YUMMY YUCKY

This is sort of an addendum to Monday's post --you know my big diatribe about glorious, wonderful veggies (sorry Kara!). Actually I was ruminating on how I really love cabbage, and I've been such an ace chef lately and therefore I should find more cabbage-inclusive recipes to try out. Combine this notion with my secret yearning to be British and we have me looking up bubble & squeak on the internet. I knows it's traditional English fare, and the primary component in it is cabbage. Sounds like an ideal endeavor por moi, does it not? I thought so...and then I found THIS PICTURE--

YEEEEEEEEESH... that gob on the left looks identical to something I mined out of my nose earlier today (a smidgeon larger maybe) . That gob on the left is bubble& squeak. That gives me pause. Just a pause, mind you, I am not fully deterred. I'm really not as squeamish as all that (I pick my nose, don't I??). Yes, I'm sure I would probably try it.

Oh speaking of being a booger-gnoshing hogger...my littlest niecey Lucy has just picked up that rather icky habit. She's just two but has already realized the great comic potential of eating boogs (a real prodigy, I tell ya). I hate to think she's just doing it because she likes the flavor. Here's what makes me think she does it for laughs and/ or shock value-- when you catch sight of her doing it, and you yell something like "UGH! Don't DO that, you li'l hogger! Groooooss!" she flashes you a very impish grin and replies, "Yummy!!" Awwwwww, thems the times me heart swells with pride and I'm reassured that I'm doing my job as an auntie, that I'm truly making a difference..

Lube job

I actually got to leave my office and venture out to other regions of the TDC compound today. Yaay. I had a customer who has a customer who is hell bent on getting a photo of O-ring lubricant before they commit to buying it. Now this is just this wee tub of goo that rings up at just over 5 bucks (so a real monumental purchase,y'know?). It's in a clear ,round plastic case about 1/2 inch high, with a 2inch diameter. It does not even have any flashy packaging. (I suggested we spice things up a bit with like, a crushed velvet backdrop and sexy ambient lighting, but we opted for stark realism instead) Why would anyone NEED a picture of that?? Nevertheless, I had the job of taking the O-ring lube to be photographed (resultant photographs are emailed to me, which I , in turn, email to the p.i.t.a. customer) it was an idiotic task, but anything that gets me away from my desk and off the phones for a bit is fiiiiiiiiine by me.

I had also joked that I was going to do some shots like a Barker's beauty -- hold the product up real close to my maniacally smiley face and gesticulate towards it with my elegantly manicured left hand . At the time of said lame joke, I hadn't realized how haggard and putrid I look today. Forget Barker's Beautydom, I don't even measure up to Rod Roddy (R.I.P.) today!! I must confess- I do not always check the mirror before leaving the house in the a.m. Appalling, isn't it?? I mean, most days I come in and posit meself directly into my cubicle and stay holed up all day (with the exception of 4 or 5 trips to the fax machine and 2-3 bathroom runs) so it doesn't seem all that necessary to me. But I was kind of irritated when, after my lube photo shoot, I stopped in to the bathroom and caught sight of my sorry self. It's not that I ended up doing the Barker's Beauty thing--I DIDN'T (let the record show that I did **not**do that)-- but I just thought it figures the one day I'm traipsing all over the building...I look like crrrap on a cracker. Ahhh maybe it's just as well. This way, if I find Prince Charming in the workplace, it's sure to be a Prince Charming with a SEVERE inner beauty fetish.

I was watching TV tonight and was utterly befuddled about a PSA they ran during Grey's Anatomy. The Muppets and Teri Hatcher joining forces to come to the aid of over-stressed teens? Huh?? Has the world gone mad??? Am I hallucinating?? If you want to reach teens why aren't you using, uhhhh, I dunno, Jo Jo as your mouthpiece? (since I bring up Jo Jo I just have to say...WHY would you deliberately use that for your stage name?? It makes you sound like a trained monkey! Now although that may be somewhat accurate, I'm guessing it's probably not the image you're shootin' for...) I can see how the inclusion of Teri Hatcher hooks that moms-of-teenagers demographic, but I'm not sure who the Muppets are there for. It's a surreal and senseless alliance . I keep thinking it could only be like there was some kind of write-a -PSA contest in grade schools nationwide and this was the winning idea. But that theory would only be feasible in 1985 or thereabouts as the majority of kids today don't even know the Muppets (not the ones from the Muppet show). On the other hand, I can imagine this being the product of a for real, bona fide ad agency....in fact, I can't imagine the brainstorming session where they hatched this premise without seeing a BONG prominent in the scenario.

Bookies

Stopped at Encore Books after work and picked up some new stuff to read...

I purchased--

a cook book: Retro Ranch ( I think a big reason I bought this was that it had a scone recipe in it. Upon further perusal I realized that to attempt about half of those recipes, I would have to somehow procure a Dutch oven)

a book for Chloe: "Why Don't You Get a Horse, Sam Adams?"

and 2 novels-- Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis (I really wanted to get Amis's"Take a Girl Like You" or "The Green Man" but neither was available)
The Black Prince by Iris Murdoch

You know, in the classics buying frenzy I'm in these days, I should buy another batch of books from the Dover website. I do appreciate those slim little "Dover Thrift Editions" and it would behoove me to behave more thriftily. Even though, as I've explained before, I have little or no spending guilt when I buy books (it's self-enrichment, an investment in one's own mind, and all that). But I should try to look for deals when I can get 'em. That's why tonight I shopped at Encore books (their stock is primarily used books) instead of at my beloved Borders. Anyways I bought about 8 or 9 titles from the Dover website once and now they continually email about special sales & savings. I could email them to please remove my name from their mailing list, but I keep thinking that I'll take advantage one of these days. My Dad has told me numerous times (although not lately, I've noticed. Perhaps he's given up?) how I really oughtta take books out of the library. I just cannot get into that idea... I am very possessive about my books, it may be 5 -10 years before I revisit a particular book (if ever) but I just dig the idea of amassing a library, I guess. And that would be why, even though I was really intrigued by the premise of BookCrossing I don't think I can bring meself to participate. Or maybe I will --and I'll release into the wild (book crossing lingo there)"One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez ... it was supposed to be this landmark classic, winner of multiple awards (Pulitzer? Booker Prize? I'm not sure. I DO know that it got the mega-prestigious Oprah seal of approval) and I forced myself to read the entire thing and it was a TORMENT to me. 100 years of mind-numbing tedium--that was my experience with that book. It was probably 3 years ago I read that and I still resent GGMarquez for thoroughly wasting so much of my time....

I know I said in my post from earlier today that my "Our Mutual Friend" mania was at its end? Well it is, but I'm coming to realize that it was merely the commencement of one of my li'l "kicks". This particular one a period drama kick, which besets me with some sporadic regularity. I spent a goodly amount of time on Amazon tonight, trying to decide if I wanted to next buy this, this , this or this . Don't worry amigos, I am not going to go on a MAAAD spree or anything. Although this coming Friday is payday.....it would be relatively harmless to stop by Borders and see what they've got to offer in their Brit TV on DVD section....

Boiled Dinner you're as lovely as your name...

