them to invest in the creation of an animatronic Todd Oldham cyborg that will be able to deliver a more life-like performance. I do so enjoy the word "behoove" by the way.
THE WHITE ROOM-- now, I don't go looking for black curtains in every room that happens to be white, but when I encounter a white room that is pointedly called "the white room" that is my immediate inclination. In fact, here at work , there is a place out in the shop called "The White Room". It's where all the loose parts go to be packaged in their clamshells, or baggies, or whatever. Anyways, my customer service crew went there once when we were getting a tour of the Shipping Dept and related areas, and the first thing I said when we walked in was "Ahh..no black curtains, I see" Nobody got the joke. So it seemed I had just made an utterly puzzling statement and so then I had to explain myself. And consequently, the whole jocular effect I was aiming for was spoilt. I shouldn't have wasted a choice one like that on a bunch of my cultural inferiors. (Ahh, well if you're puzzled now too, just click here for enlightenment) Anywho..
in the Top Design white room I didn't spot any curtains whatsoever...no windows either...but if they did have black curtains, they would match quite well with the ultra-glossy black floor.
"See you later decorator"-- I kept comparing this show to Project Runway, which might be unfair of me. After all, they did not name the show Project Design. The Top Design name seems to imply that instead, they're trying to replicate a Top Chef kinda vibe. Although, you know,I've never ever seen Top Chef, and maybe that show apes Project Runway, and if that be the case, strike everything I just said.
Anyways in the premiere, when they dismissed Lisa & Heather, and Johnathan Adler goes, "See you later decorators" the hokey li'l rhyme struck me immediately and I rolled my eyes and thought "Blimey! That is going to be their 'Auf wiedersehen'" (yes, I DO think with a Cockney accent sometimes!) Well, at least it's easier to pronounce. The repetition of S.Y.L.D. at the episode 2 elimination cemented it-- they ARE trying to establish a catch phrase! Irritating. I know the philosophy at work here--if it ain't broke... But being formulaic is sometimes just being LAZY.
The judges-- Comparing this crew to the Runway judges (and I don't have any compunctions about that now, since apparently the producers want me to) the Top Design folks seem to have better poker faces. They are super calm and all stoic when they tour the rooms (of course, they do let fly the venom later...in THE WHITE ROOM) which is a switch from Garcia, Kors &co. who could barely conceal their repulsion sometimes when they watched a runway show. They were frequently making this face like somebody just waved a particularly pungent turd under their schnozzes. Sometimes they'd nod and smile as they jotted something down....but usually it was the turd face.

And that about covers it all... oh wait...one thing more. I found the theme song mildly irritating. I intend to keep tuning in on Wednesday nights, so I'll keep y'all posted as to whether it grows on me or just grows to be MAJORLY irritating....

I was only half joking about my Dickens homage. By way of homage, I watched Our Mutual Friend again. Well my intent was to rewatch it over the course of a few nights and just do 1, maybe 2 episodes last night. But apparently the miniseries is just as addictive on its 2nd viewing, because I could not stop watching until the whole thing was over (which resulted in my staying up until nearly 3am). Oh, and my repeat viewing of this thing reminds me... y'know my schpiel from yesterday about Dickens' wacky character names?? Two more good examples from Our Mutual Friend :one of the main baddies is named Bradley Headstone (and, fittingly enough, he has a scene where he has a mental breakdown/hulk-out in a cemetary) and another of the villains is Rogue Riderhood.

Martin Barnaby Rudge Chuzzlewit

Happy, happy, happiest of 195th birthdays to Charles John Huffman Dickens!!

Y'know just Monday I was scouring the internet, really digging for an interesting celeb birthday. I was going to call my sis to wish her a happy birthday (she just turned 34..HA HA!) and , additionally, I was going to regale her with some fascinating also-born-on-your-birthday trivia. But alas, the only interesting person born on Feb 5th -EVER-- is my own sister. But Feb 7th... now that has terrific famous biday pickin's!! Charlie Dickens , for one. Also you've got James Spader and LAURA INGALLS WILDER. Y'know I never actually read any of the Little House books, but still I feel like I grew up with Laura Ingalls reincarnated in a syndicated Melissa Gilbert. So, yeah, understandably, I feel very close to her. And she gets major cool points for marrying a dude named Almonzo. Even if Mary's blind hubby was cuter...

But back to Mr Dickens... I did pick him as the birthday celeb du jour after all. What I like about him is the crazy ass names he gives his characters...Martin Chuzzlewit, Mr Muddlebrains, Nicodemus Boffin, and the like. That last one (Boffin) is from Our Mutual Friend a tale that I recently became smitten with. Granted, I became smitten with the BBC miniseries of it, but I did buy the actual novel on a Dartmouth Book store spending spree a coupla weekends ago. So I shall read that soon and hopefully that will please me &inspire me to procure & read even MORE Dickens, after which I'll be able to say something more substantially praiseworthy about the good gentleman, besides just " I dig them kooky names he comes up with". Maybe I will revisit my Dickens birthday salute after I finish reading Our Mutual Friend. You know I DID read A Tale of Two Cities once, but that was waaaaay back in high school and that's all a hazy blur.

Because I'm not overly enthused about Tuesday night TV, I watched one of my recently purchased DVDs last night. I don't know what compelled me to buy "The French Lieutenant's Woman", but I did, and after my 1st viewing, I find that I'm kind of ambivalent about it. Probably shoulda just been a rental, but I've been withholding the same 3 Netflix movies since October...so obviously not making the most of that membership. (I hope to remedy that by the way...I was just on the Netflix site actually, adding new movies, re-ordering the queue. And if I can find all 3 DVDs I'll mail 'em back tomorrow--keep your fingies crossed, eh?)
Anyways, "The French Lieutenant's Woman"-- it was good in that it definitely gave me that period piece romance fix that I occasionally get tah jonesin' for. But on the other hand, you know how I'm all about the ending, and the ending of this one was a rather inconclusive conclusion. Grrr...frustrating. Word is that the novel is drastically different...I think I will have to seek it out at Borders or Encore in the not-too-distant future. What's one more addition to the already ginormous books-to-read queue??



