RANDOM YAMMERINGS

DEPLORABLE!!!

2012-02-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

If that image looks vaguely familiar, that's because it's my tally of blog postings located oooh, about 2" east of this here post. Well, I'll bestow on meself a li'l kudos first...I've been at this since 2006!! 5, going on 6 years, is nearly ANCIENT for a blog, no?

I note a disappointing trend here though. My number of posts is decreasing every year!! Now that 96 for 2006, I don't consider shameful since I think it was mid or late July 2006 I launched. But that 32 for last year....deplorable!!

I vow to do better for 2012. For me just as much as for you. I have no wish for my writing muscles to atrophy!!

Help me embark on the road to a comeback.... pitch me something to post about. I'll run with it to the best of my ability.

Tunes &War Paint

2012-02-01T18:50:00.000-08:00

I just spent a wad o' $$$ on Sephora the other day. I gave my email address to the cashier the last time I was at Sephora in the mall. Consequently, I now get these "SephoraBeautyInsider" emails all the time. Usually they are offering 20% off this or 30% off something-er-other and I delete it almost instantaneously. But the other day I was reeled in by their proffered deal --free perfume sample with order. Plus, I've kind of had a burgeoning yen for some quality make-up. I have these kicks where I just, aesthetically, GIVE UP & totally go 100% don't-give-a-shit hagged out everyday. But after a while of that, (2, 2.5 weeks max) I get very sick of it, and launch into an avid primping kick. Well, one of the latter kicks kicked in, and I also recently read a Yahoo blurb about this chick Tanya Burr. She was a makeup counter girl, doing shopper makeovers, and she started doing these YouTube make-up tutorials, and somehow that BLEW UP for her and she was able to ditch her retail gig. And she got written up on Yahoo...and presumably elsewhere on these internets...
Well heck, if a picture is worth 1000 words, a video embed is worth 100,000. Behold--

She rather impressed me, and yeah, I'll say it, inspired me a bit. I maybe took for granted what artistry can go into slapping on some "warpaint" (as I have been known to refer to it). Although, I gotta gripe that...seems unfair for this girl to be so skilled with cosmetics. She's naturally gorgeous.
Y'know, even in one of my more aesthetically conscientious moods, I've never acceded to a cosmetics clerk makeover. I think if a Tanya Burr-type had asked, I would consider it...but usually the clerks pitching me a makeover look like evil drag queens. Something like Divine, but heavier on the lipliner. Ha haa.

But I'm not just frittering away my pay on makeup, I also went on a bit of an iTunes spree. I go through phases in my listening preferences. I have a smattering of every genre on my iPod, but I don't tend to listen to the whole spectrum at once. I go through spells where all I wanna listen to is folk, or like this fall, all I was really in the mood for was classical. I tend to start jonesin' for hip-hop in the summer months. Well I've lately craved , I guess you'd class it indie music. I particularly wanted to discover new artists/ songs and to that end, I started listening to AccuRadio's "Alternative Now!" channel. Good call, me! I stumbled onto lotsa great stuff there. I bought a bunch of it this past weekend. Like, f'rinstance, I am just SMITTEN with this song right now--

The version I downloaded wasn't live, but it didn't differ much from what you see there. I usually don't like live versions of songs (not as much as the album version anyway) but in this instance, I like the live jam a mili-skoach more just because the accordian sounds even more accordiany. Love that.
I also learned that I quite like AWOLNATION.

"Burn it Down" is probably my second fave (a *close* second) right after "Sail". The "Sail" video's not as fun though. Also bought the tracks "It's Not Your Fault" and "Guilty Filthy Soul". In my estimation, 4 stellar songs all on one album is a damned feat.

2012-01-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

Well, don't let it be said that I've neglected the blog for weeks and weeks and weeks. Unbeknownst to y'all I had a post draft in the hopper dating back to 1/4....so that should upgrade me to only semi-negligent, no?

The nascent post was all about a job I was applying for in Madison, Wisconsin. I'd only gotten 3/4 of a paragraph composed, but you know me...it was destined to be a rambling, neurotic debate...agonizing & over analyzing over the classic question: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO NOW?

Well, since I let the post marinate for a coupla weeks, I am able to FF right to the epilogue. I didn't get the job. BOO. And y'know, I half believe in jinxes jinxing shit, and so I can't help but think that this rejection email (received on Tuesday...it was just about the warm& fuzziest rejection communique I've ever read, I'll grant 'em that) was partly sparked by my resolution to TAKE the job if offered. Even if I never did write it out, I did go thru all that debating, hemming & hawing etc. But around Sunday I had decided, that if the job were offered to me, it was The Universe handing me an opportunity and you should not spit in the face of the Universe...particularly if you are hanging your head outta the window of a vehicle moving at high rates of speed. Plus, a very sage amiga of mine pointed out that if I took the chance and it didn't pan out, it's not like I would be CAPTIVE there. So I said, "Fuck it, I'm a-gonna do it" But then they said "Fuck you. Stay in VT. You guys have cheese there too." No, no, no, I fib. That is NOTHING like what they wrote. They were uber-cordial. No hard feelings. But who knows if I will stay in VT--maybe, maybe not. I don't hate it here, I just despise my CHRONIC COMPLACENCY. (As well I should) And so I will continue to search...

To compensate for not having any *actual news* to share, I am going to share instead some of my faves from my list of "Likeds" on YouTube (Oh yeah...I would be remiss if I didn't throw in here a "DEATH TO SOPA/PIPA!!!") and some original Monday doodles. There were three recent Mondays --12/26, 1/2 & 1/16 --where I was working and everybody else in the world was NOT. I acutely felt the injustice of this sitch. When I am at the office on such days, I really feel like I should get full marks for simply SHOWING UP. Any actual work achieved counts as extra credit, maaan. So on 1/2 and 1/16 I alternated little brief spurts of productivity with idle doodling. Here is what I do when I am reluctantly cubicle-bound---

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Now a couple of the funniest vids I've seen in a long time--
This impression is BRILLIANT. A LeVar Burton cameo and I woulda been over the f-ing moon!!

That Mitchell & Webb Look is a terrifically funny & smart Brit sketch comedy show...or I should say it was, as I don't believe new eps are being produced anymore. I discovered it in the Netflix Instants library, but if you don't stream Netflix, you can also find a lot of Mitchell & Webb onYouTube. This one sketch is a fave because I REALLY relate to Mitchell's character (the non-sporty boozer)

Some other Brit funnies...
this one QUITE ODD, but I really like it nonetheless--

guess this one is odd too....and I suspect I wouldn't even like it if not in that accent. That guy at 0:32 REALLY cracks me up though--

Haaa..funny AND educational...

more by Peter Serafinowicz. Not uproarously funny this one, but I cannot overlook a Dickens shout out

Ok, just so you don't think I'm a total, excessive Anglophile, here is a FRENCH commercial. It's not funny, but it's so cool and artsy and if our commercials for BK were this neat-o, I might even consider eating there.

Better said...

2011-12-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

Though I don't regret my foray into serious matters, I do think (upon rereading it all) I could have put it in a more succinct, less raving manner. Harry Belafonte made the point much better than I did, with some drums and some Muppets. I love this song, it has always resonated with me ever since I first encountered it (the lyrics that start around 2:57 in particular)

The $64,000. Question!!!

2011-12-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

WARNING: I am about to break from the generally frothy tone of this blog and get all profound and/or philosophical and/or neurotic. Definitely verbose (though, that's a given, regardless of subject matter).
So...a question has been ricocheting through my brain lately, one that should be omnipresent, and I think it has been, but I'd heretofore done a stellar job of drowning it out. The question...

AM I A GOOD PERSON?

I'm beginning to feel like I've fallen prey to the complacency that entraps so many--that is, the presumption that if I am not an actively BAD person, I am a good person. That's bollocks. I need to actively aspire to be a good person.

Ok..subsequent puzzler: DOING GOOD DEEDS = ATTAINING GOOD PERSONHOOD?

I wish I could slap a unequivocal HELL YES on that, but alas, I am an onion of neuroses that overthinks everything. Yes, I want to be a person that does good. But what I really, really want to be is someone that TRULY cares more about other people more than I care about myself. I know it sounds harsh to say that I care more about myself than I care about other people, but I think it's true. It's hard for me to say that it's true, but when I committed to pitching "frothy" out the window for one post, I guess I committed to brutal honesty too (blast it!!) I have family and friends that I love, that I would take a bullet for....but would I take one for a total stranger?? I am not devoid of ethics...I KNOW that that's the right thing to do. But would I do it? Well, it's often said (of EXTREME situations like that) "you don't know what you'd do until you're in the situation" and that may well be true. But honestly, if I was in that situation, and I did the right thing, I would surprise myself (if I lived to be surprised).

Yiiiikes, let's take a real life example that is not so horrifically extreme....

Though my ID badge at work identifies me as an "Office Specialist", I call myself a "clerical gun for hire". Any non-clinical jobs at the agency (I work for a visiting nurse agency) I either have done or am doing. Oh well, except for Accounts Payable/Receivable. Have NOT worked that gig because I seriously can only withstand brief, sporadic doses of math (or I sprain my brain). So one of my tasks now, is answering front desk calls. Although I only sit at the front desk when the receptionist goes to lunch, I get a good deal of these calls all day long-- they have the main phone line set up so that any calls missed by reception ring to me. A call I got the other day was a woman inquiring about bereavement support groups. That is something the VNA organizes, but it's the purview of our hospice chaplains. The chaplains have yet to post a centrally accessible calendar of support group meetings that would help me answer these calls myself, so how I've been handling such calls is just to take the caller's name and number, and assure them that one of our chaplains will call them back to help them find something. And then I shoot an email to the two chaplains, who are always really prompt and conscientious about getting back to these folks. One of the chaplains just writes back "I will call this person this afternoon" but the other one is hyper-conscientious (about everything, really) and she writes back like a paragraph summarizing how the call went.

So the other day, I get this email from Sharon, " I called back Deb this afternoon. She lost her husband to cancer this summer, she lives alone but has some adult children nearby.... {not going to paraphrase the entire email but it summed up like--} no meetings in her area until February but I offered to meet with her on a one-on-one basis until then." And this simple little email launched an interior dialogue that went a li'l something like...

That Sharon is really good at her job--a real natural
Why wouldn't YOU be a good hospice chaplain, Sandra?
Because other people's grief / strong emotion makes me uncomfortable
WHY? THAT'S TERRIBLE .
Terrible, but true.
You are too wrapped up in your own shit, Sandra.
Everybody's wrapped up in their own shit.
Sharon's got her own shit...her husband was just hospitalized with some pretty serious health probs. So she either: a) truly cares about other peoples' shit more than her own OR b) can put aside her shit and care about other peoples' shit. A is more outstandingly virtuous than B but in either case she's a better person than you.

But like I said before, I am an onion of neuroses (many layered, that is. Not tear inducing...though, if I've made you cry, please let me know.) and I even question the goodness of my wanting to be a good person. I'm sure my motives are partially selfish..and selfishness is at the root of my problem!
I think there are people--extremely RARE people--who by default, and in all cases, put others before themselves. Not only are those people few & far between, I think they are superhuman. I sort of visualize it as scale--one side selflessness...the other side selfFULness. I worry that my scales are too egregiously tipped toward selfFULness (durrr,OBVIOUSLY). Ideally, I would be tipped waaay in favor of selflessness, and I wouldn't even know it. I would just innately put others before myself, I wouldn't think about how good I was for doing so, I wouldn't have any images of scales dancing in my noggin, it would all be very simple, and easy, and natural and, and...well, clearly I was not born that way at all. So now I can do good things, and make a deliberate choice to consider other people and that's great. But....fucked-up onion that I am....it will always irk me that my altruism is tainted by a lust for personal betterment.

BIG SIGHH. I'm going to stay in this same heavy duty territory, but take a break from obsessing over my own emotional deficits and talk about why Eleanor Roosevelt is full of shit.

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. "

I hadn't heard that quote before, but discovered it when a former coworker had it as part of her email signature. I tend to not like email signature quotes, but only because I've never known anybody to rotate their quote. Just the same pearl of wisdom, over and over and over again, ad infinitum and I get desensitized to what would otherwise be a very wise pearl. Exceptin' the above quote, that is. I don't know if Kathy's email signature attributed the quote to Eleanor Roosevelt, but according to the illustrious Quote DB, that is who said it. Kathy was...well, kind of tough to get along with...not just for me, but recollecting objectively, she didn't have a lot of friends. Before I started aspiring to be a good 'un, I would have dismissively summed her up as a rager/ nutter. I imagine she was aware of people talking smack about her all the time, and that is why she so liked that quote.
Eleanor, though, was condemning gossip...I think. Truthfully, I only know a smattering of US history, but I think I do recall that ol' FDR was a bit of a rake in his pre-polio days. And infidelity is primo gossip fodder, as y'all know.

Well, sorry Eleanor, gossip is not all bad, and your famous quote is shite. Ideas? What good are ideas unless they somehow relate to PEOPLE? Events spring from things that PEOPLE do. To me, that quote is shit, because people are the best and ONLY thing to talk about. There is, for certain, an element of schadenfreude in gossip that is not to be commended. But, at least if you are gossiping, you are taking an interest in people around you. Yes, I worry about my selfishness level because I worry about the health of my personal soul. But I also feel like my issues are a microcosm of a huge societal defect. I return to my earlier thought: EVERYONE IS WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN SHIT -- it's a big generalization, so not 100% accurate. But it's pretty much everyone, right? We would have to be some sort of amazing cyborg-saint society if everybody is willing to take a bullet for everybody else.
But I'm not hoping for such drastic measures... It's as simple as looking at someone on the street and really wondering, "Who are they? What is their story?" I mean it's a simple thing, but so huge. And maybe it's all in MY head, but I get the feeling lately that people aren't doing that enough. That people are isolated. And to make with more specific examples (and I hate to disparage my own kin in doing so) my sister was encouraging my nieces & nephew to talk at the dinner table about their day at school. And my oldest niece and nephew were just spouting off about all the kids in their class that were "stupid" and "weird" and "gross". My sister told them to "quit the negativity". But me, I had to open my big yapper and elaborate "You should always remember that people have troubles that you might have no idea about. You should consider that before you call them stupid and gross" Yeah, yeah, I know-- even as I was saying it, I was gagging at how preachy it sounded. And I'm a big hypocrite too. Of course, I was the very same way as a kid. And really, I'm the very same today except now I will reproach myself after my snap judgments about 50% of the time. I know it's a dreary thought, to think "Everyone I see is somehow, secretly struggling." It's a hell of a downer. But I feel like if people were able to be mindful of that truth, than we could reduce some of the judgement and anger and envy that pollutes life. Criiikey, I make compassion sound like such a maaassive effort, don't I? I wonder if that makes me compassion-challenged or just jaded ? Let's just hope that I'm jaded without cause, that my seeing everywhere this epidemic of selfishness is just me trying to write off my own selfishness as societally inevitable.

I don't know what brought this mindset on, but it could just simply be the time of year. I suppose all this ranting could just boil down to the Christmas cliche of wishing for "Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men". Except that I really, really mean it, and I've dissected the hell out of it.

Bow Wow Wow yippy yo yippy yay

2011-11-30T18:30:00.001-08:00

This is the latest addition to my family--is he not ADORBS?? He's not quite mine (I cannot have one in my lame-ass apartment) rather he is the doggy I've been harping on my sister to get for aaaaages ("I can't believe your kids are growing up without a dog. You are a BAD MOTHER.") Well, I wasn't nagging her specifically to get this very Yellow lab-Golden retriever mix, but I've just wanted her to get a dog in general.

I came over the Sunday they got him and immediately was solicited for my best name suggestions. Of course, I had input, but the debate was fierce and I didn't particulary want to throw myself into the fray.

The first name to spring to mind, after gazing at this sweet punum, was Henry. I think it fits him quite well, but of course, no unanimous support could be found (though my sis liked it lots..that was her top pick) More brainstorming ensued.... someone tossed off "Duke" and Seth really liked that one. Duke is a pretty cute name, albeit a tad trite. But this dog looks nothing like a "Duke" . I know the most famousest doggy Duke--Duke Bush-- is a golden, but he doesn't look like a Duke either. Oh, also he is a duplicitous bastard of a pet, so there's another fine reason to veto that name option.

I thought we should look to U.S. Presidents of yore for inspiration. I often do this when naming things and tend to find anybody FDR or earlier to be interesting (not sure why the more recent prezzes bore me, but they do). So, in this vein, Laura said "Woodrow?" Now, even though I get the distinct impression that Woodrow Wilson had a colossal stick up his ass, his first name is , nonetheless, all sorts of awesome. I declare it the BEST dog name ever!! You can be all cas. with him and call him "Woody" and if he drops a deuce on the carpet, it's "Wood-DROW!!" Ohh, and additionally it has connotations (in my mind, anyway) of curmudgeonly but adorable cowboys because of Tommy Lee Jones's portrayal of Woodrow Call in 1989's Lonesome Dove. Yeah, I said it: Tommy Lee Jones is adorable. I STAND BY THIS ASSESSMENT!!

Well, amigos, you have my express written permission here to utilize my #1 top dog name because they didn't go for that either. The kids rather hated it. (Again, Laura and I were pretty simpatico on our faves) We settled on Bo. Or Beau. Chloe *insists* it is spelled the latter way. I don't see why the spelling matters too terribly much, because how often are they gonna see it in print? Probably just on postcards from the vet. It's not like this is a bonafide, with PAPERS show dog. Crikey, that would have been an EPIC battle--if they'd had to come up with one of those ridicu-long show dog names. Pemberton's Incredibly Posh Beau of the Cypress Glade or some such shite, y'know? Though they did give him a middle name....Duke...a nod to the name Seth had his heart set on. And yes, we did make the Dukes of Hazzard connection (OF COURSE! Um, have you met me?). It's kinda cute, naming this pale pup after one of the blondest organisms ever to draw breath. I was always more of a Luke Duke devotee, personally, but it's still pretty cute.

sing it, Rosie!!

2011-10-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

I was really in a black mood this past Sunday and Monday. I can't quite say why ...perhaps my "humors" got all imbalanced. I mean, I for sure have my issues, but they are all pretty much longstanding issues. I didn't get any *new* ones thrown into the mix recently. It's just that, I have this fundamental sense that the world is a good place and I am a good person and that sense helps me handle aforementioned issues. And then , on Sunday, all of a sudden, I could tell myself that, (world=good/ me=good) and rationally agreed with it, but I just was not at all feelin' it. And I exacerbated the whole thing by dwelling on it, although in my defense, I am inescapably doomed to dwell. Aren't we all? Or maybe it's just me... it plays out thusly : I start dwelling--questioning WTF is up with me, trying to dredge up a bit o' happiness, failing at that, then asking: but am I feeling better now? Maybe incrementally better? Hmmm..no. How 'bout now?Now? Then part of me realizes: the only thing to do is to go on auto pilot, stop obsessing, put it out of your head. It will simply hit you at some point that --hey, the overhead cloud is gone and you gave it the slip without even trying...without even noticing. All very sage counsel, but in summation I instruct myself: DO NOT OBSESS. Is there anything more condusive to obsessing than that, I wonder??

I was right of course... Yesterday (Tues) I was driving. It was sunny. I was singing along top volume to "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz and ...Oh hey...I'm happy now. That's how it goes. But Sunday and Monday I was really trying to FORCE it. And I was thinking on Monday.. I think what would really help is if I had a good cry. But try as I might, I couldn't. Yep, down in the dumpiest depths of the proverbial dumps and I couldn't muster any tears. Oh, wait--that's not true. I squeezed one lone trickle out of my right eye and I think that was from multiple big yawns in rapid succession.

I got to wondering about it--- how did this notion of the "good cry" evolve? (that was, believe it or not, the intended focus of my post before I got carried away with neurotic blathering. Criiiiiikey-- I don't mean for this blog to be a cheap-o therapy alternative) How is a cry "good" for you? Now, from my own personal experience, I have found this to be true. I have felt the...après-sob calm kick in. But *WHYYYY* is that? It's weird to me-- that your troubles and sorrows can pain you less just because some amount of fluid has seeped out of your eyes. Heyyy--(*idea lightbulb*) perhaps it is not the eye leakage but the nasal output that makes things better. It just so happens that many of my "good cries" involve the snot in my noggin fwoooshing forth like the water at Splash Mtn.

Oh, I'm sure there's some dull, science-y reading that would enlighten me ...blah blah blah hormones...endorphines...yadda yadda (can you tell I'm not much of a science buff??) But I am opting to give credit to Marlo Thomas, Rosie Grier, and a little film called "Free to be You & Me" It was well over 20 yrs ago, but I still recall being introduced to this in my formative years---

critters

2011-10-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

I usually don't go all out cooking for just li'l ol' me, but I was going to make a delish BLT for my dinner the other night. Ahhh, but the best laid schemes of mice & men go oft askew, am I right??

I had my tomatoes sliced & spiced, lettuce washed and bacon starting to fry up in the pan. I got the bread outta the fridge, and I slid the toaster forward on the counter in preparation for plugging it in and toasting...
The commotion of toaster relocation startled A RODENT and caused him to run across the back of my stovetop. I know that brave, level-headed people always say of mousies: "They’re more scared of you than you are of them" I really can’t imagine that my shifting the toaster 11 inches was too awfully terrifying for the critter....however I think probably the BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM that I let out when I saw him did frighten him a bit. It is a damn good thing my landlords were out because this scream was such that any hearer would instantly call 911 and/or a priest. There would be no response of "YIKES—izzat screaming person ok??"--all bystanders would just presume that the situation was too horrific to be attended to by laypeople. You could hear the bowels-loosening terror.
So anyway, after that, I didn’t want to stand there and cook. I threw the semi-cooked bacon in a glass bowl and put it in the fridge, rebagged the bread and threw that in the fridge, threw the frying pan in the sink, shut off the burner, and I really was *throwing* shit around because I wanted to be out of that quadrant of the apartment as quickly as possible. My abode has the added disadvantage of having that very open layout which denies me the small comfort of shutting any doors between me and the vermin....unless I wanted to shut myself in the bathroom but I was not about to let one distasteful encounter make me miss my Wednesday night shows.
So on the menu for dinner that night?? I had tomatoes and lettuce and Diet Coke...also Nerds... I could fetch my box of Nerds from the kitchen without lingering extensively. So the largest part of last night’s fare was Nerds. Yes, yes, it DOES serve me right for being such a colossal candyass.

Oh! if only they were as adorable as they appear in kid's books!! Is it VERY wicked of me that I'm gonna stock up on D-Con?

The following night, I came home from dinner out with a pal, and started hoofing it up the back steps and almost ran into--literally--a raccoon who was assessing the trash can situation on my balcony. Now at this encounter I said "WUUH-AHH!" (pretty much verbatim, that) which sounds wussy but it was not nearly so terror-laden as my mouse scream. It had a little burst of force behind it, but it was not *too* loud. It was similar in tone, really, to one of the nonsensical exclamations James Brown peppered his songs with. "Gooo GAWD y'all!"
After my "WUUH-AHH!" I retreated down the steps back to my car. I paused...he looked like he clearly wanted to leave my presence, though it occurred to me if he crawled down the stairs we would pass on the stairs as I re-ascended. I called up to him "Hey you, you get off my deck wouldja? C'mon dude!!" coming off all calm and amicable all of a sudden. He hopped down to the roof of the carport and we locked eyes. I like to think, in that moment, we had a little telepathic exchange --
ME: Going forward, don't even try it, buddy. I tie down my can lids pretty tightly.
ROCKY: No worries. *I* will trouble you no further, but I cannot vouch for my woodland associates.

Not sure why I was so much more threatened by a 2" mouse than by a raccoon. I am going to posit that I was more alert upon returning home (having just been driving) and in the kitchen I was less alert (less alert = more startleable) as I was in an "Mmmm BACON" trance. That, or... I just irrationally fear mice more than I do raccoons.

I wonder what I would do if I happened upon a streaked tenrec?? I did happen upon one online today, and found him temporarily fascinating. I don't know if I'd have the same response to an in-person meeting.
The creature in question (native of Madagascar)---

Wall Flair II

2011-09-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find myself inordinately amused by the bizarro WTF??? factor of an action. My work comrade Paul and I were email bantering one time, and the topic du jour was blaxploitation cinema (we have a wondrous variety of email subject matter) He alerted me to a SPECTACULARLY BAD movie poster and in response, I proposed the hilarious notion of buying a HUGE print of this poster and taking great care to frame it nicely and then hanging it in a place of prominence in one's living room. I don't know why, but the thought cracks me up. Well, of course I'm gonna make w/ the visual aid--

I wonder if Roxanne would have fawned over THIS for a housewarming gift?? I think what I *most* love is that line of copy : "NOW you are ready for Mandingo"

Oh, and here is a poster that I really would genuinely like to hang on my wall. Vinnie Price is the COOLEST.