Last night I was helping to clean up the kitchen (blah) and while I was transferring leftover boiled dinner from its colossal cooking vessel into some Tupperware, I began making up songs to amuse myself. Actually, my chief goal was to provoke a laughing fit in my mother (who was at the sink washing dishes at the time). Sometimes when I reeeeally get her going, she actually, for real, doubles over with laughter and cannot function until the amusement subsides. Last night's greatest hit was the Boiled Dinner song... I basically took this song from Cinderella and substituted "Boiled Dinner" everywhere I was 'sposed to sing "Cinderella" (because, syllabically, it's such a swell fit) Oh, and, the part where it sez "...the kingdom of romance" I sang "...the kingdom of my pants"...well, you get the idea, hellah funny. I am the insane man's Wayne Brady. White, insane, girl Wayne Brady. Not only did I provoke the intended fit from my mom, but I also wound up in a similar state. I started crying...mostly from laughter (but in a small part due to the realization of what a shameless dork I am)

Speaking of my dorkish tendencies.... I finished off "Our Mutual Friend" last night. I was DETERMINED to watch the whole rest of it...really seriously wrapped up in the saga...consequently I stayed up until just after 3am. I TOLD you I was addicted!! Anyways, that mania is over now. But--OH!-- I am ecstatic to report that whatever mysterious glitch was in Part III Chapter 16-17 it somehow unglitched itself. All I did was take out the DVD and blowed on it gently and the wee microscopic microns of Pixie Dust that inhabit my breath did their magical thang. Or there coulda been dust on the disc. I may never know which was the case, but the upshot is that I do not have to bring my precious movie back to Borders. Hurrah and yippy skippy!!



Clive Owen is the new face of Lancome. Mmm. Mmm. MMM!! Lancome, I assure you, has never looked so damn good. It's more hi-falutin' than the makeup I usually go in for (hello, Bonne Bell!) but I'm going to start buying Lancome faithfully. I don't care if he's in adverts for Men's Anti-aging anti-wrinkle cream, I'M BUYIN' I'll buy anything if Clive Owen's the one doin' the shillin'. Velveeta dipped moldy tangerines, Clive? Put me down for a dozen, babe!



Case in point--



I confess, I don't entirely know what "case in point" means but it just feels apropos to me at this juncture....

Dagnabbit!!

I was watching" Our Mutual Friend "last night (like you KNOWED I would be!!) and much to my vexation, right at the start of Chapter/Scene 16 episode 3, I discovered the disc to be all f*&^%$ed up!! It was all choppy, starting & stopping continuously, y'know like when you're loading a 'net video and it doesn't load all at once and it goes into "Buffering..." mode every 2 seconds. And so I got none of the audio and the scene looked like EXTREMELY sllllllooooowwww stop motion animation or something. Awful. From what I could tell, it looked like a pivotal scene too. I did not shift into "Hulk" mode, but I was MIGHTILY vexed, I tell you.
And the nutty thing is I am not wanting to take the DVD back to Borders. Well, of course, I don't want to own a defective DVD, but returning it now will delay my seeing Part IV. My only recourse is to finish watching the miniseries (without seeing Part III Chapter 16-17, unfortunately) and then bring it back to Borders which somehow strikes me as unethical but I'm going to hafta do it that way. Say I brought it back to Borders tomorrow, they don't have an in-store replacement, but they can order one in for me...ETA 8-10 business days. NOT an acceptable solution! I would have the shakes and weepy wistful daydream fits for about 2 weeks! I wouldn't be any good to anybody! This miniseries is like smack to me, I swear.

Additionally, this has made me a pretty good argument for the PMRC (Tipper Gore & co....who brought you the Parental Advisory Sticker on your favorite 2 Live Crew CDs) and similar media gestappo by illustrating how very influential media input can be to the maleable minded. Which is just to say-- I cannot shake the intense urge to talk with the accent and parlance of nineteenth century British gentry. For instance, I keep wanting to modify the word "good" with "frightfully" (although as yet, I have not praised anything aloud that was excellent enough to warrant the "frightfully good!" rating) And just today, I IMed my comrade Robin the sentence: "How cruelly you have dashed my hopes!" It wasn't a random, uncontexted outcry, she had somehow dashed my hopes but I can't recall just now what I was bitching about.

MUPPET NEWSFLASH: apparently in a neighboring town there was an armed robbery at the Shell station. This results in my mom totally stressing--actually going into floor-pacing, hand-wringing mode--because my sister happens to be home alone with the kids (my bro-in-law is on a business trip until Fri). I must confess, I'm being a bit of an unsympathetic bitch about it and going with my gut reaction (to her fretting) which is ANNOYANCE. What does she want me to do?? Go over to Laura's and hold vigil on her front steps with a shot gun? Ahhh, bad idea... methinks ME with a firearm is valid cause for worry. Maybe a more rudimentary weapon. Heeeey, I AM rather handy with a sock full o' nickels... real badass... like Michaelangelo chucks the nunchaku (the ninja turtle...not the painter)

I should be more understanding. I may internalize it more, but I can worry about some pretty irrational shit at times. On the other hand, I would never burden another with my worries if I could see that they were hard at work on their awesome blog.

Let's conclude with a totally un-newsworthy news item (newsworthless? is that a legit word?) The 47th Annual Mr Blackwell's Worst Dressed List was released today. I've got to hand it to the guy... he's kept the same, utterly unnecessary gig for 47 years. Now that bit I admire...it's an inspiration to catty underachievers everywhere (I'm not only club president...I'm a founding member, baby) It's his "wit" that I find lacking. He's getting progressively hokier as he ages, starting in 1969 when he began peppering his lists with puns and rhymey-rhyme limerick-esque humor (check here if you doubt me..oh, I have done my research girlfren... mmmmhmm) As to this year's Worst Dressed list...I have to disagree with him on that first place tie. Britney Spears totally deserves the #1 slot, in my estimation. However, as much as it PAINS me to defend Paris Hilton, I think she was wronged by Senor Blackwell. Now, if this were a "Top Vapid Whores of 2006" list, I would not dispute Paris's getting top honors. But I don't really think she's that bad of a dresser. In fact, I don't even know that she belongs on the top ten. I'm not saying she's my fashion idol or anything, but definitely there are several (at least a dozen) shittier dressers. I think Mr Blackwell just throws some big names , some big popular names, at the top of his list to show that the ol' guy is still pretty au courant. I probably shouldn't dis Blackwell, as he is probably considered the "godfather" of fashion commentary, and in general I am a BIG fan of that whole sartorial snarking thing , but COME ON, this guy's just ol' timey& quaint. I know the 'net is reporting that he released a list...but is the list actually published anywhere?? Perhaps they run off a huge stack of photocopies off it to offer gratis at the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce or something like that...

My apologies

Just reread my post I just posted and I am appalled at how I've disjointedly I flitted from topic to topic. I completely abandoned the art of the segue, and for that, my dear friends, I beg your pardon. I would edit, but I am determined to get my BBC period drama fix and it's 12:40am already. Damn it, I will drink a KEG of coffee tomorrow if needs be, but I WILL watch at least 1/2 of Part III.

Well anyways, sorry again for the wonky writing. Must jet...

It is I....CAPTAIN VEGETABLE!!

Well, you learn something new about yourself daily. Or ideally, you should ,I suppose. I have recently discovered that I very much enjoy rutabagas. Also, through some wikipedia digging, I have ascertained that the rutabaga and the turnip are NOT the same vegetable. I had two different people tell me that rutabaga is another word for turnip. They are gravely mistaken. Well, turnips are related to rutabagas, but they ARE NOT THE SAME THING. A turnip is Brassica rapa, while a rutabaga is Brassica napus. Sheesh, ya think at 2 & nine-tenths decades old, I woulda known that already, but nope...just read about that tonight. I like turnips alright too, but RUTABAGAS are my new vegetable fixation. My Top 5 favorite veggies (as the list stands presently) --

1. Cabbage
2. Rutabagas

3.Onions

4.Brussels Sprouts

5.Mushrooms (fresh ONLY...canned mushrooms are vile)

And there are many others I enjoy...have always enjoyed... y'know with such a penchant for veggies it's puzzling how I got such a flabtacular physique. Well, not utterly puzzling...I 'spose it's got a little something to do with my penchant for other, less healthy eats, and a LOT something to do with my fanatical aversion to exercise.

