Volare....WOOOOAAAH!!!

I have been abominably neglectful as of late, and I'm so sorry!!! To make it up to y'alls, I am going to abstain from rehashing last week's 2 Celebrity Duet's episodes (even though I wanna!). I tend to yammer on and on and on about said show and it would be really horrid for me to neglect youse and then put you into a yammer-induced coma!! Plus that's not FRESH news....and I'm nothing if not au courant.

It seems I have 2 Halloween parties on the schedule for next month. I need to dream me up a costume. Neither fete will have the same attendees so one costume is fine. But it's gotta be a truly STELLAR one, as I feel like I have to compensate for last year's dud of a costume. I was a CLOWN...which was cute I 'spose, but it feels like sort of a cop-out costume. So if anyone has any appealing/ clever/avant garde/ cheap but ingenious costume ideas...I'm open to suggestions.
Here's what I've been mulling over so far...





*Gypsy
*Pirate
*Zombie (a la M-J's "Thriller" vid...I would also wanna learn the patented zombie line dance!!)

Pretty pitiful list, there, so yeah, I could use the suggestions!!!

Haven't check out much in the new fall TV lineup, except on Fri night I tuned into the pilot & 1st episode of "Men in Trees" on ABC. I was planning on hating it, due to Anne Heche's being in the lead, but I guess she doesn't vex me as much as I thought she did. Or maybe I was holding a grudge over her mistreatment of poor Ellen and at long last I'm over it. Who knows. Anyways, Anne Heche I found tolerable, but I think the primary reason I latched on to the show was this guy

Y'know his pic in that bio does not sufficiently convey his foxiness or his charisma. I guess you just have to watch the show to get the full effect. He's sort of like the hottest dude in the Eddie Bauer catalog...but more so.

Oh frabjous day! Calloooo! Callay!!

So Lukas is the new singer of Supernova. Dilana & Lukas were the final 2 they had to choose from-- the two front runners , you coulda called them..oh wait I did call them that, in yesterday's post I did. I SOOO called this biatch.

Supernova has their singer and I'm sure glad I can get on with my life and forget that Supernova even exists. I watched the show because there were some really stellar performances on it, but aside from the stellar performances there was so much crrrrap I coulda done without. Mostly, the back & forth ass-kissing I had to listen to was fairly intolerable. The band, the host (that would be Brook Burke--I coulda done without her entirely) Dave Navarro, and all the contestants laid it on extra thick. Everybody making such a big fat deal over what an absolute, world-changing PHENOMENON this freakin' group is going to be once it gets in the studio & then on tour... And then, after a while, after they'd weeded out some of the undesirables and were left with a small group of the extra-talented singers, then the band kept getting all weepy and apologetic about eliminating people. And Dave would have to launch into this 10 minute diatribe about how much he loves the person being kicked offa the show ("Honey. You KNOW how much I WORSHIP you. I love you DEEPLY. I want to HAVE YOUR BABIES...blah blah blaaaaah etc") Well, anyways, don't expect to see me rushing out to buy tix to see the prematurely legendary Supernova in action...or buying any Supernova CD. After 3 mos of that show I'm sick to death of 'em. Although if Ryan Star puts out a CD, I may check that out...
On Project Runway, Kayne did the most gracious and watchable exit yet from the show. I would never expect anything less than perky from him, though. He said "I'm not a bitch. I just play one on TV" I have, at times, perceived him to be a bitch and repeatedly called him that, it was vindicating to see he realizes what kind of rep he's made for himself. I'm curious as to what exactly was written on his good-bye manifesto tacked to his dress form. Will a transcript of that be posted on the Bravo website soon??
I didn't see why the designers were all having a big fat fit about Angela & Vincent coming back. It was pretty unanimous amongst them what hacks A & V were, so didn't that just work out to be added protection for them this challenge? And it irked me that Laura had to make a big point about how Angela didn't win the INC challenge on her own. OK, so it's true, everything she said, but it was still rather mean-spirited of her to suck the glory out of Ang's win. That concave-chested, neurotic, glory sucker... Apparently being an emotional wreck is a good strategy for her though. Although I prefer to think they just didn't want to give Michael a 3rd win.
I was on the phone with my niece Sadie today...she's 3 and very fun to talk to on the phone. Last year at this time, you couldn't make any sense of anything that came outta her maw when you talked to her on the phone, but now she's a real hoot. (It occurs to me, incidentally, that I don't like talking on the phone with adult people) Sadie's in preschool, she goes 1/2 a day in the afternoons, and they were gonna leave soon to take her to class. She says to me "I gotta go to school." And I sez to her, I sez "Oh! GREAT!! Tell everybody I said hey!" to which she replied "But I'm going to see my friends there!" Now, I don't know if this was a prematurely teen-like statement (to the effect of "You are such an EMBARRASSMENT, Auntie. I would never mention you to my friends!!") or if it was just a 3 year olds confusion on why I would say hi to her pre-school friends that I've never met. For my ego's sake, I'll presume it was the latter sentiment. Anyhow, I thought it was cute.

Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I saw this on MSN homepage when I was doing my daily 'net perusal . I am mucho impressed, medical community!! How the HELL did youse guys swing that, I wonder??

Well, I'd best jet...it's Celebrity Duets tonight and I'll be durned if I miss it...

Mystery celebrity birthday

Before I start prattling on about my various TV addictions, I MUST serenade a very special celeb b-day boy (and veteran of one of my long ago TV addictions) Love this guy, love his bro, no way could I let his birthday go unmentioned. So, on with the serenade (Ahem hemhem..Mi, mi, mi, miiii...)-- Happy birthday to yoooooou,
Happy birthday to yooou!
Happy biiiirthdaaay dear, this guy...
Tell Topanga I said "Hey."

Note: If you need to click that link to figure out who I'm talking about, then you're probably too cool to be reading my blog.

Now onto the show least likely to be shown in syndication on the Disney channel, the fabulously filthy Nip/Tuck. Writers, if you make Christian gay, I'm going to be mightily displeased. I could threaten a lifetime boycott of the program, but who am I kidding? That would certainly be an idle threat. But I do promise to be very cross with y'all if Christian switches teams. It's cool with me if you want to make Matt gay or make that nurse chick even gayer. But NOT Christian (nor Sean..that wouldn't be OK with me either) C's behavior this past eppy is looking rather suspect (looking like he is indeed in the closet ...and digging in his heels!) I would think, if he was securely and positively hetero, then he would've dismissed the naked bj proffering boy with some mockery, some sarcasm definitely, maybe even some hollering, but such violence was suspiciously overreactive, methinks.
And I don't get the Matt subplot whatsoever. What the hell was he plugged into there when he was baring his soul to Kimber? It looked to be the credit card swiper from the Shaw's checkout, but I think it was probably something else. And whatever else it was, is Kimber licensed/ authorized to operate that?? Can that be bought over that counter at Walgreens or do you have to go to a special cult supply retailer? I wonder....
In Celebrity Duets news, (I just watched on Monday the results show from Fri --I'd taped it) I'll try to keep it brief, as I realize my tendency to get carried away on this particular topic. The 3 celebs w/ the lowest scores were: Leah Thompson, Carly Patterson, & Cheech (NOOOO!). And Leah was booted off. Which indicates that the voting public is not as horny and stupid as I thought. They're not going to be coerced into voting for you just because you're flashing all your junk. Her skirt on the Fri night show was slightly longer, but still, she would've had more coverage swathing her goods in a dish towel. So I thought that was fair since Cheech showed marked improvement and she showed the exact opposite. But that Carly should be voted off soon.
I watched a li'l bit of "Dancing With the Stars" last night while I waited for "Rockstar Supernova" to come on at 9. I was flipping around a bit so I really only caught 2 dances. Well, that's an inaccurate count, really. 1 1/3 dances would be the case. I watched Joey Lawrence, oh, gawd, so sorry JOE Lawrence (or is it Joseph? WOAH, am I confused!) and judged him to be terrif (particularly with his whizz! bang! opening...I dug that) And then, out of curiosity, I opted to behold the cataclysmic spectacle that was Tucker Carlson on the dance floor and could only bear about 1/3 of the performance before I had to change channels. Y'know when you're watching the telly, and some character's embarrassment creates in you this big surge of empathetic embarrassment that makes further viewing nearly intolerable?? That's what happened, except it wasn't nearly intolerable it was COMPLETELY intolerable. I imagine if I had any political slant to me whatsoever, and that slant was at odds with the Carlson ideaology, than I would've watched the whole thing with sadistic glee. But I don't know anything about TC (aside from his penchant for bow ties) and felt bad for the dude, dancing like the fun uncle at a wedding reception. And fun uncle, you know, can't dance worth a damn, but he really gives it his lumbering, rhythmless all (the poor schmuck). Incidentally, my first ever case of TV Induced Empathic Embarrassment (that I can recall) is that Who's the Boss classic when Tony walked in on Angela as she came outta the tub. Ay-OH! Oh-AY!!

RockStar Supernova season finale tonight. The final 4 are all pretty talented, but I think Dilana and Lukas are the 2 front runners. They are extraordinarily talented. Plus I covet Dilana's hair. But I'd never dare to duplicate that on my own head--I think a couple gallons of BLEACH went into that look. I guess I'm just not ROCK 'N' ROLL enough.

And let me leave you with some embarrassing personal news--
News item 1- I didn't realize until late in the day yesterday (after 7pm) that my underwear was on inside out. I get BONUS moron points because that was not the first time I've done that.
News item 2 (highly unlikely that this is a result of News item #1)-- I have a ginormous and unsightly cankersore, right at the top edge of my bottom lip, right side. So it peeks out a bit and looks sorta like somebody gave me a fat lip. Sweeeeeeet.
I was IM-nagging my office comrade Robin to "pleeeease make for me a soothing poultice" but she failed me. It amused me to keep begging though. If I must be temporarily deformed thusly, at least I can use this as an opportunity to enjoy the humorous antiquity of the word "poultice" Poultice. Poultice. HA HA HAAAAHAAA!! I took these little salt packets out of the community condiment stash and I kept putting salt on the thing. I don't even know for sure that that helps anything. I know it would fix me up if I had a slug dwelling on my bottom lip but I don't know for sure that it cures cankersores. Though, if I may be disgustingly candid with you, my darlings, this cankersore bears the vaguest of resemblances to a slug. It is a slug like presence anyhow, so let's hope the salt did its thing. After all, I don't want to have looked like an utter tool all afternoon for nothing. Most of the time my bottom lip was jutted way out in a facial homage to Bubba from Forest Gump. No fooling! If I wasn't a white gal with a colossal cankersore, I'd have looked exactly like that dude!! And then I got this white saline residue on my lips...much like the residue on the side of your car in January.