This reminds me to remind you--NOW is the time of year to start with your Vincent Price movie marathons. I streamed "Theater of Blood" on Netflix on Saturday night. I only managed to get about 1/2 way thru it though. The movie was decent, but the sound quality was AWFUL. I had the sound on my laptop turned up all the way and so was the volume on the Netflix player, but I was still missing bits. I felt like my Dad without his hearing aids. NOT enjoyable.

Wall Flair

2011-09-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

My friend Roxanne just moved into a new house (well. . . new to her ) in mid-August. We met up for lunch a couple weeks later, and I wanted to give her a little housewarming somethin-somethin. I didn't know of anything she really needed ..this wasn't a first house for her or anything.

I decided to make her some art. Nothing so creative as like, what you see on those HGTV shows where they enlist the aid of their carpentry team, get out in the yard with a 4ft wide canvas, and paint rollers. Muuuuuuch smaller scale, much less effort, but she seemed to like it. I got a couple of cheap frames at the Dollar General and I printed out some art from The Athenaeum and framed them. I actually printed out a lot more than I framed, but I wound up giving Rox all the print outs in case she didn't agree with my picks for the best-of-the-best/ most frameworthy. Anyway, it worked out well..particularly with my ever-present budget constraints. I also think it's a good idea for those people you know whose lives seem to be overflowing with gadgets and trinkets and tchotchkes...those ones that demurr "Oh I REALLY don't need anything!!" (and it's true) . Usually even they can find a 8"x 10" patch of real estate on the wall..unless they've already done their abode up like an Applebees, that is.
Here is the art I picked out. I was trying to do a home & garden theme (Rox is an avid gardener--I do believe she loves her 10 acres & gardens even more than she likes the new house).

I was digging around the internet for nice art for this project and I suddenly was struck by a memory... a ubiquitous bit of mass produced art that I'd seen in umpteen mobile home living rooms throughout my formative years. Not limited exclusively to mobile homes as my uncle still has this hanging in his dining room--of his modified Cape (not my cup o' tea, his house, but it's for certain an immobile home) Anyways the scraps floating through my mind's eye was a shady area with very red water mill, boy fishing, additional boy or girl skipping rocks. I was thinking it would be amusing, in a kitschy sort of way, to print that and give it to Roxanne, but I quickly dismissed the idea because she just doesn't have the taste for kitsch that I do. She would probably think I was 100% in earnest and either really LOVE it or love it because it came from yours truly. It's quite difficult to tell with her, she really seems to adore everything I buy her...but she has *got* to be lying some of the time.

Anyway, even though I wasn't going to print it out, I was still very compelled to look at the picture. Sometimes I feel a very pressing need to fact-check my memory. Like, do you recall that time on Sesame Street when the girl took her llama to the dentist?? If your answer is "NO" , I am not shocked because for aaaages, I would reminisce over this and nobody knew WTF I was on about. I was starting to suspect my parents of slipping hallucinogens into my apple juice. But thank heaven for YouTube!!

I finally found my answer on eBay (where else?). It wasn't easy though. I searched for the better part of an hour (pausing once to proclaim via Facebook that I had stumped the internet). I looked for--

kitschy art red water mill

red mill fishing boy mass produced art
mill boy kitsch painting
gallery of kitsch art (throwing a wide net here)
red mill mass produced print

boy skipping rocks red mill

ohhhh, and many more. I wish I could remember what magical combo of keyword (s) + search engine finally worked, but I can't. The artist of this kitsch classic is Paul Defletsen, and it seems he was mighty prolific. But I had only seen 2 of his works and had somehow conflated the two in my mind.

In the painting of my memory the boy from this picture--

Was in the below picture (but on the right side). I had forgotten entirely about the girl and the dog, covered bridge & horse& buggy.

But as soon as I clamped eyes on these they were instantly familiar and I knew--Eureeka!!--I'd found 'em.

First Day of Fall This Week!!

2011-09-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

The other day I wore an odd sort of outfit-- one of my warmest cardigans...and capris. Though the parts were irrefutably chic, the sum was confused. And so it goes these days in my part of the world: mornings where you wake up--BRRrrr!--a-freezin' yer knobs off, but mid-day heat in the high 70s . And this seasonal limbo is wreaking havoc with my emotions. I'm quite torn over this upcoming Thursday & Friday (the last day of summer& first day of autumn, respectively) . It's not that I don't love autumn. I do ..I always have. I think that's required of me, being an Oktober babe, and all. THAT SAID, my appreciation for summer has grown & grown over the last few years. So, while I do not want to disparage autumn in anyway...the bottom line here is...I AM A SUMMER JUNKIE--I AM **NOT** READY TO BE DONE WITH IT.

But, really I do love autumn and it would be just like me to really peak in my appreciation of a season just as that season's slipping away. I have a tendency to do that with Autumn & Summer. So NOW is the time to embrace Autumn. I am hoping to do so, here and now, via CATHARTIC VIDEO EMBEDDING.

First off, a fond reminiscence of this past summer:

I cobbled together that video** from footage I shot in early June, when I went to Knapp Pond for a picnic with my sister and nieces.

ADIEU SUMMER, YOU GLORIOUS, GORGEOUS SEASON!! Siiiigh!

And now, a piece of music** I've been listening to quite a lot lately.. it gives off a lovely autumnal vibe, methinks.

Isn't that great? I know the accompanying imagery isn't at all fall-ish, but if *I* had made the video, it sure as scat woulda been. Close your eyes and listen-- it's all the grandest trappings of autumn in your ear: majestic stags, shiny fluglehorns, corduroy blazers with elbow patches. Okay so actually it's a gleaming brass hunting horn (at left) evoked here and NOT the "fluglehorn" (at right)--not quite. But can you really fault me for jumping at the opp to use "fluglehorn" in a sentence when I kinda had the chance? Heh..heh. .fluglehorns.

The Footnotes:

**Please forgive the shoddy audio work. I tried to loop the mp3 with some free software I downloaded online. I tried 3 different free programs, but could not get one that would eliminate that gap and make it "seamless". Note the proliferation of that "f-word"....FREE... my friend Mark suggested (ever so tactfully) that maybe I would have been able to loop the audio seamlessly if I had been willing to shill out a little $$ for some premium video editing software and not used the standard issue shite that came with my FlipCam. Me? Spend money?? Yeah, Mark doesn't know me so well. Since obviously I was gonna settle for the free shite, what I probably shoulda done was pick a track that clocked in at 2min 14 sec or more. But I was adamant that that song was THE *PERFECT* fit for the footage so I resigned myself to accepting the f-ng ANNOYING gaps. Or..kinda resigned myself...as obviously they still irk me and I also feel I just gotta apologize for them...

I dig making vids but NEVER had I intended to post anything on YouTube...stupid Blogger made me do it!! I tried to upload to Blogger a couple times and it was in a holding pattern of "Uploading.. .. .. uploading. . . .uploading" foreeeeever (and then some) and I finally gave up. I had a YouTube account (of course... who doesn't? Just for commenting on shit) but had never before uploaded there..I decided to give it a try and put the YouTube embed code in my blog instead. It was sooo easy it was RIDIC. The whole process done in <10min., I swear. This may move me to shoot more & share more...who knows, we shall see.

** This is also a very enjoyable version of Jagerchor and sort of new to me because I've never heard this sung in English before. The one I picked for embed is very close to the one on my iPod. When checking out the various offerings on YouTube, I was weighing the merits of THIS vs THAT ... I think that THIS definitely has considerable power--it's absolutely GRANDEUR PERSONIFIED. But on the other hand, THAT kinda charmed me too. And might it not be more faithful to the spirit of the song? Y'know, like swarthy, burly fellahs back to the village after a hard day's hunt. I dunno... you be the judge.

APOLOGY + some grooooovy YouTube finds.

2011-09-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

The formatting on that last post was colossally EFFED UP and, try as I might, I couldn't get it fixed. Formatting in Blogger leaves A LOT to be desired.

Anywhooo, sorry about that.

Some goodness that I just couldn't hoard --

Discovered Chase via AccuRadio and I had to download their song "Get It On" . And who wouldn't "get it on" with that hubba hubba, Merlin Olsen- lookin' singer?? And those pants! Manly!!

"Hocus Pocus" delights and bewilders me. Those Dutch rockers be CA-RAAAAZY!!

I am powerless to resist that. I wish today's popular music had more shriek-yodelling.

Now, I'm sure I'd heard "Mas Que Nada" (surely it's been used in a commercial or two, si?) but I'd forgotten about it, and forgotten how very rad it was. I rediscovered it recently, because my Dad went out and bought a new turntable so he could play all his old vinyl. He's such a hipster, and he doesn't even know it!! So I was rifling thru the old record collection, and put on the very cool Sergio Mendes & Brazil '66. Of course, the album version of this song is the best version. But I'm in LOOOOVE with the below vid for other reasons. Well, to begin with, I have always adored Tom Jones. I'm pretty sure he mispronounces "samba" (yeaah..he definitely does at the 2:25 mark)and he doesn't do it very well, but I love this nonetheless. I'll say this for him--he is very, VERY skilled at changing from head-to-toe denim to a snazzy tux with magical speediness. This is just 1000% undiluted SWANK concentrate. Dig it..

Tomorrow, when cubicle-life is making me glum, that is EXACTLY where I wanna go in my head. I wanna samba with TJ, baby!!

Grizzly Sandiego

2011-09-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, my darlings, that I've been so remiss in posting. I've been so caught up in havin' a summah...but that is no good exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcuse for such gross, prolonged neglect. Oh-and in other news, my laptop keyboard has a wonky x that pops off on occasion. I thought for once I would not wipe out the nutty side effects of me repairing that. I have deleted many, many, rows of xs in the past year or so...but perhaps, if I stop covering up evidence of this malfunction, in effect outing the wonkiness of this wonky X in this "public" forum, then maybe x will be shamed into behaving. We shall see.

So, "having a summah" --what does that entail for me?? I did go camping, a summer "must" that I have neglected for the past 2 or 3 years. Yep, I spent a lovely 5days, 4 nights at Emerald Lake in E Dorset, VT. It's a beautiful campground about 5 mi. north of Manchester VT. It's less than 2hrs away from home for me, so it's not as if I made a huuuuge journey for my vaca, but it was new territory to explore and I enjoyed a lot of hiking & beach time. I've been wondering how that park & general region fared when Hurricane Irene blew through my state on 8/28. I should hop on the VT State Parks website and see what info is shared therein (they've got a TERRIFIC website , BTW)

I'm a strange dichotomy y'know-- at times I get these sharp PANGS of wanderlust and I pine for all the places I want to see. I actually find it more time-saving to express my travel aspirations as a list of places I don't want to see (that being a much shorter list). But on the flip side of that, I also get these kinda surges of love for my home state and this sensation that Vermont has to be the most gorgeous place on the planet. So, consequently what I want to be--due to these two mindsets being strong in me- is the rare paradoxical World Traveller Mountain Woman.

I've said it before (somewhere around a zeeeeellion times, actually) that the very best part of having a vast fortune is that you could travel whenever you wanted in whatever style you liked. I wouldn't say budget travel is entirely worthless, but how freakin' AMAZING would it be to plan a trip and not have to mete out just how many ETO days you can afford to take and delve into "gee, would it save me more to stay at a Comfort Inn or a Days Inn??" (in a related aside, I would love to stay

here someday) (Oh, and, only slightly-relevant aside: while in Boston, I would be thrilled to the f-ng gills if I happened to run in to Bruce Springsteen busking in the park

. How boss is The Boss?? Love him!!) Anyway, I've yet to amass my vast fortune, so I haven't quite developed that "World Traveler" part of my dream persona. Now I did hatch a get-rich-quickish scheme the other day...maybe that will result in my globe-trotting (not with the novelty b-ball team...though that seems equally plausible) I don't think I'm going to stumble upon the winning Powerball numbers by letting a computer generate my picks. Plus, if I did, what a bland sort of serrendipity would that be, right? I wanna ridiculously huuuge fortune with a charming backstory attached!! Family birthday combos are so played out, so I'm not going that route. I'm going to start collecting the QC stickers on new purchases (I usually find them on clothing) and when I have 7 of them, I'm going to choose all my Quality Control Inspector #s as my lottery numbers. Totally BRILL, isn't it? It is 7 numbers, right? Pretty sure it's 6 regular lottery #s and then that one almighty Powerball number. Not entirely sure.. see, I don't even buy lottery tickets, I don't really know. Hey, I'm going to make sure to mention my total noob-ness in all my apres-win interviews, so that all the longtime players (y'know--2 tickets a week for 28 yrs--them folks) get severely pissed off.

So no world travelling this summer, but I have been being a mountain woman. No , that doesn't mean hairy legs, not necessarily (though, incidentally, now that we're past Labor Day, shaving frequency is bound to drop off) . But my parents live out in the country, the homestead is at the base of Mt. Ascutney, surrounded by woods, and all sorts of lovely nature which I have been communing with. And, as I prefaced in one of my multiple banal Facebook albums: "Nature photography is is a swell hobby on a beautiful summer day when no tengo dinero."

Here some photos showing my nature-communing over the course of the summer--

Spotted on the garage floor near the end of June--

Help me out, is this a centiped or a milipede?

The cat spied it too, but was not much help...

Camping at the start of July (this is the hiking trail that leads down to Emerald Lake)--

Mid August-- found a fatty toad loitering in the vicinity of the shed when I was out one night searching for the cat...

Whilest rifleing thru the tall grasses I interrupted two strange bugs in the midst of an intimate, butt-touching ritualThis pic of them does not do justice to how interesting-looking they were. They were a very awesome irridescent blue-black.

Yes, and speaking of bugs, I like this shot I got of a bug having his very worst day on record...

OHMM NOMNOM NOM NOM NOM NOMMMM!!! The excessive moisture in the air lately has resulted in a BOOM of mushroom growth. Seeing shrooms all over the lawn, lots of 'em and ones I'd not seen before...that was one of the cutest ones. Also found very unusual tiny, shiny, red-orange shroomies..

some more floral flora--

I always have found milkweed to be strangely fun but had never realized (prior to this summer) what cute pom-pom flowers they have.

I shot these orange spotted touch-me-nots this month. This is the time of year when their seed pods get all fat and they EXPLODE wonderfully when you brush them.

Now, to achieve true Mountain woman status, one must do more than simply ponce about the great outdoors with her camera. There was also much gathering of wild fruit...

First off, in late May to early June, you have wild strawberries--

In late June to early July, there are black raspberries. I picked these with my 2 youngest nieceys--

We made a semi-decent cobbler with those black raspberries. I discovered some group called NARBA (their website is where I got the cobbler recipe). I told the nieces I was going to join up with NARBA (being as I am such a prodigious berry gatherer) but betwixt you & moi, that name almost rhymes with another, horrifically creepy organization --NAMBLA, and for that reason methinks I will remain an unaffiliated berry enthusiast.

Then, late July through late August...you guessed it....

BLACKBERRY SEASON!! For as long as I can remember, we've had blackberry bushes between our house and our neighbors to the east. Now we are getting a new thicket, behind the house, next to the shed, where it's getting a bit overgrown where the doghouse used to be. But the berries, on these new bushes...they're different. I thought, initially they were maybe loganberries or boysenberries, but my sister scoffed at that. She said maybe they're a different sort of blackberry, but she even seemed skeptical of that. Sheesh..just because she was once a florist (a very good one, I concede) doesn't mean she's a botanical genius. I am quite confident that *I* am more NARBA material than she. Look at the "blackberries" below and compare/contrast with those pictured in my hand above (definite blackberries...from the older thicket)

Not only are they a tighter, more conical berry, but they peaked in ripeness, a good 2 weeks after the other blackberries did.

I picked a whole lot of these and made 'em into muffins. Not *awesome* muffins...but they were a step above the cobbler. And bonus--got photographic proof of these--

My latest harvest was *wild grapes*. Holy frijoles-- we had A TON of those this year!! I briefly considered making jam/ jelly/preserves with these,(considered it for like, a NANO-SECOND) but then decided that jam-making looked like quite the pain in the ass, and I much preferred wine anyway.

My grapes in the wild--

and, below, harvested ( I got 16 cups en toto!! Doesn't sound like a tremendous amount but seemed like a big haul to me!!)

I was feeling like this Dionysian goddess, and so, consequently my current FB profile pic--

dig my vine-y headgear?

And yes, I am making vino (these are the instrux I used...same "recipe" I used last year, but this year I'm doing 4 gallons vs. last year's 1 gal. Huzzah!!)

Fermenting now in my parent's basement-

WE SHALL DRINK NO WINE BEFORE ITS TIME!! (I've been puzzling over the origin of that phrase, btw, gimme a shout if you know anything about it..)

blah blah blaaaaah

2011-06-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

You'll never guess where I am blogging from right now. Whenever someone prefaces something surprising with "You'll never guess.." I feel like they are impugning my powers of speculation and I very much want to guess, even though the person just wants to make with their shocking intel. So if you have that contrarian compulsion to guess, I get that, and I shall respect that. I'm giving you a moment to guess. I will not reveal my location until "below the jump" as they say ..they do say that, yes? Well, anywhoooo, locale revealed after this totally arbitrary pic..

I'm aaaat PEGGY'S!! Nothing innately surprising about the place, really, but how loopy is she that she wanted me to housesit/ petsit again? Guess I proved my skill at safeguarding UNFEATHERED life forms, and sure enough, both frogs are still with us, as I type this and both dogs are alive and well, not kicking... alive and napping. I'm actually sharing the couch with Trill and am VERY glad he is snoozing because his favorite pasttime, aside from slumber, is licking himself loudly and for prolonged periods of time. I know that sounds pretty mundanely dog-like, but just trust me--it's annoying as all hell.

Also annoying is the horrid basic cable she has. I miss Comcast onDemand. I miss being able to pause live tv. I know, I know, I'm a slave to technology. I, too, am disgusted with my inability to amuse myself in some wholesome Luddite fashion.

Last time I was here, I tried to pass the time watching episodes of Airwolf on RTV But I soon discovered, no matter how confoundingly ridiculous the plot of the episode, I was asleep within 20 minutes. Airwolf, I learned, is not half so exciting as its theme music implies it will be.

That was ok last time, because I was pretty busy all weekend and coming & going a lot. My downtime filler was pretty lame, but I didn't have much downtime to fill. But THIS weekend...oy. I'm trying to keep ahold of what little funds I have, as next Thurs is payday but 75% of that is going to pay rent. And I'm going camping for July 4th weekend and will have to cough up some $$ toward that if I don't wanna come off as a complete &total mooch. But enough of that kvetching...the upshot here is that now I do have lots of downtime to fill, and Airwolf ain't gonna cut it. Thank GOD she has wi-fi here. I mean, I can't meander 'round the 'net or loiter on Facebook for 48 hrs (and OHMILORRRRD do I hate all the games on Facebook! ) but I did a bit of that, but also am streaming movies off Netflix Instants. Their selection is not quite what I'd like ...I have this --admittedly unreasonable-- expectation that whatever I'd like to see, it should be available to stream . I mean, their overall selection covers tons and tons and TONS of movies...but really the bulk of it is still on DVD format. Can't beat the deal I get on it though...it's my Dad's account (and I just know he has the same password for everything)

So far I've watched New In Town (I don't know why Harry Connick Jr should be at all appealling but he totally is) and also the BBC miniseries Wives & Daughters (which I own & have seen a few times.. my initial plan was to just skip to the romantic denoument at the very end, but I so strongly felt that I was somehow cheating that I watched the WHOOOLE thing last night. ALL . FOUR. EPISODES. Stupid, eh? Well, I had the time to kill) Yesterday I watched Staying Together (laaaame time-suck of a movie. I think I only stuck with it because Dermot Mulroney is so dishy. SIDE NOTE: Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott are totally linked in my brain. Except I much prefer the former...though I probably would not kick Dylan McD outta my bed for eating crackers) Modern Girls (technically it's total dreck...but I so dig this sort of dreck. This fit the bill EXACTLY. I wanted a marathon of all this type of movie, but it's distressingly hard to find on Netflix Instants because they don't have much in the way of 80s cheeze and "80s cheeze " is not a viable search term to help you to root out what little they do have . I may break down and watch My Chauffeur because I know they have it and it is exactly that sort of movie. The only reason I would be "settling " if I watched that, is just 'cause I own it on DVD and have watched it like a thousand times or so. Deborah Foreman is the shit.

Stilllllll, I might just watch Sahara. I have seen that (on Netflix Instants) but only the one time. And no, it's not the "Sahara" you're thinking of. Rather from 1983--

I feel kinda sheepish admitting that I dug a movie soooo very schmaltzy & Harlequin like that. But it was pretty decent. And Lambert Wilson, despite having a real poindexter-ish name, is très easy on the eyes.

Well, as a break from Netflix Instants and making a huge crater in this couch with my arse, I am going out to dinner tonight with an ex-colleague who is in town from TX. I'm contemplating where to go...I want to take her somewhere that's not a chain--somewhere nice that's unique to the area. But not somewhere too nice, as I've given myself a $30 allowance 'til Thurs. It would be a shame to blow it all in one night. And then again...if I do, I do. I always feel like that's the best, and least regrettable way in which to "blow your wad"-- on good times out with friends...the expenditures entailed with being a bon vivant. And hey, if I'm without cash for a few days, I do have a full tank of gas...and my supply of emergency Ramen.

Fruit Gushers--OOooh!!

2011-06-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

I am the technological equivalent of the poor girl in high school who is embarrassed that she has a homemade wardrobe. It's silly...we all know that belongings are no measure of one's worth, right? She should not be embarrassed of her homemade clothes, and *I* should not be sheepish about having a Tracfone and bogarting free Wi-Fi from McDonalds. It's understandable that I covet others' iPhones (and OHHH do I!!) but to feel a bit...I dunno... less than because I am lacking in technologies? STOOOPID!!

{a moment of contemplation elapses..}

Hmm, well... I suppose it's symptomatic of the much more substantial issue of me lacking in the organization/ambition/ initiative (yes, all of the above) that would take me to where I'd like to be, vocationally/financially. So perhaps it's not such a misguided vanity...but definitely the rhetorical example girl has no call to fret her frock. It's not her fault that her parents are slow-witted drunkards, and now in addition to her embarrassing poverty, I'VE used her futilely to prove a point that collapsed in on itself. SORRY BETSY!!

Well anyway, whether my shame is warranted or not, it's there nevertheless but what I was going to segue to (aaaaages ago!) was the consoling fact that I'm not the only one. I went through the McD's drive thru last night and looked through the windows as I circled the building, and I saw a guy on his laptop. Now I've seen this guy before...I find solace in the fact that he is a repeat offender...but it gets even better. He has to be all weird about it...he puts his laptop on top of the trashcan (where the trays are supposed to be stacked up)...the trashcan right by the bathrooms...and he stands there, computin'. OK, well, I probably misspoke..it's probably just that he *wants* to be all weird about it...I doubt he *has to* ...unless there's some painful hemorrhoid troubles that compel him to surf whilest standing... but, uhhh, let's not speculate on that. Suffice it to say, I am comforted by these repeated sightings of standing-up-wifi-off-the-McDonalds-trashcan dude.

Maaaan, "hemorrhoid" is a toughie--- I instinctively misspell it EVERY time!!

I hit up the drivethru, thinking a small vanilla cone would be just the thing, but then when I got to the speaker, I saw "New!! Limited Time- Rolo McFlurry!!" OF COURSE, that is what I ordered. Not only is the word "New!" a siren song to me, as a consumer, but the whole "Limited Time" part of the equation cinches it. I'm uber- game for trying new things, but this caveat tells me I absolutely CANNOT procrastinate on this deal. But here's the ruhtarded part-- I really wanted a vanilla cone and I don't really like Rolos. Hey, I don't hate them (how could I possibly?) but in relation to all the candy out there, in the realm of num-nums...they rank as "mehh". The premise of the Rolo is sound: caramel + chocolate =SCORE! But where the Rolo falls short is in the quality of chocolate . Now, I wouldn't liken it to that

Palmer's shite, but it is somewhat shoddy. It's dried out, and not creamy, and just...substandard overall. Look, if I was foodie, rather than a mere glutton, I could probably say it better. I don't why I get this vibe, but I feel like the Rolo should be more of a hit in the UK. As a semi-major Anglophile, I do like to dawdle in the UK area of my grocery store's "Shop the World" aisle. I can half-make-believe that I'm popping into Tesco's for a few necessities on my way back to my flat. So you see, I'm not completely unqualified to toss off a nebulous, unsubstantiated assessment like that.

So anyway, I was pondering this advent of the Limited Edition Rolo McFlurry thinking: there was demand for this --really? Are Rolos really so popular on this side o' the pond? And still, like I said: "new!" and "limited time!" so there was really no avoiding this purchase. I thought perhaps immersion in ice cream might fix the Rolo's chocolate problems. That was not the case. It wasn't awful (the caramel sauce swirled in there is quite good, actually. I think the lady in the car parked next to mine spied me with my mouthhole firmly pressed to the opening of the McFlurry cup lid, trying to lick the inner rim (hubba, hubba) But mehhh Rolos in ice cream are still pretty mehhh. I'm glad I went with the snack size.