Another thing about the movie, is that I found myself oddly attracted to Jeremy Irons, circa 1981. Yeah, he's not looking exceedingly hot at left here, which perhaps proves the theory that if even a mange-ridden warthog spoke with a British accent it would (in my eyes)up their attractiveness factor by 20% or more (depends on the dialect). Which is not to say I'm a sucker for just any accent. Fred Tuttle did nothing for me.


I forgot to mention in my MEGA post from yesterday (was compensating for a brief lapse, I suppose) that I got me hair did over the weekend. I had a $60 gift certificate-- a Christmas gift from my sis. I was kinda thinking I'd have some change left over, but the cut & color came to exactly $60. Come to think of it, probably Laura inquired on the cost of a cut+color before deciding on the gift cert amount. But anyways, I felt like dung because I had very little cash on me for a tip. And from my brief glimpse in the mirror I loved what she did. Of course, I was SOOO hagged out, that anything --and I mean anything-- woulda been an upgrade. Anyways, I gave her my gift cert + the six bucks I had on me--and pretty sheepishly, 'cause although I've not done the math (math is NOT my bag-- I avoid it whenever possible) I think a decent tip for a hairdresser is at least ten... Anyways, I dashed out very hastily in my embarrassment. But then I get down in my car and I open up my visor mirror to futz around with the new 'do and...I notice that my HEAD IS STAINED. All guilt about my pathetic tipping vanished instantly. I could see, now that I was getting an extreme close-up view of my 'do, that all along my hairline was all purpley splotchy. Yeah, the cut and color were terrif, but also I looked like DAUGHTER OF GORBACHEV. Well, all's well that ends well, and that all did turn out well...because it enabled me to rid myself of my crappy tip guilt and after some vigorous scrubbing with a moist towelette, I lost the forehead stains anyway. But seriously, how sloppy is that?? Even when I color my own hair I don't stain my forehead. And I'm pretty sloppy (in that & every other endeavor)...usually I do stain my neck. Another minor quibble...I found a pic of bangs that I really liked (it was actually a pic of Rose McGowan... because, y'know, I do so want a look that might lure a certain anti-Christ poser my way now that he's soon to be officially on the market again..woo hoo) She had these wispy , piecey bangs..like in the below pic...actually this might be the exact same pic as in that hairstyle mag...

maybe not...I dunno.. but I showed her a similar pic and said I just wanted wispy, piecey bangs. Like I wanted bangs, but not a big thick swath of bangs that made me look like Play-doh Pete...

However, I warned her that I had a minor forehead cowlick over toward the right side of my forehead. I've had countless hairdressers alert me to this hazard...I feel like I should maybe have some Medic-Alert type bracelet made up... Anyways , I notified her of aforementioned cowlick and she's like "OK , No problem" like she can work around it. But then, mid-haircut, it's like she's reconsidered the issue and she says " You know, with your cowlick, I think a side bang will really work best" And I said "OK, fine" because, yeah, I mighta had my heart set on wispy bangs, but I would rather have another bang type (anything except the Play-Doh Pete style) than have her try to do wispies and f*ck it up (this is why I gave her the whole cowlick disclaimer to begin with). And it really seemed like she razored me some side bangs but afterward...no bangs. I definitely do not have bangs. Whatever she did when it seemed she was sculpting me a side bang came out as just another layer. Don't get me wrong, I think my hair looks great (the color is especially lovely) but I feel like there was some...I dunno...misrepresentation there vis a vis my having bangs. I've surveyed several people in the aftermath of my haircut and NOBODY thinks I have bangs. So, here we have another reason I DON'T regret tipping a mere $6. But, all my bitching aside, I actually would go back to the Locksmythe salon...I just have to be sure of who answers the phone when I call for my next appointment ('cause when they say "who did you want to do your cut?" I'm going to have to say "Hmm ...oh,no one in particular , just anyone but Amanda")

books & movies

I watched The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie this weekend. I did enjoy it, although I cannot pinpoint exactly why. I'm sure some of my enjoyment is derived from this film being set in Edinburgh, thereby a delightful brogue was spoken throughout. The word Brodie has a particular euphony about it when said in a Scottish accent: BrrrrOOOE deee.

I went to Encore Books last night to pick up the Muriel Sparks novel that the flick is based on but no luck. Instead I bought Tom Jones (by Henry Fielding) & The Moonstone (Wilkie Collins) and then for the muffins I got this edition of Snow White (lovely illustrations!) and Pirate Bob.

My books to read queue has probably DOUBLED in size since I posted about it back in Dec. I think I need a 12step program (for several of my vices!!)

holding out for a HERO

I was all intrigued by the teaser /previews for this week's Heroes. WHO would they bring in to play Claire's father?? I'd pondered for a week... They were making such a giant fat stink about it, I couldn't even imagine who they might hire on to live up to the hype. Yeah..."hire on"...so you know I was barking up the proverbial wrong tree in my speculations. I thought perhaps they might re-animate the corpse of Orson Welles (Orville Redenbacher-style) and have him be the superpowered pater familias. But when we were discussing this Sat night, my sister's pal Nicki insisted it would be somebody already on the show (smart chick). But I continued to hope that they'd bring on some new talent (speaking of new talent, Christopher Eccleston's character is a hoot..I dig him) . And then mid-way through the show I thought...what a clever twist it would be to have Claire's adoptive father really be her biological dad? And I thought, for about 20 min., that that might be what they were gonna do... The only other possibility (already on cast)that dawned on me was Eccleston's character (I think his name is Claude) but I quickly shot that notion down as I'm sure that guy is just too ornery to procreate.
Well, anyways , if you tuned in last night, you know that NATHAN PETRELLI is most likely Firestarter's babydaddy. Is this dude schtupping EVERYBODY? No freakin' fair!! He's got (or had ) a wife (who is either comatose or dead...I can't recall her exact fate after that vehicular assault) and I'm sure he tapped that, and I caught part of some episode (prior to when I became a dedicated viewer) where he trysted with Nick-sica. Nathan Petrelli gets all the action! It must be the allure of power, because the dude has a head shaped exactly like the Muppet Show newsman's...