ANYWHOOO , I was pleased to know that rutabaga was a separate thing from turnips because I find the word "rutabaga" immensely satisfying & endlessly amusing. I like that I am choosing the proper word for the veggie I mean, and not just choosing between 2 synonymous terms. Because I would ALWAYS choose "rutabaga". But then I would suspect that I was getting gratuitous about it.

Tonight I finished up Iris Murdoch's "the Unicorn". Initially, I was really into the book and thought all of the characters had a lot of promise. But that was probably for half of the book and so then it wound up a rather disappointing read. Ultimately I thought it was all too much angst and not enough action. And the protagonist seemed to devolve into SUCH a simpering whine-ass over the course of the story and consequently at the very end I was totally apathetic about what would become of her. But when the book truly "jumped the shark" (to use the popular parlance of our times) for me was in chaper 29 when a certain character was killed. The protagonist harbored an undeniable twitterpation for said character, despite the fact he was a domineering, brooding, bisexual sadist. In my head I'd cast him as a real fox, so yeah, domineering sadism be damned, I was rooting for her to go for it all the same. Well she did go for it, but with the dull mysterious brooder who was short. Ugh. Not how I wanted it to play out! And then the short fellah didn't care to have anything to do with her at the end but at that point I didn't really care what happened to the vapid invertebrate and the book had already dragged on for 9 more tedious chapters after it killed off its best character. But, hey do not let that damning review deter you from reading Murdoch. My fave is the 1st one I read -"The Green Knight".

I made boiled dinner for supper last night and it came out pretty well. I think I prefer it with corned beef (I made it with ham as I had my Christmas ham from work that was needing to be used up) but I put in double the cabbage so that was good.

I bought at Borders a DVD of the BBC serial "Our Mutual Friend" adapted from a Dickens novel I've not read. I've not read much Dickens actually. Just "A Tale of Two Cities" and I think that's it. Anyways, I'm curious if "Our Mutual Friend" is a good read or not because I'm halfway through the miniseries & totally addicted . So much so that even though I have to rouse myself for an early a.m. meeting tomorrow, I think I will have to watch Part III after I wrap this up. I know my birthday & Christmas have just gone by, but if someone was simply compelled to delight me with a spontaneous generous gesture, they could buy me a whole set of BBC period dramas. I would SO dig that. (I AM quite aware of what a tremendous nerd I am, in case you were wondering...)

HULK SMASH!!!

Work was LOUSY today. The 800 lines for our Denton TX branch went down and Verizon spent ALL DAY repairing them (and as of go-home time this evening, they weren't even fixed!) So while those lines were down they forwarded all their calls to us in NH. This is the calls that come in to a dept of 60 people now all coming in to a group of 7. I was soooo damn frazzled I was thisclose to hulking right the fuck out. And I have a rather private cubicle, as it happens, so that would be an ideal venue for hulking out. Y'know how, on the show, David Banner would come up against the bad guys in a warehouse and they'd knock his wussy ass into some shelving, thereby knocking a ton of packages & shit on top of him. And it was only THEN, under cover of umpteen cardboard boxes, that he would metamorphasize. And nobody ever really saw the transformation and weren't quite bright enough to make that Banner-Hulk connection (durrrr!). And that's how the nimrods in my office would be... "Hmmm I saw Sandra sitting by herself in her wee cubicle and now there's a ginormous enraged Hulk monster in there punching phones and throwing desk chairs and now WHERE did Sandra go? Possibly she is cowering under her desk for fear of this Hulk that materialized out of nowhere???" I would totally fool them, except possibly for the fact that one of my well known catchphrases (in times of stress) is "Grrrrrrr!! I. AM. GOING. TO. HULK . OUT!!!" Even that might not tip them off. One tends to expect the unexpected. It seems too inevitable that the maniac proclaiming that she is about to hulk out will actually hulk out...it can't possibly be her. No way.

Well I suppose there is a silver lining here...those bitches in Texas had a nice, quiet low key workday. Somehow this fails to console me...

This cheered me somewhat though. ....Damon does McConaughey...not in the way you're thinking YOU HOGGERS!!! Check it out, it made me chortle.

Alright, I'm getting a bit groggy so I'm going to cut myself off before I decend into an embarrassing drivel spiral like I did in those posts from the other night...

My 100th post! YAAAAAY ME!

Damn, with a little foresight & planning I could have had a celebratory cake on hand for this occasion. But no dice (or rather, CAKE) as foresight & planning are not exactly-nor have they ever been--my "bag". Aaah well, I suppose it's just as well since celebratory cake doesn't really jive well with my New Year's Resolution to shed some LBs...to really for real do it this year. So I'm insteading consuming a Dole Pineapples & Creme Fruit Parfait. I'm sure this is a healthier option than "Congrats on your 100th Post" cake, and yet I am suspicious of the nutritional value of this quasi-gelatinous goo these pineapples are suspended in. Tastes ok though. Especially the cream part--no, sorry the creme. I think because it's spelled thusly on the lid here, that means it was imported from France.

In my recent web meanderings, I stumbled onto this very rad website. Methinks I'll make this one a fixture on my Links sidebar --that's how neat-o I think it is. Although y'know the pressure to convert from Old Blogger to NEW Blogger is getting intense....so when I inevitably cave in and change over...well will I even have links anymore? Will I have to re-do that sidebar? I am determined to keep on wondering...at least for a while longer. The more Blogger nags me to switch to the new, TREMENDOUSLY IMPROVED Blogger, the more I'm inclined to "dig in my heels". Oh, but I suppose I will convert eventually.

Mi amiga Kara has converted...thereby abandoning me here in Obsoleteville. (waaah)I did like her new li'l "Personal Info Sidebar", particularly right at the top corner,where it informs you as to "What I'm Reading Now". I'm curious...does the blog dashboard prompt you to update that section? 'Cause if it's just part of the template, I could see how that could very easily be forgotten about & neglected. And how embarrassing...to have on there for 8 months or a year or what have you to say that you are reading, still reading, and stiiiiiill reading "Cell" by Stephen King. People will begin to suspect you're slow or something....

In case you're wondering what I'm reading. I just finished up an Iris Murdoch novel "The Nice and the Good" This is the 3rd Murdoch novel I've read...she is getting to be one of my faves. Although I once started to read (the book she wrote just prior to "The Nice& the Good") "The Time of the Angels" and I could NOT , for the life o' me, get into it. I was reading on Amazon what people thought of the book I'd just finished.... I do that often... I don't like to get overly influenced by other's reviews, so I wait until I'm well entrenched in a book ..or in this case, I held off until I was done. Everyone who wrote praising "The Nice and the Good" prattled on so profoundly--as if it revised their whole core philosophy or something. And y'know those psychological/philosophical motifs in the book didn't utterly elude me, but what pulled me into the book was the "soapiness" of it. It was smartly written, and insightful and all that but it had elements of a good soap opera in its plotlines-- what with all the falling in & out of love and the rampant adultery. And ultimately, that's all I really want outta my fiction. I guess I'm sort of a simpleton. As much as I enjoyed reading the book, if the hook-ups I'd been rooting for didn't wind up happenin' I would've ruled it an overall disappointing read and not worth recommending (as it is, I do recommend it... all concludes as it ought to, and I reread the last 2 chapters two or three times) Happy endings are a BIG DEAL with me... I am pretty obdurate about that...I want my happy endings!! To hell with artistic integrity, realism, etc etc....

other crap I thought of

I had left off at "Charles Nelson Reilly--IS--Edna Turnblatt..." because I felt like wrapping up by referencing one of the Match Game regulars lent my post a nice "full circle" quality, but really, I ceased my prattling prematurely. I have other crap in my head, albeit trivial, completely inconsequential crap. That's what happens when you don't post for a whole week, I guess. Trivial crap-o-la build up.