Ohhh..other "new" McMenuOffering that I succumbed to: Frozen Strawberry Lemonade. YUM!! I hope this is not a Limited Edition thing. Although, I could go for it being seasonal---I can't really picture myself knocking these back in bleak midwinter. Right now, though, it's the PERFECT bev. I did attack it a bit too zealously though, and got a bitch of a brainfreeze.
Y'know what all this ravings on gnoshables makes me? I am this kiddo--

I'm OK with that. He f-ing cracks me up, he does. I know he's got his critics, his, meeeean, MEAN troll critics, but I have two words for them: Jerry O'Connell.

Anyway, I figure..I am OK with me...as long as I'm not all---

(I don't recommend watching the whole thing...it's quite the ordeal)

Ditat Deus---the pissed off epilogue

2011-06-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

OK, homeskillets, if you were paying verrrrry close attention to my prev. post, you will notice that there was no video of Sedona nor was there any video of the Grand Canyon. That's because Blogger is a shitty piece of shit. After eons and f-ing EONS of looking at---

and numerous encounters with---

I GIVE UP!! GRRRR!!!

Well anyway, I'm sorry Blogger is so bloody aggravating and uncooperative and that it's making me be bitchy to you. Here we have a complimentary picture of me and some cacti. Hope you ENJOY IT!!

Ditat Deus*

2011-06-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

I don't particularly feel like rehashing my AZ trip, but I feel like I oughtta. That makes it sound like it wasn't a good time, my not wanting to "rehash it", but that is SOOO not the case. Despite the heinous sunburn I took home with me (hey, at least my skin-molting forehead gave me something to do on the plane ride home) I had a terrific time. It's just that, I'm not one to usually have such adventures, and so the trip was a hot convo topic, even before I left and even more so since my return home, just feels like I've been talking and talking about it... A LOT.

However, I did make mention of it on my last post, so I feel like it would be a good way to recommence blogging...sorta "picking up where I left off" y'know? Also I feel like it's incumbent upon me to blog about actual happenings when I actually have something happen rather than just natter on about whatever inconsequentia flickers thru my head ..although...check the top left o' the page..that's kinda the promised premise here)

Well, I was gonna take the shortcut of posting here all the pics I put in my FB album--complete with the verbose captions I gave 'em (a bit of a phot0-essay, it woulda been) But I soon realized that that is not much of a shortcut--- there are 54 pics in the album...and I find that Blogger is a BITCH for uploading photos. Has that been y'all's experience too, or am I just unfair/impatient/nitwitted?? Of course I could have chosen the highlights out of the 54, but that would entail reviewing and evaluating and sorting and...unnnnh..NOT a shortcut either. As you might have surmised by now, a written recap of the adventure is also too cumbersome an undertaking. I know, I know, blatant and acute laziness is an inauspicious blogging recommencement. (Parenthetical mini-tangent: I've always felt like the word "auspicious" had a negative sounding ring to it...even when I DO know it means quite the opposite. I do use the word, but it dogs me as a slightly defective word. Oh!! and even more so with "annex" -that one really sounds like it means the opposite of what it does mean. And I used the word "nascent" tonight, and looked it up on m-w.com because I was uncertain about the spelling. Come to find out, I was not only wrong about the spelling, I've been wrong all along about my pronunciation of it too---which I hadn't even questioned. I was thinking it was "nay-scent" but it would seem the proper way to say it is "naaa -scent" --the a sound like that of "nap"--Look, I dunno how to type fancy pronunciation letters--schwa vowels and whatnot, so just lay off OK?? Anyway, I still feel like my pronunciation is righter.)

I hope my audio-visual offerings compensate for my letting my laziness deter me from telling you ALLLL about my great trip (and also for my unchecked word-nerdy nattering a moment ago) Here are the vid montages I put together of the Grand Canyon & Sedona --two of the most beautiful bits of AZ (though I was really taken by Bisbee, AZ too, and eally recommend swinging by that berg)

* I was gonna name this post with the AZ state nickname but feel like "The Grand Canyon State" is just waaay too obvious a nickname to impress. However I am a sucker for a state motto in Latin (South Carolina's is especially marvy) hence the "Ditat Deus"

Epic Hodge Podge

2011-05-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

I have an ongoing quest for the perfect pair of aviator style shades. It's tricky to find just the right shape. No, it's really, REALLY tricky--don't you belittle my tribulations!! Anyway, I have a silver pair and a gold pair, but those are pairs I've just settled for. But, y'know, even with less-than-optimum aviators, the vibe you convey is authoritative cool , a la "Do you know how fast you were going sir/ma'am??" Oh, and this cool-effect is compounded when you wear aviators with the mirrored lenses. Yeah, look at yourself lookin' at myself. See you gape at my authoritative cool.

But I wonder...what sort of weird hybrid persona are you putting on when you drive down the road wearing mirrored aviators over your RX horn rimmed glasses? Granted, these are not chunky Drew Carey-caliber horn rims, they are a slimmer, more femme version. So I imagine the effect is sexy librarian...with a badass streak. Either that or just batshit crazypants. I assure you (semi-confidently) that I am *not* batshit crazypants. My affliction is a bit more physiological....scratched cornea...AGAIN. Therefore, I am on a break from contacts but my eyes have been rather light-sensitive and I do not own a pair of these honkin' Roy Orbison shades. I swear, my eye doc is the nicest chick ever. She bestowed on me the "don't-be-cheap-and-wear-2 week-contacts-for-a-whole-month" lecture with the utmost tact, for the 2nd time. How she refrained from calling me a moron, I cannot fathom. But I swear...this reoccurence is not completely stemming from stupidity. It's this stubborn miserly old man streak in me that insists "What a racket!! They're perfectly fine to last ya a month!! Those Accuvue bastids are just trying to con you into spending more. A RACKET, I TELL YOU!!" It's weird how I can be like that. You'd think I lived through the dadburned Great Depression!!

Actually,my eye feels a good deal better today. I sustained the injury on Sunday --be it from a grain of airborne grit(my theory) or from a raggedy-ass contact lens. But I spent Sunday with my eye clamped shut with a cold wash cloth over it, drifting in and out of sleep. Monday , it wasn't feeling spectac. but I could manage to hold my eye open for 30 sec at a time, and I figured I should put in a full week before I take the week off next week (a trip to AZ-- yaaay!! More on that later..) so I worked that day. But then Tuesday I woke up, expecting to feel a smidge better, but the sunlight gave me a sharp pang of ouch right in the mid browbone and made me yelp "Oh FECK!!" And still, I got up and dressed with the intent of heading off to the office, but doing my hair in the mirror, I became increasingly dismayed that I still looked like Sloth from The Goonies, and maybe this won't clear up in time for my vaca, perhaps I should've seen the doctor on this? So I called in to work and went back to bed for 4 hours. And ya know, when I woke up again, I felt lots better. But I made the opthamologist appt. anyway. I got dye drops in my eye, the aforementioned lecture, and an RX for a li'l bottle of magic called Tobrimycin. It's antibiotics + steroids (for inflammation...me peeper was seriously inflamed. Incidentally, I am now waiting for someone to mildly perturb me so's I can TOTALLY UNLEASH HELL on 'em and then blame it on 'roid rage.) As soon as I got into my car in the Walgreens parking lot, I administered the first drop. Then, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw that the right side of face was streaked with rusty yellow rivulets--eye to jawline. I want to believe that this streaking came about immediately after the Tobrimycin drop, but I am not 100% sure. There is the chance that I went from the eye doc, across town, into Walgreens, consulted a pharmacist , sat in the store for 15 minutes, paid up & left, all while looking like my right eye was profusely seeping pus. Well, short story long, since Sunday I have been consistently hagged out and, at times, looking batshit crazypantsl I feel the need to rectify this sitch before I head west on Saturday. In a related news item, I am strongly compelled to buy a no-no.

So this is how my trip came about. ..

They told me at work that I had hit my roof for ETO accrual and would be losing it/ no longer earning if I didn't use some. So I just arbitrarily picked the week of May 9-16. I included that Monday the 16th so that I'd be returning to a short week of work...thusly diminishing (somewhat) the suckishness that is returning to work after vaca. It's the week after the first May pay day...so I guess not so arbitrary, that pick. Anyway, my time off was granted, but then the next day I started to dread the probability (the very probable probability) that I would fritter away my week off doing nothin' much. So, since I had a little nutmeat of my tax refund left, I thought--be un-Sandra-like and buy yourself a plane ticket!! The destination came to mind pretty quickly, as I have been promising my amiga out in Mesa AZ for about 10 yrs that I would...someday....eventually...one of these days...come visit her.

What I need to get crackin' on is some itinerary suggestions. Paula has asked me what I wanna do/ see, and rather than fall back on my usual passive M.O. ("Oooohhh, gee...I dunno. ..whatever you think would be fun") I'm gonna make with some actual, specific ideas. So far, I got Tombstone, and the Grand Canyon for my brilliant ideas. I gotta get some 'net-vestigations underway.

I have no good segue for this...but I was housesitting acouple weeks ago, and BOTH of the parakeets in my charge died. I have no good segue, because it hardly ties in with all my preceding news, but I had to include it in here somehow, because it was the funniest thing that happened to me lately. Oh, alright, YES-- I realize that makes me sound beaucoup insensitive, but dead parakeets just ARE funny. It's an empirical fact. I thought perhaps they died from me jinxing myself. Y'see...when I originally agreed to housesit for Peggy, there where 2 dogs to tend, along with 2 frogs, mail to fetch, and of course, the house to sit. But in the time between my consent to the gig and her departure for VA, she acquired 2 parakeets. I am renowned (in local circles) for being NOT a bird lover, and I proclaimed, when I learned of this new acquisition to Menagerie de Peggy "UGH. PARAKEETS. I'm just going to check them in the mornings to make sure they're not dead and then lob a handful of seed at their heads." Of course, I didn't do that, but just the mere mention of "dead" and "parakeets" in the same sentence might've triggered some bad hoodoo, y'know? Granted, my bird care regimen wasn't overly nurturing, but it was adequate. Every morning, about 10 min before leaving for work, I would get their water dish out that hangs on the side of the cage, give that a bit of a rinse, refill with new water. Then dump out their seed dish, and replace with new seeds. Other than that, I ignored them. I was vaguely aware of their horrid squickity-squwacking, but got adept at tuning them out. Peggy's notes said to "sing to them" and I did neglect to do that, but I'm not regretting that too mightily as I'm pretty sure that note was in jest and also pretty sure that my lack of crooning did NOT kill them. It may have even prolonged their life....who knows? As you mighta surmised, I didn't exactly bond with them... didn't even memorize their names actually. And so, on Thursday morning, when I saw the both of 'em laying (lying??) motionless on the bottom of the cage, I did the silliest thing. I shook the cage and I hollered , "Birds? BIRRRRDS!!!" I mean, that woulda been idiotic, even if I had known their given names (as if they'd spring up, all "What ho, guvnah? We was just havin' a bit of a snooze there..") but the fact that I didn't is just the perfect finishing touch of ridiculousness. I truly did feel awful about the two 'keets dropping dead (because this would make Peggy & her kid sad...because it would sully my rep as a top-notch housesitter) but, looking at it from outside the situation (and now, via a bit of hindsight) it just f-ing cracks my shit up. And so, I was dubbed a 'keet killer at the office...and many fun theories were bandied about (murder-suicide...CAGE match gone horribly wrong) Also I joked that I was going to dispose of the bods by feeding them to the dogs. Peggy has this ritual, when she feeds the doggies 2x daily, she doles out a little treat on top of their dry food-- a hard boiled egg, some bologna, etc. etc. (this is stupid... They --by and large--ignore their regular dog food. I feel certain that Caesar Milan would disapprove. I know the dude has his critics, but I think he knows his shit. But I digress...)So, here I was taxing myself, trying to dazzle the hounds with an exciting array of num-nums and suddenly I have 2 dead parakeets on my hands (it would have been cool if I'd had somebody like The Wolf to call, am I right?). Now that would be an exciting and different delicacy....

Actually, I was hoping, when I broke the news to Peggy, that she'd say something along the lines of "Oh, just put the cage outside, Kate's gonna wanna see them, have a burial or something" Now, I've met her kid, (Kate)and I didn't have a SERIOUS hope that she was going to really want to do something queer like that. I was just hoping to hear that because as much as I hate birds, dealing with dead birds is ESPECIALLY repugnant to me. But Peggy said to just throw 'em in the garbage. You should have seen THAT process. You think the Thurs a.m. discovery was idiotic. Well, I'd left 'em there all day, because I had to get to work. Well after I found out I'd have to dispose of the keets, I stole some gloves from work, earmarked especially for the chore. But then when I was about to actually do it, a thin layer of powder-free vinyl seemed an inadequate barrier betwixt my hand and a grody befeathered carcass. So, I had the brill. notion to employ Peggy's BBQ tongs. Not only does this eliminate actual bird -corpse contact, this also puts the corpse about a foot away from me. But then I thought... if I knew my grilling tools had touched dead bird, I'd have to discard them. So I took the top of the cage off, threw a little 6"x6" (approx) shroud of Saran Wrap over each birdie and scooped them up in that. And I lobbed them into a plastic shopping bag, double-tied that, and disposed of that bag in the garbage bag---all in a manner that suggested I was handling virulent toxic waste .

Hey, 2 out of three pet pairs survived the week. So I'm not THE WORST housesitter ever. Still, I count myself lucky that I have no dependents of any species to entrust to anyone while I'm in AZ. Surely karma would smite they asses...

Wish Me Luck!!! (I could sure use it..)

2011-04-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

I stumbled on to this sweepstakes at the end of Feb and I've been submitting an entry once a day, every day. I still bet I won't win. I never win luck-based contests. Scrabble- yes, sometimes. Trivial Pursuit--aw, HELL yes. But sweepstakes, drawings, raffles..? I have a shit track record in these areas.

Once I won 2 tickets to a Bluegrass festival that ended up being HUGELY LAME. I mean, I suspected it might be lame but I filled out a raffle slip figuring--awww, what the hey. I never win this shit anyway. But then I won. The HR Dept showed me the jar o' entry slips that they drew my slip out of....there were TWO SLIPS. That was including mine.

Although I gotta say, lame as it was, that Bluegrass fest was a good memory. I took my friend Roxanne and it seems like we were laughing all day...at getting lost in Brandon VT, at all the comical old folks, at seizing some unsupervised lawn chairs, at the songs (there was one about an armadillo that particularly sticks out in my mind) And no, actually, we were not stoned.

Anyway, back to the sweepstakes du jour. . . .

I highly doubt there's only one other entrant in the running for this one. If I were to win..(which is, as I've explained, quite unlikely) I'd have to haul ass on obtaining a passport. I don't have one. (Isn't that SAD?? I think so...)

a few things that annoy me about work

2011-04-10T00:37:00.001-07:00

It seems a damn shame to spend any fragment of the weekend blathering on about work, but to be honest, I probably spend a third of every Sunday dreading my return to work. So I'm 3 hours into Sunday already, I'll kvetch now, and maybe will manage to shave a coupla hours off Sunday evening's fretting. Yeah, that would be good.. "Upstairs,Downstairs" is premiering on Masterpiece Theater tomorrow night (well, tonight...but it still seems like tomorrow night since I've not gotten to bed as yet..) and it would be nice to take that in unimpeded by burgeoning trepidation.

1. My Boss. NO ONE likes my boss. My mind is rather too quick to spin everything into a pop culture metaphor but I can't seem to help it..and it's just too perfect..I've started to think of my boss as Ms. Hannigan. She doesn't micromanage, but if there's any lighthearted banter going around and she happens to stroll through the cubicle farm..she SCOWLS at everybody. OK, so yeah, it probably does impact productivity a skoach (non work related chit-chat, that is) but Hannigan, with her scowly-jowls, is LOUSY for morale. She's been gone on vacation for the past two weeks and it was evident how everyone's soul began, in tiny increments, to grow back. But she returns this Monday and I fully expect the misery to re-commence.

2. People who come to my desk and need something while I'm on the phone. Well, to begin with, I may just be perturbed to be sought out in the 1st place. I have a wide-ish irritable streak, but that can't be helped really, for if you saw how incredibly NEEDY these gits I work with are, you'd throw up your hands and exclaim " Well OF COURSE she's fucking irritable!!" Anyway, what reeeeeally gets me is that, when I'm on the phone, and someone comes up, needing my help...8 times outta 10, that person will just stand there. OK, typed out thusly, it doesn't seem like such a major offense. But trust me--it's way irritating? Am I the only one who hates to have people HOVER over me while I'm on the phone?? I can't be the only one!!

Because people are always coming to my desk, requiring my minioning, I have made signs to hang on my monitor to indicate where I am. Like, I have duties that regularly come up that take me away from my desk, and I've made a sign for those. Like, "Working In The Supply Room" or "Covering the Front Desk" . This signage is for the benefit of my cubby neighbors, because they would be grilled "Where did Sandra go? I need Sandra..." I don't have a "In the Bathroom...Droppin' a Deuce " sign but I do have a generic "Back In A Jiffy" and I have an "Out on Errand" sign for when they send me out delivering supplies to a patient or samples to the lab. And of course, I have a lunch time sign, something like---

Actually, it's EXACTLY like that, as that is a scan of the real deal. It's on fluorescent pink paper though (they all are), and that's not actual size. I also had to scan the sign I put up 2x a day when I bring out our outgoing mail and when I go to grab the incoming mail. I confess, I'm just amazed by my maaad self-portraiture skills. The likeness is UNCANNY!!

3. Every afternoon, about 10 min prior to go-home time, I fill the copiers with paper and I leave a spare ream or two. It really burns my crumpets when I happen upon a ream of paper where someone has ripped it open to swipe one or two sheets for use as scrap paper. I don't know WHY I get so pissed over that but I do. You'd think I paid for our copy paper outta my own pocket (I don't , of course) Maybe it's because we also have about 5 lbs of needless print outs daily. I have even started collecting such print outs in a tray...a tray I've labelled "SCRAP PAPER". But I suppose if the scrap paper is not readily available to them, they'll just crack open the copy paper...oh, and by "readily available" I mean 1" to 3" inches away from their right hand. Otherwise they'll disregard it. Well, I guess I am undecided on whether these offendors are lazy slobs or unobservant schmoes.

iTunes iNdulgence

2011-04-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

I planned on a wee payday splurge on iTunes ...I promised myself I would stop at 3 songs. I should have had someone else assist me in the purchasing, because historically, I have proven I am utter crap at keeping promises I make to myself. Once I started picking songs offa my wish list it was..."oh but this one too" and "Just one more"... So yeah, I didn't contain it to a spree of three. I bought nine. I'm not really setting any records for iTunes expenditure there, but I'm still disappointed with my breakdown of self-discipline. And yet I'm digging my new music nonetheless!! Here is a run down of what I acquired (*PLUS* a bonus MUST-include that I did purchase but it was not in this most recent splurge, but the last one, about three weeks ago) 1. "I Told You I Was Freaky" [Flight of the Conchords] OK...so it's a novelty song... but I do find the chorus very catchy (even while Jemaine's background whispering cracks me up). That's what I like about FOTC's music...it's not just funny lyrics set to some generic acoustic guitar strumming (which it seems like that is what a lot of "musical comics " do) but their stuff is actually viable music. And they dabble in a lot of different genres.. This "I Told You I Was Freaky" vid is from Season 2 of their show (R.I.P. ..I sooo miss their show) but it's not exactly what I bought. They did an album (or 2?) of their music and most of the songs differ slightly from how they did them on TV. The album version of "I Told You I Was Freaky" can be found YouTube, but I didn't opt for that , because it was just a still shot of Brett's face. And cute though Brett is, it irks me when YouTube posters spit out these fan-made "videos" for songs and they don't even bother with a simple slideshow. I'll link you to that one though, because Jemaine has an amusing li'l solo verse of his own in that version that I find worth a listen.

2. "Demon Woman" [Flight of the Conchords] This song was also from Season 2. Sort of psychadelic hard rock this one. So this makes FOUR FOTC tunes on my iPod-- I have "Robots" "Demon Woman" "I Told You I Was Freaky" and, their very best "Hiphopapotamus vs Rhymenoceros" (and though funny on the show, and funny on the album, the most excellent version of this masterpiece is from one of their live shows. I urge you to scope it out, post haste.) 3. "Fancy" [Drake/ T.I. /Swizz Beatz] -- This popped up in Accuradio's "Spring Break Mix" and I was insta-smitten. I didn't think Drake was my sort of artist, but maybe the allure of any given Drake song is reliant on whatever producer/ collaborator he's recruited for it. Maybe it's the Mr. Alicia Keys influence that I'm responding to. But whatever.. I really like this. Some good rhymes in here and that hook "Nails done, hair done, ev'rythang biiiig" that's a real earworm.. (is that the hook? Not sure...I'm bad w/ music terminology)

(that, by the way, is NOT the "Official Music Video" but I appreciate the effort someone took in trying to fake us out)

4."Bigmouth Strikes Again" [the Smiths] This song was recently listed on a Paste magazine countdown of "50 of the Best Opening Lines in Pop Music" (I mighta paraphrased that title, but that's pretty much the gist of it) I SO concur. The opening line of this song (in case you've not heard it) "Sweetness, Sweetness I was only joking...when I said...I'd like to smash every tooth....in your head" Oh, sure it's a smidge aggressive, but it grabs you, no? Oh, I love the rest of the song too. I've just lately realized that I quite like The Smiths.

5. "Moments in Love" [Art of Noise] When I stumbled on to this song in my iTunes meanderings, I was amazed that I had forgotten all about it. Upon hearing it, I knew it wasn't absolutely new to me, so I'd heard it before but it just wasn't in my mental archive of 80s music. Which was a lame-ass oversight on my part, because this song is AWESOME. It's one of those magical transformative instrumentals. It's like Yakety Sax --when you play Yakety Sax, any activity that is going on at that time is rendered WACKY. But "Moments in Love" is sexy-fying. It could make tha sexy times sexier or...just picture it...it could make it sexy to assemble and consume a peanut butter sammich. Or to do the Gazelle in super slo-mo.

When I checked YouTube for this, I was expecting some more fan made shit, but NOT expecting to discover the original Art of Noise video for it. I didn't think they'd made one. I'd seen a video for "Close to the Edit" but that was their biggest hit, and I'd figured they'd only had that one video. Not so. Well, I rather appreciate how they didn't go sexy on this (which would've been the obvious direction for this). They opted instead, for bat guano loco. So despite all I said in the last paragraph about the magical sexy aura this song exudes, it will be some time before I can hear this song and not just think: figure-skating Madonna Parton...and turtles. Behold the glorious weirdness for your own damn self...

6. "Pay Me My Money Down" [Bruce Springsteen] So I'm just discovering now that a few years back, Springsteen did a folky album called "The Pete Seeger Sessions" iTunes Genius spit that one at me and OMG, sometimes their recommendations for me are right on the f-ing money!! This is actually the second version of this song on my iPod ...I downloaded one back in January...it was off this soundtrack from some Revels performance (well, this one to be precise) Even though it's the same song, they differ lots. The Springsteen one is rollicking...whereas the Revels version is slower, with a bit more soul...kinda music to pick-axe rocks to, y'know? I like both. Oddly, one of the things I really like about the Revels version is they sing "Pay me, mister stevedore" I like the word "stevedore". There's a lovely old-timeyness about it.

7. "The Dog Days are Over" [Florence + the Machine] Florence is AMAZING. The Machine, I have no opinion on. I also wanna get her song "Kiss With a Fist", but that track remains on my wish list...unbought. I'm not so pleased about that, but I do like that I can proffer that fact to y'all as evidence that my self-restraint --feeble and pathetic though it may be--'tis NOT nonexistant.

8. "Ice Cream Paint Job" [Dorrough] this is kinda one of those songs I dig that I worry if it might be zapping dead my brain cells as I listen to it. But this is just snobbery. The heart wants what it wants and likewise, so does the groove thing. Perhaps "the groove thing" is not a tangible anatomical component and it may be ages before scientists can prove it's a real thing. But I already know it's real. And it lives in the ass.

9. "Old Dan Tucker" [Bruce Springsteen] Does having 3 "Old Dan Tuckers" on the pod make me an Old Dan Tucker collector?? Ah well. I have always loved this song so that's ok by me. The titular dude, WASHES HIS FACE IN A FRYING PAN, for God's sake!! This is by far my fave version yet-- Springsteen sings the hell out of it. You should quickly check out this performance of it, where he gives the opening verse a hardass HOLLER that really illustrates how this is a perfect song for him to sing. It's a perfect song for him to sing in a way that "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" is not. I've always thought him + that particular Christmas song = not a good fit. But shit--- he can sing "Santa Claus is Coming Town" all he likes...he is THE BOSS. I am known, in my social circles, for saying "You are NOT the boss of me" (hold over from growing up as the little sis, possibly) but I would never say that to Boss Springsteen. He is way too awesome to have me sass him. And he could boss me...if he wanted to.