Ahhh well, I can't be a total fox everyday.
Gotta jet...

Hmmm, do I want the Big Grab of Fritos or the original lithograph?

Posting again, as I'm just sooo enamored of my new linking skillz (thanks a mil, Rob).

I thought this was pretty damned clever. I'm gonna campaign for one of these outside my local Borders....

Tah, for today mah homedonkeys!!

Cupidity stupidity

I love shopping with my sister. She has boundless energy reserves for shopping--is the very dedicated sort of shopper that will hit the store 10 min before closing and stay an hour and a half totally regardless of how toxically all the employees are glaring at her. So yeah, there's been times that I feared, because of Laura, that I was going to be locked in Target overnight... but still, I love shopping with her. No matter how much I overdo it, she always makes me look like an amateur. Well, now, 2 days later, with my blissful shopping hangover more or less evaporated, I see how I overdid it. Reality is setting in and guilt is getting its ugly foothold in my heart. But when I shop w/ Laura, I get that lovely fleeting moment when, just coming back from the hunt, I observe how I've got 3-4 bags in contrast with Laura's s 30-40 bags.

As you mighta guessed, I did not keep it to a "browsing expedition only" as I'd previously posted was my intent. Here's the damage--
Christmas Tree Shoppe--
a shawl/ scarf, stripes in a darkish autumny palatte (only $2!!)
a new coffee mug -- pottery made in Poland (it's a cute mug, but I think a large part of its allure is simply that it's NOT made in China)
a funky scrapbook kit (I'm not into that stuff..'twas for my oldest niece)
Bath & Body Works--
C.O. Bigelow analgesic lotion --I like this brand a lot. It's pretty much why I came back to Bath & Body Works after shunning the place for years. This stuff was hellah expensive so it had better work!!
Target--
denim jacket
leggings
scoop neck shirt in the most awesome shade of green
DVD of Little Big Man
compilation CD of "crooners" (has some Dino, someTony Bennett, essentially I bought it to get Paul Anka's "Put your Head on my Shoulder")
toy microphone (for Lucy)
a toy dino that grows in agua (for Seth)
a Disney Princess pen (for Sadie)
DSW Shoe Warehouse--
3pk of black socks
slip on faux Converse style sneakers--white with black skulls doodled on 'em
Old Navy--
a funky "S" magnet
AC Moore (arts & crafts)
rubber cord for stupid bracelet weaving--7 different colors (I had gone in to find more
Winsor& Newton ink but they didn't have it, didn't have much of anything for ink, really. But I couldn't leave an arts & crafts sore empty handed!!)

And I think that be it. But I have a feeling that that's all I can remember. Since I'm in materialism mode at present, and because I finally figured out the art of posting links (sadly, I had help...it was tremendously SIMPLE and yet I'd never been able to figure it out on my own. Oy vey! Anyways, I am consequently very link-happy today.) I'm going to share with y'all a great gift suggestion for my impending b-day. Only 49 shopping days left!! I know that sounds like a lotta shopping days but I am demanding some real gift giving ingenuity from youse people this year!! After all, this year is the last year I'm going to be any fun at all. Y'know how most all peoples, after reaching a certain a point in adulthood, either HATE their birthday or are totally dismissive of it ("Naw, I didn't do anything special. It's just another day") Well, I think, if I evolve the way I'm supposed to, then Oct 2007 will be the b-day where I become
one of those people. Ew...I shudder to think! Get me those fabulous and extravagant gifties NOW, when I still think my birthday is a big fat deal.

I've also been wanting a laptop for sometime...

I'm a total Celebrity Duets Junkie!

Ok, first order of business: Celebrity Duets was on last night. Let's recap, shall we?
Before I rate the contestants, though, I want to judge the judges...
David Foster-- He is really settling in quite comfortably into the role of the panel's obligatory tough-as-nails bastard. This persona is grating, but I'm sorta resigning myself to it. What's really annoying is his tendencies for self-promotion. He has a hard time limiting his comments to the performances only. He'll occasionally say "Now, would I produce you?" or he'll preface something with "If I had you in the studio.." and both just strike me as his oh-so subtle way of saying to viewers: "Hey. David Foster,here. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal."
The keywords here methinks are "kind of". I mean, if he's such a HOT producer, with LA clout and Grammys up the hoo-hah, then he oughtta be secure in his power and not have to continually remind people what a big shot he is. Sheeesh!!
MARIE OSMOND-- I can see she is totally ecstatic to be back on the tube. However, I also sense that she's TERRIFIED that Tutti Fruity is going to outshine her. So she's been doing her homework--literally. This woman has read--cover to cover and back again--"1001 Jokes, Puns, & Limericks for Kids" and WOWEEE does it show! Marie was really letting the groan-inducing zingers fly last night--
Her praise for Hal Sparks: "Hal to the chief!!" (Oy!)
After Cheech Marin's duet: "Thank you for showing us the reach of Cheech.." (Ummm. Ok?)
After Carly Patterson sang with the Pointer Sisters' Anita Pointer: "Anita Pointer must have really given you some good pointers!!" (Urrr. I'm dumber for having listened to that.)
Keep trying Marie!! You can hold your own next to Li'l Richard, I knows you can!! Maybe show up drunk next episode??
LITTLE RICHARD-- This man's oddly riveting line of gibberish nearly prevented me from taking note of his spectacular head of hair. Little Richard has the most exotic mullet in show biz. 50% oily rat hair, 50% lhasa apso, and 100% MAGNIFIQUE!!

And really, it's a smart idea for him to keep himself so lovely, considering how the judges are really just ornamental to the show now. Yep, now it's : vote, vote, vote, vote early, vote often, as the outcome of Celeb Duets is in the hands of the foolish public! If that's the way they wanted to run the show, then I'm wondering why they let the judges make the big decision in the first episode. Seems unfair. "We're going to give you a fleeting taste of power, Bastard, Fruit Cup, & Marie, but don't get accustomed to it, ya hear??" It's like they're toying with them.....cool.
Now, as for what the judges had to pretend-judge...
HAL SPARKS was up first. Later on in the show, one of his supporters in the audience waved a sign reading "I'm Your Gal Hal!!" Hmmm.
Actually, I'm not entirely sure Hal is into the gals. And yet... I am not thoroughly convinced that he is NOT into gals. I think it's probably his infinitesimal but very theatrical swatch of facial hair that lends him that aura of mystery. Well, anyways, for a fellah whose sexual prefs are sorta ambiguous, he generated a fair amount of heat with WYNONA of all people. That's a long Y sound in the name, I'll mention, lest you confuse her with any famous shoplifters. Hal & Wy sang "I Want To Know What Love Is" with their undercarriages smooshed firmly together (no fooling) and Hal even stole a smooch at the song's end. To quote the Honorable Fruity Monster-mullet: "Hoooooo! My, my, my, my, my, MY!" As for the singing part of the thing, they did a really good job of it. I had grown desensitized to the song, having heard Foreigner whine their way through it somewhere close to a bajillion times. But they actually made me like the song again.
LEAH THOMPSON-- Oh, Leah. I'd had such high hopes for you. But you really disappointed last night!! In her pre-performance interview, L confided her biggest fear was embarrassing her teen daughters. Well, I think she should've recalled that sentiment before she took to the stage looking like an aging hooker! Ok, that was harsh. Her dress was actually kind of cute except for the fact the cooter-to-hemline distance was scandalously teensy. I think she felt pressured to sex it up, it being her 1st appearance on stage with another girl. She was confident that neither Randy Travis or Mikey Bolton (her prev. duet partners) were gonna "outfox" her. But now she had to sing alongside the lovely and talented Belinda Carlisle. So she donned a rather attention getting dress. And it was odd--incongruous, I'd say--to see Leah so sluttily attired. She is such a wholesomely pretty lady...it was like looking at a Midge doll that had raided the Bratz wardrobe. Also she opted for a real attention grabbing opening. Oy that opening! She did this KAPOWIE big action opening, lunging at the camera, trying to ooze ferocity. I was frightened! I mean, sudden movements tend to make me jump anyway, skittish little poppet that I am, but my BIG fear was that she was about to do a Tae Bo kick of some sort. And in that dress, a high kick could quite possibly result in the FCC shutting down the whole Celebrity Duets party. Then you would've ruined EVERYONE'S good time Miss Amanda Jones, how would that have made you feel??
Belinda outsang, outshone, and certainly outclassed Leah. "Heaven is a Place on Earth" is a shitty song to do as a duet, and Leah sounded shitty. But after the song, Belinda was gracious enough to gush about how well their voices blended together. I thought the exact opposite was true, actually. And then the judges really baffled me and gave the duet glowing reviews. I think they're all high off of Little Richard's wig shellac. That's the only explanation that makes any sense!!
CHEECH MARIN-- He was definitely most improved. I thought he did a pretty great job, even if he did have to sing a country song (that vile vile musical pablum! A pox upon the airwaves!) Of course, Fathead Foster had something disparaging to say, but he can go suck eggs. Yaaay, Cheech!!
CARLY PATTERSON -- She was definitely more relaxed than on the premier episode. Maybe a stay of execution created in her a real sense of exhilaration. She sang "I'm So Excited" with Anita Pointer. She seemed to really be having a good time with it and looked cute in some casual threads rather than the prom wear she sported in episode 1. Still, that performance had such a Wheeeee! GIRL POWER! feel to it that it woulda felt apropos for her to be singing it into a hairbrush rather than a mic.
David Foster called it "Not bad. But not great." Which was pretty restrained of him. This was an opportunity to release some really scathing criticism and he held back. Why is he intent on being nice to Carly Patterson?? I think, maybe, he wants to get her into the "studio". Eh? If you catch me drift, eh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. (if you are not catching my drift, cut out phrase "the studio" substitute "the sack". It may now begin to dawn on you)
LUCY LAWLESS-- She seemed really, really excited to see Kenny Loggins. As if they weren't just surprising the audience by revealing her mystery duet partner, but she wasn't in on who it was either. But I figure she probably knew. She clapped her hands and hopped up and down like an eager little fan girl who just might wet 'em because she saw old Kenny hobbling onstage. Ok, so he didn't hobble but he for real looked pretty decrepit. And then they sang "Whenever I Call you Friend".Which I hate. Sure ya get those immature giggles from the repeated assertion "I know forever we'll be DOING IT right" (Huh huhhuh huh..He said, doing it. Did you hear that, Beavis??) but after that novelty wears off, you've got a real sad sack of a song. With flaky lyrics, if ever you can make out what the hell's being sung.
ALFONSO RIBIERO-- sang "On the Wings of Love"with James Ingram. No qualms with this duet. As y'all know, I feel 'Fonso can do no wrong. Fathead Foster seems to be warming up to him slightly. Although he condemned his dancing,(of all things!) obviously ignorant of the tremendous contribution Carl- I mean, Alfonso, has made to the art of dance. (Fool!) And then Foster tossed out one of his frequent "If I had you in the studio..." How damned presumptuous of you, sir! When Ribiero makes his breakthrough double platinum album, what makes you think he'll come knocking on your studio door. This man knows Will Smith, ya know! And you-- well you produce Streisand records, so that doesn't exactly make you au courant, you cocky S.O.B.
JAI RODRIGUEZ-- In his pre-performance interview he expressed nervousness about excess phlegm-iness, possibly some kind of head cold. And I thought to meself "Yesssss! Those bedtime prayers are really paying off! God is sabotaging him for me!" But then he came out on stage and really nailed it. Grrr. He sang "Back at One" with Brian McKnight. Some waaay rabid Brian McKnight fan was screaming her weave off. Like, not "Wooo-hoo! Brian McKnight, he is an R&B superstar, I love him!" type of scream. It sounded more like a chainsaw murderer was bearing down on her, it was that type of scream. But she only got like 3 of those blood-curdlers out, I suspect the Celebrity Duets Crowd Control promptly detained her or hosed her down or chloroformed her or whatever. Which is a pity. Because I think more horrified screaming is just what is needed to make that song more tolerable. That awful, awful, insipid song. It's like listening to a g.d. recipe.