...so it can't be a looks thing. I take that back. It is quite similar to the Muppet Newsman. If Newsman's was a bit wider up top, they'd match up exactly because Adrian Pasdar has the most PERFECTLY RECTANGULAR head in show business. It's a natural wonder, that noggin.
Anyways, the real reason that I'm vexed to learn that Claire is spawn of Petrelli..... I had hoped she might hook up with Peter eventually. Now I confess I'm a Janie-come-lately to this show and haven't seen the eps establishing the Peter-Simone bond. Maybe they have some mad chemistry, I dunno. But...from what little I've seen of this Simone chick I wish she would just am-scray. I don't like her one bit. Don't ask me why. There's some aura, some irksome je ne sais quoi she exudes that makes me dislike her. If she MUST exist (in my ideal version of the show, she is offed by Seiler) then she'd be fine paired off with that sad painter. She must leave sweet Pete alone though! Even if he's not going to hook up with Claire, somebody else, anybody else for Peter...please. What about the butch blonde from the FBI?? Gee, I suppose if I want to be considered a serious fan, I should figure out ALL the characters' names huh?

AstroNUTS

I was just going to start off yammering about Heroes (and I will en uno momento) but this news item caught my attention and I wanted to first address this with a resounding "WHAT THE F-" And I'll follow that up with a cockle-warmed "Awwwww" because, after all, it is nearly Feb 14, and nothing sez, "Be my Valentine" like wearing a wig & shitty diaper to kidnap your beloved's alleged girlfriend. I mean, imagine if someone did that for you and all you did was get them the 4pc. Whitman's Sampler in the wee cardboard heart with Snoopy & Woodstock on the front of it for a buck at Walgreens? Wouldn't that make you feel like a schmuck? It's certainly what one would call a "grand gesture". Oh, it's bat guano loco, for SURE, but no one can accuse her of underachieving.

Anyways, even if I hadn't spotted it on the msn homepage, I woulda heard all about it--everybody in my office is chattering about it. It has multiple elements that intrigue-- and definitely the forbidden-love-amongst-the-cosmos backstory piques one's curiosity, but the concensus seems to be that the most extraordinary thing here is that the perpetrator wore diapers. Apparently this is no big thing for an astronaut (they wear them during launch & reentry) and it was probably an overlooked detail amongst the nursing home set, but here in this office , grown-ass women making poo-poo & pee in diapers...well, it's just COMEDY GOLD.
Look at this chick... after my first glimpse at the pic I thought...."Ooooh. One of your more unflattering mug shots. She looks transgender..and in an unkempt, nonfabulous way. Ick." But after reading this story, and contemplating the matter, I decided this face could very well be "Oh, lordy am I overdue for a diaper change!" Perhaps that furrowed brow does not signify distress or psychological unrest or anything so profound...just the discomfort of someone who is understandably sick of their own stink.

REFORMED!!!

Here we have the top item in the IMDB news bites section. And it being listed highest, are we to presume that is the most important celeb news du jour? Well, I think it's got to be the most ridiculous and over-debated story of the day. Of the past month, really. I seem to be of a minority opinion, but I think it possible that Washington is NOT homophobic. Of course he hasn't offered that by way of his own defense, because no one would accept it. It seems to be unanimously established: Hetero says faggot= said hetero hates gay people. This is just an irrefutable equation in our society. This is what I think: Ya say faggot= you may hate gay people, you might just be uncomfortable with 'em AND there's a slight possibility you have no problem with 'em whatsoever. Isaiah has played numerous gay characters in his career. I feel like if one was truly homophobic they just wouldn't do that. But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm not fathoming how intensely dedicated to his craft the dude is.

But here's my take on the whole overinflated brouhaha---

Isaiah is known to have a hot temper...I think it's entirely plausible that he was furious with Dempsey and, wanting to tear him a new one, he just spewed forth whatever vileness popped into his head. I mean, it's not unprecedented for people to say things they don't mean when they're angry. I suspect it would've actually been more appropriate for I.W. to do some anger management counseling but that wouldn't have happened...because that wouldn't have appeased anybody.

Well, whatev. I'm glad he's out of deprogramming. Forever may his rainbow banner wave-- yeeeeha.

In more mundane news--of my life-- I realized around noon that my shirt was on inside out. Let me just clarify (in my defense) it was not my primary shirt, but a tee that I have under a plaid shirt. I am not a complete ninny.

I'm excited for primo Thurs night TV tonight. I'm tempted to watch 30 Rock, (but I won't because it conflicts w/ my Grey's Anatomy time) because I've seen the promo for tonight's eppy numerous times and everytime without fail, when Paul Reubens yells "THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!" I laugh my arse off. I tried to find a clip of him saying that to direct you to, but I had trouble and it got too damn time consuming. So, Mission UN-accomplished. Instead, I'll "paste" here the error message I got whenever I tried to launch the NBC.com video player.

UUUUGGHH-- speaking of vexing error messages, my blog was unviewable this a.m. Due to error code bX-vjhbsj --whatever the &^#@$ that means. I think perhaps it's Newblogger-ese for "A Muskrat has deficated on our server and shorted out all our functiony bits". Well I popped onto the site's help message boards and it seemed like approx. a half trillion bloggers were getting hit with that same issue &error code this a.m. So maybe it was the work of a whole muskrat troupe. Or pack. What is the proper term for a muskrat collective?

Research that for me wouldja? I want a report typed up (250 words, in Palatino Linotype font, 1.5 line spacing preferred) and on my desk by Monday 8am.....

Yoooooou know what day it is kids....

Happy National Gorilla Suit Day! YAAAAAAAY!

Oh yes... and happy 7th b-day to my nephew Seth too!!

funky dreams

Apparently my TV time is being over-saturated with ads for Catch and Release , because last night I had a dream starring Jennifer Garner and Timothy Olyphant. I don't recall the premise of the dream exactly but at one point they were riding a tandem bike. I certainly don't mind Timothy O invading my dreams, but Jennifer Garner can bugger off. She is the sole reason for my avoiding that movie. Well, I generally don't bother to see rom-coms in the theater, but if Catch and Release had a different female lead, I very likely mighta rented it. I don't know what about Garner irks me so...she has that sorta gawky Everygal element that I've admired in other actresses, but she's just too...too...I dunno, dimpled and prim for my liking. I swear, it's NOT because she bagged Affleck (I'm more of a Damon gal). But even though I find Garner inexplicably offputting I hope the film does well, as I've liked Timothy Olyphant for a long time. If Catch & Release succeeds, he might get some more leading roles. I'm just hoping that the next time he shows up in my dreams, he's assuming the role he had in the movie Go. That's where I loved him best: Santa hat, shirtless, dealing drugs.