I picked this one to embed because I thought the backing band gave a more spirited performance here---

okay, now the BONUS track--

***BONUS*** BONUS***BONUS***

10. "Lady" [the Commodores] I was obsessively listening to this song for a while after buying it last month. At that time,I posted the FANTASTIC VIDEO for it on Facebook along with a sort of opinion poll question...a real toughie. I asked : If Kenny Rogers, the Commodores, & The Little River Band had a "Lady" battle with their "Lady " songs....who should be crowned the victor??

I was leaning toward The Commodores' "Lady" and after watching their video for it, I am quite certain. LIONEL RITCHIE FOR WORLD CUP MVP--YAAAAAAY!!

Live and in-person Gleekiness

2011-03-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

The dude who teaches music at the Lebanon Jr/Sr. High School is married to this lady, Gaye, that works with me (this oddly monikered broad being the head of our Development Dept) and Gaye leads this community chorus group on Mondays--Harmony Night. So when there is a Leb H.S. concert it involves the junior high AND these Harmony Night Singers. So it's like a mega-choral event. I know, because I attended one this past Thursday night. Why? Well it's not because I'm any great pal of Gaye's. Rather, I went because I wanted to witness something like this ..

Just jokin'...that would have been SO rad though. I went to the concert because Linette has been doing the Harmony Night thing and was all stoked for the concert and really wanted to have some "fans" in the audience.

Overall the concert was good...though there was this one group (the high school chorus had these spin-off mini choruses) that was outstandingly bad. The real abomination was not their shit-quality singing though. It was that they were shitty and they called themselves Sha-na-na. So it's rather an affront to Bowser et. al

Ohhh, ok, so it might be somewhat disrespectful of me to refer to the whole of Sha-na-na (and now I refer to famous Sha-na-na and not high school Sha-na-na) as "Bowser et al" But Bowser is really the only thing I really remember from their TV show . They sang "Goodnight Sweetheart" at the close of every show, and every time the camera hit Bowser he went berzerker flexing his feeble excuses for biceps. In my defense, I was only 3 or 4 at the time of my ardent Sha-na-na viewership, and whaddya gonna appreciate at that age? Musicianship and first rate harmonizing? Or gimmicks? Also, I know I was going through quite a bass-man kick during this era. The well-worn state of my "Elvira" 45 is a testament to that (Ah OOOMM boppa OOOOMM boppa MOW MOW)

One thing that was unfortunate about the junior high segment of the concert was the annoying "choreography" they saturated their songs with. It was that literal choreography of grade school concerts, which is tolerable from the K-3 set, because they're all at peak adorability. They basically sing the song and accompany every g-damn line with pidgin ASL. Scanning the crowd & doing a hand visor when they sing "look", miming slumber when they sing "dream", etc etc. I don't know why music teachers don't retire that shit. I mean, especially for grades 7 &8.

I realize that rant from the last paragraph makes me sound inordinately ornery... I suppose I can be. I'm sorry...

If you can believe it, my night got even dorkier than 7th grade singing mimes. After the concert, Linette asked if I wanted to go grab some beers & wings at Ramuntos. She said that "some of the girls from Harmony Night are going" but, ahhh.. GINORMO understatement!! 90% of everyone that performed at the concert was there. Worse than the scarcity of elbow room was that I inadvertantly wound up as some sort of glee groupie. EWWww, am I right?

So, as if their life isn't musical enough already, Gaye and her hubby Dan are in an acapella group with another couple. They're called The Honeymooners. I have seen them in action before, as they sang for my agency's "Employee Appreciation Night" (which pretty heavily sucked, BTW). Well, lemme preface this by saying, I have no problem with acapella music. In fact, I really liked that show The Sing-Off that NBC did 2 seasons of(so, like, Exhibit A in my defense there, mmkay?). But it seems like there is a common breed of acapella group (The Honeymooners being one of these) that can't do a song without O.D.ing on hokey. Oh, I dunno, "hokey" is a nebulous thing-- quite identifiable, but hard to articulate. I think a lot of it stems from them being SOOOO damned expressive...so expressive they make silent film actors look stolid.

I'm certainly not the worst audience member (heckling, or fielding calls on my cell), but I am way too honest to be a *great* audience member. Like, if I'm underwhelmed by a performance, I will only "air clap" to be polite. And I've sat out on a good deal of standing ovations. I think the massiveness of a lot of your standing o's are probably due to herd mentality anyway. Awfully, cynical of me, but I do believe it. You know, you can get by being a mediocre audience member in an audience of a hundred or so. But when acapella breaks out...in a restaurant....3 ft from you...it's time to adapt, sport. Yes, The Honeymooners started doo-wopping in the middle of Ramuntos. The crowd had clamored for it (the crowd, excepting yours truly & the regulars at the bar) and they were just absolutely RAPTUROUS about it (both crooners & crowd, that is) And y'know, God love 'em for being so impulsive and fun and uninhibited but... I had a pint + hot wings + bleu cheese at my table. THAT is what I was rapturous about. You know, I'm not such a social ninny that I eschew all social interaction with my comrades once wings are served. But I'm pretty adept at chatting-while-noshing (though, I gotta admit, I'm not sure my multitasking is all that lovely to behold) But add my innate audience-al* mediocrity to the fact that I really just wanted to enjoy my f-ng chicken wings, maaan X the fact that they're doing this uber-emoting a hair's breadth away from me .....well, it all tallies up to = AWWWWKWARD.

The second song in their set was "Duke of Earl" and for all the songs they do this god-awful audience engaging thing where the "lead" on that song directs a particularly schmoopy couplet at some poor sap in the front row, then sings at another sap another line, etc, etc, you get the drift. So, Dan is singing, "Ohhh I--I-I...oh, I'm gonna love you. Oh. ohh.." AT ME and I swear, until he got to the L-word, I was utterly oblivious (blissed out wings trance, annihilating a drummer, smears of fluourescent red on both cheeks, most likely) and then I kind of regained my situational awareness and... saluted him with a chicken wing. Well, not super suave of me, but I do hope it augmented the entertainment value of their show. After that instant, I was faking being as totally rapt as everyone around me--big, broad smile on my face and real clapping. But all the time I was thinking: ohmigod you guys are soooooo unbearably dorky I can't staaaaand it.

It all sorta reminded me of January 2006, when I travelled to Mexico with my sister and her family. For the bulk of our stay, we were in Hermosillo, which was overindustrialized and smelly. But one weekend we spent in the resort town of San Carlos, in this nice resort. We were on the ocean there, and there were a lot of nice quasi-mansions (prob'ly gringo retirees, I'd wager) We dined one night, al fresco, this place overlooking the beach. This lady went table to table selling roses--fine. But then, there were these wandering minstrels that were going to your table and strumming guitars and singing folk songs. And doesn't it just sound idyllic? It totally does to me too but... I HATED IT. If they had been, stationery, in like a stage-area it would have been fabulous, but I didn't appreciate them all up in mah grill like that. You either have to nod appreciatively or just commit to being an overt bastard. If I was aggressive and not so staunchly passive- aggressive, then I probably woulda been fine in that scenario. I know I sound terribly party pooperish, and it sounds all so lovely. My sister thought it was great! Me, I was like: Whaaaat DO YOU WANT FROM ME? No tengo pesos. Will you take a third of my quesadilla and go away??

Well, back to the States, 2011. As I said goodbye & goodnight to Gaye, she's all "Thanks so much for coming! Heeey, new voices are always welcome at Harmony Night!! What do you have going on Monday nights??" The answer to that? I got a fat lotta nothing going on on Monday nights, and that's how I like it. Most Monday mornings I have to promise myself an apres-work nap in order to coax myself out of bed and I like to keep the entirety of every Monday evening free for the occasional occasions that I make good on that promise. But of course, I didn't say that. I think my answer, verbatim, was "Oh. Ha. Well, good night."

Oh, but then on Friday at work, she emailed me reiterating the offer!! And Linette also mentioned it in her daily email howdy to me. Oy. I'm definitely going to have to come up with some fictitious, inflexibly scheduled 2nd job. Although, a non-fictitious 2nd job would do me good. But let's--for the moment-- disregard that whole perpetual miasma ...

*Yes, I made up that word. I had, for some odd reason, tired of typing the word "member"

Hypothetical HiJinks at the O.G.

2011-03-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

I was at Olive Garden on Saturday, having lunch out with the fam. for my Mom's birthday. It occurred to me that it would be immensely amusing (though it feels like maybe it's only *SOOOO* damn funny to just me) if when your waiter/waitress is grinding cheese on to your salad and says "Say when..." just give them a silent but expectant stare for well over a minute and let them keep grinding, and grinding, and grinding, and grinding... maybe until they run out of cheese. Then ask if there's more Parm in the kitchen (or would that be taking it too far??) I have not yet been bold enough to do this, but perhaps someday...
I don't think it would ruin your salad, but you are running the risk of acquiring a bad reputation as an insatiable cheese fiend. You don't want anyone at the O.G. thinking ill of you, and of course this is more of a problem for you if there is one particular location that you frequent.

A quickie before bed

2011-03-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

I came down with a smidge of a head cold this weekend, at its worst on Sunday. And so, Sunday night I did not sleep well, because my nose was plugged, consequently, I was sleeping with my maw wide open, with said oral cavity getting all dried out with a nice coating of dust motes. I kept waking up with dry, dusty mouth. And so, when I rose for work 7am Monday, I was hellah tired, still congested and so I just called in (with some b.s. story about not wanting to come into the office all contagious. I mean, I was legitimately sickish, but I've worked when sicker) and went back to bed until quarter of 1.

So, while it will be nice to have only a 4day work week (wardrobe selection is ever so much easier when you only have to come up with 4 pairs of clean pants.. ok, well honestly it's apt to be just 3 pairs of clean pants because, I will allow myself 1 repeat, not on consecutive days and provided the pants don't smell or have any glaringly apparent stainage ) HOWEVER, I always am hit with a unique sort of trepidation on the 1st day of work following a sick day. Did they really buy that I was sick? What the hell happened in the office all day when I wasn't around to watch my back?? And so, I am stupidly dragging my heels on going to bed because the sooner I do, the sooner back-to-work time rolls around. There is a wee, infinitesimal sector of my brain where sanity stubbornly hangs on, and the concensus from there is that the later I go to bed, the more miserable I'll be when back-to-work time does roll around so this stalling foolishness is only making matters worse. Ohhh, but sane brain usually just vexes me with how bloody sensible it is all the time, so I damned well am going to stall a bit longer...

One of the things I was diverting myself with was going back to old blog posts. My own blog posts, so a little exercise in narcissism , there. I can't believe I've been at this since 2006!! It was the old stuff I was looking at mostly--2006, 2007, and I'm unpleasantly surprised to find...I used to be much funnier. I was nutsy, for sure, but I seemed more inspired. It's as if hitting the big 3-0 kicked off a period of great mental stagnation. Ohhhh, SWELL.

Stupid Signs at my Library

2011-03-09T16:26:00.000-08:00

I pulled in to the library parking lot tonight and it was almost totally full. I spotted one open slot not too far from the walkway, but I saw it had some signage at the front of it. I very nearly passed it over, because I presumed that it was a Handicapped Parking sign. But I did give it a closer look and discovered it read:

RESERVED FOR FUEL EFFICIENT CARS

Look, I'm not anti-saving-the-planet or anything, but uhhh, nevertheless, FUCK YOU, Kilton Public Library. I am to be punished with inferior parking because I don't have the capital to buy a new vehicle? Yeah, yeah, I was aware of that whole cash-for-clunkers program and NO I didn't take advantage of it. My clunker was not deemed clunky enough, and even if it had been, I don't believe the gov't was about to foot the entire bill for my new ride, and that is exactly what I would need for me to manage an upgrade.

I'm sure the mindset behind that sign is not to punish inefficient car owners, but rather to reward folks who have made the switch for greener wheels. But, daaaaamn...look at the prices at the pump!! So if you are getting 40 mpg then, YAAAY for you. You are duhh--winning!! I don't think further bonuses are required,dammit.

So, yeah, I parked in that space. I figured "Fuel Efficient Cars" is a subjective thing. My car (Toyota Camry) is fuel efficient compared to ohhh, say, a Hummer, no? Let the bastids tow me.

Oh speaking of gas prices... not for nothin' I was delighted to track down this handy website...on the day before a payday that couldn't arrive quickly enough.

Another notable sign at the KPL (though this doesn't anger me, it just sorta bemuses me) is this one on the back of the bathroom stall doors--

Every time I gaze at that, I think -- why bother with the numerical euphemisms when you're just going to throw the technical term in parenthesis? Seems superfluous.

Ok, folks, so it's not the insight to end all insights.

But hey , if there's anyplace I'm especially prone to overthinking things...

This is why I need an iPhone!!

2011-03-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

[Alternately: Why YOU are Lucky I Don't Have an iPhone!]

Because it is hard to verbally convey the image of a pink object, approx. 2" in length, with red sort of crenellations in it, fuzzy-edged, with 2 infinitesimal specks of grey. A PHOTO of it would have just done the trick though.

But lemme go back to my dearth of adequate technology....
I have an old digital camera that I hardly ever use, on account of it having a wee tiny, teensy memory (19 photos and it's full) And it's hard to find a replacement memory card for that model. The one time I did track one down in Walmart, it was like 3x the price of all the other camera memory cards there. I was vexed and didn't buy it. So this camera is just sittin' around, collecting dust, or it would be collecting dust if it weren't for the handsome pleather carrying case I have it encased in. And its AA batteries have been dead for some time.

I could just get a new digital camera (as you can get 'em on the cheapie cheap these days) but a new & better digital camera wouldn't be charged up & onhand at all times like a phone is. That's an important thing, believe it or not. I mean, for example (one example of several) I kept seeing this pick up truck on the roads that had a top half of a lady-mannequin stuck to the roof of it and NOBODY believed me. And no, I don't have a camera on my current cell. It just so happens my cell is an antiquated p.o.s. also. So the iPhone is just the clear solution. It's simply the best solution for me and NO ..this has nothing to do with my sis just getting one and me being maaaad jealous.

My primary method of picture taking now is my Flip cam, which, when I download the vids I take on that onto my computer, I can make screen cap snapshots. But that does not make for a quality photo. Oh, and I can also do snapshots with the web cam on my laptop. That's really only good for the singular purpose of snapping FB profile headshots. And I was hardly about to fire up my laptop and go hold it over my toilet.

Oh, yeah, that's where I came upon this "pink object, approx. 2" in length, with red sort of crenellations in it, fuzzy-edged, with 2 infinitesimal specks of grey" ...it was floating in my toilet. Yesterday, I went home from work, read 2 chapters of my library book and then nodded off and napped for an hour and a half. It was my bladder that woke me up. So I got up, hastened to el bano and...encountered a mystery thingie floating in my toilet. I don't know why, when encountered with an object that I don't know what it is, my mind always, immediately goes to "BLAARRRGH-grody!!" but it does. And I don't know why I am then compelled to blog about it, but I have a

history of that

. In fact, I confess, I wasn't just hit with a general wave of repulsion, I had the very specific thought "AAAGH!! It's the spine ripped out of a mouse!!"

I KNOW! I'M AN UTTER WACKADOO!!

I have had mice visit my abode on numerous occasions. This is historical fact. Once I found a storehouse of sesame seeds in my left winter boot. But this...this is a new development--a malevolent hobgoblin that feeds on my house-mice and/or EVISCERATES them for kicks (and then politely reposits the carnal debris in the loo). Ok, after about 15sec or so, my rational mind piped up, and said "It's probably some bit of garbage or a hair-styling oddment that got somehow knocked into the toilet...and it's unidentifiable because of how things get all bloat-distorted when they've been in water for a while.." But I could not specifically think of what it really could be, as I stood there. Staring at it. Incapacitated. I thought to grab my tweezers and pull it out. But I really was incapacitated with repulsion. Oh, and btw, anything that is grossing you out with its icky unrecognizability is 10X ickier if it's floating in a toilet. Because some, fucked-up, sci-fi lovin' part of you is going to wonder if you went into a fugue state and shat out something bizarre. Ohhhh,it only flickered through my noggin for a half nanosecond!! And it was theory #2...after the mouse spine notion.

I was strongly compelled to just flush it. I mean, that would be the easiest denoument here, but I had a faint worry that it was not something I should be flushing down the toilet. I don't want to damage my toilet...which happens to be a fairly new one. Really, I don't relish contact with my landlord at all. For anything. I especially don't want to have to go knock on the door and say, " Hey Mike, the toilet is all fucked up as I tried to flush down this GRRROOSS mouse spine thingy I found in it and it must be jammed in the pipes somewhere 'cause it ain't flushing now." I was gonna tweeze it out (or maybe just pinch it with the tweezers..to get an idea of texture) but I didn't really want to get closer to it, or manipulate it in any way (using my bare or gloved hands was instantly ruled out!!) even with tweezers...oh also- I use those tweezers on my face.

Y'know there were probably a hundred other makeshift fishing implements within my bathroom, a thousand in my whole apartment, but my mind was too damn preoccupied with being bat guano loco to think resourcefully. And so I flushed it. And that is the end of my story. Except the memory of it haunted me all night: what WAS that? What the fuuuuuck?

In the spirit of exposing myself as the complete nutter I am, I am going to share with y'all the new profile pic I put on Facebook. You'll remember the last pic was aimed at glorifying my glamorous new gel tips. Well, these nails of mine are not only in baa-aa-aad need of a fill, but 2 of the tips broke off on my right hand. Not so glam now. But at least I don't hurt meself picking my nose anymore. JUST KIDDING (or am I??)!!!!!
Since I don't feel like my nails need to be celebrated now, I thought I'd change my profile pic. I took a shot of myself in McDonalds, doing my patented French Fry Vampire character. OK, well I don't have it patented ...yet. But it's this thing I do. In fact, it's not the only picture I have of myself on FB doing the French Fry Vampire. But it's the only one of me doing it with my funky headphones on, so this one is "DJ French Fry Vampire"

Yes, yes, I DO know I look like a moron. But I looked at the resulting snap and it made me GUFFAW, so I couldn't keep it to myself. It's damned commendable, I say. I am willing to sacrifice vanity entirely for the amusement of others. Selfless!!

Upon further reflection, with those nails and scary bug-eyed face I'm doing, I don't so much look like a vamp in the tradition of Christopher Lee, but more like Max Shreck as Nosferatu (spooky visual aid).
Boy, I could really do a killer Nosferatu if I combined French Fry Vampire with this custom I have when I eat Bugles of putting 'em on all my fingertips. I guess that just hadn't occurred to me previously since there hasn't been an occasion where I'm been eating McDonald's and Bugles simultaneously. Rather proud of that fact, actually. But still, that would be funny, eh?

Noble, Pathetic Endeavors--THE EPILOGUE

2011-02-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

Speed dating was no great triumph. . .though it was not a crushing failure either. There needs to be a noun invented for referring to a unvictorious non-failure...oh, wait...howsabout calling it a "draw"? In lieu of a better noun, ("tie" is equally inadequate) we'll go with "draw".

I think because I went into the adventure with abysmal expectations, with a smallish bowling ball of dread in my gut (like a bocce ball of dread), I'm viewing a draw as a rather favourable outcome. So much so that I would go to another speed dating fete if the organizers decide to do it again. The WGXL/ KIXX people that were there said they were pleased with the turnout and were considering making it a regular thing.

The turnout was better than I expected (though, as I've said, my expectations were none too lofty) but still not ideal for us distaff attendees. There was a total of 29 speed daters there--11 of them were men. So yeah, I'm kinda rooting for them to hold another one, as I'd like to give it another go with a new mix of minglers, better male attendance, and a spiffier venue. It was held in this restaurant called Shepard's Pie, in their new function room. The atmosphere was BLECCCH! Low-ceilinged & low-rent. True, said function room is in the basement of the restaurant, but they could've attempted *something* to make the place less basement-y.

So what dissolved my gut-dwelling dreadball was this reassuring realization that came over me shortly after things got underway. None of the guys seemed to know what the hell they were doing there. It occurred to me that everyone of us was equally pathetic. This gave me a comforting hey-we're-all-in-the-same-boat sorta feeling . So, that epiphany calmed me down.. . .that epiphany and 3 gin & tonics.

I realize it's called "speed-dating" but I think 5 minutes per beau is a bit too speedy. I had presumed we were allotted 10 minute "dates" and I think that would have been better. Y'see I was unable to follow the advice I had given to myself... In lieu of prepping any interesting anecdotes or dazzling biographical bulletpoints, I just counselled meself: " Be a good listener. Try to appear genuinely engaged in what they are saying even if you have to fake it and probably you will. Do not succumb to verbal diarrhea" I am HIGHLY prone to verbal diarrhea in nervous situations. Now, I really did expunge all my butterflies very early on. So I suppose what verbal diarrhea that I did succumb to was attributable to the ridiculous time constraints... and the 3 gin and tonics. But I really didn't blather on as badly as I am capable of blathering. But there were just some guys that were not innately forthcoming unless I took the conversational lead. I could not abide awkward silences...I've just got a mere 5min to determine if we are MFEO!!! Normally, I would wait for you to gain social footing , buddy, truly I would...

Some scraps of detail--

The cutest guy there made a bad impression on me fairly quickly. I said some expression and then second-guessed myself that I used it correctly, confessed that I would probably check later to ensure that I had (yeeeahh, this was probably a wee lapse into nerves-induced verbal-d…I mean, he *was* pretty cute…) But then he says something like “Ehhh… I just feel like, if you feel like a word means something then that’s what it means.” Uh, pardon? I’m all for new word invention, but as for free interpretation of preexisting words? I’m not down with that, chief. I think I followed up with “ Ahh..and are you a creative speller too?”
Maybe I did skew slightly snotty. My lead question ( Linette emailed me that morning that we needed to have questions prepared. I was all, “What?? I can’t even think @ work…even if I had time to!!” So she very nicely printed up some off the internet for me, and on the ride over there, I picked some that looked good... also cranked out 2 or 3 of my own. It turned out that half the people there didn't have any questions ..so even preparing at the last minute, I felt like some poindexter overachiever. Also..pardon my COLOSSAL parenthetical tangent. Way too long!!) my lead question was "Read the book? Or see the movie? Perhaps both?" Well, that's not verbatim.... I stayed away from the word "perhaps" I like people to know me for more than 5 minutes before I let on that I'm hellah pretentious. It was not my most *crucial* question, but I thought it was a good opener. And I won't say I conclusively RULED OUT anyone who gave me a bad answer to that...but hearing "Mehh. I don't really read"..that gives me a pretty inauspicious vibe.

Linette's favorite question--that she used on everybody (truly--anybody & everybody!) was this: "ALIENS HAVE LANDED AND ONE ASKS YOU TO GO BACK TO THEIR HOME PLANET WITH THEM. DO YOU GO?" I write this in all caps because Linette has this tendency to yell-talk. It's funny to me that all the uber-gregarious people I know are also yell-talkers. You see, you'd think they would be, with my shy amigos talking low and/ or mumbly...but that actually being the case feels too sensical to be true, y'know? So those are two biographical nuggets about Linette you should know-- she's uber-gregarious (which made her a hell of a choice for a speed dating "wingman"--damned funny, really) and she often uses her outdoors voice when indoors....which is how I knew she was asking everyone that alien question. If I hadn't heard, I would have guessed she asked the hell out of it...when we were comparing questions before the event, she was clearly delighted with that one. She found it very telling of a potential suitor. What she was looking for was an unhesitating, emphatic "Yes!!" as that shows bravery and a sense of adventure. Yeah, that's all well and good, but there's a fine line between a sense of adventure and stupidity. The question provides absolutely NO backstory on these aliens...they could look like Predator, or talk like Charlie Sheen or be horrifying in some other fashion!! And y'know, even if they were adorable li'l E.T.s I still would not go. Outer space is f-ing SCARY!! Have you seen Event Horizon??

Here are the other questions I had (or the ones I can recollect anyway)-
*what would you say is your best quality? Is there any quality you'd like to cultivate more in yourself?
*What i s your dream job?
* What is your dream vacation?
*Your house is on fire--presuming all humans & animals are out safe, what do you save?

Oh, one exchange that stands out in my memory (and not everything does stand out..I think Tanqueray makes for nice, blurry-edged, nonspecific memories) was where I sort of unthinkingly lapsed into French at one point. I do that from time to time...sometimes with Latin....but bad move that night since, you'll recall, I was trying to keep my chronic pretension on the d.l. I had asked this guy- "What do you enjoy most?" And he said (approx.) "Oh, I like dining out with friends and family. I like entertaining.." and I pipe up "Ah, so you're a something of a bon vivant" His "Uh. Yeah." reply hinted at a misstep, but the blank stare really confirmed it.

The whole scenario kinda sparked in me this compulsion for mischief and I kept thinking of really bizarro, subversive shit I could do...but I didn't want to sabotage myself, so between "dates" I kept suggesting to Linette that she do this crap (for instance -- say everything to this guy in rhyming couplets OR ask surreal, nonsensical questions like "Armadillo? Or stapler?") thinking Linette was just loco enough to try it, but, alas, I couldn't get her to do my bidding.