It was misleading of me to start out with "first order of business" and get you people anticipating a "second order of business" and quite possibly a "third order of business" but I'm plumb run outta steam, my pretties. I'm sorry if I let y'all down. But I gotsta rest up for a big day of shopping tomorrow. Me, Laura, & Kristi are doing a big mall day (down in Holyoke) sans kiddies. It'll be mostly a browsing expedition por moi--if I'm sensible. But y'know, consumer restraint is an even more tiring exercise than just shopping, so I'm gonna wrap it up and turn in.
Bon soir!!

the hitchhiker's guide to reality TV

So I took my mandatory dosage of reality TV meds last night: Rock Star Supernova & Project Runway. I will rant about Project Runway first 'cause I don't really have much ranting to do about the other...

Mixed feelings about this episode. First off, the POSITIVE--
BUUUUHBYE VINNY, you freakin' loony!! His dismissal was long overdue. I had DESPERATELY wanted him to get booted on the recycled materials challenge when he made that dress that made the model look like the garbage can of a 2nd grade art class. That was hideous. So was his couture outfit. He apparently thought he had top-notch couture skillz, but the fit on the dress was beau coup shitty. And those sleeves? Retro-futuristic? I dunno what he was going for with the sleeves, actually, but they boggled my mind. Though they did complement the outfit pretty well, as they too, were beau coup shitty. As lousy as that dress came out, I'm sure some of those black marks against him were due to how he totally creeped the French judge out. YOU ARE THE MOST MARVELOUS WOMAN I HAVE EVER MET!!! Her rating of Vin? It went something like "No, no, no, no, no, NO, NO!" Obviously the poor dame was traumatized.
I also like how Laura was all, "That tacky-ass Kayne is going to get booted!!" and then she was the one that was nearly booted! Sweet! I don't like all that criticizing and sneering and snarking. Maybe my "can't-we-all-just-get-along?" mentality is kinda naive, kinda sappy...but that's the way I feel about it, damn it! That's why I like Michael... he is talented, si, but also he steers clear of the drama. He gets zoned in on his work and doesn't yap about everybody else's shortcomings.
Speaking of Laura, her designs are beginning to bore the hell outta me. They're all really impressively well made (especially considering the time constraints) but --yaaawwwn! In this challenge I think she made her own dream dress. I know, I know, they modelled their own stuff in the last challenge, but maybe her hormone-addled brain's got her all disoriented. Or not...she may just want it to supplement her wardrobe after the show wraps. Whatev. Anyway, I think her inner-dialogue was "Ok, girl. Accentuate the positive, conceal the negative. Let's make something that skims forgivingly o'er my preggie bump . BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY--must showcase the sunken-in boy chest. Perhaps by framing it with a great plumage of ruffles--Harlequin-style. Yeeeah. God, I really love my own concaveness. I'm hot!!"
I don't know about the winning design. I did really like that color/ pattern...hey, I'll give credit where credit is due, even if said credit is due to a foul cretin like Jeffrey. Maybe I just don't get couture-- is it supposed to look like it goes with Doc Martens?? Plus it had all sorts of complicated bustles and straps that turned me off.
Also, I liked Kayne's dress. It was universally panned as being garish and over-the-top, but I thought it was really lovely, particularly when worn by the NY model. Maybe, I'm not the fashionista I thought I was. After all, I AM wearing white pants today.... 3 WHOLE DAYS AFTER LABOR DAY!!!
On Rock Star... Toby got the encore. This Aussie seems to be an unstoppable force of studliness. But I am not wholly swayed by his external charms... I still hold a teensy bit of a grudge against him for liberties he took with "Rebel Yell" He omitted, like, 5 whole lines of the song!! Specifically, the slower part, that starts out "I walked the ward with you, babe.." He cut out the slow build-up entirely and started with "I'd give you all, and have NONE, babe.." Terrible, right? And he did that twice!! He did an encore of the song on the next episode...I would've forgiven him if he had corrected the faux pas then, but NOOOO! No sirree, Tommy Lee! He fouled yet again! That is one of my all time FAVORITES. For the love of Benji, that's BILLY F**KING IDOL!! You just can't do that. I don't care how fine you are, Toby.

But still... if I saw him on the street... I'd probably suppress my grudge....glom onto him like a barnacle....try and steal a smoochie.

White River Junction is a total hotbed for hitch hikers. (just somethin' I've been mulling over. Please forgive my uncharacteristic absence of segue, amigos) I see them all the time, particularly around the on-ramps to the interstate. I wonder if anybody picks these people up. I would never dare. I'm curious...which is the more perilous endeavor-- hitchhiking or picking up hitchhikers??
Sometimes one of these hitchers that are bumming around the on ramps will wield a sign that sez "Going to Burlington" Burlington is an hour and a half ride up I89!!! Isn't that a smidgeon unreasonable ? I feel quite certain--if ever I was miraculously bold enough to pick up a hitcher, that boldness would have a time limit...15 minutes of maniacal derring-do at the MOST. You just might be the new Ted Bundy, fellah, so in my car, you're only gonna have 10 minutes to whip out your concealed Ginsu knife and off me. Strict time constraints have thwarted many a homocidal hitchhiker, don'tcha know?

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry....

Y'know , as big a deal as the press made about the bizarro "Silent Birth" ritual that Katie had to endure I'm surprised that nothing's being said about this Scientologtical practice of outfitting wee little infants with toupees. It's ALARMING, to say the least.

Suri with the fringe on top, indeed!!

Just had a terrific lunch, thanks to all the leftovers Aunt 'Rainey sent me home with last night. Shrimp Scampi, garlic bread, & salad..MMmmmmmmmmmmm. And with lotsa garlic, just like I like it. She spoils me.

I watched the premier of Nip/Tuck last night. Not easing into season 4 at all. Right at the start of the show it's - gore, brief respite, and then soft core porn. Yowza. I don't like Dr BrookShield's inferrence that Christian is gay for Sean. Well, the doc technically said "in love with" but of course he interpreted that sexually. Definitely C & S love each other, but not like that. And YES, I find it implausible because Christian is such a prolific man-slut (with the ladies) I realize there's such a thing as overcompensating, but in C's case, I'd call that over-over-over-over-compensating. I think when you, uhhh, er, compensate as much as that fellah does, there's got to be some genuine hetero-lust at the core of it. I hate how small-minded I sound but I must confess: I'll be peeved if this show goes all Brokeback on me. But judging from the season preview they played after the show, it doesn't look they're going to really explore that storyline .

I'm peeved at Rock Star Supernova for ousting Ryan Starr. He was just emerging as my fave and they cut him. Damn you, Supernova!! I don't know what Magni is still doing in the running...he can sing for sure but has yet to really "dazzle" me. Toby---ooooh-- Toby can dazzle me by just standing there. What a fox. Like, he is sooo damned attractive, he may just be chosen for the band on account of the high caliber of groupies he'll be able to snare for those old farts. Or if he IS chosen to join the band, Tommy Lee might go gay for him. Seriously. Toby is that pretty. Sure Lukas has tremendous vocal talent , but he looks like the love child of Robert Smith and a dead porcupine.

And tonight ("Hump Night") is a key reality TV night with the RockSar elimination show and Project Runway. Did I ever mention how vexed I was with the outcome of the last PR eppy??I know it woulda been dull for Michael to win yet another challenge, but that is exactly what I wanted to see happen. His outfit was really good looking. And Jeffrey's?? Yeah, it was well made, and I got where it was coming from but the whole get-up (and the foul creator/model of it) just irked me. It did say "rock star jet setter" loud and clear. But you know what it said even louder? "LOOK AT THE UNNECESSARY RHINESTONE LANDING STRIP SEWN INTO MY CROTCH!! GO ON, NOW..LOOK AT IT!!" I cannot bear to post a pic of that cretin in my blog, but I feel a visual aid is needed to make my point, so go here: http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/rate/season/3/episode/8/4

to see just what I mean. Did he or did he not make his skanky ol' crotch the focal point of that design?? Blecccch! And poor Angela. There was no question that she had to go at some point, but what lousy timing that her elimination coincided with Jeffrey's win. Give that cucaracha another reason to be all smug, eh?? But speaking of neccessary eliminations, when are they going to get rid of that kook Vincent??

Well I should have more insubstantial trivialities (some of them Project Runway related, I imagine) to spew on the morrow, my darlings. I 'm gonna jet now...
Tah tah!

Am I misguided in thinking that I got a terrific lunch deal outta the cafeteria vending machine? I procured 1 cup of Kraft Easy Mac for a dollar. That's feeling like a super bargain but I could be naive in that notion. After all, it's 2.05 ounces of elbow macaroni and cheeeezy powder... for $1...they've probably marked that up 300%.