Blathering on about "Hairspray" made me think about Rikki Lake. Back in her fatty days (ok, well 1989, specifically) she did a TV movie called "Baby Cakes" which I taped off the telly. If I remember correctly I watched the hell outta that one. It was real inspirational, triumph-of-the-human-spirit stuff.. the abridged plot synopsis goes something liiiiike: Fat girl steals hunk away from beautiful bitch fiance. Yep, that about sums it up. And that's probably unabridged, actually. The hunk in question is Craig Sheffer. Guess who Rikki Lake plays? Ha, ha, ha. It's not landmark cinema, by any means, but I would most definitely recommend it if you're looking for something in the Fat-Girl-Meets-Stud, Fat-Girl-Woos-Stud, Stud-dumps-Hot-but-Bitchy-Fiance genre. You could probably call it a classic of that genre.

And since I'm such a wiz at hypothetical casting (as evidenced in the disjointed ramblings of my prev. post) I would say that if there was a biopic made of Craig Sheffer's life, the best pick for the role of Craig Sheffer would be David Boreanaz.
They are similar lookin' dudes, I've always thought so. Looky here--
David Boreanaz---


Craig Sheffer as the wicked Hardy Jenns in
the incomparable "Some Kind of Wonderful" ---


I find it interesting that it was sort of a trial finding a pic of Craig Sheffer while when digging for the Boreanaz pic there was something like 9 gajillion fan sites to pick from....when Sheffer is clearly the better looking of the two. Wellllll, perhaps not these days. But Sheffer ought to look to Val Kilmer for inspiration...he too, went through a bloated/haggard/ old/ puffy stage, but he seems to be coming out of it (last I heard anyways).
Although I seem very pro-Sheffer, (well I am)I do still feel it wise to cast David Boreanaz as Craig Sheffer. Today's Craig Sheffer is too old to play Craig Sheffer in his prime, and let's not forget, Craig Sheffer is apt to give a rather biased portrayal of Craig Sheffer at any age. An added bonus of casting Boreanaz-- it's guaranteed to lure all the gothy sci-fi nerds who are still boo-frickety-hooing over "Angel" getting cancelled.
Well, now that I've devoted 3 paragraphs to it , it strikes me that a Craig Sheffer biopic is a seriously unlikely project. What I'd really like to see instead (another project that could make use of this genius bit of casting) is a fictional behind-the-scenes documentary on the making of "Some Kind of Wonderful". I love that movie. It would be very tough though finding a good looking red-head to play Eric Stoltz circa 1986. Eric Stoltz has a very unique angular-featured handsomeness that would be difficult to match. (Again- real Eric Stoltz=too old) Plus, that tomato red hair. They could **not** cast a non-redhead. That would not be ok with me.
Ok, the "Some Kind of Wonderful" fictionalized mock doc is an unlikely project too, but hey-- in this post-"Snakes on a Plane"culture of ours, who knows?? Truth is, it's laaaaaaaaaaate, and I'm sleep deprived and it's making me type nutty shit.
But I'm NOT DONE! I must utterly purge my noggin before retiring for the night. The pisser of it is, I have a feeling that I'm so tired that when I at last go to bed, I won't be able to get to sleep.

I also was gonna mention some recent celeb nuptials.. .. granted it's C-list celebs, and nothing too interesting, but I thought with all this death talk in the media lately (Saddam gettin' stretched & the big Ford-Brown Funeral-palooza Tour) it was important--for the sake of balance--to talk amour.
A while back (this is old 2006 news-- pre-Christmas stuff, reeeeeaching back into the archives) Lara Flynn Boyle got hitched to a random "civilian" dude. The dude in questions name is Donald Ray Thomas. I hope it will not be a source of tension in their marriage that her triple-name name is thoroughly becoming--lyrical, lilting, lovely and evocative of other good L-word qualties. Donald Ray Thomas, on the other hand? 3 first names that are perfectly inoffensive on their own, but when bonded together...well, it's a moniker for an assassin. Or a sniper. Less than lilting, let's just say.

More fun with newlywed names... I read just today that Jay Mohr may have married his fellow C-lister girlfriend Nikki Cox. My mind's eye immediately envisioned Nikki's hometown newspaper, and the headline on that wedding announcement: Mohr-Cox. HAAAAAAAAA! I can be so juvenile . But remember-- wicked bad severe sleep deprivation. That is the root of all this idiocy!!

I noticed the Mohr-Cox (ha!) article mentioned that Nikki Cox was previously "engaged to comedian Bob Goldthwait". Probably not too presumptuous of me to conclude that "comedian Bob Goldthwait" = Bobcat Goldthwait. And now she's hitched to Jay Mohr. And this makes me think "Nikki Cox is a lovely young woman lacking in confidance. Sure, this is an upgrade but she has still married several levels below her mating potential. She must have serious self-esteem issues." And then I chided myself for such an uncharitable thought and re-hypothesized " Nikki Cox is a truly lovely young woman made all the more lovely by her knack for appraising others by their non-aesthetic assetts." See, I'm trying to be a li'l bit less of a jaded bitch in 2007.


Tonight I fell in love with the song "Wolf Like Me" by TV On The Radio. I think 99Rock had played it before, but I'd not paid attention and realized how much I really dig it. I dig it sooo much, in fact, that I cannot at the moment think of how it goes at all. I think I'll watch the video online tomorrow. I could probably track it down now, but it will be infinitely more enjoyable with the speedy server connection plus it is FINALLY, at long last, bedtime for Bonzo!!
Nighty night, dearies!!

Dumb Dora is SOOOOO dumb...

...I've been watching a lot of Match Game recently. What is it with the Match Game that they always included the year with the show title?? "Match Game 73" or "Match Game 75" or whatever ... they are the only show I can think of that did that ...certainly the only game show that did that. It's almost like they had the show's posterity in mind...they wanted future game show afficianados to be able to say something like "Oh you hated that episode? Well no wonder! That was Match Game 74 which was a terrible Match Game vintage partly due to Gene Rayburn's brief bout with opium addiction and Charles Nelson Reilly's sabbatical to do an off-Broadway revival of "The Music Man"." I haven't been watching enough to be able to rank the years in order of quality or anything like that, but I am digging the show. Gene Rayburn has been added to my roster of "Best Gameshow Hosts Ever" Most gameshow hosts' wit consists of just being a smart ass straight man (which I totally appreciate) but Gene Rayburn is the rare gameshow host that will do physical comedy. But they all have their key assets, the hosts on this elite mental roster-- Chuck Woolery has a certain swanky charm and that trademark "2 & 2" move he does, Bob Eubanks has the word "whoopie", and Gene Rayburn has goofy physical comedy (and horsey teeth). Oh, and Guy Smiley has this adorable golden-hued foam rubberish & spongey complexion....