I'd have to say, the best conversationalist there was this retired Navy guy. But .. perhaps it's haughty of me, ..I just couldn't see myself with a sexy sextagenarian. He wasn't that sexy, really, I just fancied a bit o' word play there. Not that he was just awful and decrepit and lugging around an oxygen tank. He was definitely of the "silver fox" ilk ...like that gents Blanche Devereaux used to schtupp. I was thinking...look at that chick that's marrying Hugh Hefner...I've got like 10 years on her (almost!) so she's either way more open-minded than me (or, if common opinion is to be believed, she is superhumanly devoted to grabbin' that financial security) So who am I to be so damn choosy? Ah, well nevertheless I am, and grandpa was not granted my digits.

In fact nobody was...and I didn't get anybody's digits. But I'm ok with that because : a) there wasn't much contact info swapping going on in the room from what I witnessed. (with only 11 guys, there was a big lull while waiting for the procession of men to make its way back to my side of the basement--during which I spied on other dates) b) I don't really regret that any of those guys don't have my number.

So...I realize that that sounds like a ginormo ZERO on the scoreboard that I am okay with because I have complacent loser mentality, but... I really don't feel it was futile. Overall, I HAD FUN ( oh yeah--we went to a bar after the speed dating thang wrapped) and that's key. Really, I'm just glad that I had the stones to try it....overcame some initial trepidation, and sorta "limbered up" in a sense. I stretched my mingling muscles, flexed my flirting tendons (tendons? oh really? Rhetorical note: analogy + contrived alliteration = FAIL) So, not an utter waste of a Thursday night. It's especially good that I had fun, since after some numero-crunching on Sunday, I came to the shitty conclusion that I absolutely can't afford to do anything fun for *weeks*.
Ohhhh, BALLS.

A Noble, Possibly Pathetic Endeavor

2011-02-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

Got an email yesterday from friend, ex-colleague, Linette... asking if I wanted to come along and check out some speed dating soiree in Quechee this Thursday night.

Yep..you read right: speed dating. I know, I know, I thought it debuted and died in 1999 too, but apparently it still does happen from time to time at various venues.

My kneejerk reflex was to fire back an "Aww, HELLS no." But I reconsidered...and instead opted for "OK, what the hell?" Y'see, it occurred to me that my instincts have not served me all that spectacularly thus far, so maybe do the UN-Sandra thing on this one. And yes, if it works for me, I *will* have the rubber bracelets made up --"WWSND??"

I don't wanna say that I fully expect it to be a disaster but...if I was a betting gal (like, a gal with money) I would bet on disaster. But, I think there's something noble just in the "putting yourself out there". Linette is quite good at that. I think that maybe why I like her...she's so outgoing she's like...intrepid about it. I think I want some of that to rub off on me.

So I'm forging ahead, trying to be as socially intrepid as I can manage, despite a few instances of unease. F'rinstance, I was explaining to another (older) pal just what speed-dating is, and basically I was recapping what I'd seen in movies or on TV. (most fresh in my mind was the 1st and only episode I'd seen of Vicar of Dibley...think that was just earlier this month I caught that on PBS) In fact, the whole phenom seems like something invented for sitcoms. But anyway, it was in the explaining (or trying to explain) the voting, or vetting or rose ceremony, or whatever the hell goes down apres banter...that I got a twinge of dread. It occurred to me: the whole thing could turn out badly...the chit-chat--at its worst-- could be painfully awkward, but that last bit...well, that might just be plain ol' painful. Something akin to kickball team selection in grade school gym...

Ohhh...but that's the risk that makes the whole endeavor noble, right? If nothing else, it will simply be an exercise in "putting oneself out there". Good to do that every now and then. And if things are fantastically successful, it could be an exercise in putting out. Oh, shit, you know, I was actually cringing as I typed that, but my inner Andrew Dice Clay will not let me take it back...the "Dice-San" is solely responsible for that contrived-ass wordplay and she was just dying to work it in there somehow or t'other. Tacky bitch.

I had another pang of "Oh shit!" today when Linette mentioned that she heard about the event on the radio. Every time I have been in Linette's car, she is listening to 100 point something or other which is "The Wolf: the Valley's BEST Country." I think it's funny that their mascot is the wolf, because I picture a lot of their listeners wearing the Three Wolf Moon tee (and *not* with comedic intent) I actually emailed her back to inquire after exactly what station she heard it advertised on. I told her "I'm committed either way, but if I am going to go in there and face bolo ties and /or NASCAR dudes, I need to steel myself for that"

THANK GOOOOD she heard it on a Top 40 station!!

Anyway, 'tis going down tomorrow night, and may it provide good blog-fodder, eh??

Undecided!!

2011-02-17T16:47:00.000-08:00

I was riveted (haa..quasi-pun there) by this commercial when it came on the telly Saturday at the nail salon while I was getting my glamtalons installled....

I'm torn... half of me is very compelled to buy this. Well, I should concede at the outset that I have a strong predisposition to fall in love with As Seen on TV merchandise. I mean, I'm not SO far gone that I'd fall for those quack Kinoki Foot Pads, but I'm pretty bad. I love my TurbieTwist. And I bought my sister a Kangaroo Keeper for Christmas. I think she thinks it's one of the lamest gifts she's ever gotten in her whole entire lifetime, but I think if she gave it a chance, she'd find it way useful. She changes purses 2 or 3 times a month!! Oh, and I just recently picked up The Chef Basket @ Walgreen's. I haven't had a chance to fully test its awesomeness...I've only steamed 1 chicken breast in it ...thus far.

Anywhoooo, given my affinity for such merchandise, add that to the constant jeans issue I have with jeans that fit waist-wise being waaay too baggy throughout the legs ...well, all that combined make me rather intrigued by 'Jama-Jeans.

But, ummm, on the other hand methinks that buying these would just be a means to proclaim unequivocally to the world :"I've UTTERLY Given Up"

Trailers For Sale or Rent...

2011-02-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

Yep, yesterday I was lamenting how a set of gel tips utterly blew my budget and today I'm scoping out real estate. I toldja--I'm irreparably effed up!!

Nevertheless, THIS was an interesting article. I really rather like #10 on the list. Is there something so bad about living in Cheboygan, MI?? Is it very close to Detroit?

On the other end of the real estate spectrum, I've quite enjoyed browsing this site in the past...

Inept Self-Portraiture

2011-02-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

I am not doing so good with my vows of frugality. Yup, in this very forum, about a month ago, I said that "MONASTIC" was the official lifestyle motif for 2011. And I did use the all-caps for emphasis (I did! Check it..) I know it's all believable when I "SHOUT" like that and I suppose it does mean I'm really feelin' it at the time, but y'all should know...my will is weak. I'd all-caps that "weak" but I've lost all credibility now, haven't I?
I do live very spartan-like for a while, and then when I get paid...I get all giddy & indulgent. Now this is only every other paycheck, though...the last paycheck of the month, I can barely touch because >50% of it goes to rent. If I wasn't so paycheck-to-paycheck, if I was able to indulge a bit every week, then perhaps it would be such a huge occasion to get a bit of "mad money"... Ohhh, sometimes I think I need a life coach... or a case worker (yeah...case worker...that sounds cheaper). Better financial planning is what I need...in lieu of a better paying job.

But y'know--fuck it. What's done is done...wallowing in a marinade of my own guilt is just too stereotypical Catholic of me. And I had a great weekend. I think the bulk of my spending was on drinks & dinner with friends. And I feel like if you're going to piss away $$$, that is the absolute worthiest cause. Not just drinks & apps necessarily, but on show tickets, and museum admissions etc. etc. In other words...waste your money on good times, not goods. Probably you don't *need* a new purse...but I think you absolutely DO need to get out and socialize from time to time.
Brief timeline of my weekend--
Thursday night--dinner& drinks @ Jesse's . Me, Roxy B & Sue. Delish chipotle sirloin, beer, & open mic night
Fri night-- happy hour @ Ramunto's w/ Linette. Their wings are outta sight. In my defense, this was a somewhat thrifty outing as Ramunto's has 1/2 price apps & $2 drafts for happy hour.
Saturday--got my nails done with Roxanne, lunch @ Molly's & walked around Hanover a bit.
Sunday--spent ZERO DINERO!! See, God-like, I give it a rest for a day. Had a V-tines day dinner @ my sister's

Ok, so getting my nails done was the very apex of my frivolity. It's not like I just stopped at a manicure. No, I got gel tips w/ French manicure. That's like, the Rolls Royce of falsies...it was like sayin' "forget indulging, I'm gonna indulge to the max" And , as if to underscore my extremist mood, I got 'em the longest I've ever gotten them. The more I stare at 'em the more I think...humans don't ever grow their nails *this* long naturally. But then again... let's not forget those freaky broads in the Guiness Book of World Records. That makes me feel a smidge better.
Early Sunday afternoon, I wanted to re-do my FB profile to showcase my goooorgeous new GLAMOUR TALONS . It was re-gawdamn-donkulous how many "takes" it took me to achieve something halfway acceptable. Here is my blooper reel...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Obviously, I'm mugging for the camera in these shots. I hope it's obvious..I hope none of you think I'm so moronic and oblivious that this is my idea of a genuine glamour shot.

I snapped them using the web cam on my laptop. I was sitting above the camera, so looking at the spot where I knew the lens was had me looking down and they looked weird. I found that if I looked straight forward, it was pretty clost to looking at the cam, so my eyes would wander there inadvertantly. I opted, instead, to pick an arbitrary focal point in the room to lock on to..

I put these in chronological order... from first disaster to final, acceptable-ish, end-product.

This one is "A Bad Mime is Miming Grocery Shopping for Invisible Groceries When She Left her Invisible List at Home" Long-ass title but it is rather fitting.

Not enough of the nails in this shot, plus I look mildly miserable.

Too much digital-facial pressure here. I look to be in danger of puncturing a cheek.

I was trying to convey "Ooooh!" in the manner of a fireworks spectator. Instead, I look to be blow-drying the glam-talons

AHH!! MY GEL TIPS ARE POSSESSED BY HOMOCIDAL SPIRITS THAT JUST MADE ME MURDER A PERSON!! THE HORRORRRRRRR!! AAAAGH!!!!

I call this one "I Swear it Was The Dog. Honest!!"

I've been passenger in 1 or 2 seemingly-slow-mo car crashes, and I'm fairly certain this is the face I make the instant of the collision

I finally decided I liked the crossed hands finger fan. But I wasn't crazy about the fucking lunatic face I was making here. It's like right outta "The Shining". Yiiikes!!

And ...SUCCESS...at looong last!!

tech calamity!!

2011-01-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

My sister has been trialing an iPhone these past coupla days. My tech envy is FIERCE. My phone is just too shamefully shabby to begin with, and add to that the fact that my iPod has , as of late, come down with a mild case of fucked-up. So I feel almost justified in getting something new in which to reposit all my tunes. And if that something new just happens to be a 300X upgrade of what I've got for a cell, well, that's just gravy eh?

Ah, but the iPod is just *mildly* fucked up. It's still working perfectly fine. And, the personal finances being what they are, the smart plan of action would be inaction...keep on keeping on, making do..etc. Oh, bollocks.

Minor though my iPod flaw is, I'm still sorta livid about it. I LOVE my iPod...though I'm sure it' s my own idiotic fault the thing's damaged..although I'm not quite sure how it happened. The other day I noticed a little line in the the display. I thought it got there either through me leaving it in the cold car on some occasion (although I really try not to do that) or it was a pressure fracture. Many a night, I fall asleep listening to that thing, I wake up in the morning and it's under my ass. Oh, sure it sinks into the mattress alright, but that's still a *lot* of pressure coming from above. So I have been extra careful with it since spotting the line, carrying it in a little case, and making sure to bring it into my desk at work. Well, then on Friday night, I went to happy hour with a coworker, and I didn't want to bring into the bar anything but my wee, stuffed-to-capacity, clutch purse. My iPod was in a case...and then I shoved that case inside a woolly mitten...I thought that would be sufficient insulation.

Well, as my italics have insinuated, I exacerbated the flaw. Later Friday night, I went to use my iPod and saw that the line was BIGGER. So it was probably the cold and not my ass that hurt it in the first place. Whatever, it's my fault either way, and I'm ever so distressed over it.

Here, I give you the offending line itself--

Playback/operation doesn't really seem to be affected. And of course, for music, it doesn't really matter one whit. But I have a good deal of TV and a few movies on there. To illustrate...this is what I'd see if I began watching my fave episode of The Mighty Boosh...

Pesky, eh? BUT, I suppose I'll adjust. (suppose I have to)

IGOR!!!Fetch Me a Sammich!!

2011-01-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

I wonder...if I was a boss that had "underlings" or an exec with an assistant (sheeeesh I can't even TYPE that straight-facedly. .I am sooo not management material) would I be able to send them out to get my lunch? Well, surely (in this hypothetical world)I could ...I suppose what I'm really pondering is: would I ??

I don't think I would. I have a difficult time delegating work to begin with (that's prob'ly the top reason I could never be a manager and this is all moot musing) Perhaps I could get over that (and it's likely that I did, iffin' I make-believe made it into the managerial ranks) but I don't think I could bring myself to command people to do my personal errands. But that's pretty commonplace I take it: assistants picking up lunch, making reservations, etc. etc. (picking up the boss's dry-cleaning is a classic, right? Shit.. I've shifted into Family Feud mode. "DRYCLEANING-YES!Good answer! Good answer!" clap clap clap ...)

I didn't just start contemplating this out of the blue, by the way. I was working at the front desk today at around 1pm (covering the regular receptionist's lunch) and wished Chris, our CEO's assistant a "God speed and drive safe!!" as she bustled out the door into a EFFING NOR'EASTER to go pick up lunch for the CEO & the VP. I don't know which bitch ordered her to do it, but it struck me as especially imperious on a day like today.

Photo/ video of my hum-drum weekend

2011-01-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

No money to do anything fun this weekend. So OBVIOUSLY, I would avoid housework too. I mean, if you're in such a morass of suck that you can't afford to do anything fun, why *further punish* yourself with tiresome toil?? Usually such circumstances call for a movie marathon weekend, but I had an unusual swelling of creative juices yesterday (perhaps this is owing to my 15 hours of sleep after conking out at around 7pm on Fri night) and I went out in the fluffy precipitation and made a snowman...er, I mean, a snow beastie....

He smelled like fish guts, cashews & hair product. And that is indeed a foil-wrapped peanut butter cup as his schnozz but it is NOT candy abuse, as I had some dreadful Palmer brand chocolate on my hands (including some PB cups).

Today was more of a movie marathon day, though I was slightly more ambitious and did some pedicurin' while I watched my movies. I left my toes in one of those foam toe separator jobbies while my polish dried and then just left it in my toes long after they had dried, simply 'cuz I got wrapped up in the movie. It freaked me out a bit when I took it off, as it seemed to me that the toes on my left foot were all gnarly. Not gnarly in good way. Gnarly in a GNARLED way. I don't know why it would be on my left foot *only* as I left the foam jobbies on both feet, but that's the way they were. Particularly off-looking was my little piggie sans roast beef (3 over from biggie) So, not trusting my own perception, I took Flip Video footage of my feets. YOU be the judge....will I never again be able to snag a foot fetishist??

If you are at all curious about the soundtrack to this toe inspection, it's just the end credits of Hudsucker Proxy you hear in the background..

2011-01-08T21:14:00.000-08:00

Lemme see... what's new avec moi...hmmm...

My New Year's Eve was pretty low-key & DULL. My sister had a small bash at her house--board games and drinking....and I was only down for the latter. Sure, I brought Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture DVD Edition, but I didn't wanna actually play it. Not to be a braggedy pants but...I pretty much always win...I certainly don't mind that, but it's just an EPIC* endeavor getting to the win. I think I just need a new Trivial Pursuit game and then I 'll get reinterested. Pretty much for board games I could go for, the entire list is:.Scrabble, Bananagrams, Battleship, or Connect Four. And that's it. (Guess Who would've made the list but they gave all of the characters a makeover and that somehow ruined it for me) And most adults I know won't play the last two. I don't know why. Okay, I recognize that I'm succumbing to a tangent but humor me for just a line or two longer. Y'know how they're resuscitating all manner of 80s toys, so nearly anything you played with back in the day you can get for your kiddos to play with (with a hefty nostalgia surcharge of course)? Well, I'm just dying for them to bring back the board game Cat's Eye. I used to effing LOVE that game. And yet..I'm pretty sure if they did bring it back it would wind up disappointing me ( a la "Hmm, I remember this being much funner")
So. Back to New Year's. I didn't do board games, I just drank champers and played with these that I got my niece Sadie for Christmas. And then we turned on the telly... I actually wanted to see Mtv drop Snooki in her little guidette hamster ball . We were actually watching Mtv for a bit, but then they started in on some racy banter and my sister switched over to ABC because my nieces & nephew were up still and watching. So it was New Year's Rockin' Eve with Dick Clark. I admit it saddens me a smidge, watching post-stroke Clark count it down. But I think mostly I'm glad he still does it. I'm sure there was a contingent at the network that wanted to have him back out of it, because he's not the height of hip, and he's old and unpretty and now he's not speaking clearly...but it pleases me to think he told them "Go fuck yourself! I'm Dick Fucking Clark!!"

So after that dull New Year's Eve (dudes, living it was even lamer than reading about it has been!! FOR REALS.) I dusted off my perennial resolutions (1. shed some tonnage and 2. have more adventures. ) and commenced 2011. And then, HORRIBLY, on my first workday of the new year...the government tracked me down. Well, not the *whole *government ...just the student loans part of it. Oh, also they are too pissed at me to ring me directly. It was some collections agency that called me at work. Anyway, long sob story short, I am now on some "rehab program" and my lifestyle motif for 2011 shall be summed up by the word: "MONASTIC" . This new way of life works pretty well with that parenthetical #1 (poverty diet, anyone?) but I don't know yet how I can make it jive with perennial resolution #2. Ahh, we'll see.

On Thursday, during my lunch break my boss came in, and told me that beginning immediately --as of the end of my lunch break-- med supply ordering was indefinitely being covered by Larry and I was going to be trained to do "MAPS" and become responsible for those. To relate to you as briefly as I'm able what MAPS is...hmmm...well, firstly MAPS is an acronym of sorts...and what it's an acronym for they don't cover in MAPS training. Hell, should that not be MAPS 101? I feel like all these acronyms that are supposed to make business easier just obfuscate everything. Anyways, we bill Medicare for a patient of ours...for an episode (usually a period of 60 days) of services and/or supplies... Medicare will sometimes refute a bill : "Uh-uh...we don't think so" at which point the first part of the process kicks in--a mass accrual of notes & documentation (all aimed to show we did what we said we did, and did so correctly and with an MD sanction) So we get that and like, reassert our bill , a sort of "Oh YUH HUH. We mean it." But we are still at this point, retaining that accrual. ..until Medicare comes back at us with some of those patient episodes (most, but not necessarily all that they originally balked at) and they say "OK...BRING IT." Which kicks off a huge mailing (of aforementioned accrual) with beaucoup cover letters and massive certified mail fees. That's basically MAPS....though I didn't manage to make it brief at all. Damn.
I haven't been doing this gig long enough (just for half of Thursday + Friday) to say for sure whether I like it or not, but it's a time-consuming task, and they only took away one of my regular duties. And I'm pretty sure the nurses are going to HATE Larry doing the med supply ordering (I know Larry hates it).

It just so happens Thursday night I had a dream that I was at the movies and I saw my boss there and I pelted her with baby carrots. It was kind of a sad thing...that I was noshing on baby carrots at the movies. But the rest of the dream was quite gratifying!! It was very funny, she was standing up and headed toward the center aisle and in this kind of exaggerated high-comedic way she was locked in place by the barrage of carrots.

Yule tuneage

2010-12-24T12:48:00.000-08:00

I know it's EXTREMELY last minute to be recommending Christmas music, but I feel that I've been rather negligent in posting this month and I feel like if I crank out a post now (and I got a coupla minutes in which I can) than it should be Christmas themed , dammit.

Tonight is my family annual Christmas Eve party and I made some playlists of some of the very bestest from my not-too-shabby compendium of Christmas tunes. I got a few new tracks (noted with *) and added them in there. So, even though 98% of my family won't even notice it, the soundtrack to this soiree is going to be off da HO- HO HOOOK! (Feeble. I apologize.)

2010 Xmas mix (Part I)

1. We Need A Little Christmas (Percy Faith & Choristers)
2. Christmas is Coming (Harry Belafonte)
3. Caroling, Carolling (Nat King Cole)-- I've never liked Nat King Cole's ubiquitous Christmas song ("chestnuuuuts roasting blah blah blahdee blaaah..etc") but this one I *LOVE*
4. Shake Hands with Santa Claus (Louis Prima)
5. We Wish You the Merriest (Frank Sinatra & Bing Crosby) --2 of the smoothest smoothies ever. What an incomparable pair, am I right??
6. Home for the Holidays (Perry Como)-- it probably makes me seem about 75 yrs old, but eff it..I love Perry Como. Pretty much everything he ever did. Yep. Can't deny it.
7. Happy Holidays (funky remix w/ Bing Crosby vocal)
8.Christmas Conga (Cyndi Lauper)
9. Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney & Wings)
10. Christmas is a Time to Say I Love you (Billy Squier)
11. Last Christmas ( Wham!) -- I read something about a poll in Bulgaria this year asking for "the most ANNOYING Christmas Song" And they voted this one #1. Which proves what I've always said ---Bulgarians know NOTHING about good music. Really? Bulgaria?? This song is terrific, and all you Bulgarians are so jaded and nasty.
12 The Man With All the Toys (The Beach Boys) -- I like, when this one is playing, to just sing along to one of the background parts. There's one Boy (probably Dennis, but I can't be sure) that just regularly sings out "Boh!" throughout. (check here for a memory refresher) That's the part I sing along to. It amuses me..for some odd reason..
13. I've Got my Love to Keep Me Warm (Dean Martin)-- a great song...and its greatness is exponentially multiplied when you've got Dino (love him) crooning it...
14. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Barenaked Ladies)
15. Little Drummer Boy (Lou Rawls)-- I had never been a huge fan of this one, but Rawls gives it some soul and I dig it..
16. Good Christian Men Rejoice (Robert Shaw Chorale)
17. I Saw Three Ships (some chorus)
18. Good King Wenceslas (some other chorus)--I've always loved Good King W.
19. Ding Dong Merrily on High (Cambridge chorus)
20. Here We Come A-Carolling (Perry Como) see above note re: Perry Como
21. O Tannenbaum (orchestra & St Killian boys choir)
22. Hey Santa ! (Chris Isaak)

Xmas mix 2010 (part II)

1. O Come , O Come Emmanuel (Chichester Cathedral Choir)*
2. O Holy Night (Avril LaVigne)---and , NO, she doesn't get all punk-lite with it. It's pretty lovely, I think..
3.Angels We Have Heard on High (Cambridge Choir)
4. Joy to the World (London Symphony Orchestra) this song is nice, for sure, but strangely it is about 5x louder than any other track. When it starts up, you gotta LUNGE for that stereo remote..
5. The Holly & the Ivy (Medieval Babes) *
6. I Saw 3 Ships (Cyndi Lauper) -yeah, I repeated it on both mixes, but it is different versions of the song. The other one is more ethereal sounding, Lauper's has more of a primitive, Olde English festival feel to it..
7. Jingle Bells (Barenaked Ladies)*-- new acquisition for 2010. Y'know, it's sometimes tough to make a decision on iTunes, when you only have 30 seconds of a song to judge. But in this instance, they picked the right 30 seconds to offer up as a sample. When I heard them work "Batman smells..Robin laid an egg" into the chorus..well...I was SOLD. Though I was surprised to later hear that it starts out all slow & plaintive & earnest (but it does get around to the Batman chorus by the end...kooky, eh?)
8. The Marvelous Toy (Peter, Paul, & Mary)
9. Sugar Rum Cherry (Duke Ellington & band)--this is a swingin' reboot of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
10 You're a Mean one Mr Grinch ( Thurl Ravenscroft-- a lot of people think Boris Karloff did that song.. and while Karloff did do the voice of Grinch--in the speaking parts-- Ravenscroft did this song. Thurl Ravenscroft is a name worth committing to the memory banks... I mean, firstly, THAT NAME...innately rad, am I right? But Thurl was also the voice of Tony the Tiger ("They're Grrrrreat!") and he did a lot of work for Disney. If you've ever been to The Country Bear Jamboree (if you haven't...I am so sad for you.) he did the voices for the bison head that hangs on the theater wall)
11 Drunk On Christmas (Jimmy Fallon) * --Jimmy just put this out this year. Love it. Love him.
12 Sleigh Ride (Johnny Mathis)-- nobody sings this song like Johnny Mathis. The mo-fo OWNS it...
13. Must Be Santa (Brave Combo)--hyper Christmas polka. What's not to love?
14. Wonderful Day (the Chipmunks)-- some people are annoyed by the Chipmunks...to them I say...move to Bulgaria. The Chipmunks kick arse (though I don't like their recent movie incarnations)
15. I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas (Barry Gordon)
16. Baby It's Cold Outside (Ann Margaret & Al Hirt)
17 Christmas Wrapping (the Waitresses)
18.We Wish You a Merry Christmas (Booker T & the MGs)
19. I Wish It Was Christmas Today (Julian Casablancas) --this is a great cover...though, I like the original on SNL a smidge more. YOU be the judge, folks---

^^ I was searching YouTube for an official music video, but there doesn't seem to be one. I don't think this fan-made one really fits the song, but 'tis a montage of freaked-out-by-Santa tots (another holiday institution I cherish) so that's why I picked it. Is it just me, or were Santas of yesteryear (like the 1920s-1970s) scarier than modern Santas? I think it's because they had shabby looking costumes. And these screaming li'l moppets just knew ("What the hell? Santa isn't poor!!")