I had a feeling that I'd spend longer on my vacation recap than I actually spent vacationing. That feeling was right. But I hadn't taken into account the TV phenomenon that was Celebrity Duets, nor did I predict that I'd be compelled to ramble on and on and on ad infinitum about said TV phenom.

I hope to wrap up the recap today...if I take much longer, I shall surely forget what the hell I did on vaca.

WEDNESDAY AUG 23--
This was our first day in Ottawa. Laura, Greg, & kids went to some anthropological museum, which sounded like it was lotsa fun, but Mum, Dad & I couldn't get our arses outta bed & primped in time to accompany them. Instead we roamed Ottawa and I dazzled one and all with my map reading/ navigational prowess. We stopped for a few hours at this ginormous mall where I bought a shirt which just might make me look like a trend-glomming fashion victim. But I like the shirt, so I am determined to not give a rat's fanny. I think it will make its office premier this week sooo..nah nah nah boo boo.
THURSDAY AUG 24--
The whole lot of us went to the wee li'l teensy weensy burg of Blue Sea Lake in Quebec. Specifically it was a municipality, not even a town, but it was incorporated...but not until 1921, which made our whole Blue Sea Lake quest rather problematic. Y'see, my paternal grandfather (Pepere, as I called him) was born in Blue Sea Lake in 1907 and their family moved in 1917. My Dad wanted to take a look at where exactly Pepere had lived in his youth, at least at the same plot of land ('cause the actual house was apt to be torn down). But the town had no
pre-1921 records. Our best bet was the church records, but the church was not staffed with office help on that day (Mon & Wed only- just our luck) so we couldn't even access that info.
Just the same, it was nice to wile away the afternoon in this idyllic little burg, good to see some of the Canadian countryside. Although I am very relieved we didn't go with the early draft of our vaca plans, which would've had us going straight to Blue Sea and staying there for the whole week. Lovely it was, but NO THANKS. It woulda been unspoiled nature and gorgeous lake views abounding, but 4 kids and absolutely NADA to do.
Also on Thurs (after our return to civilization) Laura, Lucy,and I went on an epic walk and we both bought art supplies at this place called Wallack's. Laura bought stuff to carve out print making stamps and I bought paper,a pen for pen & ink drawings and 2 colors (black & vermillion) of Winsor & Newton ink (which I find indescribably adorable... have a look-see here:http://www.winsornewton.com/index2.php ) After that we had dinner at the best Irish pub ever (http://www.darcymcgees.ca/ottawa/index.html) . Well, it may be a bit hasty to proclaim "BEST IRISH PUB EVER", especially before I make my pilgrimage to Dublin. So lemme rephrase-- "Darcy McGees is the bestest Irish pub that I have thus far imbibed in". Their photo gallery doesn't do the place justice, I mean, I just perused the thumbnail pics but it looks to be all shots of their doofy patrons (sorry, sorry, forgive me--I'm sure all their customers are just great and thoroughly UN-doofy). The inside is really nice-- lotsa dark wood and stained glass. And best of all-- it's a pretty huge pub. I always give a place mucho demerits if I find it lacking in elbow room....this particularly applies to the Irish pubs I patronize, as I need a large-ish berth in order to air-fiddle to the best of my ability.
FRIDAY AUG 25--
Our last full day in Canada, we went to the much hyped Byward Market area of town. I thought it was pretty rad (& lived up to the hype) but my parents woulda rather done the mall again (sooo they thought it lived up to the hype notsomuch). Hey, I dig the mall, don't git me wrong, but it's a bit lacking in local flavor, y'know?
We had a bit of last-night-in-Canada-drama in the form of a 2:30 am fire alarm in our hotel. And the good news is this-- for a thoroughly out-of-shape human slug, I can really haul arse when it's required of me. I made it out of the room, and to the front of the hotel in,I'd say, just over 2min. That's down 8 flights of stairs, lugging my purse and a 30lb child. The bad news is this-- My morals are in a state of heinous decay. Here's why... The fire alarm wakes me up, I yell "It's a fire alarm!!" y'know to just convey to my folks that they're not having some, winning at the Vegas one-armed bandit dream (because that's pretty much what the ringing of the Lord Elgin fire alarm sounds like, and it probably wasn't even as loud) and my mom is all agitated, and I get her shoes lined up by the door (I've got mine on, plus a purse on my left shoulder, a 3yr old on my right hip) and tell her they're there by the door and to put them on NOW (barking commands like a drill sergeant, which, not surprisingly, does not work to quell agitation) and she's all consumed with finding her robe because she can NOT go out in her nightie and to that sentiment I couldn't sympathize with since I happened to be pretty well covered with my sleeping attire (Oh, ok, since your mind's eye is straining sooo hard to get the complete image...it was black work out shorts and black AC/DC tee) and so I barked out something appropriately unsympathetic like "Don't worry, none o' your junk is hanging out--LET'S GOOOO!" Not very nice to say to your Mum, eh? I was maybe a wee bit panicky, try to cut me some slack. But here comes the real abominable part... My Dad, who is assisting in the robe search, barks back "Just take Sadie and go" And I was GONE. Out the door before he even got the "o" part of "go" finished. Well, that may be exaggerating things, but he did not have to tell me twice, let's just say. And as I said before, I made it downstairs & out front with astonishing speed (for me). Once I was down there, I was all worried about my parents getting out, and kept anxiously watching the streams of hotel guests that were coming from both sides of the building. But that fire alarm, like, instantly kicked me into worst case scenario mode and the adrenaline mighta made me loopy. Whereas Greg & my sister automatically presumed it was no biggie (it turned out that it really was no big deal) and they let Seth go to the bathroom, and put on clothes, then they actually (this was a bit idiotic) called the front desk. "Hello concierge? Yes. Fine thanks! Yes, this is room 806...is there REALLY a fire in the building? Oh yeah? OHMIGOSH! Well, I guess I'd best go then. Thanks ever so much! Buh bye now..." But though my sis had a rather BIG brainfart with that move, she did hang back & herd my parents out of the hotel. So I can't really razz her too much, blackhearted piece of shit that I am.
SATURDAY AUG 26--
Lengthy and dull drive home. YAAAAWWWN.

Phewwwww! I'm glad I finally wrapped that up. It's quite anticlimactic when its drawn out so much, but I was intent on finishing what I'd started.

I was going to prattle on a bit more.... had stuff to say about the bizarro but SAD passing of the Croc Hunter, but I'll save that for tomorrow as I'm running late already for dinner at my Aunt 'Rainey's.
Adieu, my lovelies....

This Just in: Vacation Recap Delayed Due to EPIC Television Event

FOX -- Thursday at 9pm: I strongly urge you to tune in. Wait--I take that back! Rather, I COMMAND you to tune in. Do as I say. You shall thank me for it. Celebrity Duets is the cat's jammies, YO! Here are the contenders--

ALFONSO RIBIERO-- Celebrity Duets, you had me at Alfonso Ribiero. I mean, the concept of the show didn't dazzle me...it's a slight variation on last year's "But Can They Sing?" (VH1) except with an unfortunate Ahmet Zappa shortage (waaah!) . So it was not the premise that drew me in, but rather the promise of seeing Alfonso on my screen once more that compelled me to tune in (them italics by the way are intended to showcase my mediocre pun humor) And he did not disappoint...I didn't think he could top his 1st duet ("Knew You Were Waiting For Me" with Kellie Williams) but later he sang with James Ingram (some song--"I Will Be There" or "God Will Be There" I couldn't really tell which one they were singing.. originally James sang it with Michael McDonald) and they blew the roof off tha muthafunker! Plus, he promised to treat the public to a li'l Carlton dance if he makes it in to the finals. Yesssss. I now have a new plea to close out every bedtime prayer: "Dear God, please help Alfonso Ribiero duet his little ass off and win on Celebrity Duets" Truthfully, I'm also wanting to request an Alfonso-Tom Jones duet later in the season, but I think adding that on would just be greedy.
CHRIS JERICHO-- of WWE fame and a mediocre VH1 clip show regular. He was the first eliminated and quite rightfully so. First off, he did this slow country song (unpleasant to begin with, before you add the crappy wrestler singing) and he had on an unfortunate jacket (I'm sure it was leather, and probably beaucoup bucks, but it looked like shiny Halloween costume vinyl--oh and he had the collar turned up..homage to Fonzie?) and as he gazed sweetly into Leanne Womack's eyes, his hand hovered just above her shoulder, as if he were frightened and not entirely sure that she wasn't electrified. The whole tableau + his amateurish singing made me think: jock in the high school musical. It was BAD. He improved slightly on his 2nd duet, but that's only because it was a faster song that allowed him to holler and run around.
CARLY PATTERSON-- some former Olympic gymnast. I don't think "former Olympic gymnast" should ever be a subset of the "Celebrity" category because they're just not very interesting people. Sorry, sweetheart. She was very awkward in her duet with James Ingram (song was "Somewhere out There" and I must confess I love that song. I discovered that this program featured a lot of songs I was sheepish to admit I liked. In other words, I came for the Alfonso Ribiero....I stayed for the schmaltzy tune fix) and they wrapped up the fiasco with the HOKIEST. ENDING. EVERRRRR! At the end, when they sang the last word (a high "truuuuuuuue") they looked into the camera, with their noggins pressed ear to ear, and slowly drew their mics away from their mouth. ACK! Just typing what they did does not adequately convey the horrid hokiness of it... you've got to catch a rerun of this premier and see for yo'self.
LEAH THOMPSON-- She can really belt it out, but that didn't surprise me. Wayne Brady was hyping her up like she's this amaaaazing novice, some kind of prodigy, but I knew better (stupid Wayne Brady!). I remembered her stint as a fabulous, world famous, Jem-like rock idol. Yes, it was in the movie "Howard the Duck" but that still counts as experience. On a purely aesthetic note, she looks great...even better than in her Amanda Jones days. Probably because she has downsized her coiff and no longer wears the blazer-business casual shorts combos.
LUCY LAWLESS-- In keeping with my superficial appraisals.... lemme just say..Lucy is looking much better now than in her Xena days. A big part of it is her hair-- she went blonde (which usually I don't advocate, but it's more flattering for her, really) Wardrobe was a factor too, I guess, it was nice to see her in some softer, more human threads than in that bull-dyke armor get-up she's famous for.
Her 1st duet was "Time, Love, & Tenderness" with Mikey Bolton. Now, she didn't make any obvious vocal missteps that I could detect, but then again, Los Bolton tends to drown everything else out. Like, really, he creates this sound vacuum where all you can hear is his tremendous , straining-at-a-stubborn-stool singing. But she was good when she sang with Smokey Robinson. I thought they might smooch. There were definitely sparks there. Also there was...
HAL SPARKS--- Holycrap that segue was AWESOME!!! Anywhoo Hal is, for real, competing on this show. I was totally surprised to see him there. Like, he seems to have a too irreverant/ sarcastic persona to be on a show like this. A show that I could see him mocking. But not only was he surprisingly present, he was surprisingly good, I thought. His "Tracks of My Tears" (con Senor Robinson) was terrific, although the third music producer judge (David Foster) panned his performance. But it was completely uncalled for, I tells ya. It was as if, at that moment, the approximate mid-point in the show, Foster realized "Hey, I'm the no-name, non-celebrity judge. If I hope to garner any attention, I had better adopt the poor man's Simon Cowell role ASAP" I wasn't as crazy about the 2nd duet with Gladys Knight. They did "I Heard it thru the Grapevine" which, for starters, is a piss-poor choice for a duet. And Hal kinda bypassed the soul and tried to rock out and it just came out all surreal.
CHEECH MARIN-- He wasn't awful. His performances were like good karaoke, but he's no real contender.
JAI RODRIGUEZ--- I knew he'd been on Broadway, so I knew he'd fare pretty well. I'm not much of a Jai fan to begin with...he is the most useless 1 of the QE Fab Five. Like, all he does, basically, is buy theater tickets and tell the straight guys to be nice to their girlfriends. They SO could have Kyan do that. 'Cause you know Kyan has the spare time... he sits around for an half an hour salon appointment (hand-holding if need be) and then later spends 2 minutes showing the pupil du jour how to moisturize. But I digress (shocker!). Jai is a sniveling little toadie and I want him to miraculously mess up and get booted. Ok, what really burns my arse is this... Alfonso did his 1st duet with Kellie Williams, got heaps of praise (RIGHTFULLY SO) and that Foster guy says to him "You have really set the bar tonight." And then later, after Jai did his 1st duet (with Gladys Knight...some slow, bluesy song I don't remember) Foster says "Now you have set the bar!" And he was like stressing the "you" in a way that implied he was SOOOO foolhardy & hasty with his props to 'Fonso. I sense a rivalry a-percolatin'. You need not ask what side I am on. I love you, Carlton!!