So my New Year's was decent. New Year's day brought me a MONSTER of a headache, but I suppose it coulda been worse. I went to my sister's for a party. During the course of the evening a small-ish food fight broke out. Now of course, the kids are very curious about these parties that require them to have off-site babysitting (not that there are that many of them...honest!) and yesterday were full of questions. Greg very dumbassedly let slip just that one detail. About the food fight. Of all the things to tell them! A massive food fight is like one of the top kid fantasies. Now the kids are experimenting with tossing vittles around at mealtimes. Laura will hafta have a talk with 'em, set them straight. I wonder if she'll go with "Do NOT throw food...it's fine for drunken adults to do, but not you!" or "Food fights are only OK on New Year's Eve".

It's amusing that my sister, who is her household's chief enforcer of tidiness, was the initiator and most active participant in this food fight. I say 'tis amusing, but it's in no way surprising. My sister is quite prone to a total persona 180 after a few oz. of alcohol...Laura Jeckyl & Mamma Hyde. Yowza. I do love her (the laws of Nature mandate that I do) but--OY-- she has the potential to be the world's most obnoxious drunk. Conversely, people usually can't tell when I'm drunk. I will suddenly realize it during a bathroom trip when I can't stop Cheshire cat grinning at my own reflection and the hand-eye coordination required to regloss my lips is taking considerably more concentration. But outside of the bathroom, I don't really outwardly convey drunkenness. Overall, I find this to be a good trait....except for those occasional occasions where I'd like to be taken advantage of and then it's rather a pain in the ass.

How sad is it that the #1 thing that I find exciting about January ...is that it means new episodes on the Office, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty & Heroes?? Poor poor pitiful moi. What slightly redeems me is that I am not just a lowly couch potato....I am a couch potato with sporadic classical leanings. Because, in fact, the TV "event" I am the MOSTEST stoked about is Jan21
when once again they'll rehash Jane Eyre....this time for Masterpiece Theatre. So..set your DVRs Bronte fans!! Daaamn, is that a bizarre-ass sounding utterance! Not that I actually said it out loud...I'm not that excited about the thing. But I am stoked...even if my employ of the term "rehash" undercuts the sincerity of my stoked-ness. I mean, there's no denying the story has been done and redone and remade and REEEEEEMIXED!! ad infinitum (see here) but I am game for another 100 movie adaptations. Admittedly, I am a bit of an Eyre-aholic. I haven't seen like, the 1914 silent film version, or anything like that but I do have 3 DVDs of it ( the 1983 Timothy Dalton miniseries, the 1996 Zeferelli-directed version, and the 1997 A&E miniseries with Samantha Morton & Ciaran Hinds) High time to do another big screen version, I say. I mean, I guess 1996 (the yr of the last big screen version) is maybe too recent for Hollywood to be doing another one. But really, there are some pretty idiotic projects in the Hollywood "hopper" so why not a Jane Eyre remake, huh? I suppose it depends on industry trends...in which case, I wonder how 2005's "Pride & Prejudice" did, $$$-wise?? I know I really dug it, but I wonder what the box office figures looked like. If it was a financial flop, then my dream Jane Eyre movie ("Clive Owen ---IS--Edward Rochester!" I can just hear the cheesy Coming Attractions voice over now) will be a loooong time a-comin'.

Now when I just now commented that "there are some pretty idiotic projects in the Hollywood hopper" I was thinking specifically of the movie "Hairspray" set to open up July of this year. I remember being aaaaaall excited back in '03 when it was being said that "Chicago" revived the movie musical. And now they do THIS to the genre--when it is still wobbly on new colt's legs, trying to tenatively re-ingratiate itself with the public--now, now.. UGH. It makes me ill. "Hairspray" was originally a movie...and then apparently the movie was so terrif they had to make it into a Broadway show. Sure..sort of a switcheroo from the usual progression, but OK, fine. Now they're again doing the movie? Same convoluted mess they made with The Producers . Which, y'know, the Producers mighta come out fine, I can't say (not having seen the show or the movie) but it just gives the impression that people are running out of ideas, getting lazy. But that is just a minor quibble....my big gripe here is casting. They have that ubiquitous junior stud from the mega-ubiquitous HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL playing Link Larkin. Link Larkin--if I comprehend the role fully (and uhhh, "Hairspray" is not Dostoyevsky, I think I get it) is supposed to be the ULTIMATE "dreamboat". Zac Efron (yes, I know the name...Sandra admitted ashamedly)-- NOT DREAMY ENOUGH. I know, I know, there about a trillion Tiger Beat subscribers that would lynch me on charges of blasphemy if they read that, but I STAND BY MY ASSESSMENT. Bring it on, bitches.
Even worse casting is John Travolta as the mother. He is nowhere near campy enough for the role of Edna. The fact that he owes his present-day career to Quentin Tarantino--that gives him a slight kitsch factor, but we're talking a character birthed from the noggin of JOHN WATERS. Now Waters goes beyond kitsch--deep into white-trash camp territory, the Jerry Springerish Nth ring of hell. What they shoulda done (sez me) is-- instead of trying to propel a newcomer to fame (voila!! A star is born!) by giving the lead role to a no-name,they should've tried to add some surreal star power to the role of Tracy (J-Lo in a fat suit? I dunno..) and recruited an amateur to play Edna. And they should've scouted for talent in the most lurid dens of iniquity on Earth, culled from the most subterranean depths of the sub-culture, y'know? OR they should've cast Charles Nelson Reilly. He could play the HELL outta Edna Turnblatt, I tell ya. And hey-- combine the Disney Channel demographic with the Game Show Network demographic and the flick is GUARANTEED to kick box office fanny!!

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let i-- Oh, nevermind!

I was miffed all day Sunday, and like nine-tenths of Monday due to a lack of fluffy white stuff on the ground. Of COURSE , I mean snow...I'm sure as hell not talkin' ermine (the PETA gestappo would terrorize me!!)

Then last night, at about 11pm, my mother sez "Sheeesh, it's snowing like hell out there!!" Now in the Hallmark channel movie version of my life, at this point I would rush outside and do a few awe-motivated pirouettes with my head tilted up to the sky, an enchanted glow on my smiley visage, and marvel for a few precious moments at the winter wonderment of it all. Well, here's what REALLY happened-- I barely averted my gaze from the TV (I was watching AMC's "Broken Trail " for the 4th time) and I sputtered "ARGH! It's too damn late! F**** it!!"

Well, heck, as long as the driving doesn't get too hazardous, I 'spose I'm ok with a little white fluffy ambiance for a while...

From our holiday potluck last Thurs we have a lot of leftover 2liter bottles of soda and I've been trying to singlehandedly rid the office of this soda surplus. Seriously, I've been knockin' back like a mofo and I don't think ANYBODY is helping me. Here's the wacky-ass part of it... by Fri afternoon the soda was already getting too flat for my liking (I also have rather particular beverage standards ) but I'm inexplicably getting a thrill from using the leftover party cups. They're plastic 9oz Solo brand cups like this---

except in translucent red or green. Usually, I am opting for the red ones. I load it up with ice from the cafeteria vending machine and then the flattish leftover soda and drink my bevvie from a coffee stirrer. I'm not entirely sure why it is, but I do find this practice ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL. The simple & somewhat sane explanation is that the fine folks over at Solo put out an excellent product, capable of lending a shot of festive cheer to even the most mundane of environs. Yeah, and I suppose that's part of it. But more than that I like to imagine that I'm drinking an airline cocktail. Yep, just the mere pretense of boozing it up at work improves my day here in cubby-Hades.