The original "Wish it Was Christmas Today" You should see me do the Tracy Morgan part on this. I am brilliant at it. BRILLIANT!!

YOU BETTER BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!

2010-12-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today, my coworker Paul emailed me-- "Whaddya think? Should I send out Krampus cards for the holidays??" Well, I am ashamed to say I had no clue who/what Krampus is/ was. I don't know why I should feel ashamed...there's no reason I should be more educated than your average Jane in regards to European Christmas lore of yore. Nevertheless, I felt well, maybe not ashamed, but "inadequate" is probably the more apt adjective. Anyway for some irrational, emotion-based reason, I didn't write back "Pardon? Who is Krampus?" or something similarly honest. Instead, I looked it up on Wikipedia and then wrote back as if I was savvy all along.

Take momentary detour and read the article I tracked down... be thorough...don't skip the stuff about Zwarte Piet or Knecht Ruprecht...that's good stuff. Cryptozoology meets Christmas--I LOVE it!

Ok, the #1 reason I felt inadequate was that it was *Paul* I was talking to . Paul, whom I've dubbed "know-it-all-Paul". He pretty much knows EVERYTHING. ...probably everything except for the fact that I call him "know-it-all Paul" behind his back. Not widely... only to a select few folks that don't know him. I just don't wanna give you the wrong idea...even if the guy makes me feel comparatively stoooopid, I do NOT trash talk him around the office. I try to abstain from inter-office trash talk entirely. It's SO gauche. On rare occasion maybe, but only when someone really deserves it. But I have veered wildly off topic (only 'cause I was fretting that I'd diminished your good opinion of me... intolerable notion, that..)

So I'm usually at peace with Paul's ominscience...as it makes for stimulating banter. And I do an OK job of intellectually keeping up. In some areas--for instance:science, math, politics-- I am resigned to being behind. But THE KRAMPUS is just the sort of thing I make it my biz to be knowledgeable about. But I knew NONE of that stuff... Krampus, Zwarte Piet, Belsnickel, etc. The name Le Pere Fouettard seemed familiar...but only vaguely. Maaaan, I have been missing out!!

I especially like this bit about old Knecht Ruprecht customs--

"In some of the Ruprecht traditions, the children would be summoned to the door to perform tricks, such as a dance or singing a song to impress upon Santa and Ruprecht that they were indeed good childrewho performed well were given a gift or some treats. Those who performed badly enough or had committed other misdeeds throughout the year were put into Ruprecht's sack and taken away, variously n. Those who performed badly would be beaten soundly by Servant Ruprecht, and those to Ruprecht’s home in the

Black Forest to be consumed later, or to be tossed into a river. In other versions the children must be asleep, and would awake to find their shoes filled with either sweets, coal, or in some cases a stick. Over time, other customs developed: parents giving kids who misbehaved a stick instead of treats and saying that it was a warning from Nikolaus that "unless you improve by Christmas

day[citation needed], Nikolaus' black servant Ruprecht will come and beat you with the stick and you won't get any Christmas gifts." Often there would be variations idiosyncratic to individual families "

Dance, little moppet, dance! Oh, and don't let that DARK ROBED STRANGER WITH A SWITCH affect your performance!! Dark stuff.

THOUGHT: How exciting and epic "The Night Before Christmas" mighta been!! Picture it: "Mama in her Kerchief" and "I in my cap" have to battle a scraggly magical St Nick sidekick hobo guy who was going to abscond with their kids in a wicker backpack??

I leave you with this Krampus celebrating vid. It makes me even more ashamed ...if a crappy, insignifico cable channel like G4 was Krampus-aware, I should've been too!!

buzzzz bzzzzz

2010-12-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

It’s almost like my desk calendar knows that I’ve been pondering whether or not to get another Forgotten English desk calendar for 2011 or somethin’ entirely new… since it finally gave me something interesting (in my opinion , anyway) after days & weeks of yawners.

The “bees in the brain” definition caught my attention because it uses the term “fou” and I didn’t know WTF that was. And after looking it up, I found it very useful little monosyllable …Scots’ lingo for drunk or French for “crazy”…either way, Little Bunny Fou Fou is starting to make sense to me now. I used to have trouble with the notion of a little rabbit unleashing such a swath of senseless unprovoked violence (aside from the rabbit of Caerbannog, it doesn’t fit in with my concept of that animal) but if said bunny was drunk drunk than that might explain things somewhat. Or if he was crazy crazy. Or crazy drunk.

I also like that bit about breaking tragic news to bees... even if the instrux are contradictory. I think, if I am put in this position, I am going to try a loud whisper…

Precisely WHY Facebook was put on this Earth

2010-12-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

No need to see “The Social Network” to find out this “why”

The FB raison d'être came to me all epiphany-like and I’m gonna lay it on ya now….

Yesterday, while out walking, I saw a log-hauling truck. The body of this truck (or should I say “cab”? It was the front part of the truck that was not a stack of logs) was MAUVE. This struck me as a somewhat remarkable hue for such a vehicle and I thought this big rig MUST have started out its life hauling Isotoner gloves or ladies’ shoes or something.. Then last night I told a friend about this log truck sighting (told her the ol’ fashioned way, using my larynx) and I found the reporting ….anticlimactic. It’s a rather distinct sensation really..I should know, as it happens to me often ( ‘tis the scourge of all self-aware loquacious types everywhere)

Have you felt this? You are sharing an anecdote, or more likely, an anecdotal observation, and you just feel it losing its value mid-tell. As you speak, you are thinking ---this insight /intel really did seem more noteworthy within the confines of my noggin … nobody is going to “get this” .And yet you forge ahead, with a sort of well-can't-unring-this-bell-fatalism.

I should have typed that log truck episode into the status field of my FB page, is what I shoulda done. And really, with that “What’s on your mind??” prompt they have there, aren’t they rather inviting that sort of inconsequential blather?? Now, making it a wall-posting will NOT magically transform my mauve log truck news into newsworthy news BUT….everybody’s FB homepage is invariably overrun with “TGIF!!!!!” or “Headed out to the drycleaners J ” or “Just had a GREAT ham sandwich” So I’d be purged of this cranium clutter, and who cares if it is enfeebled upon externalization… ’tis only dropping a micro-droplet into an ocean of blaah-blaah-blaaaaah, so there is no call to fret whatsoever, y’see??

Oh and, by the way, I haven’t logged on to Facebook since the mauve log-truck encounter, so that tale is totally a BLOG EXCLUSIVE!! Oh, you lucky readership, you!!!

I'm sorry...I DON'T SPEAK FREAKY-DEAKY DUTCH

2010-11-30T15:04:00.001-08:00

Ok, I think with this confession I have to relinquish any claims I have to being a bona fide sophisticate but, dammit, I can't hold it in--- I LOVE AUSTIN POWERS.

Oooh.. I feel so gauche.

My niece turned 13 yesterday and she was waaay stoked to watch a PG-13 movie...not her 1st, but the previous few were sneaked and not parentally sanctioned. Anyway, she was acting like it was some big time rite o' passage...it was pretty cute. I went up last night for homemade pizza and cupcakes and then got to share in the inaugural PG-13 flick-- "Austin Powers: Goldmember" (which she got out of the Big Lots bargain bin for $3.)
There were a few feeble sight gags in the flick but most of the movie CRACKED ME UP. Well, I had seen it before. Hell, I own it, I bet I paid full new DVD price for it too, (which retrospectively irks me when I consider the killer bargain price Chloe got on it) I got it right when it came out, and this was before "Previewed DVDs" flooded the market and drove down the average price of DVDs in general. So obviously, if I paid upwards of SIXTEEN DOLLARS for a DVD (gaaaasp!!) I already loved Austin Powers. But I just forgot that somehow. It's funny that that movie (the 3rd in the series) was out in 2002 and it feels to me like it was really rummaging waaaay back in the archives. Silly.

In other pop-culture inconsequentia (yeah. I fabricated that word. What of it? Piss off, eh?) I read an article about TV Shows That Have Jumped the Shark (incidentally, I feel like the phrase "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark) and one of the sorry shows mentioned (and pictured in the accompanying slideshow) was "Two and a Half Men" . I don't think I even read the caption on that one, but just a 12 second glimpse of Sheen & Cryer got that godawful "Two and a Half Men" theme song stuck in my head. I suppose that's instant karma in action...bad things happen to bums who shirk their work duties to tarry online. And believe y'all me...it IS a bad thing...I've had many a song stuck in my head over the years but "menmenmenmen manly men men men men" has gotta be the absolute shittiest.

I'm no Sporty Spice...

2010-11-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

...so it's seldom I tarry on ESPN blogs & the like. But from time to time, there is a sports-related news blurb ridiculous enough to snare my attention.

This one, for instance. Laughable!! If God follows anyone on Twitter, it's gonna be the Pope or like, Julie Andrews, it sure as hell ain't gonna be some lunkhead from the NFL.

Even more laughable-- imagining God lashing back via Twitter. Picture that celeb-tattle rag headline: "Bills Wide Receiver and THE ALMIGHTY in Nasty Twitter Row"

2010-11-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

I am a frequent visitor of the HuffPost comedy site...today, while perusing their new offerings I spotted Funniest Notes to Bad Parkers . Generally, I'm a sucker for a good comedy slideshow, but strangely, this one got me feeling more defensive than amused. A lot of times, people get forced into a bad parking job by the cars already parked in the vicinity. If the truck to the left of the vacant space is straddling the painted line, then you--if taking aforesaid vacancy-- are going to inevitably park just as badly. And then that truck starts up and goes home (with the aid of its driver, of course) and your car is left there, absorbing all the guilt. So, OK, yes, this has happened to me more than once, but I swear, it 's a general sense of injustice I speak from... feeling defensive on behalf of ALL chastised parkers everywhere.

I would never leave a note on a car like this...unless I absolutely *knew * that they parked that way out of ineptitude. And if I were to leave a note, I'm certain I wouldn't be irate enough to use the word "asshat" in it....even though I think it's a HILARIOUS thing to call someone. Bad parking is a pretty innocuous offense, after all. Just chillax, folks.

2010-11-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

Some strange lady started chatting me up in Walmart last night…I don’t know just how I discern the general friendly folk from the “I don’t think her elevator goes all the way to the top floor” types…but this lady from last night, I think she was of the latter group. I was digging through the $5 DVD bin, and she’s like “Anything good in there?” Sensible enough opening, but shortly thereafter she starts telling me about her work hours being cut down and her money woes and how she applied at Walmart and is stressed about Christmas…talking to me like I was an old pal or freakin’ Delilah (ever heard her on the radio?? Blecch) And her whole diatribe is interspersed with sighs of “Oooh BOOGERS” which seemed to be her preferred exclamation of lament.

So, when she finally got occupied with the contents of the $5 bin, I kinda skulked off the the scene. But 15 minutes later, all the way on the other side of the store, I’m looking through the boxed Christmas cards and suddenly, at my left shoulder: “Christmas cards, huh? Oooh BOOGERS.”

I don’t know why I’m not good with random strangers being friendly at me. I mean, I don’t handle it as badly as I could…it’s not as if I mace them…but I feel like I should proffer some reciprocal friendliness (but it’s rare that I can manage it)

2010-11-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

I did a little remainder-of-2010 budgeting and came to the conclusion that THIS upcoming paycheck (droppin’ on Thurs) is THE one that is going to finance the bulk of my Christmas shopping. So I have to shift into that gear post haste… to this end, I bought me some music on iTunes.

I’ve bought a gift or two already (ok, specifics--5 specifically allocated gifts & 3 “oh, this’ll be nice for…someone” items) but the Christmas shopping PUSH hasn’t quite commenced. Usually picking out my cards gets me in the right frame of mind (I think I’ll check Kmart tomorrow…scoff if you will, but I usually have very good luck with Christmas cards at Kmart. ) But also I thought it might be wise to purge the selfish spending impulses from my being. .. .hence the aforementioned iTunes spree.

Does 9 songs constitute a spree? It’s all relative, I suppose. Hmmm, well, gauging by my average consumption rates, I’m going to rule that you need a minimum of 15 songs to officially have a “spree”. So I indulged in a half-spree (or a “demi-spree” if you will…I hope you will, as I think that sounds classier)

The specifics of my demi-spree--

1.Sweet Disposition [by The Temper Trap]-- this is the song that anyone and everyone is appropriating for their commercials these days. Oh, you know it --”A Moment. A Love. A Dream. A Laugh….”That one. I anticipate its television ubiquity making me hate it, eventually. But it’s still new-ish to me and for now I think it’s a lovely, feel good song…

2. Sleepyhead [ Passion Pit]-- the first time I listened to this (today, on a long car drive) I was all “WHAT THE FRACK DID I BUY??” It was a track that iTunes recommended to me (I believe based on the fact that I’d previously bought “Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare” by Matt & Kim) and the 30 second preview was appealing, so I thought I’d give it a go. With its opening half minute comprised of nonsensical jabber (sounding something akin to a LOLCAT speaking Japanese ) I was initially perplexed by the song. But the more I listen to it the more I like it. No, I’m not just saying that to stave off regret over an uninformed impulse buy. I really am liking it now (which is not to say I‘m now un-perplexed ). It sounds like an artsy audio collage. That seems an apt description to me, but I suspect it's not that helpful to the uninitiated, so here.

3. I’m Goin’ Down [Bruce Springsteen]-- In late August, I read an online article (in Paste, or some music-snob 'zine) which interviewed Ezra Koenig (lead singer of Vampire Weekend, and really too adorable for words..) about his formative musical influences. And Koenig, but of course, listened to all these artists at 7 yrs old that I’m just figuring out who the *^%$# they are. But he also mentioned that, in recent years, he was sorta rediscovering Bruce Springsteen. And then , mid September, I went to see Vampire Weekend in Springfield MA, and Ezra did a cover of this song (oh yeah, the rest of the band helped out, I guess..) that was really cool. And it made me want to revisit the original (which--sorry Ezra , darling--is undisputably the best) So I didn’t have a complete Boss renaissance, but I did get a renewed appreciation for this song. This song is IMMENSELY RAD. It didn’t knock “I’m On Fire” off the top spot of my mental roster of “Bestest Springsteen Songs” but it did tie it. My #2 on said roster-- in case you’re just dying to know --is “Radio Nowhere”

4. Cherchez la Femme [Dr Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band] --It’s my sister’s M.O. to talk about songs she likes, but never know those songs‘, actual, given titles. She instead takes some line of the song that just resonates most with her and she gives the song that line as a title. It’s always a bit of a chore to figure out what song she’s telling me she likes. I confess, from time to time, I rename songs in this same way. This song, for instance, I have always thought of as “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”

So, I’m in the middle of my demi-spree, and got a hankerin’ to throw something disco in the mix…so I purchased “Tommy Mottola Lives on the Road”. It’s a good song but not great for a disco fix. It has a pretty sweet Manilow vibe to it, but it’s not overly danceable Although…wonder if Dr Buzzard & co. ever played Soul Train. Those cats on Soul Train can dance to absolutely *anything*!!

I think learning this song’s actual title motivated me to buy it. I yearn to learn French, but haven’t, for a number of reasons…but I do like to pick up scraps of français where I can.. It baffled me a bit though..they pronounce “femme” as FOM. That can't possibly be correct??

5. Generals & Majors [XTC]-- checked this out on the recommendation of June, a nurse I work with, one of the elite handful of genuinely cool people at the agency (though, when you hear a straight-outta-1953 name like "June" it doesn't bring coolness to mind. She's an anomaly like that .) We were talking music…and she was avowing her love of the New Wave genre, and rattled off some of her fave New Wavers…could not believe I didn’t know anything by XTC. So I checked them out and really dug this particular track. Lyrically, there’s not anything that hooks ya here, but the music is terrif-- upbeat New Wave with WHISTLING!!

　6. Space Age Love Song [Flock of Seagulls]--- I can attest, firsthand: this song is the perfect soundtrack to zippiing down the interstate. Listen to it. It sounds like driving down the interstate.

7. Harvey & Sheila [ Allan Sherman]-- I swear, every iTunes buy includes at least one song--a little weird and/ or hokey--- that I am sort of sheepish about liking .. Even in a half spree we got one..

Anyway--screw you guys--Allan Sherman is funny (or was…he must be dead by now, right?)

I liked the idea of a song parodying “hava nagilah”

8. Down with the Sickness [Disturbed]-- I am usually averse to “angry music” but that are a couple exceptional songs of that ilk that I find strangely appealing. This song would be one of those. Although this track I downloaded has a profanity-laden tirade in the middle of it that I’d not heard ( since I suppose I’d always heard this song on the radio and they woulda cut that bit out) Normally, I’m all for bonus profanity, but I don’t like this part of the song…it’s all dark ravings about his mother. I don’t listen to this song because I’m interested in this guy’s fucked up mommy issues--no way. I’m pretty much just listening for that berzerker death metal monkey sound : “oooh WA AH AH AH!!” Yeeeaah. ..that’s the stuff.

9.”Surfin’ Bird” [the Trashmen]--almost didn’t buy this because I have a version of Surfin’ Bird performed by the Ramones. But I’m very glad I did get this. This song is f-ing ridiculous in the most magical way…the Ramones (great though they may be) don’t even come close to recapturing that.

Boogla !! Boogla!!

2010-10-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Every year for my birthday I want a scary movie marathon. I'm no horror buff...but I do think certain horror movies are fun. Anything from the 50s thru the 80s is fun. Nothing really in the 90s appeals to me, and modern horror...now that that "torture-porn" style is so chic...ugh, I can't stand any o' that.

This year, Laura promised me pizza & Halloween movie marathon. I'm pretty easy to please...that's all I really want.

OK..degree of difficulty..this was something my 12 yr old niece wanted to be in on. And she is a wuss about scary movies. I thought maybe we could ease her into it with some light horror. But Laura said the first night she isn't able to sleep I was gonna be called in the middle of the night to go fetch her. So that wouldn't *really* happen but I got the general message-- put the scare in Chloe and suffer the wrath of her mum!!

I brought my whole selection of Halloweenish movies--scary and otherwise. I brought:
1. Ravenous
2. The Evil Dead
3. Shaun of the Dead
4. Suspira
5.Mad Monster Party (Rankin-Bass movie)
6. Halloween II
7. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (not entirely sure why I brought this one. Hardly fits the theme...)
8. 20 Blood Curdling Horror Classics ( cheap-o set that I got--20 movies on 6 DVDs: Maniac / Little Shop of Horrors / Moon of the Wolf / House on Haunted Hill / Creature from the Haunted Sea/ Tormented/ Dementia 13/ The Galaxy Invader/ Phantom of 10,000 Leagues /Attack of the Monsters/Blood Tide/The Terror /Laser Mission /The Astral Factor /They Came from Beyond Space/ The Last Man on Earth / Gamera the Invincible/ Snowbeast /Night of the Living Dead / War of the Planets)
9. April Fool's Day
10. Poltergeist
11.Young Frankenstein
12. The Tingler
13. Amityville Horror (the 2005 remake)

I thought maybe I could get Chloe to watch Poltergeist...I just looove that one and ultimately it's not that scary..after all, nobody dies in it. And even though I don't think it's all that scary, I hadn't realized (until perusing the DVD case today) the movie has actually got a PG rating. But she wasn't quite bold enough for that. But of that list there were a good deal I hadn't actually seen (#s 13, 12, 6, 4, 1 &none of the movies in the 20 movie collection *except* The Last Man on Earth) so I was good with seeing any of those. Ultimately, we ended up watching "The Tingler' only after I reassured Chloe that scary movies of the 50s just are not scary at all to a modern audience. And that movie proved that assertion true. Not only was there a lot of laughable hammy acting, but the villain-critter of the piece, meant to strike fear into the hearts of moviegoers--it's a rubbery looking centipede-lobster tail mash-up and it's called...THE TINGLER. Not overly terrifying, that moniker. Sounds like a bit of battery powered fun, really.
Then we watched Beetlejuice (one that our friend Kristi brought) And then Chloe and Kristi (mostly Kristi) got all in to watching the Halloween ep of Ghost Hunters (which I thought was BOOOO-RING!! Is that show always so dull??)
Right now as I type this I'm watching Suspira. Getting near the end now. It's pretty good, but I don't know that I'd dub it "One of the Scariest Movies of all Time" (as Entertainment Weekly reportedly called it, according to the Suspira DVD case copy) I find, above all, it's a stylish horror film. I think a lot of times, when review calls a movie "stylish" they actually use that adjective to describe the plot or writing. But I mean it in the purest aesthetic sense of the word. The costumes are lovely..the set design gorrrgeous. The movie's a little gory, but I think the fact that all the blood is super technicolor vermillion --resembling hoochie nail polish more than anything else--squelches some of the gore-induced terror.

chortles

2010-10-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

looking for that Tom-Bosley-on-a-train clip I found this Family Guy clip that effing CRACKS ME UP. I don't know how I coulda forgotten about this..

'Kay, now for s'more YouTubey goodness I have unearthed... there was a link to a Peter Serafinowicz interview on HuffPost. I recognized him as starring on the excellent Look Around You (which I'd watched a coupla times on Adult Swim) but had not previously realized that he co-created that show. The write-up that accompanied the interview hailed Serafinowicz as, like, the UK's next great comic genius. After thoroughly pillaging YouTube looking for his work, I am inclined to agree. I am uhhh, mildly obsessed w/ the guy now. Anywhooo, here be a coupla my faves---

this one is wonderfully weird. And even better--it's a bizarro Brit-lit brand of weird. And I love that sad face he makes at the end...

AWWWWW, SAD DICKENS!!!

I think this was a side project and not a part of The Peter Serafinowicz Show. I fecking LOVE it.. it's brill.

R.I.P. Mr C.

2010-10-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

How sad that Tom Bosley died.

The sad news immediately called to mind this scene...which is maybe a little irreverant of me, but I do so love it... sorry for the shit quality...

Lessons from the movies...

2010-10-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

CINEMATIC WISDOM #508*-- When you are asked to please pass the butter, and you are not at the dining table, during mealtime....just..just...BE WARY. I'm not saying don't go get the butter, just make sure intentions are explicitly communicated. You're apt to be thinking, "Mmm..toast." whereas he's possibly thinking "Huzzah!! Sodomy!" It's best that you be on the same page.

I was puttering around Hulu last night and I saw they offer "LAST TANGO IN PARIS" Not the indie dance flick I was expecting...let me forewarn y'all that "tango" is employed euphemistically in this instance. Haa..ok, I jest. No I hadn't seen it before but I knew of it, and knew it was hardly a precursor to today's "Step-Up" series. I knew the movie's rep, and so I was kinda curious to see it. Well, firstly, I was a bit surprised to see it crop up on **hulu** of all places. I thought, well, if it’s on hulu, probably it’s not as wicked as all that. I mean, after all, it was directed by Bernard Bertolucci not the Marquis de Sade. And overall, it wasn’t as wicked as all that (though the butter scene rather earned its infamy) . If anything, there was some dialogue that I found objectionable.

Well, here’s a few things that are new since I last posted (been a smidge negligent--forgive me?) Not new & exciting…just new. In traditional journalistic fashion, I lead with the exciting stuff (Monsieur Butterfingers) this is the region of the text where you dump extraneous boring albeit factual shit. Here goes…

I took my car in for inspection (am no longer driving the sloppy jalopy BTW) and needed 4 new tires to pass. So that sucked away a chunk of my Saturday & approx $300 .

Out of the blue today, one of my coworkers said to me - “Sandra, ARE YOU OK?” in this tone of heightened concern. Normally that sort of thing is merely annoying, but when you work in an office full of nurses, it gets you effing paranoid! Or, at least it did me. I hope it wasn’t her trained eye alighting on something drastically awry …I mean I was SOOOO tired and I did look fairly hagged out today. The wardrobe pick du jour was moderately fetching, but I didn’t do a thing vis a vis hair & makeup. And I even have 2 wee blemishes I didn’t even bother to spackle o’er.

I learned today that I no longer like lox. I used to, and now I don’t. Not earth-shattering news that, as tastes do change, of course. But that’s just kind of a switcheroo for me…I more often find ,as I age, that I like things now that I never did before.. .. Like Lionel Ritchie…and beets.