Is it just me, or does Timothy Olyphant have sort of a Josh Duhamel (from TV's "Las Vegas" aka boyfriend of that uber-tramp Fergie-ferg) look about him? Or maybe it's that Josh Duhamel has a Timothy Olyphant look about him. I don't know... I think I could be just going bonkers, because every time I'm struck by a celeb resemblance, and I look for pics on the 'net to corroborate my observation... I can't find any pics of the 2 people looking similar. Take for example, my brilliant Sheffer-Boreanaz theorem from a post last month...
So this time, I'm just gonna throw it out there and not give you any visual aid...

I made homemade soup last night (Tues night last night , not Mon night that I had my Catch & Release dream) It's kind of ehhhh (having it for lunch right now). It's not very tasty but I don't HATE it either. It resides in a sad sort of limbo state--just south of "good" but quite a bit north of "grody". I am going to eat this whole bowl though, because I put a lot of healthy junk in it. That was my primary goal-- to cook up something nutritious. It woulda been a bonus if it had been nutritious and tasty. But like I said...it's not heinous.

To make up for my lack of pics in this post thus far, here is a visual itemization of what is in my soup--




















WATER



















Goya brand sm. white beans & split peas






CARROTS



















Rutabagas









Chicken









white pearl onions








savory

vegetable broth

(actually same brand as center box in photo)

PARSNIPS














Potatoes

and sundry herbs & spices

tell me why I don't like Mondays...

On a Monday 28 years ago...

Well, I'm not gonna even recap the event, I'll just share the link. Because if I actually typed about it, then I would be someone who writes about the bleak and twisted. I don't want to come off as suspect like that. But I confess...I was doing my periodical "on this day in history" check and came across this story. And it very famously happened on a Monday. And Jan 29 of this year is also a Monday...as happens every few years or so...but that li'l coincidence was enough to compell me to read the article on it. Then , I was kinda intrigued...against my better judgement. I did some 'net research, read a bit more. Needless to say, it was a horrifying incident...but it was the confession rather than the actual crime that makes this one striking. I mean, the natural response to any kind of atrocity like this is to ponder the motive...and , "I don't like Mondays"?? And she didn't come out with any alternate motives until 26 years after the fact, so I'm inclined to buy her original explanation... which is just astonishingly nonchalant. If she isn't a total sociopath, than she must be somehow retarded (sorry, not the preferred terminology, I know).

Don't look at me like that. These things catch my fancy from time to time, but truly, anyone who knows me knows I'm really NOT one of those true-crime reading, macabre-minded sketchy weirdo-types. Hey, the story must've intrigued Bob Geldof if he wrote a song about it. And I'll remind you he also co-wrote "Do They Know it's Christmas?" (about feeding the world...you know the one) and he is second only to Bono in the leagues of philanthropic famous Irish guys. All of which corroborates my hypothesis: pondering dark stuff DOES NOT necessarily make you dark & weird. I need to know how to type one of those nerdy math "does not equal " signs...the "=" with a slash through it. THAT woulda been a really concise and professional way to state my hypothesis. Daaaaang.

Okay from horror stories to the land of fairy tales....

This item also caught my attention today (last item on the page/ re: Becks). My first thought was...what will David-Beckham-as-Prince-Charming hair look like? I don't imagine he'll be doing corn rows or a faux-hawk for this photo shoot. The other thing that amused me was Annie Liebovitz being quoted as saying:

"Saving Sleeping Beauty came natural to him.

He's a determined actor, and he became the Prince when

he got on that white horse. He was serious about it."

And then, when you check elsewhere on IMDB...and check Beck's "filmography" there's about a hundred instances of him playing..."Himself". Maybe he's intending to be a determined actor but thus far he's not showed all that much range. I confess though, if D-Beck does get into tha movies, I would be curious to see his acting debut. Probably would be paying more attention to his pecs than his " range" though...

and the snot keeps a-flowin'

Yeeeeha. I feel even worse today. I don't think I can muster up any wit or insight but I thought I oughtta post just the same.

Here--check this compelling saga out...it's probably been circulating forever but I just happened upon it on Wednesday. You must watch all 5 episodes (I COMMAND you!!)

a shitty juicy saucy Thursday

In looking back on my day, I can divide into 3 elements: shit, juice, & sauce. I do hope tomorrow will be less messy.

Juice-- Even though I did enjoy a glass of cranberry juice this evening, what I really meant by "juice" is sweat & snot. I just didn't want too get to bodily fluidish on y'all right from the outset. I know that Old Man Winter is finally begun his reign over my part of the country, but my office seems to have overreacted to the dropping temps. I swear the thermostat in the office was up to 96 today!!! I felt like I was melllllllting. My eyeballs and eyelids in particular felt EXTREMELY perspirational. Honestly, I am amazed that I didn't have any mystical Navajo daydreams, of the sort that are suppose to beset you when you hole up in a sweat lodge. As if a marinade of my own sweat was not enough, I also had a drippy, sneezy beezer today. Yeeeeaah. Bonus. And work was maaaad busy. And THEN one of the trainers who was leaving to go back to Texas comes around snapping photos to share with the gang back home. AAAAGH!! So there I was mouth-breathing and slack-jawed with my hair all staticky flyaway, lips cracked like ancient pleather, and where my head wasn't chapped and flaky, it was glistening with sweat, with the tiny exception of the outer perimeter of my nostrils which were glistening with snot instead. I managed a face that was 1/4 forced smile and 3/4 roiling hatred and I said "Oh, be sure to zoom in and catch the rivulets of snot streaming from my nose!" I wonder what sort of impression that photo is going to make on my Texan comrades. Ha. Like I give a shit.
Which brings me to my next element du jour...
Shit-- At the end of an overall shitty day, I had to come up to my sister's to babysit. Which really wasn't too bad. The kids were fairly well behaved, or at least, I've certainly seen 'em brattier. But Lucy had the WORRRRRST diaper. I should feel sorry for her rather than whine about my having to change it, since the poor muffin is sick, but UUUUGH. It was this highly toxic, extremely PUNGENT, swampy liquid. Yellowish green. Probably if I'd smelled it full force without my thick snot buffer I woulda heaved.
Sauce-- The saucy part of my day was good. We've always provided breakfast & lunch for our salesguys & distributors that come here for training. Recently we've switched caterers, and from what I've sampled thus far, it was a stellar upgrade (these guys make great whoopie pies!!) Anyways they had a lunch for all 20 trainees delivered yesterday but they wrapped up class early & most of the guys had left. So it was free chicken parm & garlic bread , free 20 oz sodas for me & my comrades. Lisa thought the sauce was too sweet but I thought it was excellent.. . Seems pretty pitiful that was unequivocably THE highlight of my day, but yep, that was it.

LIIIIIINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !

This is a favorite quote of mine from the incomparable Poseidon Adventure (the 1972 version...I cannot bring myself to watch the recent remake) and it's when Mike Rogo yells --with mucho horror and anguish--to his ex-whore of a wife who has just fallen to her certain & fiery death. It's a great cinematic yell, and it was performed by none other than ERNEST BORGNINE...who turns 90 today. I could not fathom it either...he doesn't look a day over 70, that Ernie.

Here is some Ernest Borgnine trivia to gnosh on today--

*birth name Ermes Effron Borgnino
*He was the first ever center square in the original version of the television game show Hollywood Squares
*He was married to ETHEL MERMAN for about a month in 1964 (this was the third of his five marriages)
*in 1996, Borgnine toured the U.S. in a bus to meet his fans & see the country. The trip was the subject of a 1997 documentary," Ernest Borgnine on the Bus" (not an overly inventive title, I don't think)

Anyways, on a personal note, it was Borgnine's guest starring role in the 1974 season of Little House on the Prairie that has long resonated with me. The episode was a two-parter called "The Lord is my Shepherd" and it's when Laura thinks her bad thoughts somehow killed her sick baby bro and she runs away to the mountain to talk to God. And on that mountain she meets mysterious mountain man "Johnathan" (Borgnine) who is very kind and generous with sage advice and his porridge. Good stuff. No doubt you've caught in syndication at least once...

I was going to finish up a half-written post from Monday where I was recapping my somewhat ho-hum weekend, but I thought Ernie Borgnine's NINETIETH was an infinitely more interesting read so I scrapped that draft and here you have this.

I don't think I'll be able to find "Ernest Borgnine on the Bus" on such short notice, so maybe tonight I'll watch the Special Edition Poseidon Adventure DVD that I picked up recently at Best Buy (had a gift cert from Christmas to burn up). Wednesday night TV is pretty lameass.

Oh, and speaking of TV, I am rather peeved with the PBS people. I made damn sure to tune in to Masterpiece Theatre this past Sunday night to watch Jane Eyre. Well, that was only part 1 of Jane Eyre. I presumed that Part 2 was on Monday night...NOT SO. It is the Masterpiece Theatre way to show one half of a compelling production and then LEAVE YOU HANGING FOR A WHOLE WEEK. That's right-- Eyre doesn't air (ha ha ha) again until Sunday, Jan 28!!! I am most put out!!

I got to reading somethin-er-other today that led me to read up on wikipedia about MAD magazine history. Oh, oh, oh, yeah ...I remember... I read that Jan 31 is National Gorilla Suit Day. Now this is a lesser known movement started up in the comics of Don Martin, who was a very big part of the MAD staff until the late 80s. Hence my reading up on MAD mag. I used to buy MAD all the time until about '92 or '93 I weened myself offa it. And now, today, suddenly I have a strong (possibly nostalgia-rooted) compulsion to rush out and buy a MAD magazine. I do intend to write tomorrow ( sorry for the lapse, by the way) at which point I will let y'all know if I bought the rag and if it was/ wasn't $$$ well spent.

Until then, dearies!!!

Rad pix

I decided to re-do my computer desktop this afternoon (as I periodically do) and in that effort I stumbled across this , which is a terrific source for some retro eye candy...particularly old children's books illustrations if you like that kinda thang. For instance...

on the telly...

On today's lunch menu- leftover garlic fried rice and moo shi pork. I swear the moo shi pork is ALWAYS better the day after. Well, that is true of moo shi anything, really. And it tastes a 1000 times better than it looks, I assure you. It's quite tasty but unfortunately it looks like the toxic dredgings from the bottom of a swamp. The garlic fried rice is perfectly lovely though methinks it would be improved if it had scrambly egg bits in it. Overall, I give the lunch a 9. It gets big points on the utensil front... I have, at my desk, these plastic training chopsticks with a panda on them ...I am using them now...I love it when I get to bust these things out.

My entire head is chapped...I need some sort of neck-to-scalp Blistex product, not that there is such a thing. I look truly foul. Bleccch...

It's been a while since I've droned on about TV...I think I will do that, as last night's offerings gave me a lotta fodder. Heeeeere's what I watched...

The Office-- I looooved the prank on Andy and his violent overreaction. My curiosity is piqued about the "extended scenes"on NBC.com (or is "director's cut" their official name for it??) I never really bother with those, but I may have to this week. I'd like to see a little more of the Jim-Karen chat about how Jim-bo is NOT over Pam. Good stuff...
Ugly Betty-- I had missed a coupla episodes of this show but I was glad to return to it and see that Salma Hayak was off. I HATED her character. Last night's episode was laugh-out-loud funny. The big Rebecca- Romjn- is- Daniel's- dead -brother- resurrected- &- sex- changed twist at the end (sorry, guess I shoulda proceded that with "spoiler alert" in bold caps somewhere) was hokey...they were showing their insane telenovella roots there. I don't know how I'm going to like that turn of the plot. I usually don't enjoy watching Rebecca Romjn in anything, except maybe in XMen movies where her skin's all blue. I think it's this intense, longstanding emotional tie I have with the race of Smurf beings (la, la, la, laalaa, laaaa..) that predisposes me to favor blue-hued folk.
Grey's Anatomy-- I really enjoyed the episode but it was sooo sad. Horribly sad. Maybe it woulda been too cliched & predictable for Callie to be Georgie's consoler at the end of the episode, but that's what I was hoping for anyways. Christina should've been in with Burke, thawing at least a smidgeon since he made the first mini-concession with his indirectly informing her of his no-tremor status (via Derek). Anyways, Christina was the WORST person to have out there with him!! What does she have to offer? "Welcome to the Dead Dads Club"? Huh??? Is that supposed to be cute? Comforting? Maybe she shoulda gone all-out and presented him with a badge or something...
Men in Trees-- I sense that only a dozen or so people nationwide actually tune in regularly for this show, so I will refrain from blathering on about it for too long. The storyline is particularly aggravating now though-- Hunky Eddie Bauer catalog model type, Jack has at last acknowledged that he's in love with Marin, and they're in this cute, twitterpated, burgeoning romance stage, BUT THEN his dippy ex returns to town (a haggard looking Justine Bateman) and so he drops M like a hot yam (or, if you prefer your metaphors on the traditional side, potato). You know, in a Blonde vs Brunette rivalry, I usually will root for the Veronica. But in this case I gotta side with poor Marin. I know the Anne Heche backstory (who doesn't) that she's very likely a mercenary heartbreaker of a faux lesbian with Margot Kidderish tendencies to boot, but NEVERTHELESS, she is very engaging in this show.

where can you learn to fly, play in sports and skin dive, study oceanography??