The third best thing about this show is the crazy ass middle chair of the judges panel. You know on reality TV talent shows, you have to be bat-shit crazy and/or flaky to occupy the middle chair of the judge's panel. Celeb Duet's resident loopy judge---Little Richard. He is barely coherent, it's awesome. Most of his astute judgements are along the lines of "HOOoooo!" and "My, my, my, my, MY MY!" and then he has these ostensibly racy but actually nonsensical bits of innuendo--I hereby dub them "Little Richardisms" as they are entirely a product of the musty fruit salad that is his brain.

And Wayne Brady as host...well, I can't mock that. Brady is a perfectly amiable host (though he's no Ahmet Zappa, nuh-uhhh!) During the commercial breaks, they played a trailer for this upcoming movie that Wayne Brady's in. Yes, you heard right, they're letting Wayne Brady be in a movie! Anyways it's called "Crossover" (I think) and it's about like, underground basketball games and I think the players do silly trampoline jumps, acrobatics, and kooky Harlem Globetrotter-esque shenanigans during their games (yet they're TOTALLY street about it , dawg) and from what I can glean from the trailer, Brady plays some slick, possibly criminal managerial-type dude who is running the show. I don't know if I can buy him in that role. I mean, maybe I'd be able to swallow it, if I hadn't seen that one Chappelle's show he guest starred on. He did this skit w/ Dave Chappelle where they go out for a night on the town and Dave discovers that Wayne Brady is actually this vicious pimp ("Does Wayne Brady hafta choke a bitch??" HAAA! CLASSIC!). So his part in this movie seems like it'd be an extension of that skit. Which would be just peachy if this were a comedy, but the trailers make it clear that they are aiming for serious cinema...y'know real Oscar contender type stuff like "Roll Bounce"...

Shawarmas-R-Us

I just looked up what a shawarma is because there was a Shawarma restaurant on nearly every damn block in Ottawa. And I hadn't a clue what in tarnation a shawarma was. I suppose the most elemental way of finding out would be to pop into to one of these zillions of shops and procure me a shawarma. But none of these establishments looked all that enticing, nor did any of them look excessively clean. So I did my shawarma research on the net. It looks like something I'd like to try. I'm adding it to my mental "Vittles to Try" list along with escargot & caviar. I am really f****ing hungry and this post topic is not helping matters.

Mi amiga Lisa brought in eggplant parm for my lunch today. It was REALLY phenomenally yummy. I dunno why it gave me the shits instantaneously. A very enjoyable lunch experience nonetheless.

And still speaking of eats ('cause I haven't the good sense to change topics) I have an epilogue to my SUNDAY AUG 20 installment of my vaca recap.... I was pretty hungry that night by the time dinner rolled around. You'll recall I had that infamously AWFUL FALAFEL at lunch and I only made it 1/3 of the way thru it. So the whole gang went to the Hard Rock Cafe to sup. They put on a good feed there and I do like it, actually, but I can't help feeling a little sheepish about dining there. It just strikes me as the ultimate, tourist-geek move. Yet our clan seems to have a habit of hitting up the local Hard Rock Cafe when visiting any big metropolis. I guess that makes sense, as we are like, the neauvo-Griswolds. To be fair, we did refrain from eating at the Ottawa HRC. And they do have one there, in the Byward Market area, I used their potty and their ATM.
And then on --
Monday AUG 21--
We toured Old Montreal. I do like me some "old world charm" and it was indeed charming in that very fashion. We even did the horse drawn carriage tour which I enjoyed mostly due to the fact that I didn't hafta cough up the $$$ for it. My dinner was "eh" but I did enjoy the demi-pitcher of sangria. I put demi-pitcher in bold (twice,now) because everyone kept ridiculing me as some kind of legendary lush for drinking a "WHOLE PITCHER OF SANGRIA". That's what they said anyway. But the fact is that there was a pitcher and a demi-pitcher offered on the menu, and I ordered the demi-pitcher. Which any half-cognizant babboon knows is NOT the same thing as a whole damn pitcher. As this is the official written record of the Summer 2006 Montreal-Ottawa Expedition, I felt this was the forum to clear up that discrepancy. I may be a bit of a lush, but I'm no legendary lush. Understood?
And then later that night we went back to Old Montreal bar hopping. I think my new fave drinkie is a Bellini, but the challenge is going to be finding a joint 'round here sophisticated enough to make me a decent one. I had set myself a mission to get Greg schnockered because he was absolutely TRANSFIXED by this Hugger Busker fellow and I wanted to get him a little loosey-goosey so I could coerce him into tackling the Hugger Busker or maybe dry humping him. HB is a pretty transfixing dude, I was a bit intrigued myself. Basically, he is a street performer that stands still like a statue (these faux-statue-guys seemed to be really big in Canada...wonder what kind of annual income that nets ya?? Hmmm..) and he has a sign that says "FREE HUGS". And, seriously, you can go up and hug him..gratis. Somehow, Hugger Busker has worked this simple act into a 500 word freakin' dissertation on his website http://www.huggerbusker.com/hugger/about.html
You can't really tell it from his site, but the guy was really talented at the standing still bit. He was the best human statue I spotted whilest on vaca, and I think I saw like 4 or 5 of 'em. I did not, however, sample his hugging skills.
Tuesday AUG 22--
Our last day in Montreal--we checked out of Montreal's Delta Central Ville Hotel and went to St Joseph's Oratory. This church is colossal. Really beautiful too with a big gallery of religious artwork. I was particularly stoked to see some original Mucha prints (you know how I dig the Alphonse Mucha) he did 8 or 12 illustrated plates that comprised the Lord's Prayer. But my church tour was somewhat ruined by a really poor choice of footwear. I wore these faux Adidas looking slides that had rubber nubbies under your feet and I guess said nubbies are for comfort? The idea is they're supposed to tenderize your soles like you have steaks at the end of your ankles?? I dunno, but they got to be very ouchy. And when my feet hurt I get crabby and antisocial. Doesn't everybody?

Okey doke, I was hungry 20 min ago and now my stomach just said "Blurrrga mlrrrrrg waa" to me, which I think is intestinese for "GO GIT SOME FOOD, BITCH!" I will have to continue with my travelogue tomorrow....
Ciao babies!!

Back in the States...ain't it great?

Y'know I was in the office a whole HOUR early this a.m.as I mistakenly believed our customary Monday morning meeting was on as per usual. However, the bosslady had today off so the meeting was off too. But I did not bemoan my error, figuring instead I'd use the excess time to post on the ol' blog, since I neglected it for all last week and I had much vaca. minutiae to report. But my posting intentions went down the drain, as I sat, fingers poised above the keyboard and the only words springing to my groggy noggin were " Duuuuh" and "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnh" and "Arrrr, f*cking A". So-yeah, am NOT a morning blogger. I can barely verbalize a complete sentence before 10am, I dunno what I was thinking. I certainly cannot make with the witty, pithy, bloggy goodness until noon at the earliest.

I really dug Canada. Y'know everytime I go on vacation, and I'm all enchanted with the exotic locale I always imagine I could relocate there. I even thought that about Mexico, which in retrospect was foolishness. Mexico has the excellent telenovellas and the year-round warm weather going for it, but other than that...ehh. I can get my guacamole fix anywhere, really. And I don't wanna go on a huge Mexico bashing rant right now (and veer irretrievably off topic) but Mexico is smelly. Not good smelly either.

But as I was saying, I've always been easily dazzled by a mere change of scenery and have fantasized about moving to every spot I've ever vacationed at. But seriously this time, I could really live in Canada. For real, yo. Ottawa is such a good li'l starter city-- ideal for someone who is jonesin' for a more city-fied life, but not quite up to the full-on "urban jungle" experience (ie: NYC). And the people really do seem nicer...I dunno why that is. Maybe it's a case of a stereotype reshaping reality-- y'know after 100 or so years of people touting the Canadians as exceptionally pleasant & polite, well they sorta felt they had a rep to uphold. Well, I dunno that I can authoritatively proclaim that Canadians are nicer than Americans...I mean, I just hit 2 cities: Montreal & Ottawa. When I amass my fortune and can drop out of the stupid-dumdumhead workforce, I will tour the entire country. Maybe I will find that I was wrong and people in...ohhh, say SASKATOON ( I enjoy saying "Saskatoon" and "Saskatchewan" too, for that matter) would rather stab you in the head sooner 'n look atchya. But I think I am right about all the Canadians. They are a delightful people.