* Lest you go searching for 507 prior nuggets of Cinematic Wisdom, I should point out that #508 was picked arbitrarily

celebrities I link together in my head for no good reason..Part I

2010-10-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

1. Rachel Bilson & Mila Kunis

2. Philip Seymour Hoffman & Paul Giamatti

3. Kurt Russell & Jeff Bridges [though it should be noted here that Bridges has the advantage of 7 trillion awesome points for being Lebowski. I definitely like him best and think really the only thing that links him to Russell in my mind is that they have matching swoopy brown coiffures)

4. Bill Paxton & Bill Pullman

5. Albert Finney & George Segal

out of the mouths of babes...

2010-10-09T20:59:00.000-07:00

I sometimes take a dry paintbrush (no paint on it) and make-believe paint moustaches on my nieces. Well the young ones, (5 &7) not my eldest niece (12). It amuses all of us, not that I can really explain why that is. I ask them , "What kind of moustache do you want? The Villain? The French Villain? The Surly Cowboy?" So they tell me what kind they'd like, and I "paint" it on, and they giggle and then usually give me a moustache. So the other night when I babysat, I put them to bed, and then I came back up and said "I FORGOT!! You guys need bedtime moustaches!!" So I gave Lucy a "fancy French" 'stache and Sadie got "The Pepere" and then Lucy is play-painting on my face and she sez " But Auntie you already have a moustache, kind of."

Yeeeowch...time to get the Sally Hansen Cream Hair Remover outta the medicine cabinet. Yes, I do have some..I was not previously oblivious to my she-stache. It's a very faint little peach fuzz stache--I guess I have the "Martin Mull". But I'd just procrastinated tending to it for a while, telling myself-- OK, sure, it is glaringly obvious to me when staring in the 200X magnifying makeup mirror (those things are damned BRUTAL by the way...don't mess with them unless you have mighty monster self confidence) but nobody looks *that* closely at my face. It would seem I've been too lax in the face-scaping. Sure, Lucy was staring at my face, and concentrating right on the upper lip region, but still... People do stare other people hard in the face. I dunno what I was thinking. I mean...fer instance... I work with this lady named Ricky. She is an RN so it rather shocks me that she seems to not realize the detriments of using mascara that you've kept since 1974. Maybe it's not old mascara, maybe it's really bad, cheap mascara. But I presumed it was old mascara, because I often buy cheap-ish mascara and I've never had a problem with my lashes ending up clumpy & looking like fat SPIDER LEGS like hers do. So consequently, everytime she talks to me, my peepers unavoidably lock onto hers. So why would I be immune to scrutiny of countenance--particularly if I has some 'stache action going on?? I wouldn't be. I was just making excuses.
So, epilogue...I have rid myself of my Martin Mull-ness. Will need to tweeze the brows pretty soon though..

Impressions. . .

2010-09-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

... usually, I consider them a lowly form of comedy ..sort of a cheap cop-out alternative to writing actual jokes. But there are some exceptional ones that have cracked me up. It's the choice of subject to impersonate, and even more so, what they do when "in-persona". I've seen so many unimpressive impressions where the joke is "Ha, ha, listen to how much I sound like so & so.." and so they don't actually say anything funny, they'll just like, talk about ordering coffee like Christopher Walken, and proceed to do a coffee order.

I bring this up because... well do YOU ever get an impression stuck in your head like you do a song? Tonight I was doing jokey jazz-scat singing about stew (a side effect, perhaps, of quaffing 2 glasses of my homemade smack-ya-upside-tha-haid wine) and it was coming out a smidge like Will Ferrell's impression of Robert Goulet. Which I ADORE. I got to pondering that, and was compelled to track it down online. I'm pissed at NBC, because they don't have --in their otherwise very extensive video archive--this sketch. It's quite possibly the awesomest thing Ferrell did on SNL and they don't have it (probably due to repeated use of the N-word). And I'm sort of peeved at YouTube too, for only having one video of it, and a *really* shitty quality one at that.
I'm embedding it anyway, because it MUST be shared...me mucho gusto.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for crooner impersonations, because I love this too--

Also, Bill Hader does a fine impression of Vincent Price which I very much enjoy . Vinnie Price was such an intrinsically funny character anyways (I shall make with a link, I don't wanna be an embeddaholic). And I am incapable of seeing a hot tub or even hearing mention of one, without wanting to break out into "Hot Tub!! Wanna git in the wah-tuh!!"

So, audience participation time--what is your fave impression? If you don't have one, you can borrow one of mine. . .

Banal Interlude from my Workday 9/21/10

2010-09-21T14:01:00.001-07:00

I had Bob from Development ask me if we had any whiteboard cleaner spray. I think he’s prepping for a presentation of sorts, probably for board members, as he does lots of those presentations. Anywhooooo, I said, I wasn’t sure if we had any on hand, I didn’t *think* so, but let’s check the sundry oddments shelf of the supply room anyway, just to be absolutely positive. Well-- there wasn’t any (though I swear that once upon a time, I’d seen some on the premises…y’know anything that isn’t absolutely and immediately essential, Larry is apt to cart off to our off-site storage place…a place I have dubbed “the scary cage” )

And, so I sez to Bob, I sez-- “ Gee, whiteboard cleaner. Isn’t that kind of a luxury?? Don’t you think the board members would be more impressed with you—and your resourcefulness—if you hocked a loogey on the whiteboard and used your tie for a wiper??”

Luckily Bob is a good egg…an amiable egg…with a sense of humor. There are some here I would NOT try that line on…

the final countdown

2010-09-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

I love me a good pop culture countdown. The 50 Greatest Romantic Comedys or The 100 Best Ever Movie Quotes or some such shit. And, unlike a lot of schmucks out there, I do not read such things to get my argue on. Seems like everytime EW prints one of these articles, they have to do a whole follow up article, 2 issues later to give honorable mentions to all the movies or shows or whatever that they didn't include that rabid fans wrote in about. And these missives are generally accusatory, "HOW COULD YOU FORGET Mel's
Diner in your list of the Top 50 TV Eateries??" You sense that they feel this non-inclusion could only stem from a grevious (and moronic) oversight, and certainly *not * that the writer was of a different opinion.

So even though countdowns/lists tend to generate moronic, argumentative feedback, I still like such pieces. It is a good way to get introduced to a song/artist/ movie/show, etc that you had never checked out, maybe had never even heard of before.

A good example is Paste magazine's "Top 23 Sci-Fi Songs" that I mentioned a few weeks ago. I ended up buying 3 songs off iTunes that I'd discovered on that list!

Now , I may very well make some purchases off THIS LIST that I came across just today. If nothing else, y'know, one could be gettin' some literary-vicarious style. Bow chicka wow wowwwww.

Yesterday I took a gander at a list compiled by nerve.com : 'The Ten Strangest Celebrity Records of all Time" (check it out here) . Oh you had me at "strangest". That trumps finding the "cool new thang"--stumbling on to something odd & obscure. This (below) was on nerve's list & it for sure fits the bill for "odd & obscure" but also I find it inexplicably awesome. BEHOLD--

Ha, haa. "I hate you clown" Also, Phyllis Diller singing "Satisfaction" is not to be missed. The broad sounds like she needs an oxygeen tank...stat!

Staycation, all I ever wanted...

2010-08-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day back to work after a week off. Actually I took a week & a day off, 48 glorious ETO hours. The smart thing to do, I see retrospectively, would've been to take last week+today off. But I took 8/20 off and then 8/23-8/27. If I'd worked on 8/20, it would've given me a smidge more time to tie up pre-vaca loose ends...as it was, I wound up staying until 10 of 6 on Thurs 8/19 trying to do just that (I'm supposed to get out @ 4:30pm) If I'd taken today off instead, I might not have woken up this morning bellowing the surliest "Fuuuuuuuuuck!" ever bellowed by a human larynx. Sure, I would've only been postponing the inevitable return-to-work shitstorm by 1 day, but I woud've had two 4day weeks in a row. That woulda been marvy. But a damned moot point now, eh?

Well, when I was off, it seems like everything that coulda gone wrong DID. OK, there was no zombie-pocalypse. But everything else went wrong. I got a lot of "SIIIIIGH!! I am SO GLAD you are back!" I figure that was about 10% people genuinely missing the wonderful me-ness of me, and 90% people terribly put out at having to encounter some of that downhill-rolling shit that I am generall poised at the bottom of the hill to field. I suppose that's job security right? Should be reassuring. Empirically, I see how it could be, how I really ought to perceive it in today's economy. But truly, I just find it annoying. It vexes me that I can't take time off with having to beg, and bargain, and beg some more to get any coverage for my duties, and I still come back to a load of catch -up and bonus damage control work.

What is the name of the superpower of materializing matter out of nothing? Most superpowers have a concise, one word name,(flight, telekinesis, superstrength, etc etc) so that one ought to as well , si? I only mention this because I'm thinking that that super power would be the very best way to become obscenely rich without working for it (and that is MY DREAM, y'know) There's being an heiress, but really I could do without hassles from the paparazzi. Or you could rake in beaucoup $$ from a lawsuit of some sort, but the legal arbitration while it lasted could be work, of sorts. Plus if you have grounds for a big moolah settlement, chances are you are very sick or gimpy. So, conjuring currency out of nothing...that's the *ultimate* means to my fantasy fortune. I mean, when you needed to procure a luxe suite at the Chateau Marmont, you just find a shadowy nook of the lobby, scrunch up your forehead and then, moments later pile up a few stacks of benjis on the check -in counter. You pay up front with cash you can book your room under any loco pseudonym you wanna. Theophilus Thogmartin. Petra VanDerTaco. Whatever. And ohmigod, the tax perks--the IRS wouldn't have nothin' on ya. Also, cool--it would enable me to carry around a fashionable empty purse , and just Mary Poppins stuff out of it as needed. I mean, that's no minor perk, you have no idea how heavy my purses are at times!! Often, when I park it on the passenger's seat, the unbuckled passenger light flashes while I drive around. Yeah, I've contemplated the if-you-could-have-any-superpower-what-would-you-pick? question (which, astoundingly, is NOT on the Proust Questionnaire...totally seems like it would be) and super strength & telekinesis immediately sprang to mind in the past (NOT telepathy--which would just be an abyssmally DEPRESSING superpower). But I've changed my mind. Materialism is my pick...or would you call it conjuring? That doesn't sound right. I'm going to call it "Mary Poppinsing" until I get some official terminology.

current desktop pic

2010-08-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

If a love of personalizing my computer desktop makes me dweebish, I don't wanna be cool (or, uhhh..the opposite of dweebish)

So I like swapping out my desktop imagery, but I do give each pick a fair 2 or 3 week run. I just took off James Tissot's The Artist's Ladies (you know, I very much like Tissot..on my way to finding that page to link you to I spotted 6 other Tissot pics I couldn't live without that I was compelled to save to my hard drive) and switched to the work above : The Windmiller's Guest by Edmund Blair-Leighton. One thing I like in a painting is when it presents a tableau, alludes to a backstory. I always really enjoy that (provided that it is rendered in a style that I find pleasing) So, yeah, that's why I have Windmiller's Guest saved in my computer. I always right click + save when I find stuff I like (often on ArtMagick or the Athenaeum) not really because I MUST possess the image (though sometimes, I 'spose) but I just am always sure that I *WILL* forget the artist and/or painting name and where I came across it. I suppose I could favorite it, or book mark it. OK--quick confession-- I'm forever adding to my Favorites list, but I have never bookmarked a page. What the hell is the difference? Actually, I just hopped on to a different site on another tab to try out bookmarking , but I couldn't find a way to do it...I know I've seen that option in the past. Wonder if it is passe and got axed from newer versions of Explorer. I feel like a total clueless noob now...and I've veered way off topic. Was saying that I could use Favorites to keep track of artwork that I like, but that takes memory too, so why not just save the pic (when possible)?

I like that there seems to be some sort of situation percolating here. And really, even if he's 1/2 obscured and made of paint, isn't the windmiller kind of dashing in a 70s Harlequin novel sort of way?? His name, I've decided, is something like Gerolt Van Der Slake (because--durrr--he's Dutch).

blue canary in the outlet by the light switch

2010-08-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

When I buy songs offa iTunes they automatically go into a "Recently Added" playlist. And because these songs are fresh, new, thrilling acquisitions, I tend to opt for the "Recently Added" playlist for a soundtrack to tooling around in my car. I was listening tonight as I drove back from a party, and thought "interesting mix of songs" and that thought led to "Interesting enough to parlay into a blog post??" And the answer to that is ...probably not. But it's not as if I have any better ideas.

So, without further adieu, let's have us a look-see at the last 15 songs I put on my iPod.

1. Kaliyugavardana-- WTF, right?? Last Wednesday night my sister conned me into going to see Eat, Pray, Love. Not exactly my top pick, but I was overdue for some delish oversaturated popcorn, so what the hell, right? I noticed a number of decent songs during the movie and wondered if it might then have a worthwhile soundtrack. There was one song from the scene where she arrives in India and is in a cab in the insane city traffic and it's a very Bollywood, hyper sort of song and I dug it. Of course, I didn't already know it, had no clue as to the title, so when I looked up the EPL soundtrack on iTunes and saw "Kaliyugavardana" in the track listing, I suspected that may be it. And from the 30 second sample of sitar I heard in the iTunes preview, I really could not tell. But nope. This is NOT the arriving-in-India song. I dunno where this one was in the movie really, though it was for sure in the Indian segment . It's not awful, and the World Music subsection of my iPod could use building up.
Watching EPL also moved me to purchase...
2. Heart of Gold [Neil Young]-- there were 2 Neil Young songs in that movie. This one and "Harvest Moon". I'd been wanting "Heart of Gold" for a while, so this just kinda reminded me of that. I do like "Harvest Moon" a bit, so maybe I'll get that on a future iTunes spree. Oh , by the by, are you acquainted with Jimmy Fallon's excellent Neil Young impression? Love that Jimmy.
3.Kookie Kookie (Lend me your Comb) [Edd Byrnes]-- I'd heard that phrase before "Kookie, Lend me Your Comb" but had never heard the song until it came on while I was shopping a coupla weeks ago. I can't remember what store I was in, not that it matters too terribly much, but still, I've been straining me brain over it because maaaaan, it's just going to drive me bonkers that it's eluding me. Well anyways, the song--

It's got a classic 60s slow-twist beat...saxophone..the sax doesn't really show up in pop music quite like it used to does it? (though there was sort of a sax renaissance in the 80s..but it had a different feel to it... it was not the fun, campy sax of yore, but the hypersexy Sergio kinda sax.) And add to the vintage groove--every single scrap of youth slang they could cram into two minutes and seven seconds!! It really cracks me up to imagine real life people talking like that. I don't mean to sound dismissive, I actually like old-timey slang. I think a lot of it is more creative than the parlance of today (actually, I have been lusting after these for quite a while. Only 70 more shopping days 'til my b-day, peoples!!) but I think when you O.D. on slang--of any time period--in your speech it becomes silly. Which is not to say I don't like silly. That's why I like this song. I had to ask my dad about that last line--"Baby, you're the GINCHIEST" Did people really truly say ginchy? Yes, he told me. I think he's gotta be bullshitting me.
4. Get Low [Li'l Jon & co.]-- To tha WINDOOOOW! To tha WALL! Classic. I just can't believe I didn't already have this song. I hate to condone vocal profiling or anything, but it's an undeniable truth: Li'l Jon and his cohorts (East Side Boyz, Ying Yang Twins, et al. ) all sound like dirty bastards. Not ODB,dearly departed and of Wu Tang fame, rest his soul. . . but just random generic dirty bastards. Now you can have a guy sing smut and have it sound sexy (Trent Reznor, for an example) but ugh..none of these guys. This is toothless guy swillin' libations from a paper bag, and hollering at you from a shadowy nook 'neath an overpass soundin' shit. So it's just as well that their lyrics are 98% mysogenistic raunch, as probably anything outta their mouths is gonna sound that way. Like, if either Ying or Yang read the copy on a box of Pop Tarts...it would sound dirrrrrrty.
5. Rye Whiskey [the Punch Brothers] --sort of the other end of the spectrum of Get Low, but I love 'em both. I never used to like this sort of old timey hillbilly jam but I LOVE the stuff now. It's quite a drastic taste 180 and if it's an aftereffect of some sort of head trauma I can't remember any such incident (amnesia perhaps??) I love the "musicianship" of this...and the "OH BOY!" yell is a particularly delightful bonus

6. Cruel to be Kind [Nick Lowe]

7.Good [Better than Ezra]-- I remember this song getting a lot of air play when I was in high school, and it amused me to sing in the chorus "I really wanna WAFFLE, 'cause they're GOOD!" I still sing that. It's funny because it's true! Well no. Yes, it is true (who doesn't love waffles??) but the comedic value is rather questionable. Oh, speaking of waffle-love.... whoever decided they oughtta get paired with CHICKEN ? Was it Roscoe that thought of that?? I love both, but this phenom has never made any sense to me.

8. Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend [M.C. Luscious]-- Further proof (not that it was needed) that I am predisposed to like any song with the word "Boom" in it. For reals. Think of a "boom" song. Betchya I like it!!

9. Birdhouse in Your Soul [They Might be Giants]-- This is the one that's presently stuck on loop in my noggin. Great lyrics to this song. I like that the singer has a quirky sort of voice. Like the Violent Femmes lead singer..he has this weird off-key shitty singing voice that I dig. I think that's why everyone (ok, not everyone..let's say every other one) came outta college with a special place in their ticker for Blister in the Sun --cause you would be drunker'n a ton of bastids and belt it out terribly and off key and it seemed to come out just perfect. Because that's how Gordon Gano sang it (yeah, I didn't know that dude's name...I just snuck off on a quickie jaunt over to Bing) Anyways, the They Might Be Giants guy..he has a nerdy, poindexter science teachery voice. Although, maybe I'm adding the science teachery undertones due to my knowing that TMBG have put out a few educational kiddie albums since the early 00s and the last one was entitled Here Comes Science. But that poindexter tag is totally objective. You know who else sings like a nerd? The singer in Cameo. At least, in Word Up he sounds nerdy. And you wouldn't expect that coming from a dude in a shiny red codpiece. Super-freakydeakiness, certainly. But nerdiness. . .notsomuch!

10-13. I stumbled onto this cool list from Paste mag : The 23 Greatest Sci-Fi Songs Of All Time I was inspired to track down a number of the songs on there. The first song listed is some Daft Punk reworking of Queen and it's "We Will Robot Rock You" and though I liked it, I never did track it down on iTunes. I searched "Robot Rock Daft Punk" and came up with quite another Daft Punk song, which I LOOOVED (Robot Rock from their 2005 release Human After All) I also saw that "Technologic" was a popular pick off that album so I got that one too. Numero 18 on the Paste countdown was "Spaceman" by the Killers. I hadn't heard that song but am really digging it. I love the Killers anyway. The last sci-fi song I got was "Robots" by Flight of the Conchords. I had seen it in Season 1 of FOTC ( I have the DVD of Season 1 & Season 2 is on my iPod. I can't find that DVD anywhere. Whaddya wanna bet if I broke down and re-purchased Season 1 that lost DVD would miraculously reappear?? That friggin' happens to me ALL THE TIME) Anyways, I had forgotten how much I loved their robot song. And the CD version was even better than the song as they did it on the show. So forgive the dull, inert embed vid, it was the only one that offered that superior version ..

14. Fade in to You [Mazzy Star]-- I found this on some "forgotten one hit wonders of the 90s " compilation. I always am very hasty to skip past during my driving-around-listening-to-the-Newly-Added-Playlist-cruises , but it does have its uses. It is very nice drift-off-to-slumbertown music.

15.Naked Eye [Luscious Jackson]--probably got this off the same 90s mix as #14. But this track is allowed in the car.

how did this one fly by under my radar??

2010-08-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

This People mag article caught my eye today. The "Caught in the Act!!" headline certainly implies that they was doin' somethin'-somethin' newsworthy, (if you catchy my drift, nudge nudge wink say no more) but NO.. Justin Bartha & girlfriend Ashley Olsen were only noshing on lobster with pals. WHA? Justin Bartha and ASHLEY OLSEN?? For reals?? I'm certainly not prez of the Justin Bartha Fan Cub (nor am I even a member) but he seems like such a swell fellah and he's rather a looker, and I feel sure he could do better than that. I feel like he would have the good sense to wanna do better than that!!. He seems like he is a good sort, & has a good head on his shoulders and as I type out that I realize I'm imagining him being in real life pretty much the same dude as the character he played in The Hangover (basically, the only sane one). Not realistic, but however he is..he's "dating down", I'm certain of it.

So an oddball matching that took me by surprise, but I can't knock 'em indulging in a good lobster feed. I love me some lobster as well, but I haven't had one yet this summer. I think I might take a day in my vaca (have 8/23-27 off) and go to York ME and do : beach, Stonewall Kitchen , & Foster's Clambake (not necessarily in that order!) Oh, and my friends that do Maine all the time tell me I have to got to some shop called Renny's (or Rennie's??) But I believe that's in Sacco (know it's not in York)....

2010-08-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

For your perusal...
Now that features a rather dreadful photo of Mr ZG (and y’know, I’ve seen old, pre-fame photos of him—circa 92 perhaps—where he was rather a looker. Really!) HOWEVER, I find the news item charming. I heart him even more now.

2010-08-17T22:06:00.000-07:00

I was watching some old Soul Train the other night (I effing LOVE that show). Was kinda wishing actually, that I looked like Chaka Khan circa 1975. Behold how very amazing she is--

And of course, awesome voice too (durr). If that were me, I would probably rehab that weird hybrid coiff (it's not simply a wild bushy mane, just that would be OK, but there are straight, flat tendrils trailing out from under the bushiness that make it odd) but for the most part I'd be pretty content with my aesthetic situation.

Comcast on Demand has a whole bunch of Soul Train offerings: they offer up clips, and then clip playlists, and 1 or 2 full episodes. I like the full eps because they include the original commercials (90% of which are for Afro Sheen hair product or Ultra Sheen cosmetics) I don't know why I so enjoy old commercials but I do. There was this really cool 7up commercial I LOVED but incredibly, couldn't track down on YouTube. Well, I discovered during my searching that 7up put out a lot of pretty rad advertising in the 70s. So I'll give you one of those here (in lieu of my commercial which was like a cartoon anthropomorphised hamburger amidst art nouveau-ish back drops-- not to be confused with the funny anthropomorphised burger guy that walked into a menswear shop. Anyways this one's kinda achieves a pop art Busby Berkley type deal...

And lastly, was pondering over music of the Soul Train ilk and hmmmm..I decided on what is my very favorite disco song ever. Seeing it in perfomed thusly adds a whole 'nuddda level of awesomeness.

The co-lead singer is wearing A TURBAN. Not donning it in any ethnic way, but rather as a *glamour* turban. Marvy. And those dance moves!! Heavens!! Great moves for astounding the rest of the dancefloor (or for extinguishing your ass if, by chance, it were to burst into flame)

Monday a.m. dialogue

2010-08-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Me: Ya know the point of your gums right behind your two front teeth? I burnt that. I freeekin' HAAATE it when that happens!!
Holly (I wasn't necessarily talking to Holly. I have this tendency to address the whole room with little concern as to who listens/responds. Holly is often the only one good enough to humor me) : What? On like hot food?
Me: No. I was styling my tongue hair and bit down on the curling iron.

Here's an illustration of how very often my smartass reflex is way faster than my "Is this kind / socially kosher to say?" filters. See I was being all sorts of annoying right from the get go: bitching about minutiae...to anybody + everybody...on a MONDAY morning of all mornings. Then, Holly is nice enough to propogate this turd of a convo, and then BLAM MM-O!! I would not be friends with me if I were her. Methinks she has a mighty masochistic streak....

If you're reading this, FUCK YOU HOLLY (you're welcome!)

(she doesn't read this, fyi)

Runway rants

2010-08-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

Anybody watching this season of Project Runway? Weh-ell, we's only 3 eps into it, so getting caught up is still doable. If you're like me you've loved the show in the past and after a couple of seasons' neglect, intending to tune in, you're recommitting yourself for Season 8.(Well, to be entirely accurate, I was totally faithful seasons 1-3, skipped season 4, came back for seasons 5-6, and skipped last season entirely) Even if you're not like me, just tune in because I command you to (and because you love me and SO enjoy pandering to my every whim)

I find it's hard not to rule by personality when watching this show. Ideally, one should be judging on talent and talent alone. But you only get a sense of these folks' talent one design at a time. Like, in the season premiere they will show a glimpse of some of the designers' portfolios...but only a few and if you blink, you'll miss it. I would love for them to do like a 1/2 hour pre-season show that documents the auditions.But they don't, so anyways. . . you're stuck getting dribs and drabs of each designer's style and in the meantime, it's tough not to pick your faves according to personality.