I bought some tracks last night and whipped up a mix CD . Yeeeeesh, it pains me how quaint & old timey it comes off when I use the term "mix CD". It makes me feel old, old, OLD as well as frighteningly close to branding people as "young whippersnappers".

Anyways, thought that I would apprise you of what I bought/ burned...because, well frankly, slow news day here...

1.In the Navy (the Village People) -- Not only is this the title of Track 1 on my latest mix, but it is the answer to the action-packed query in my post subject line (according to the Village People) Can you really do ALL that shit in the Navy? Sounds terrif! Makes me wanna join up TODAY! This song cracks my shit up. It makes me think of pig Vikings because of the time they did this song on the Muppet show.
Oh, and verse 2, lines 4-6 particularly amuses : "Don't you hesitate/There is no need to wait/They're signing up new seamen fast" Yeah, I realize they're talking about SAILORS, but it never fails to disconcert when you hear that word in a Village People song.

2. So Whatcha Want? (the Beastie Boys) -- "I think I'm losing my mind this time, this time I'm losing my mind" I find that lyric the most catchy...resonant. It seems so familiar too... did that line originate with this song? As far as I know it did, but the Beastie Boys are such huge borrowers. I don't mean just sampling, but they are exceedingly handy with a pop culture reference too. That's probably a big part o' why I love them so...
3. Clap Hands (Beck) -- Saw Beck perform this on SNL and thought it was great...but it moved me to ask "why have I not heard this on the radio??" Mainstream radio can be so laaaaaame (insert exasperated sigh here )

4.Wind it Up (Gwen Stefani) -- Oh gawd...I am SO in favor of anything that incorporates The Sound of Music. In fact, I like naming things Georg (must pronounce :GAY-org--just like the Baroness said it) after that studly Cap'n Von Trappe. I'm only half kidding, here people, I do think the Sound of Music father was pretty handsome. By the way, I have the excellent Sound of Music soundtrack and "The Lonely Goatherd" is ,in my opinion, the best track of 'em all. I'd like to issue a challenge to Ms Gwen to see what she can do to sex up some of my other fave showtunes..."Who Will Buy?" from Oliver! might be interesting, and I've no doubt that she could rock "Shipoopi" from The Music Man.

5. Suspicious Minds (Elvis) -- Sing with me : "We're caught in a trap, I can't walk out, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOOOO MUCH BABY.." I'm not a big Elvis fan generally, but I really dig this one.
6. Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake) --- Awwww yeah, puddin'. And this is NOT the radio version...there is CUSSING in this one. I'd not heard it this way before but I like it. I like JT all "edgy" (relatively speaking) he's clearly way too edgy for Sunshine&Kittens Diaz.
7. Machinehead (Bush) -- my dear sister is notorious for never EVER knowing the name to a song she likes. Consequently I've become pretty handy with learning my lyrics, because she will often seek out my help in identifying songs. She will just re-title the song with whatever arbitrary lyric strikes her as the catchiest. Which is fine by her, until she wants to discuss the song, or buy it and then she'll rely on me for the actual title. I know there are online lyrics search engines that will do this work, but it's nice to feel needed, eh? Anyways, (short story long) I told Laura that I was downloading the "BREATH IN BREATH OUT BREATH IN" song and she knew instantly what I meant.
I didn't mean to put Gavin on the same mix as the Mrs (flukey coincidence, that) but there ya have it. I must say, I feel pretty certain that my love for hunky Gavin Rossdale predates Gwenny's but even so-- she's such a cool shit, I just can't bring myself to resent her.
8. Wolf Like Me (TV on the Radio) -- Bravo!!me mucho mucho gusto.
9. Happy Birthday (Altered Images) -- I'm always on the look out for birthday-themed tunes to serve as an alternative to the incredibly trite, played-out "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." This is a very good one. Lyrics are hard to make out (but they're all SCOTTISH, so they get a pass. I love my fellow Scots!) but it's a fun song nonetheless. It's the kind of happy New Wave tune that compels me to whirl about in a windmilly fashion.
10. Fergalicious (Fergie ) -- Rotten, evil, Fergie, thou wicked siren, Dutchess of the black arts, I want, with every fiber of my rational being to reject your harlot-warblings, BUT I CAN'T.
11. Hey Ladies! (Beastie Boys)