So, lemme give you a play-by-play of my vaca. I'll try to make it an abridged play-by-play, if I can (but y'all know I've NO talent for brevity)
SATURDAY AUG 19--
Went to Parc Safari in Hemmingford Quebec. The major attraction of this place (and the first thing we did) is a drive thru area where they have certain animals roaming free that you can feed from your car. This would be the "safari", I'm presuming. (By the way, I must keep "safari" encased in quotes in this instance because I do believe to be on a bona fide safari I would hafta be on an entirely different continent, in a Jeep, clad head to toe in khaki and sporting a pith helmet) Anyways, the animals in this area are all of the herbivorous, non-killing sort, all more or less amiable (though they do have a traditional cage zoo with more dangerous fauna on display). Like they have : zebras, giraffes, llamas, some sort of antelope, and yak-like critters with ginormous, long horns and rather moist noses. And they had camels and a rhino too, but those guys weren't budging for nobody. Well, actually, the rhino mighta been penned in, I can't recall. But the camels were definitely free range but were very resolute in their aloofness. Like, you coulda stuck a filet mignon dinner w/ loaded baked potato out your car window (instead of the standard issue kibble) and still-- not happenin'. These camels were NOT gonna play ball.
The llamas were pretty damned aggressive though. A pack of them made the kids a bit nervous, and, in turn, the squealy, nervous kids made one of the llamas nervous and he spit all over me, Seth & Chloe. BUT WAIT. It was even better than that! The spitter actually had his llama maw crammed with chewed up kibble so it was almost like being BARFED ON by a llama!!
Good times.
But the llama spew incident was not half as funny as Greg's near mishap with a zebra. At the start of the safari, there's a multitude of signs urging folks to please DON'T feed the zebras. Apparently, the zebras are a smidge overeager in their acceptance of num-nums, and some safari-goers have been nipped. Why they don't relocate the zebras to the cage zoo, I couldn't tell ya. I think half the people feed the zebras anyway. Especially them that smuggle bags of carrots on safari (I say "smuggle" but truly I didn't see any posted mandates saying you had to feed the animals only Parc Safari brand yummies. But the carrots...I dunno...it just felt wrong to me) since a carrot could easily be proffered to a zebra without endangering one's digits.
Well, Laura did not seem to agree with me about zebras getting fed just the same, and she was quite sympathetic towards them. As we drove through a pack of them, they were all on Greg's side (the driver's side) of the van and Laura was shaking the food box at Greg and commanding him to feed the zebras. But he was resisting, and wanting to abide by Parc's decree of "veuillez ne pas alimenter les zèbres". So in a last, desparate bid to nourish the persecuted zebras (and also because it was HELLAH funny) Laura dumped a pile of kibble right onto his crotch. HA! A zebra snout did make contact with his loinal regions, but there was no nippage, according to Greg. I'm sure I'd have heard a shriek of some sort if there had been. But alas, the guy's got some stellar reflexes. He baled the comestibles outta his lap with much speed and a goodly amount of panic. But y'know, the guy is so adamant he wants to stop procreating now at 4kids... if he'd not been so hasty, the matter may have been resolved in his favor. And practically speaking--well, I don't have the figures here in front of me-- but I'm quite certain that a vasectomy is a much more costly procedure than having your wang chomped off by a zebra. Greg is a pretty frugal dude. After an initial shock of ouchiness, he probably would've realized the hidden benefits of such a mishap. So yeah-- cheap homeopathic spaying, for one. And quite the anecdote as well! How better to remedy a conversational lull than with ,"Did I tell you about the time my penis was bitten off by a zebra?"??

Ok, Ok, I've gotten tah rambling. I will try again for brevity as I forge ahead, but I fear my vacation recap will have to be done in installments...

Sunday Aug 20--
Rained like hell. Went to a science museum in Montreal. It was a pretty large place but for all its size, it was not much better than the wee Montshire Museum (Norwich VT) But I did enjoy it...I like those hands-on exhibit, kid's museum type places. I don't have any recollection of what the name of this place was but if you happen to go to a science museum when in Montreal, and opt to grab some eats at the food court across the street... do not--I repeat, DO NOT-- get the falafel sammich. The falafels might have been partially composed of ground chickpeas but judging from the taste it was like only 3% chickpeas and mostly a mixture of sandbox sand and lint. But, on the upside, I do get the gratification of being able to sincerely proclaim "THAT FALAFEL WAS AWFUL!!"

Well, I was hoping to get as far as Tues in my recap but I don't think I can manage it. That's all for now, sports fans...

Don't worry K, 40 IS THE NEW 30

...so that makes 30 the new 20? And yours truly just wrapping up her encore teenage years??

Anyways I was going to skip blogging today because my Monday's post became an epic affair but I thought instead I would just use today's blog expressly for the purpose of "hollering" :
Happy-ass Birthday, Kara!!

I have a little somethin-somethin' to send via USPS (or UPS maybe), but I don't think I'll be able to get that en route until after I return from vaca. So I emailed an e-card to tide ya over, but am not sure if that worked. So I am posting my sincere & warm fuzzy greetings in this forum, since I KNOWS you're a religious patron of this blog (possibly my ONLY reader). I'm not just idly tossing that adjective in there, I really do mean religious. I know how you light candles & incense, and then do a chant in Esperanto that extolls my wit before you commence to reading this here blog. Oh, yeah, and you put on an Enya CD too. Don't get all paranoid, there are no spies or cameras witnessing this blog-mass. I had like a Raven Baxter style vision, and I'm pretty sure I'm right!!
Well, so far no psychic peeks into your birthday, so I can only hope it is going along terrifically!!!

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride..."

...it's not an expression I use, but somebody said that this morning, pre-Monday morning meeting when I was delivering my synopsis of my nuptial-filled weekend. I grabbed the bagel knife and jokingly perpetrated a stabbing. It's all hearty guffaws, now, but -I WARN YOU-watch it. Studies have shown that if you're a single woman over 30 who's been in over 1/2 a dozen weddings and somebody says that to you, there is a 90% probability that you will actually stab that person, regardless of how sweet and god-fearin' you may be. Well at present I am 2 &4/5 decades old and next June I will be in my 5th wedding. There's only so much longer you will be able to say that to me without sustaining (at least) a nasty scratch. So YUK IT UP NOW, CLOWNS!

I think what my cronies here really wanted to know was how I fared in the infamous wedding shoes. They all knew it was more or less my inaugural run in 4" heels and I think were expecting me to hobble in on crutches. There may have been a secret office pool that I wasn't informed of...

So I was able to keep upright on my mega-heels and, considering the circumstances, it was a near-miraculous achievement. Edson Hill Manor (the site of the whole fete) is on these hills that overlook a grassy meadow. The ceremony was held in said grassy meadow. We were not starting our aisle procession in the meadow--aww hells no-- because Jill wanted to "make an entrance". Instead, we descended to the meadow via uneven, somewhat rickety stone steps that had been jammed into the steeeeeeep hillside. Y'know I wish I could convey the steepness of the hillside in another way than adding extra "e"s to the word "steep". Actually, I just recently bought myself a reference book of old timey Yankee dialect & sayings that I'd hoped would aide me in expressing myself more colorfully. But unfortunately that book doesn't have any "steep as..." sayings for me to employ in this instance. But I can say that for me to attempt those stairs in those shoes... well I was crazier'n a shithouse rat. Could be that that's exactly what makes me such a popular choice for a bridesmaid: willingness to suffer for fashion and perform feats of breathtaking audacity. So yeah, Jill was going to get her dramatic entrance, I was resolved. It was either going to be a spectacular series of bloody somersaults, or easing down the hillside at the pace of a centagenarian inchworm. Luckily for yours truly, it ended up being the latter approach. And after my stunt work was through, it was a great ceremony, and an all around beautiful day. It was unseasonably cool for August, and I was soooo thankful for that, because the last thing I wanna be doing when all eyes are on me like that is to be over-glistening. Ok, well maybe "all eyes on me " is overstating it a smidgeon...after all... there were some people that were pretty focused on the bride and groom. Which was truly awesome of those people since, surely they had to battle that phenomenal mojo that emanates from my person.
Jilly & Billiam depart today for sunny Curacao. Such a pisser about the latest air travel regs... what it essentially means is that the poor honeymooners are going to have to buy all their potions, lotions, and sexy oils when they get on the island. You just know you can get better deals on that stuff in the States. Doubtless we have more purveyors of randy accoutrements...more competition= naughty stuff cheap. Well, y'know I haven't actually read the regulations, it just may mean they have to check all their goopy /liquidy paraphenalia. Which is still a bit of a hindrance...it will disable them from using their potions, lotions, & sexy oils while on the plane. I hope that was not a major honeymoon objective and that they have a great trip....

But enough prattling on about g-damn honeymooners, after all, I try to write this blog from the embittered singleton's perspective (write what ya know, eh??)...

I feel a new kick coming on. I've been kind of intrigued,as of late, about the "beat generation"...reading up on Kerouac , Ginsberg, Neal Cassady and their subsequents like the Merry Pranksters of the 60s. I'll tell you how this came about...just to illustrate how these "kicks" originate with me. They are not manufactured or decided upon. The new obsession just alights on me by happenstance. Y'see I was on www.thefreedictionary.com trying to track down the etymology of the word "yammer" or expression "yammer on" because I use that word all the time (that site, by the way is super handy & informative...I use it daily) and for some reason, when I looked up yammer in the wikipedia part of the site, it redirected me to "Howl". Not the word "howl", but Allen Ginsberg's poem "Howl". And I got kind of caught up in the background info surrounding that poem, and started reading up on the beat entourage that Ginsberg palled around with. It's this whole rather intriguing counterculture that I've never really delved into before. I've read Kerouac's "On the Road" but that was years ago...I could do with a refresher. I'm going to get through the current book I'm reading ("Broken Trail" a remnant from my recent Westerns kick) and then revisit "On the Road", maybe read another Kerouac even. I don't know if I want to read any William S Burroughs ... I saw the film of "Naked Lunch" many many years ago but it still resonants with me how monumentally perplexing and bizarro that was...I fear that reading Burroughs would be even more of a wtf??? type of experience. I do wanna read "Howl" too... I could probably check that out now without it being too much of an interruption to my Western....
The only actual Beat writings I've read since the kick-off of the kick is Neal Cassady's Joan Anderson letter
(read it here: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Workshop/5083/letter3.html)

I found Cassady interesting because he didn't really publish anything or publicly contribute to the "movement", he was just this background figure in the crew that everybody seemed to find integral-- Kerouac based 2 of his novel protagonists on him, and Ginsberg was in love with him! Also, some late 90s movie "The Last Time I Committed Suicide" was based on this letter. So, from that fact I figured-- a whole feature film based on a letter! Must be some letter! And so I had to read it. What I wanted to find out after reading it, and what I've not been able to find out in all my perfunctory Beat research is--what became of Joan Anderson? I hope she did not make another--a successful-- suicide attempt.Another thing that makes my new Beat kick appeal to me-- Jack Kerouac was pretty foxy. You'd think that would be a total non-factor, what with him being dead for nearly 40 years. But he wouldn't be the first dead guy I've developed a weird retroactive crush on. Check out JK's pic here: http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Jack+Kerouac Maybe that's an artfully done book jacket shot, but hubba-hubba! nonetheless. Don't bother checking up on Ginsberg-- he was nothin' to write home about. Eh, he was gay anyways...