Ohhhh the LUXURY of VELOUR

I haven't posted since 12/15?? THE HECK YOU SAY!! I can't believe I've been so neglecting!

My focus du jour has been griping about the company making me work on Boxing Day. Sure, I could've taken one of the 3days of leave I had to use up before the end of '06 but I shouldn't have to do that. I needed those days off (I used them all up this month on the 6th, 14th &19th) to prepare for Christmas. But that's beside the point...I shouldn't have to tap into my personal leave time in order to observe Boxing Day. It should be nationally mandated that everybody gets it off. I was reading up on Boxing Day (as I have before, but I felt a yen to reevaluate/refresh/reinforce my current comprehension of the whole dealie ) and though there are debates over the origins of the name "Boxing Day" it is well established that the point of the day is to be charitable and give to those less fortunate. How noble a holiday! It most definitely warrants a day off from work. Heck, if I did have Boxing Day off, I feel certain I would be generous and charitable and totally celebrate accordingly. But as it is, in my current state of dismay (penned in my generosity-squashing, charitability-squelching cubicle) I can't manage any effort of the sort. A pity, that.

I think everybody in the Upper Valley that had today off (and there were a lot of 'em -just not my sorry arse) decided to lunch at the 99 today. And unluckily, this is where Robin and I opted to order takeout. The wait time, when I went to fetch it, was longish, but not horrible. Although during this wait time, while squashed in their wee waiting area, alongside a throng of about 900 people waiting for a table, I found myself musing over the merits of the Carside-to-go feature they have at Outback & Applebee's . I don't know who thought up that whole program, but if I could figure that out and somehow contact that person, it is likely that I would extol the high quality of their cognitive processes.... and shortly thereafter call them "Lincoln" (ha ha) Anyways, like I was sayin'...the wait was longish but not awful but they neglected (probably because they were SO busy) to give me the fork/knife/napkin sets and the ketchup that I expressly requested on the phone. UGH. Hey, I DID refrain from rushing the 99 lady with one of my lethal leaping scissors kicks, so thereby I suppose I did manage a charitable act for Boxing Day.
I got a ROAST BEEF & CHEDDAR DIP sammich, which was daring, because I am HIGHLY finicky about my roast beef-- in particular, I don't like it to be very red or bloody. Texture is also taken into close consideration. Today's rb from 99 did not quite meet my high standards and I only ate half my sami. I think what it was that convinced me that a Roast Beef & Cheddar Dip was the lunch por moi was the whole dip factor. This particular sammich comes with **2** dip options --a creamy horseradish or au jus. I find this to be a marvelous feature, since I am of the philosophy that oftentimes the condiment is the make-or-break factor in an entree's overall success (or lack thereof). I find it baffling that there are not more dipping sandwiches. Why aren't there more dipping sandwiches??

So..Christmas was good. Every year has my sister vowing "We have to downsize Christmas next year!!" in response to her kids getting a mega-ginormous quadruple BUTTLOAD of toys. But when the next Christmas comes around...that vow to downsize has been completely forgotten!! Maybe I was just extra-sensitive to this this year, since I undertook the job of transporting all of mine & my parents presents for Laura, Greg, & offspring up to casa de mi hermana. I thought for a while there I was going to hafta rent me a Uhaul. Daaaaamn!

I did pretty well too...I got a few gift certificates, a neato purse, a daily planner, desk calendar, a journal, a gumball machine, some headbands, 2 necklaces, and this lovely velour track suit that I am sporting today. I know, I know, the velour tracksuit ship has sailed and that look is no longer in vogue, but I can't help adoring my velour tracksuit. It is such a delight to wear, I REFUSE to apologize for being a fashion blight on the world. I can't stop petting myself either. I am so luxuriously fuzzy. Purrrrrrrrrr

I was rather bummed to hear James Brown died yesterday. I made a Christmas tunes mix this year and track #10 was James Brown's "Soulful Christmas". I had just discovered the song this year when I was scouting out new material for my holiday mix...it was very cool. I mean it is very cool. But Boxing Day is supposed to be happy, and I deserve to have residual Christmas glee at least up until Jan2, so I'm trying to not let it bum me out too much. I try to remember him as he appeared in his mugshot...frighteningly disshevelled. I believe he also videotaped women on the potty...so yeaah, when I focus on the pervy-voyeur, wife-beater aspect of the late J.B., then I managed to not get overly distressed about the loss. But yeah, it still sucks.. I mean, if it wasn't for James Brown, there'd be no JAMES BROWN CELEBRITY HOT TUB PARTY which is--in my expert opininon--the most wonderful bit from Eddie Murphy's brief but brilliant SNL stint.

"WeeeOOOWWW HOT TUB! Gonna git in the wah-taah.."

Ok, gotta jet pets... hope your Boxing Day is turning out to be terrif...

you better be good FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

I was musing over that line, in one of my more uhh, muse-over-stupid-shit moments, and I figured we can't possibly be meant to take that bit of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" literally. I mean, the whole gist of this song is about how this Santa fellah has constant surveillance over all the kiddies out there, he is making notes on your behavior and rewarding the good kiddies with beau coup loot. Fair enough. Me comprende. But then they hit this line in the chorus "you better be good for goodness sake!" That's right--be good just for the sake of being good, kids, not for the copius mountains of toys it'll net ya. Just ignore that whole Santa Claus/ giant bribe thing I mentioned and just behave because you ought to. Truly, the holidays are the very best times to get your kids all fucked up puzzling over ethical complexities. Can't just leave them to their sweet dreaming-of-sugar-plums naivete.
Ok, ok, ok-- yeah I know the "-for goodness sake" part is a purely rhetorical, tacked on there because it works syllabically and is kind of, in a way alliterationesque (not exactly, but you know what the hell I mean--with the "good" & the "goodness") But you know, occasionally you'll get a kid that's a real deep thinker like myself (oh yes, they ARE out there..in fact my eldest niece Chloe shows signs of being a kindred tortured genius) a kid that will ponder the core message of the song, and that li'l turn of phrase is going to perplex them. Maybe then, these songwriters should not have sacrificed meaning for the sake of assonance. I have a substitute phrase to propose...how 'bout "you better be good you little shits"? A trifle crude maybe, but it works syllabicly. Definitely is not so ethically perplexing, that's for sure...

So have been staying with the folks lately. Since my dad's been outta the hospital (hip replacement surgery back on Dec 5) we've had one of these booster potty chairs in the bathroom...

although the one presently @ my parents' casa is not attached to the toilet. You can put in onto and take it off of the toilet as needed. Really, I ought to take the thing off and move it everytime I go....but I don't. Gives the task a whole new spin when you let the bidness fly from, like, 5 feet above target. Different accoustics, or something I guess. Sorry to be such a hogger but I'm trying to exhibit my multi-facetedness here. I can be goofily clever (paragraph 1) and then do a total persona-pivot and do toilet humor (literally). I have such RANGE. It's, like, phenomenal how much range I gots, G.

I am monumentally vexed that I missed Thursday night's eppy of The Office. And I've not verified it in the TV listings, but there's probably 3 or 4 weeks before they start in with new episodes again. Grrrrr.

Disjointed blathering--blahdee blah blah

I've been negligent, I know. But I'm still here. Don't you fret,
my pet(s).