12. Banditos (the Refreshments) -- this one's a smidge obscure, so I'll give you the Laura-title of the song : "Well give your ID card to the border guard/Yeah your alias says you’re Capt. Jean-Luc Picard"
13. The Globe (Big Audio Dynamite) -- Axis spins so round and round... . we go. I adore this song so much...even if it does induce sneezing fits.
14. Think I'm in Love (Beck) -- very sunny song. Some songs, to me, just very strongly evoke a specific backdrop. This song is a sunny day road trip song.
15. Natural Blues (Moby)
16. Say it Right (Nelly Furtado) -- odd thing about this tune...it somehow reminds me of Laura Branigan's "Self Control"... maybe it's that I think that the faint "ay!" refrain in the background would mesh well with a background "WoooAHH-oHH! wOOOAAH-OH!" like they've got goin' on in "Self Control" Well, even without the "Wooooaah-OH"s, I enjoy the song muchly.
17. Tonight, Tonight (Smashing Pumpkins) --beautiful song, GORGEOUS video (have you seen this vid??)
18. Scarborough Fair (Simon & Garfunkel) -- I know, I know, I've taken a huge, unexpected turn here, shifting all the way back to the 60s, but I had to have this song. I really love it
19.Washington Square (the Village Stompers) -- another obscure gem, but this one I cannot label w/ a Laura-title because it's an instrumental. An oddball, Banjo-heavy , Ragtimey sort of instrumental from 1963
20. Via Con Me (Paolo Conte) -- this is a live version of the song, and generally I dislike live music when I'm not actually experiencing it live, but this is the only version I could find. So I took it. There's a lot of gibberish and incoherent Italian in this song...both things are big assets in my way of thinking (especially gibberish...I dig me some gibberish)
21. Let's Face the Music & Dance (Nat King Cole)-- The real popular version of this tune is sung by Fred Astaire but I don't like that one. Not because of Astaire's voice, that's fine, but I don't like the, I dunno, grainy distant sound of the recording...it's like you're listening to a phonograph or something. What I REALLY wanted was to find a rendition by Sinatra, but no dice. I found a Tony Bennett version, and usually I like him, but he put some kooky 60s instrumental arrangement to it that I didn't care for. Nat King Cole was a decent alternative though.
**Runners up(songs I bought, but couldn't fit on my CD)**
Where Or When (Frank Sinatra)-- found this when I was looking for "Let's Face the Music &Dance". I came close to also buying "The Way You Look Tonight" (my absolute fave Sinatra song) but I know that I've got that one on one of my Sinatra's Greatest Hits CDs , so that woulda been pretty frivolous of me.
Maneater (Nelly Furtado)-- After the breakout hit "I'm Like a Bird" sooo saturated the airwaves that I was driven to the brink of jamming an ice pick into my ear drums, I thought there was no possible way I'd like Nelly Furtado again. The fact that I currently do is a testament to what a hi-qual album "Loose " is. And y'know, now that I've discovered that I like the requisite 3 tracks off of "Loose" I coulda allowed myself to buy it, except that now I've downloaded those tracks so buying the actual CD now would be pretty frivolous of me.
Honey (Moby)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (aka songs I meant to buy but forgot to)
Black Horse & the Cherry Tree & Suddenly I See (both KT Tunstall)-- Oddly enough, I still dig these songs. I keep waiting to shift from liking to desensitized, to sick-to-death-of, and finally to rabid hatred, but it's not happening. I am mystified. My only theory is it's because I've given KT Tunstall the mucho leeway that I grant all my fellow Scots. Did you know that KT Tunstall is Scottish (y'see I've a directory of all famous Scottish folk)?? Did I mention my adoration of the Scots (and Irish...and Canucks... I'm a mongrel with a strong sense of nationalism)

herringbone

This is the pattern of the pants I am wearing today. They're new and I am rather smitten with them. I would like to buy 3 or 4 more pair of the same but I won't. 4 or 5 pair of herringbone pants in black & white (and I think it's primarily sold in black & white) would be just gratuitous...something you'd expect from someone who has Oprah money. I have CONSIDERABLY less moolah at my disposal. Now I could see the merit in buying several pairs of herringbone slacks ("pants" just doesn't sound elegant enough, I don't think) if I could collect a variety of colors. Why isn't there fuschia herringbone? Or green? I would snatch those f-ers up!!

Some things that I should have clarified before publicizing my chat transcript-- well, it was ALL pretty incoherent, but 2 points I thought might be particularly puzzling--

1.) 9 of Diamonds-- My card references have to do with coffee I'm getting out of the cafeteria vending machine. The vending machine java is dispensed in these hokey cardboard cups that say "Wildcard Poker" on them and on the side of the cup it gives you 5 cards, and then, hidden at the very bottom of the cup is your "Hole Card" whatever the hell that means. I don't play poker, and don't know what exactly a "hole card " is but I'm always stoked to see what my "hole card " is. Whenever it's a somethingorother of clubs (clubs are my fave suit) I take that as a good luck sign for the day (I tend to go in for signs/ omens...see my St. Christopher medal incident from Monday) Anyways, it is my longstanding custom to alert Laurel of my coffee cup hole card(s) du jour

Incidentally, here is an interesting bit on what the suits on playing cards mean. Very neat-o.

2) Ms. Safetydancepants, J-Beau, Bri-Jar etc etc-- These are all examples of my tendency to fabricate code names for people when I snipe about 'em behind their back. This is an extremely catty practice, dating back to late grade school, that I have every intention of perpetuating. And Ms Safetydancepants, by the way, is so dubbed that because she is the facility's safety coordinator and NOT because she such a tremendous Men Without Hats fan.

Speaking of nicknames, I am temporarily (probably just for this week ) "Cookie Wuss" . This is a deviation from the usual "Cookie Puss" that Lisa calls me. Many moons ago, I noticed, with some distaste, that she had taken to calling me "Cookie". And one morning, when I was feeling a little crabbish, I snapped at her: "DON'T call me Cookie!!" and she asked in return "Well then what should I call you?" And immediately I found I was regretting being so bitchy and thinking that yes, I would like a cutesy nickname (of my choosing) after all so I had to think fast. And because it is the title of an early Beastie Boys song, and the name of an adorably freaky Carvel creation, I came out with "Cookie Puss!" And it stuck. So usually Lisa calls me "Cookie Puss" or "CP" But then I guess Monday when I called to check in I let slip numerous times my angst over coming off like a "wuss". Hence the temporary handle. Sorry...that was a lotta exposition over a rather non-interesting topic. I'd rename myself "Cookie Blather-on-tediously Wuss" but that is, uhhh, less than catchy. What's the antonym of "catchy" anyway??

CONSUMER REPORT-- I took a consumer gamble the other day and bought an EXOTIC new gum flavor. It was Orbit brand and the flavor...mint mojito. In some rational part of my brain I was kicking myself for such a capricious purchase, but if you know yours truly, you are aware that I am INCAPABLE of resisting the allure of new product. Any new product. Seriously--I am like 1 of maybe a dozen saps nationwide that tried Blue Pepsi (like a melted blue freezie pop with a weee tiny bit of carbonation...blecccch) Anyways...I should not have been so quick to condemn my buy...MINT MOJITO ORBIT IS TERRIFIC!!! Sadly, I think it's too exotic a chewing gum concept for the masses. It will probably be yanked off shelves before March. I say--go out and buy a pallet-load at Costco now while you can.