Mahna mahna

Oy. .. I never did get Mark's freight credit issued and faxed to him. Oh WELL!
Have y'all ever seen Pants Off Dance Off? It's really the only reason I ever stop my channel surfing on the Fuse network. A lotta of people find it idiotic ...it is , I suppose , but it's idiotically hi-freakin-larious. Basically, volunteers from the public sign up for this show and they pick a video and dance in front of it. And strip. Stripping pretty much amuses me, even if it's done well. I mean, it's incredibly funny if done ineptly, but stripping in general is just amusing. Anyways, there was some article about the show on msn the other day. Basically it was an article about how the show is gaining popularity and given its trashy nature, does it deserve said popularity?? A mostly pointless article... but I did glean one worthwhile factoid from it-- the new fall season of Pants Off Dance Off is going to be hosted by Jodie "Stephanie-from-Full-House" Sweetin. http://fuse.tv/jodie.php WELL, PIN A ROSE ON HER NOSE!! Ok, actually, I'm pleased to see she's working again. Even when the Full House powers that be were marketing the hell outta Michelle "You Got It Dude!" Tanner, the middle Tanner daughter was always my fave. Even when it dawned on me that I absolutely detested Full House, I still liked Steph. Now if only they could find a gig for Kimmy Gibler. Gibler or Gibbler? Ahhhh, who the hell knows??? But really, if Kimmy could get herself checked into that Surreal Life condo, you know she'd have a show of her very own shortly thereafter...

yuh. Have a GREAT weekend.

I just lost 10 minutes of precious lunch time because this cheap asshole customer was haggling freight charges with me. I wish it was cool for me to announce, in my most politely chipper tones (while customer is mid sentence) "This asinine conversation is truly important to me, but my lunch hour just started. We're going to have to either wrap this up now or you may continue your blathering at 1pm EST. Goodbye!" **click** To be fair, I shouldn't call him an asshole, he was perfectly polite. But he just kept belaboring the same point over and over and was irritating the piss outta me. He wanted to know why the shipping dept charges the amount they charge for a particular package. I don't know..(Hell, I don't even think the shipping dept knows) I don't know...I don't #$%&^ing know and the answer won't suddenly alight upon me if you ask me 30 more times with slightly different wording each time, you annoying bastard. I've never been overtly RUDE on the phone (aside from it possibly getting me in hot water, I'm not a confrontational sorta person anyways) the closest I get is unprofessionally curt. As I was just now. And I was saying "yuh" a lot. Not to be confused with "yeah". "Yeah" is apt to be regular-calm Sandra and then sometimes I'll add extra e's to my delivery: "Yeeeeeah"..the extra e's are for empathy. But "yuh" is definitely how unprofessionally curt Sandra sez the word. Those in the know here, hear me say "yuh" and they know that means "yes" and also it means, "I am PISSED OFF but unable to tell you to *&*$# off."
So finally, he was in the middle of asking me about the logistics of our freight billing for the 31st time when I suddenly break in with "OOOOOOK! I'll credit you for that full freight amount (even though my boss didn't authorize that) and fax that credit over to you this afternoon Mark. WHAT'SYERFAXNUMBERTHERE?" He sounded a little taken aback at how I'd completely interrupted him, but he dutifully rattled off the fax #. And then I'm all "A'right, GREAT. You have a great weekend. Buh-bye." It was a very deliberately toned "You have a great weekend" (hence the italics) I'm sure he heard me say "have a great weekend" but I think the underlying "Eat shit and die, jackass" message was imparted just as loudly.
I'm a bit stressed today, that could have somethin' to do with it. I've got tomorrow off and you know what that's like... got about a thousand loose ends from this week that need tyin' up...or chopping off. That's one of the many, many reasons the Monday -off 3day weekend is preferable to the Friday-off 3day weekend.
It is bizarrely arbitrary what captures my attention sometimes. Last night I postponed my slumber until 1:30 am because I was absolutely transfixed by the "Different World" marathon on Nick @ Nite. What can I say? Dwayne Wayne & Whitley are an EPIC love story. It's like Romeo & Juliet but without all theMontagues and Capulets and suicide. Oh, and Romeo has these terrifically doofy glasses....

the social hub

I did Burlington this weekend. Hadn't been there in some time and I'd missed it. It's like a game preserve for hot men there. Which is not to say hot men are extinct in the rest of the state, but they are for sure an endangered species I'm sorry to report. When you see a fine lookin' fellah in southeastern VT, it's a bit of an event and aforementioned hottie stands out like hottie fish in a pond full o' mediocre fish. But in B-ton..it's uhhh, sensory overload. But that's a good thing. I really got to flex my ogling muscles, which had actually atrophied somewhat.

But y'know, as much as I love it, I dunno if I could live in such an environment fulltime. It's a bit like when Mags hired a guy in our customer service dept last year. I was really, really STOKED... for all of an hour. But then, the more I thought it over, the more I was hoping the new hire would be gay. (Ended up he was NOT gay and NOT bad lookin' either, but no matter.. he ended up lasting just 2 or 3 mos, so ultimately he was nary a blip on my life's radar) I wanted a gay guy coworker because, well, it would be an opportunity to have a gay guy in my entourage. Not only is a gay guy friend awesome (top perk: you can casually attend an event with a pal, but if said pal keeps his yapper shut it appears you went to the trouble of acquiring an actual date ) it also happens to be one of the mandatory steps on the path to official fabulosity. I just know I have fabulous potential in me...I can feel it...
But I have digressed big time. Aside from befriending me and helping me to attain fabulosity, a gay coworker would simply mean it wasn't another hetero guy in the office. A hetero guy would mean...I dunno, it would just be a HASSLE for me-- y'know- the daily application of makeup, outfit contemplation, and doing something with my hair aside from merely running a brush through it. Probably not as much singing showtunes and talking about poop (bummer!). Anyways if I lived in the big Vermontropolis, it would be that on a macrocosmic scale-- I would probably feel the need to be presentable 24/7 (or nearly that much...22/6 perhaps).
Anyways, I was up there for Jill's bachelorette party and it was a grrrreat time. So the S.O.P. for bachelorette parties... the bride-to-be's posse ornament her like some kind of slut pinata and make her do "challenges". All in good fun, yes, but I detect a slight sadistic undercurrent to the proceedings. It could be my jaded outlook influencing my perception but I don't think so... I think I've made a real observation that's quite SIGNIFICANT to modern sociocultural anthropology. I could yammer on further but methinks I'd be better off to save it for that big anthropological tome I'm workin' on.

I was staring at Jill's tiara -- rhinestones spelling out the word "Bachelorette" and it occurred to me what a limited word that is. It seems no one uses "bachelorette" except in the context of bachelorette parties and appearing on The Dating Game.

So we chatted and grazed @ Jill's sister's casa for a bit and then we went out to the bars. We had a big van taxi...because we's smart and none of us wanted to not drink (heaven forfend!) We went to 3 bars: Red Square, Metronome, and then RiRa's. The abridged version is that I got my drink on, got my dance on and am praying the photographic evidence does NOT get emailed to me. I'm all for making an ass of myself on film, provided I never am subjected to the resulting photos. For instance, when I did my Maine trip the other weekend, I kept picking up seaweed at the beach, well, just because I like playing with seaweed but because I was feeling goofy I pretended like I was chowing down on ucky kelp for the camera. Amy got some pics of me looking pretty maniacal-- well, I presume I looked maniacal, because I did not look at the pics. Anyways, from this weekend, I'm sure there's a good number of pictures of me innebriated and dancing, which, even for the photogenic elite is not a set of photogenic circumstances. And there's a picture of me with some guy who later tried to sit on my lap (he was not invited to do so) ...don't wanna see that one either. Anyways it was all taken on a digital cam, so no hope of that being an undeveloped 35mm roll occupying someone's junk drawer for the next 5yrs and a good possibility that I'll soon get an email with subject line like "Jill's Bachelorette Bash---PICS!!" Yeeeeah, I'll look through 'em (but not without cringing )

When barhopping in Burlington, I've often thought of the city as my state's "social hub" It's like Jane Austen's England...where some of the towns in the countryside will have their small dances periodically, but the real work of the social season is done in London. And all the desperate hubby-hunters make certain to have an aunt in town, or somebody they can bunk with to be near the action "Ah yes, Jemima is staying in London with her neighbor's cousin's godmother for the season.." It's pretty much the same in modern-day VT. I guess the more things change the more they stay the same. (I'd like to know, incidentally , exactly who originated that asinine proverb) So yeah, maybe that's why my bar expeditions have been so fruitless...I've been contemplating Jane Austen too much and therefore unable to fully achieve that blank and vapid look that really lures in the menfolk.

They should tape a season of The Real World in Burlington. I mean, I know B-ton is not one of your major, world renowned cities, but it's got character. And a Real World locale doesn't have to be a HUGE city, it just has to have-- a space to make a spectacular Real World pad, a bar or two, and be able to provide fun made up jobs for a party of 7. I'm sure Burlington has all that. I would start watching the tired old show again, just in the hopes of catching glimpses of familiar sites. And presuming that other Vermonters could very well share in this compulsion, the Real World could accrue up to 623,050 (2005 VT population estimate) new viewers. I don't know much about ratings, (I don't even get how that info is gathered really... es mucho mysterioso) but 600,000 viewers might not amount to much for your average TV show. But The Real World could probably use any little boost it can get, I'd bet. That show is to reality TV as Joan Rivers is to comediennes--y'know still on the air but -OY! sooo old & haggard. I tend to watch the 1st Real World eppy and then forget it for the remainder of the season. If it was set in VT though, I'm sure I'd stick with it better than that. And I know the MTV powers-that-be are cognizant of VT (unlike some other folks I've encountered in NYC) as they shot 2 MADE episodes here (one in Barre, another in Bethel).