The barbecue chips I bought outta the cafeteria vending machine are really barfy. Which is just as well, as I certainly don't need to ingest barbecue chips and didn't particularly want them ... why did I buy these? Uuuugh

TV Land got me addicted to "That Girl" this weekend when they ran a 48hr marathon of THAT sitcom but now I can't seem to find the show on the TV Land schedule. How cruel of them! It's like I'm a junkie with no hope of a fix.

Even though I am listening to a variety of holiday tunes on Yahoo! radio, the one that is sticking in my noggin today is "Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat/ Please to put a penny in the ol' man's hat/ If you haven't got a penny, than a ha' penny will do/ if you haven't got a ha' penny--God bless you!!"

My Dad is getting out of the hospital right about now. I've been staying at the folks' to keep my mom company and am going to continue staying there, to help out while Dad's recouperating. But I can tell ya... it's going to be a whole new exercise in aggravation staying there while both parents are in residence. My mom has her quirks, but generally she's pretty easy-goin'. My Dad is a HUUUGE perfectionist type A kinda guy and I'm really more of a staunch
anti-perfectionist. So, yeah, this should be fun.

Stumbled upon this site today. Me mucho gusto. I can't believe, with ALL my retail prowess, that I was previously unaware of its existence. Boggles the mind.

Well, my lunch hour has just about runneth out and it's pert' near time to reapply my nose to the proverbial grindstone. BAH.

oh, Archer Farms LLC, I FORGIVE YOU!!

..you guys have totally redeemed yourselves. In addition to the barfy Chocolate Cranberry trail mix that I kvetched about on Mon, I also picked up a "Sweet Cajun" trail mix. It is EXCELLENT. I'm just glad I didn't try the terrif Sweet Cajun mix first and then had the Chocolate Cranberry stuff...because that woulda been a scenario of profound disappointment rather that surprise redemption. Sweet Cajun trail mix has in it: honey nut crunch peanuts, toasted corn, honey sesame sticks, cajun sesame sticks, regular peanuts, & almonds. "Toasted corn" I copied off the package...they're actually CORN NUTS but that name is probably owned by, uhh, I dunno, whoever makes Corn Nuts. I love the corn nuts and the sesame sticks especially. Oh man this stuff is killer...I wish I'd bought it in a BARREL.

Some notes about upcoming movies... "The Holiday" is going on my must-see list...but definitely holding out until the thing comes out on DVD. I am only charmed by 1/2 of this quartet of lovers and I feel my viewing experience will be much improved by the capability of fast forwarding through all the Cameron Diaz-Jude Law bits. Who wants to watch that??? It's a head cheerleader falling for a quarterback type scenario.. and that does not a decent rom-com make. But the Jack Black &Kate Winslet hook-up looks charming. WOOOOAH hold the mayo-- after further imdb digging, I don't know if I'll be able to hold off until this flick's DVD release. It has John Krasinski (aka mucho adorable Senor Jim Halpert) in it . He's also in Dreamgirls, coming out this month (which I really want to see). I don't think he's got a real substantial role in either flick, but still, it'd be a kick too see him up on the big screen instead of in my living room for a change. Not that I mind him coming over or anything. It's just that I keep trying to lure him into other rooms of the house and he ain't havin' it... Ahem, um, ANYWAYS...

Speaking of small screen stars transitioning to the megaplex.. .
Are many people going to go see "Rocky Balboa" because they really felt matters were unresolved after the last Rocky movie and they've lived a half-life in an agonizing state of limbo for these past 16 years waiting for this sixth installment of the series? Ok, I'm being melodramatic here, but I wonder how many moviegoers are planning on seeing the flick out of a genuine interest in another rehashing of the Rocky story OR, are they more stoked about seeing Peter Petrelli play son-of-Rocky?? I know I'm intrigued. Intrigued, but not stoked. It would take more than a vague twinge of intrigue to get me out to the theatre to see "Rocky Balboa". It would definitely take someone else paying for my tix & num-nums (it may even take someone abducting me at gunpoint...it depends how obstinate I'm feeling on that particular night)

I did really dig this past Monday night's episode of Heroes...much better than that six month rewind bullshit they pulled on me last week. The pisser is now that I'm vaguely somewhat partially up-to-speed and definitely hooked, they go on holiday until the end of January!! That is an OUTRAGE! Why the hell do TV shows get to do that? It's not like they hafta work through the summer!! Some other shows I dig that misguidedly thought that they could take a winter break-- Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, and I think The Office (after next week's episode). Man, if you don't like Peanuts or formulaic Oxygen/Hallmark Channel holiday schlock, then December is a lameass month for TV. Maybe I should use this time to catch up with my looong neglected Netflix queue. Although I do love a good schmaltzy Hallmark Channel original...if they have some new offerings for this year, I may just HAVE TO partake....

HIP hop hooraaaay HOOOO HEEEEY

My Dad had hip replacement surgery yesterday(went very smoothly). 68 years old and this is his first surgery ever. Consequently, he is just NOW discovering the joys of flirting with nurses. Seriously, it's like his new favorite pasttime. All of those nurses just think he's absolutely precious, and what's more, they haven't heard all his stories (not yet anyways). I almost think when he comes home he'll have hospital withdrawl.

Had today off from work and spent the bulk of it up at the hospital. Maaaan, DHMC is one ginormous bastard of a hospital. I wonder, if all the nation's hospitals were ranked by size, where would DHMC would place on that list? Hmmmm....

I was flipping thru US Weekly and they had this big feature on this brand-new twosome that are redefining--nay, perfecting the art of friendship, and of course the legendary pair I refer to is Britney Spears & Paris Hilton. Now I didn't read any of that article, because I had just bought the magazine and was doing my initial perfunctory flip-thru. But there was 2pg pictoral timeline of their burgeoning bond. I was gazing at this and wondered, "Why the hell is Paris always propping Britney up?" In nearly all the photos, Paris was latched on to Brit's elbow like Brit was her 80 year old Grandma traversing a field of glare ice. Ok, yeah, OBVIOUSLY Britney's schnockered and maybe not so steady on her feet (to which, I gotta say :GO HOME TO YOUR KIDS YOU FILTHYDUMB SLAG) But Paris --steady & sober? That's the bit that baffles me. And even in that case (Brit: drunk & wobbly while Paris: sober & steady) wouldn't it seem more Parisian to allow Britney to topple ass over commando teakettle and just stand by smirking photogenically for the paparazzi?? I mean, is that not what she did when her other BFF Kimberly Stewart took a spill on a motorcycle?? I suspect Paris has a very shrewd reason for safeguarding Britney... If anybody wins out of the Brit-KFed bust up, it's Ms Hilton, herself. I mean, this new friendship is PR gold for her...every shot of these two together has Paris looking just terrific. I mean, she looks like a paragon of sophistication--Grace Freakin' Kelly-- and all she needs to do is go on a pub crawl with that Cheetolicious Trailer Hag. Very shrewd, very MACHIAVELLIAN, Miss Paris...maybe you are not quite as much of a dimwit as I'd presumed!!

it's the DUDE, Dude!!