In other experimental consumerism news-- tonight I bought a bag of Pringles SELECT---the Szechuan Barbecue variety. I applaud this foray into hi-falutin' gourmet territory (or as they put it "a unique taste escape") HOWEVER, I don't like how they ditched the signature cylindrical packaging. I'm not a huge Pringles fan overall, and usually the only reason I'd buy Pringles is for the tubular can (fewer crushed chippies, optimum resealability, & that prominent pic of that stone cold fox Mr Pringles) If I generally buy Pringles for their can, then why did I buy these bagged ones tonight, you might ask? Well, if you did ask you're not paying very close attention there, nimrod. A synopsis (in analogy format) new product is to moi as wicked warbling sirens are to stupid sailors of yore. Sheeesh, try and keep up, eh??

voyeuristic thrills

This is some chatter from this past Friday. I tried to email myself the screen caps and post them Fri night, but that email was over capacity and didn't go through. Anyways the discussion particularly amused me and I wanted to save it for all posterity. And I thought why not preserve it here, where I can offer a meager voyeuristic thrill to what elite few pass through this lonely forum. As always, last names have been obscured to protect the "innocent". Well, using "innocent" there is a smidge of a stretch, let us just say that I never post my last name and feel it right to extend my comrades the same protection against cyber Ted Bundys. I think it's all in the proper order....

I am Old Man Winter's bitch

I called in to work this morning. I didn't even bother with a vague untruth (ie:"I'm not feeling well") on my boss's voice mail. I simply said the roads around here were faaaar too treacherous and I wasn't going to risk it. Now I had known in advance that the weather was going to be messy, but the weather report I'd watched last night said the precipitation wasn't due to start until about 8am, which is a half an hour after I get in on Mondays. So I was fully intending to go. I got up on time, got ready & dressed. Now as I'm getting ready I could hear the freezing rain already tippy-tip-tapping on the roof. In a surge of anxiousness, I went to slip my St Christopher's medal over my head...and the chain snapped. Now this is a large linked chain, and the break was obviously reparable, in fact, I stood for nearly five minutes trying to re-link the thing, but with the long-ish acrylic talons I'd recently glued to me finger-ends, this task was utterly impossible. So I stuffed the necklace in my pocket and continued on my way. But I paused, outside, at my car. I stood with the sleet falling on my head and watched the traffic. It was craaaawling. The ground on which I stood was thickly encrusted with ice. These two factors were steadily upping my anxiety levels. It looked like I was going to have to take a pickaxe to my car to break it out of its frosty cocoon. And the thought in my head was, even though I did have the St Christopher's medal on my person...wasn't it an inauspicious sign that it broke in the first place?? Ultimately I decided yes, it was damned inauspicious and too ominous a portent for me to ignore. I went back in and rang my boss (and was pleased to be answered by her voice mail....I have not yet --knock wood--had to speak personally to the bosslady when calling in. Oh how I adore voicemail!!) left my quick message and then changed back into my jammies and went back to sleep. Until noon, at which point I got up and made crepes.

Mmmmmm crepes. I ate enough crepes to choke a mammoth. Had me a big crepe feed. I like that --crepe feed. Periodically, my dad and uncles will gather at camp outside of hunting season and just have a big meal of whatever game they've collectively killed enough of.. but it's not called a "meal" or a "feast", this somehow , origins unknown, is always called a "feed". As in, "Goin' up tah camp for a perch feed" or "Yeah, last time I saw Joe was at that venison feed we had in January" So I have adopted that for my own, everyday usage. It's 50%tribute to 50% mockery of my redneck roots.

So anyways after my crepe feed, I called the work 800# , ostensibly to see that they were getting along fine with out me. Now in all honesty, there could utter anarchy at work-- swarming locusts, wildebeest stampedes, marauding Visigoths--and if I am not there on that unfortunate day I really don't care one iota. What I actually wanted to hear when I called in was that half the department had begged offa work and that I wasn't the lone wuss. Well, I got Lisa, who reassured me that everything was running a-okay without me and EVERYONE ELSE WAS THERE. Right. Super. Thus rendering me the lone wuss. She was NOT being as reassuring as she thought she was, not reassuring at all actually. I was somewhat reassured by all the footage on the news of smashed up cars off the road, many of them off of I-91 (the very interstate I traverse to get to work). But still I feel like everybody thinks this could be my contrived way of getting MLK Day off. Especially after my considerable loud griping last Thurs or Fri about us not getting it off. But I really stayed home for the exact reason I said I was staying home. I was genuinely excessively nervous and the roads were truly dangerous (there is WPTZ News Channel 5 footage that backs me up on this point!) And still I feel like I come off all suspicious. I often find I'm more at ease when I'm lying to people. How perverse is that?

Whenever I hear the term "Old Man Winter" I start singing "Ol' Man River" from Showboat. Always in my head, and every now and then, aloud. If you watch weather reports on the news, you will invariably hear the term, as they try to punch up their schpiel with a smidge of creative writing and in those efforts they'll let fly the term "Old Man Winter" which, inexplicably seems much favored over "Jack Frost"
Anyways, I only know a small snippet of Ol' Man River, but it amuses me to sing that bit of it (substituting "winter" for "river" of course) and try to do an impossibly deep bass-baritone just like Paul Robeson did it.

I decided that I will soon buy the Wives & Daughters DVD (in keeping with my current BBC literary adaption /period romance flick kick) but I want to buy and read the book first. I did find this site , where I could read the whole thing online, but I just can't get into that idea. There's just something to be said for the tactile experience of reading a book and I dig the notion of "curling up with a good story" which is hard to actually, physically do if you're reading a title online. Still, I appreciate that there are these sites out there...handy if I wanted to quote Voltaire in my blog and didn't have a copy of "Candide" at the ready, something like that. Actually, I think I might read chapter one of Wives& Daughters online, just to make sure that it's not insufferably dull before I buy it. And so I gotta wrap up my current read "Lucky Jim". The book is kind of disappointing plot-wise (in that virtually NOTHING happens) but the main character (yep, the titular Jim) is engaging and very, very relatable. And it's a pretty shortish novel, so overall I guess I'd rate it worth a read. But as you know, if the outcome falls short of my idyllic expectations, well then I'm apt to completely rescind my recommendation. I'll let ya know... ..