Boob Tubage

I never did catch Rock Star INXS the other night. Even worse, I missed Last Comic Standing. That's why I solemnly vowed that I WOULD catch Project Runway--may God strike out my parents' cat's left eye if I went back on my word. Seriously, that was the terms of my solemn vow. If you make a vow and don't stake anything, you're just half-assing it. So anyways, I did watch Project Runway (Kermit is purring the purr of immense relief, lemme tell ya) and here be my 2 or 3 cents on the episode--
Bradley-Bonnie-Uli :
*Uli—must have been SOOO thrilled & thankful to have immunity.Good poker face, girl, and congrats on suppressing the happy little jig you were wanting to dance
*Bradley—I love Bradley. I’m not entirely convinced of his talent but…I just love him. He reminds me a bit of the dog he had to dress in challenge 3—scruffily cute, sweet natured
*Bonnie—I’m glad she’s gone. She so distracted me with her fickle hairdo. I didn’t know whenever she made an appearance if it was going to be ironed-smooth hair Bonnie or kinked up and crispy haired Bonnie? Ha ha, sorry that was mucho catty. Truly, I thought she did NOT deserve elimination. Her outfit mighta been a little outdated but it wasn’t nearly as horrid as the monstrosity that Robert created (slit up to the—as Vera W. charmingly put it—“fanny” and engulfed by a dumpy Hefty Cinch Sack raincoat—bleeccch!)
Why then, was Bonnie unjustly eliminated?? Was it more karmic retribution like last week’s elimination? (Katherine was unappreciative of sweet Malan and got hers. And Bonnie was slightly offensive to sweet Bradley this ep…) Or (and this is more likely) was Bonnie just too slow to assert a real charismatic persona? I mean, Robert’s already got his niche (Nick II) so isn’t he just better TV???
Robert-Vincent-Kayne--
As for the shoulda been losing team...
*Vincent-- I was sort of appalled by his "blindly-follow-the-leader" policy. Maybe it's because he's an older guy ... could be that an utter obedience to authority was just more drilled into his make-up as a young Vin. But I did NOT expect such submission from...
*Kayne-- Since when does he have trouble opining? Maybe they perceived it as "supportiveness", but K&V, definitely didn't do Robert any favors by keeping their lips zipped. And while I'm yammering on about Kayne, I just hafta say that he's getting to be sort of a pain in the arse. I certainly don't object to him narcing on Keith, but his b*tchy "Do you see that you brought this on yourself??" comment was too much. What is he-- Keith's mom? On the other hand, I LOVED Laura's confessional --"Keith-- what an a**hole. I'm glad he's gone" So I guess b*tchy is alright by me...just not preachy-b*tchy.
*Robert-- Lucked out. He shoulda been booted. Outfit was shockingly barfy--and his sketches had been so terrif. More than just a crap outfit, this was crappy teamwork (or edited to appear that way?? I am soo cynical...) It was not so much a design team as a dictatorship. Which is weird, because Robert sooo doesn't seem like a control-freak tyrant who can't take a suggestion. Also (warning: more catty snarking) I'm waiting for Robert to integrate one of his beloved tightie tank tops into one of his designs. I think he'll find they look even better on the ladies. Probably he just wears 'em around the house for comfort's sake but --oy! Everytime I see a guy in one of those tanks I'm expecting to see a Schwinn nearby (possibly a barbell).
Keith-Jeffrey-Allison-
*Jeffrey-- It's funny that he found Keith so detestable, because for the first couple of episodes I found Keith & Jeffrey to be nearly interchangeable. I mean, they woulda been totally interchangeable if it weren't for that GINORMOUS neck tattoo. But anyhow, J seemed a bit less scary to me in this ep...cooler, more human. I'm warmin' up to him...
*Keith-- Took his dishonorable discharge really well. I mean, he said some sorta bizarro things in his final confessional-- "The worst thing is I didn't even use the books" which I guess is very honestly unremorseful. And then his "I had some more tricks up my sleeve"..that made me chuckle. But weird remarks aside, he was very chill about the whole thing. It would've been pretty plausible for him to be p*ssed..particularly at the informants...but he was civil in his departure and apologized to everybody. I think maybe that's why Kayne's snotty self righteous comment struck me as especially irksome.
Angela--Michael-Laura--
This was the model of teamwork that the V-K&R group shoulda aspired to. See, for example, how Michael & Laura reigned in A's rosette mania. Of course, Angela was pretty hungry for guidance...
*Michael Knight-- I am only disappointed that no one's made a talking car joke yet. Too bad there is no Santino around-- you can bet he wouldn't pass up such an opportunity.
*Angela-- The outfit was very cute and I think it was a fair victory. It was cute how stoked Angela was with the win. Yeah, I'm sure she knows how out of her league she is, but geeez, I can't blame her for wishing all the others would quit dumping on her. Why don't they dump on Vincent instead (or as well)? He's every bit as loopy...
Two other disappointments-- Michael Kors is back next week. I got accustomed to having Vera Wang on the judges panel. I liked her. She said "fanny". Also it was nice (for a while) to have just one judge who was not trying to rip the contestants' hearts out.
I was also displeased with Tim Gunn's little plug for the Saturn Roadster. Where was it he went? A monastery? An abbey? Whatev! He should've picked up Andrae and made haste for the nearest Red Lobster.

Aside from PR, I was also tuned in to MTV Hits. On the free preview channel, like I toldja a few posts back. Except...I dunno why I'm still getting it. I generally get a different channel on 99 every week but the MTV Hits preview is goin' on 2wks now. Maybe it's because of MTV's birthday. Actual MTV is completely ignoring its 25th. I remember they made a big fat deal about their 20th but for the 25th I've heard nary a mention. Why??? Is MTV ashamed? It's now too old for its own target demographic, is that it??
Anywhooo, I gotta tell you about some of the vids I've caught recently...
Finally caught Justin Timberlake's new video "Sexyback". So it's more like his audition to be the new 007, right? Silly JT. Don't he know he's at least 15 yrs too young? Maybe he thought they were doing like a James Bond Jr -type prequel or something. Anyways I dug the song. I think it will take a few more viewings for me to comprehend what's going on plot-wise in that vid...
I am lukewarm on Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (it's good, yet nothing I would spend $$ on) but I just love that 30s era aesthetic in that video. I also love how she's arisen, Phoenix-like from the miasma of skank that was "Dirrrrty" and is now very classily sexy. I don't think that classy is meant to be an adverb, but I'm forging ahead, people. It's sort of like her revenge on Brit (revenge for what? Well, for one-Britney inexplicably got the better, tongue-ier smooch from Madonna that time on the MTV music awards) Now C's the stylin' one, married to a respectable guy who doesn't burden the public with his overt skeeziness or bizarro Portugese rap songs. And Britney--oy, don't get me started..
The video for Panic! at the Disco's "I Write Sins not Tragedies" is MAAAAARVELOUS. I like that song-- it's the only 1 of theirs I know, really. But I think, merely by perusing the back of their CD (onetimeatBestBuy) that I like them lots... all their song names are at least 1/2 a sentence long. They seem to be a particularly verbose group of fellows and I happen to value verbosity (AS IF YOU COULDN'T TELL!). I hadn't seen their vid previously, and it blew me away.
Did you know that Alan "Jason Seaver" Thicke has a male spawn, one who is out there on the airwaves "chasin' the dream"? Robin Thicke has a song-- I presume it be his first single...I mean the dude has prior albums (I did some amazon.com research) but this is the first I've heard of him so any previous singles hardly count. Anyways it's called "Wanna Love You Girl" and it's awfully repetitive and more or less CRAP. If it weren't for the Pharrell cameo, I'd think it was the 2nd coming of Color Me Badd. But I can't be too disdainful of li'l Robin-- first off he collaborated with my boy Pharrell so he's got a smidge of the blessed Pharrell taint on him. Also, he is very visibly his father's son. He totally has a Jason Seaver schnozz and the same shape hair (and I didn't think coiffures were genetically passed on) and I find that strangely endearing.

in the still o' the night I hear the wolf cry honey, sneakin' around your door..

Not to dwell on past postings, but I gotta give myself perseverence points for posting that David Coverdale pic. It didn't take me all that long to make the pic, Microsoft Paint masterpiece that it is (I'm not technologically hi-falutin' enough to be dealing with Photoshop just yet) but it took me for-freeeking-EVER to post it to the blog. I musta tried a kazillion times--both at home and here at work. It would give me the pop up that reads "Image Uploaded" with the DONE button to click but then the pic still would not appear on my posting. And then today I kept getting this whack message about my COOKIES. Quit yo' cookies jibba jabba and post mah damn picture foo'!! I was extreeeemely vexed and frustrated...it was like Mucha's birthday all over again.

I made a fairly kick ass dinner last night. It was a garlicy chicken penne. It coulda used some shaved parm and mushrooms but I was improvising with whatever I could find in the 'rent's kitchen and mushrooms & parm were not available. Actually if I'd dug into the insanely copius stores of canned goods my parents have been stockpiling since Nixon was in office, I probably woulda come up with a can o' shrooms after a half hour or so. But I didn't even look...first off, I love fresh mushrooms but find the canned variety to be an utterly different (and unsavory) dealie-o. Also, I don't exactly share my parent's conviction that any food in a can (regardless of any "Use By" date stamped on it) is good eatin' for at least 3 millennia.

I was squatting in the folks' casa one weekend, when they were gone outta town, and there was absolutely nothing worthwhile on the telly. These are the times when I always end up watching Food Network. Watching Food Network makes me simultaneously peckish and compelled to be culinarily creative. So here's Giada De Laurentis (she is like, the WORST F.N. personality, by the way I really dislike her) is saying what a simple recipe she's doing, that you can just make with everyday items you've got laying about the pantry-- y'know: fresh thyme, capers, creme fraiche, that sorta stuff. And I go out to the kitchen to find... American cheese, saltines, canned potatoes...y'know that sorta stuff. It was a pisser...having your cheftastic skillz muzzled like that.
A'righty kiddies..time for me to jet. I have some shopping to do before Rock Star INXS graces my tube....