The cream of today's celebrity birthday crop..... JEFF BRIDGES!!! So happy day to Jeffy & congrats on turning 57 & having me like him better than I like Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies & Tyra Banks. In the celebrity word association game in my mind "Jeff Bridges" always makes me think "Kurt Russell"...it's weird. The two are inextricably linked in my mind...as are Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman..for obvious reasons with the 2 bland Bills. But the only reason I can think of why I would associate the "meh" not-so-great Kurt Russell with the magnificent Jeff Bridges is a similarity of hairdo. WHY do I judge Jeff Bridges as so superior to Kurt Russell, you may well ask? Well as I proclaimed in the subject line--"it's the DUDE, dude!" Yes, Jeff Bridges will always be, in my heart, "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski. OR His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. (ha ha) If Jeff Bridges does not think that "The Big Lebowski" is the best thing he's ever done in his career than I am inclined to knock the guy upside the head with a cricket bat. But as it's his birthday, I'll be a nice gal and aim for the ass. Although I do have lousy aim. So I guess it's lucky for Jeff Bridges that I do not possess a cricket bat. Unless of course he agrees with me (then my possession/lack of possession is a moot issue) and he should agree damn it because "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" IS A CLASSIC FOR ALL TIME!! Yes, I am a fan of that film. Probably if I had seen that film where JB gets romantically involved with (uggh--gag!) Barbara Streisand, he'd lose major cool points with me but on the other hand I love a little action flick he did called "Blown Away" (and I usually dislike action movies) because that has Tommy Lee Jones (*awesome*) doing an Irish accent (*even awesomer*) while Jeff is rocking a Boston accent wicked haaaaahd. So that's 2 great films to 1 probably lousy film plus Jeff Bridges looks better in Kurt Russell's hair than Kurt does, so overall, I like me some Jeff Bridges.
WOW...that might be my longest celeb b-day diatribe to date, and I'm not even that much of a Jeff Bridges fan. Honestly! I think I was just a-hankerin' to perpetrate some run-on sentences and found me a good vehicle for that craving. I feel oddly gratified.

In NON-celebrity birthdays my Aunt Sandi turns 60 today!! Happy happy Birthday Aunt Sandi! I love her a lot more than Jeff Bridges, who never once knitted me a matching scarf & mitten set (for my b-day 2 yrs ago...and-*BONUS POINTS*- she'd listened to me when I ranted that they don't have mittens connected on a cord for adults....and...GUESS WHAT.... there is now 1 pair of {handmade} adult cord-connected mittens...and they're mine..ALL MIIIINE!)

I took my mum to Keene yesterday on a Christmas shopping expedition. We went to Target where, in the cheapie section (the dollar bonanza area where not everything is a dollar but most of it is) I bought a tabletop tree & trimmings for my cubby. It is a silver tinsel tree and I have a silver bow on top, pink maribou garland, and multi-colored mini disco balls hanging off it. It is a cheap and gaudy disco tree but I can't stop gazing at it lovingly. Ohhh, what $2.50 will get you at Target! It's sublime, I love it, love it, loooove it. My only gripe (and it pains me to critique you Target...you know I'm only hard on you because I love you so much, right?) is this Archer Farms brand trail mix I got. I got the Chocolate Cranberry Crunch mix, which has milk chocolate covered cranberries (YUM) raisins (also yum) almonds (yum) dried pineapple, walnuts (I hate walnuts...but had prepared myself to avoid these) & soybeans (err, Ok..) Now first off, if the damn walnuts are going to monopolize this trail mix, than I feel they should be included in the title "Walnut & Choco-Cranberry Crunch"...something like that. But whatever, that's a minor quibble. The dried pineapple--BLEECCCCH. Usually I like dried pineapple. This...I'm not even sure that it's actual fruit. And my BIG gripe-- and I guess this would be a fault of most brands' nutty trail mixes (although I expect more from a Target brand hence the ginormity of my disappointment, see??) Ok, if nuts are on their own or in a snack melange of nuts only salting is great, preferable even. But, in the capacity of bringin' the CRUNCH to a trail mix with a lot of sweet elements...NIX THE SALT. These chocolate covered cranberries are delish, but your gross ineptitude , Archer Farms LLC, has forced me to rob the paintbrush off a new watercolor paint set that I was going to give as a stocking stuffer to my niece( but that idea's shot to hell now isn't it?) and sweep off the fine dusting of salt from each and every choco-cranberry. That's very labor intensive, Archer Farms! And are YOU going to buy my niece a new watercolor paint set?
Ok all that shit about the watercolor paint set sans brush was just improvised LIES so's I could knock off a few more run-ons. HOWEVER, I really do hate salt on my chocolate covered cranberries, and raisins , (and I'd hate it on the dried pineapple too if that weren't grody to begin with) And I have been trying to de-coat the cranberries as I eat them (the raisins, however, are too crevice-covered to be thoroughly de-salted damn you!) I have been blowing on them. And probably thereby arousing every male in the vicinity of my cubicle. And hey, what can I do but just glance at their crotch, shrug and tell them they can thank Archer Farms LLC for their discomfort and embarrassment. I don't know if Archer Farms is an LLC . Or an INC. I really have no f-ing clue.

I found my Christmas tunes--Paaaah rumpa pum pummmm!

This should greeeeeatly facilitate the development of my Christmas cheer. Yaaaay!!

she's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.....

That is the song I'm listening to right now. Mix of my own making (trk 11). I'm going to list everything on it, because the alternative is talkin' about my dreary diarrhea plagued afternoon, and no thanks, I'd rather NOT. It's been a fucking drag of a Friday, let's just leave it that.

At least you can get a sense of my musical atmosphere. . . .

CD Mix made by yours truly--June 7,2006--
1. Upside Down / Diana Ross
2. Up the Ladder to the Roof / the Supremes (the only Supremes song I really like, BTW. It seems I didn't like Diana Ross with the Supremes and I didn't like the Supremes with Diana Ross. I'm not a great fan of either...although I just bought "The Wiz" recently..haven't watched it yet....did I thoroughly piss away that $5.99?? )
3.Shotgun / Jr Walker & the Allstars
4. Words / the Monkees (though they have a lotta good tunes, this one is my absolute fave Monkees tune. I like it when they let Mickey sing. )
5. Constantinople / They Might be Giants ( why did Constantinople get the works? THAT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS BUT THE TURKS!! )
6. Float On / Modest Mouse
7. Light & Day / Polyphonic Spree
8. The Promise / When In Rome
9. Nothing Compares 2U / Sinead O' Connor
10. I Miss You / Blink 182 (did the vid for this song win any awards? I thought it was great...very beautiful and artsy and what's more, a total shock from a band whose video trademark had always been STREAKING )
11. Brick / Ben Folds Five
12. Personal Jesus / Depeche Mode
13. Maps / the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. I'm Comin' Out / Diana Ross ( I didn't wanna have a big chunk of Diana Ross/Supremes at the beginning of the CD so I put this track elsewhere , but I shouldn't have. The transition from 13 to 14 is...clunky..oy )
15. In My House /Mary Jane Girls ( I think the house in this song is a WHOREHOUSE, if I'm not mistaken )
16. Drop It Like It's Hot / Snoop D.O. DubbaG yo, yo , fo' shizzle (ha)
17. Fug-Gee-La / The Fugees ( Oooh la la la laaa, it's the way that we rock when we doin' our thiiing...)
18. No Woman No Cry / Bob Marley
Forget running away with the circus, I wanna go on tour with these nutjobsjobs !! You will NOT get a job in the music industry with a more figure -flattering wardrobe, I assure you. Plus, with 800+ band members, nobody will notice ONE really crappy, off-key voice (that'd be moi). Hmmm. I have been tiring of cubicle life, that's for sure. I'm considering it! But don't you worry my darlings--I will be sure to pass up the Kool Aid!!