Initially, I was excited by Gretchen. Her introductory blurb mentioned her having a "70s aesthetic"--I could get behind that. Then I loved her Ep1 dress and was glad she won that challenge. I liked her Ep 2 get up, and even if I did think Valerie's dress more deserving of a win, I wasn't *appalled* that Gretch won again. But I found myself saying, during episode 3, "if Gretchen wins again, I will THROW MY DIET COKE AT THE TV!!" (luckily, beverage lobbing did not end up being necessary)

I wouldn't say I've done a complete 180, and am now anti-Gretchen. I guess I'm on the fence. She is smug and know-it-ally...this seems irrefutable. But I can't decide if she is truly so immensely, obnoxiously smug and know-it-ally as she is coming off now. I mean, every good PR season needs a villain...don't tell me the editors don't have that in mind. But they've done an effective job spinning her as a pain-in-the-ass, I do for sure find her annoying. Particularly her "CAN I TALK NOW.." moment backstage at the runway show. I tend to hate people who do "CAN I TALK NOW?" But you know who I'm finding even more disdain-worthy ?? Everybody talking smack about Gretchen. I sure as hell have a catty streak, I won't lie. But I have a guilty, Catholic catty streak that does battle daily with my "let's give everybody the benefit of the doubt" streak. But, yes, the cattiness is there, and I comprende the catty impulse. But I tend to take care whom I let loose the cattiness with. And gawwwd, if I were being filmed...I'd be absolutely the soul of discretion. I know...I would be a miserable failure on reality TV-- emotionally guarded, low drama, quasi-literate. Siiiigh..it's a curse..and here I soooo had my heart set on popping up in Season 3 of Jersey Shore. But anyways April & Peach I thought were looking pretty shabby by all their bitching and dissing they were doing. They probably make perfect roomies, those two. And again, I'm not saying they're wrong, that Gretch is utterly lovely but... it is not false to dislike someone and keep mum about it. It's just civil.

So by contrast, I'm kinda liking all these people who are not griping about Gretchen. Surely they want to. But they're taking the high road-- I dig that. Andy seems --thus far--to be a sweet kid...so I was glad he won. Out of the top 3 the judges picked, he deserved it for sure, in my opinion. Though I dunno if I woulda picked those 3 as a top 3. There were 4 I liked best-- Michael C did that awesome red get up...that mighta been my absolute fave. I also woulda picked :Christopher, Andy, &Valerie. Yeah, they don't do a top *4*--I know, I know. I just don't think Gretchen deserved that spot. Her work was definitely NOT bottom 3 material, but I think she got put in the top 3 for dramatic purposes only. Yeah, yeah, she made separates, and the jacket was cool, I'll give her that. But BFD on the shirt and the skirt was cool and spangly-sparkly, but it was that way out of the package I reckon. All she really had to do was to skirt-ify it. Big whoop. Since I can't do a top 4, I woulda had it be Andy, Valerie & Michael C. But I did really dig Christopher's.,..

Oh, and as for the elimination, I was in TOTAL agreement. That broad seemed nice enough but that outfit was bush league. . . .foliage pun totally intended :) !!!

take this yob and chuv it, beeyotch

2010-08-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

Again I am perusing the news and latching onto --not the items that have long-term and/or international import-- but the quirkier bits. I love this tale of Steven Slater.

Of course, my immediate reflex is to applaud Mr Slater. My gut response is that this move was all sorts of awesome. But some story I read (or maybe that vid I embedded? I can't recall..) makes the point that deploying the emergency shute early could've potentially injured tarmac crew. That makes me think that maybe punishment for Slater is not such a ludicrous notion. Also, what was the tone of the rant? If it was a hollering, top-of-the-voice, spittle-spraying rant, then, even if it was directed at one rude bitch, I can see how it might upset the other passengers. This is going to make me sound like a bit of a wuss, but I get scared when there's somebody yelling at somebody else. Even if I have nothing to do with it. A real life example for ya-- last month I went to NYC with 2 friends, 1 of which had this teeensy little bladder that perpetually required emptying. I swear, in the gigantic metro, the only bathrooms we could find were in Starbucks. It would seem we weren't the only ones...HUGE lines for the loo!! So I was waiting with A in one of these lines, and on the other side of this divider screen (sitting at this little table in the front window, just to the left of the door/vestibule area) was this scruffy lookin' fellah/ probable vagrant. He was very much enjoying the AC I take it, because whenever anyone lingered with the door open for the slightest instant (holding the door for another of their party, perhaps) he would yell, top volume "SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR, MOTHERFUCKER!!" Now, typing about it now, a whole month later, it just seems kinda funny...maybe a little sad when you ponder the socioeconomic elements...but mostly funny. But at the moment I was...quite nervous.

See, my reasoning is this (and we're going to add a hearty dash of "paranoid" to my wuss rep here..) you really don't know when somebody's going to pull a Glock and render you collateral damage. So you should be on your guard. Seriously. No, I don't watch a lot of action movies. Really, I don't.

Well, I've digressed a bit. I'm just pointing out that if Steven Slater had the fury cranked up to the max, he might have spooked a number of perfectly polite passengers that didn't have it coming. But really, I have a feeling that this "tirade" was of the sassy, 4-snaps-in-a-Z-formation variety. And that's just good times ...even for skittish ol' me. And the "possible danger to tarmac crew" thingie? Well that's just me playing devil's advocate there. Coulda hurt someone...but it didn't. I'm not one of the mindless hoardes that's crowing "Oh, he should get off scot-free! He's a hero! He should get his job back! And a raise! And a ticker tape parade!!" I know that sounds dumb...but it is being said...and I think that about 1/3 of those remarks are utterly in earnest. OK, he is a bit of a folk hero... obviously rather low down on the heroism scale, certainly ranked 'neath them ones that heft overturned semis off of toddlers and whatnot. But you really can't pull a stunt like that and retain your job/ get your job back. Thems the breaks. And I don't think it would be unreasonable to hit him with a wee fine for possible coworker endangerment. But beyond that, I don't think this guy needs to be punished. One of these news stories (again, I can't recall which) said charges against him could result in up to 7 years imprisonment??? That's nucking futs. I know dropping the "7 years" in there was just good dramatic reporting, but really, any imprisonment is uncalled for, in my opinion.

Shades of Shizer

2010-08-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

I BING searched the word shizer, because I wanted to grumble--via my FB wall-- that the results of Last Comic Standing were total BULL SHIZER. I think "bullshit" is every bit as played out as the word "cool". I do realize that there are many, many thousand overutilized words out there in the mouths of the masses, but certain ones I feel more keenly than others. Namely, "cool" and "bullshit". So often I'll opt for "bull shizer" rather than "bull shit" --it's not terribly clever, no, but it's incrementally less trite. Anyways, everytime I opt to use "shizer" in print, I second guess the spelling. And you know I cannot bear imperfect spelling (hence the aforesaid Bing search). Anyways, one of the search results (down low on the page) mentions a Kaiser von Shizer and that amused the hell out of me. Sometimes I am just amused by funny sets of rhyming words...stupid, I know. Like in one of MAD magazine's margin doodles from a 1988 or 89 issue they had a little picture of a booth labelled "Afghanistan Banana Stand" and that's amused me for like 20 yrs now. But "Kaiser von Shizer"..haaa!!... that may just top it. I didn't dare click on the link of course. It was something on YouTube and the last thing I wanna be watching on my computer is some sick poop fetishist's handiwork. No siree, Frank. I save that sort of viewing for my work PC. JUST KIDDING. Oh gag. Just the notion that those people are out there. ..ugh. Y'know, I read a news story back in 2005 that really stuck with me...I mean, I don't mean to pass over vitally important world / political news in favor of everything bizarro...it's not my intent anyways, but I just wind up doing that. Being a Fark fan, that'll happen. Oh, yes, the 2005 news story...well here it is, plus its un-fucking-believable epilogue, where the nut is picked up A SECOND TIME for lurking in the below-deck cucca swamps of an outhouse. How. fucking. disgusting.
Okay, quick topic switch to automotive matters while you try to curb your uncontrollable gagging. I don't live in a high crime area by any means but I ALWAYS lock my car. My Dad asked me one day, jokingly, "What are you worried about? Someone stealing your car?" The joke there is that my car at the time--this was years ago-- was an embarrassing heap of junk. Actually, my present car is a likewise heap of junk. At any given time, it's a safe bet to presume that my vehicle is more junky than not. But anyhooo, my response to my Dad's jibe...I sez to him I sez "I don't really care if anyone steals my car. I just don't want anyone lay down and hide in the back and then pop up and slit my throat when I get in my car." (this remark alarmed my Dad and he said I should get a gun...he is nothing like the Mom in Christmas Story... crazy sumbitch...luckily I have the damn good sense to know that I'd shoot my eye out) Anyways, I was only 3/4 kidding with that comment. I don't know if I read a news story about sneaky vehicular Columbian neckties, but the phenom got planted in my head somehow. I rather suspect it was from one of those awful fecking safety PSA chain emails--gawwwd those are horrid. Well I want to make clear that I don't live paralyzed by the fear of such an attack. Yes, it is one of the myriad reasons I do lock my car . But it's a smaller factor in the decision than my HUGE fear of getting my iPod swiped. But everytime I get in my car , I cast a glance in the backseat. And of course--of course!!--I never see anybody there. And I don't really expect to. But I always look.

When that grody turd burglar got arrested for the 1st time, (both of his, errr, indiscretions happening in neighboring NH, I was displeased to note) it was when a 14 yr old girl entered the outhouse and..looked in the hole and...SPOTTED SOMEONE LOOKING BACK!! I feel like I should bellow that line with a flashlight uplighting my face because ...AAGH!! Forget the dude on the car roof with the hook or however that one goes...that is fecking TERRIFYING!! And so... much like my habitual backseat check...I always glance down the rabbit hole in the portapotty. I know! Grody!! I don't fucking want to! And I think maybe 40% of it is a warped reaction to this interior chant of "Don't look behind you don't look behind you don't look behind you stare at the door stare at the door don't look behind you don't look behind you.." that's playing in a loop inside my head. And it's 60% checking for scat-fiends (not ones that are singing scat, necessarily. I hadn't thought of that-- but oh mah word what a perfect storm of horrific that would be!!)

I went to a craft fair this weekend with my friend Roxanne and the line for el bano was hellah long. I kinda had to pee, but I got in line for 10 seconds and then I abandoned the line and was like, baah, eff it. I can be a pee camel and hold it ...lines bore me...I don't hafta go that bad. So moments later, Rox and I are walking to the lot where she parked (we had to park soooo effing far away this year!! ) and on the way out of the fairgrounds, there was a couple of portapotties--no lines, no waiting. I will say this, in favor of portapotties-- I like the dial that you turn to lock the door, how, when locked, there is an indicator proclaiming "OCCUPIED" to the world. That way all sane people can be spared from accidentally turd burgling, and you won't have any unexpected visitors while you concentrate on the back of that door and not breathing and not falling over while you conduct biz in that awful awkard hover squat. So, short story way too damn long, I did avail myself of the portapotty yesterday, and I exited gagging profusely and this made Roxanne laugh at me. And I said "I made the mistake of looking" And she said "Oh I always look. IT'S GROSS." WTF?

Speaking of shizer...the final outcome of this season of Last Comic Standing was total bullshizer. Ok, ok, weak segue (segues that begin "speaking of..." generally are weak) but I'd like to wrap up here on a note that doesn't make me wanna yarf. It occured to me that I was actually watching LCS like my Dad watches NASCAR. Like he actually jumps out of his chair and woohoos if a driver he dislikes runs into the wall. SHAMEFUL want of decorum there. But I was kinda like that tonight. I SWORE AT THE TV when Tommy Johnagin lost. He was an awesome comic and totally shoulda won. But, I said repeatedly, even before the outcome was announced. "I really want Tommy to win. But he won't. America never votes for who I think should win." This is historically founded fact... every competition show I watch, the person I root for LOSES. Often they come close to the win, but they invariably do lose. You'd think this would give me a complex, make me doubt my concept of funny or something but nope. I further bellowed "America never votes for who I'm rooting for because America is fucking stupid." I don't mean all of America is stupid. But a vast majority...they want plebeian humor that's hollering and humping their leg. The lowest common denominator. And therefore, I just knew that Felipe Esparza was going to win . Pathetic. Siiiigh.

tube titter

2010-08-07T22:17:00.000-07:00

Summer TV sux. Which is a good thing, I suppose. If there's ever a season to haul your fat arse offa that couch, it's gorgeous, glorious summer. I guess if you gotta veg out in the summer, go catch a movie, and you can also bask in some arctic AC at the same time. BONUS. Or the drive-in. I love the drive-in, but I swear, I'm going to rent a projector and do my own drive-in because everytime I am jonesin' to go to the drive-in (and I have 2 within a 40min. drive radius.. a third option--a 4 screener-- if I wanna drive another hour )I look at the listings and they are playing shitty, shitty movies. Stuff I wouldn't watch if it was playing on the inside o' my eyelids.
OK, well, sometimes they're playing 1 worthwhile movie along with 1 crap movie. But I cannot bring myself to pay the double feature price (affordable though it may be) to watch 1 movie. That's my Scot 1/4 possibly...

But back to TV... there's a few exceptions to the summertime small screen suckiness. I make it a point to regularly tune in to these exceptions. First up is Monday night on NBC: Last Comic Standing. I've looong been a fan of this show, and it pains me to say: this is the worst season yet. I mean, I still watch it, because even really bad LCS is still pretty good (it's like pizza in that way) but it just doesn't compare well with seasons of yore. I do like Craig Robinson as host. That was one change for the better. But I'm bummed that they ditched their old format. They used to come up with a final 12 through a series of auditions & a semifinal and then those dozen comics lived together in a house and every show that got some oddball challenge. For instance, in the last season (when that horrid Iliza won and that ADORABLE Jeff Dye was on) they did a challenge in a Bed Bath & Beyond store where they had to do an impromptu set of prop comedy (Carrot Top type schtick). They did stuff like that for 4 or 5 episodes and then pared it down to a final 3 that faced off in a standup showdown final. I MISS that format. Aside from the shitty format switcheroo, I'm also disappointed in the crop of comics they got. I really like Tommy Johnagin, and Roy Wood Jr is growing on me, but the rest: mehhh.

I'm VERY stoked that Project Runway has started up again. I do like this Gretchen...when she was talking about her style & portfolio, my ears pricked up, I was all: "ooh-wee! You had me at 70s aesthetic!!" And now Gretch has won 2 challenges in a row. I really did think she deserved it on the 1st show (lovely dress... I very much liked it) but I dunno about that jumpsuit. I liked the jumpsuit, but liked Valerie's dress more and I think it would've made for a better billboard. Speaking of injustices from Ep. 2, why the hell was Nicholas cut? I agree, that that blouse was stupid looking, but it was well made and even if he was misguidedly over-the-top with his get-up (I actually liked the skirt he did, and it looked good w/ that belt) it was still creative and well-made and I think that should have saved him for another week. I mean, if they absolutely HAD to do a double elimination, it shoulda been Peach & Jason. I think they just want to keep P around to appeal to the AARP set for another week or so (because, c'mon, she's bound to be cut soon, right??) I thought her polka dot dress was rather chintzy looking. Jason's elimination was righteous though. I had been routing for him to get the axe last week. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the whimsical bowler, but nevertheless, the dude was out of his league. I mean, he couldn't finish a garment, when all he was doing was reworking a kimono, by turning the sonofabitch backwards (oooh! mega-innovative!!) But even more unbearable than his lack of talent was his pissing & moaning that the judges didn't get him and how he deserved to be cut some slack because he's from tha streets, man. No, give me a break. So far I'm undecided on my fave. I like Gretchen , and I spotted some stuff from AJ's portfolio that intrigued me, even if AJ does seem a mite bitchy.

After Runway, I am so glad they got rid of that model-centric show that I never watched . I don't need to have ever watched it to know unequivocably that it wasn't as good as the magnificent "On the road with Austin & Santino". LOVE IT!!

Before watching it, I was a little miffed that Austin got top billing (as I am more of a Santino fan) but I got over that quickly enough. I had forgotten how very funny Austin was (though I still like Santino more). He was cracking me up in the 2nd episode, playing with those porcelain figurines as if they were Barbies. He is very strange and alien looking though. And holy shit , he needs a sandwich.... or 10. When did Santino become such a sweetheart? Like, he was really funny on Runway (he's still funny) but even while being a clown he was simultaneously the "Eff off, I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS" guy as well. That's why he became a fave of mine, perhaps. He's an interesting melange of elements. But now he's VERY friendly. And sweet natured. Not that that's a bad thing, it just surprised me. I guess because he's no longer in a competition he can now give free reign to his natural sweetness . Or maybe he's gotta be that way, if he wants to be an effective makeover fairy godfather.

I beg your pardon. . .MA'AM

2010-08-05T16:17:00.000-07:00

Our agency has a new employee orientation at the start of every month. I spotted this new hire on Monday, the first day of orientation, and remarked to myself (in my head...I aim to keep my audible talking to myself at a minimum when at the office) that this guy looked exactly like the teenage boy on Two and a Half Men. I don't know if you watch Two and a Half Men (I don't) but even if you don't, it's probable that you've seen this kid
pop up in something you've seen. He's fairly ubiquitous. I don't know if it's just for his sitcom character, but it seems to me like his default facial expression is dim + sulky . This aforementioned orientee definitely has that look going on.
At work, one of my gigs is to pack the nurse bags & aide bags for dispensing at orientation. So for a coupla weeks before orientation, I have a list of new hires' names (and 1/4 of the time, it's actually accurate!) I'd seen that one of the new PCAs we were taking on was a male, so that was him I figured. It's always rare--and therefore noteworthy--for the VNA to take on men (I don't, for the record, think there's any discrimination goin' on..the men just ain't applying) and even rarer for them to hire on young men. Oh and this does NOT mean I was scoping this guy out ( I hasten to add)! The dim+ sulky 15 yr old look is not my cup o' tea (certainly not, I like 'em brighteyed & perky..in the Bieber mold of underage dreamboats. Haa) But I was just taking an interest in having a celeb (quasi celeb) doppleganger in our midst. Speaking of which, our Hospice director looks quite a bit like Oliver Platt, I've always thought. He's working on sprouting a beard now and that has downplayed the Platt-ness considerably.

Anyways, day 3 of orientation I noticed some dissimilarities that saved the rookie from being a total clone. Namely..boobs. * Yeah, it was more rainy & dreary than HOT on Monday & Tuesday, so Angus was wearing a sweatshirt. Yesterday was a smidge too stifling for a sweatshirt so she went with a fitted tee instead. No, these were not moobies. It was totally a she-rack. This teenage boy look alike is a girl!! How unfortunate. She really oughtta rethink that hairdo.

*I feel compelled to mention that I DO know that "Namely boobs" is not a valid sentence according to the laws of grammar, but I felt like it had too much rhetorical flair to be fixed.

2010-08-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

For the record, I don't have my nose in my laptop ALL day long. I also set aside some time for couch tatery. And I do enjoy communing with nature, which sounds daft and New Agey, I realize. Still, "spending time outdoors" feels like off verbage, because that could be construed as me being "outdoorsy" an adjective that I think connotes kayaking and mountain climbing, and while I suspect both activities are worthwhile, I don't partake in either. Not my bag. Too exercisey.

For some reason that has yet to dawn on me, I always find myself picking berries. Whatever's in season really, like I know what hills the wild strawberries grow on, (these have gone by, they peaked back in June, then the black raspberries came & went in July) and go check how the "crops" are (this is just wild growing stuff, I am not engaging in any manner of legal or illegal agriculture)and pick as many as I can. Right now it's blackberries. I got thoroughly perforated the other day picking blackberries (got some nice ones though) I was pondering, while delicately trying to creep through the sharp pricky branches, why blackberry bushes even have prickers. I mean, I don't know a lot about agriculture or botany or whatever, and by "not a lot" I mean NADA. But it seems like there is functionality present in the design of most all plant life. So WHY the ouchy thorns? Why stave off potential pickers/ gnoshers? I think it is beneficial for the plant for its ripe berries to be picked rather that just having them wither and dry up on the bush. So what the wha, blackberry bushes? You just don't wanna give up the berries easy...you're not slutty like them strawberry plants, eh?

I don't know why, but I always think of picking blackberries as a very French Canadian thing to do. This isn't linked to any preexisting ethnic stereotypes (that I know of) but it's simply because my Pepere's (my paternal grandfather...my Dad's side of the fam is 1000% Québécois) ad-libbed stories pretty much always started out with 2 anonymous little girls (stand ins for my sister and I) picking blackberries. Pretty much always they encountered a bear. I think the only variant was in their means of elusion/defense/escape. Also, when I get a whole lot of blackberries, my Dad will eat them on bread with sugar on them (a treat his father used to eat) and he calls that a miteau. I don't know that it's spelled like that, because I've never had my dad or Pepere spell it. I tried checking online for miteau, meteau, mito, even "blackberry bread sugar" , "blackberries, sugar, bread, Canada" and "blackberries on bread with sugar Canada" and...yeah, nothin'. I've binged the hell outta this sumbitch and basically the internets are telling me that this is a snackie my grandfather made up and slapped a French sounding made-up name on. Oh, I did learn that Miteau is a fairly common French surname, so maybe he named it after somebody.
Could it be that no one in Quebec uses the internet? Or is Bing anti-Quebecois and I should take my quest to Google? Damn, I would hate to have to boycott Bing. I've made it my search engine of choice, and I really dig their picture-of-the-day thingie they do!!

vids that make me laugh

2010-07-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

Was thinking of how I could go for a viewing of Peewee's Big Adventure again. I just love that movie. Why I suddenly have it on the brain is cuz I have a friend on Facebook, a high school classmate of mine, who just recently moved his family to San Antonio, TX. He wrote on his wall this morning, something about trying to decide what to do for the day. Well, to be specific, he wrote: "maybe off to the riverwalk. maybe the zoo. maybe the alamo. maybe seaworld. maybe just stay here cuz i can't figure out what i want to do" And reflexively, I just wanted to comment "I warn you: there is NO BASEMENT in the Alamo" but I had to withhold & suppress that response because I assure you, he does not strike me as the type of guy that would catch a Peewee's Big Adventure allusion (nor would many of his friends, I'll wager). And so, if I had typed that, it woulda just come off as some sort of weirdo cryptic code of sorts. So I refrained. And that's why I have Peewee's Big Adventure on the brain. It's like idea reflux.
Anyways, this is a very brief snippet of PBA, nothing to do with the Alamo's basement (or lack thereof) but one of my fave bits.

I can't hear "Jimmy Crack Corn" without that scene springing to mind. Haaa.

Okay, one of my favorite audio funnies from this page is the "Trololo" button (center yellow button, row 7) I just fancied that little snippet, but had no prior knowledge of this jackpot of insanity that it was culled from--

　Ok, first of all, pal, I don't think you of all schmendricks should be pointing & laughing at me (approx 1:55). This was on some Russian variety show of the late 60s and the amazing thing is...I think this was TOTALLY IN EARNEST. It seems improbable, I know. How can you hear that sound coming out of your borscht-hole and not find it (and yourself) ridiculous--nay, reDONKulous?

This next one is rather more contemporary. I just stumbled onto it today. I gotta say, I am not all that keen on the broad rubbing cutlets on her cutlets, but I think this rap is very clever. Not just clever, but catchy too.

It could just be that I dig this because they very capably incorporate "broccoli" not once, but twice. Brav-O. It's an established fact that I appreciate any song that features broccoli

my big fat yap

2010-07-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I inadvertently dissed the counter guy at McDonalds. It was a subtle diss, and it may have escaped his notice, but I immediately felt like a bitch for it. I had gotten a vanilla cone (quick parenthetical editorial:: plain cones, I have ruled, are the very best cone style. Not that sugar cones or waffle cones are yucky –they certainly are not—but plain cones are the best. Y’know the clinching factor—it’s the grid section at the base of the the cone, where the ice cream seeps down into and you wind up with perfect cone > ice cream integration. The only edge that waffle cones have is that they hold a mega buttload of ice cream…but I’m going to rule in favor of plain cones nevertheless) and he was doling out my change. He paused in the middle of this transaction and says “Have you seen the new penny??” He says this all eager-like—either I have the look of an avid numismatist or he is one…or both. Anyways, he shows me one of these coins (looks like this ) and I respond “ Looks like a seal for Justice League” And he said “That’s what I said!!” In retrospect, I see that I could have, and should have, let him have the last word here. But for some odd reason, I felt it incumbent upon me to produce a response of some kind. So I said “OH.” It’s not so much what I said as how I said it. In that singular syllable, I very clearly conveyed how I felt about our newfound concord. Disappointment could be heard, certainly, but the more discerning ear could pick out the more nuanced undertones of "ohmilord If I am mentally simpatico with this schlomo than my q rating has gotta be lower than I thought..SUB-subterranean" -brand disappointment. As soon as I heard the "Oh" I felt bad about it. I'd not intended to be a snotty bitch. But there were no reparations to be made.. . one of those situations where further discourse would just botch things even more. What do you say? "Oh, I didn't mean to infer via my tone that you are some kind of dork loser. Oh, NO, sir!!" I had the good sense to shut my trap at that juncture. I grabbed my cone, and my .17 cents and bolted.

Maybe it was due to yesterday's accidental snobbery that I found myself so chatty today. I think, more often than not, I keep to myself. But every so often I surprise myself with these days where I feel like blasting total strangers with a max dose of wit and charm. I think the outcome of that Psych 101 quiz I took many moons ago (CSC freshman year, specifically) was on the mark..I am an ambivert. Well, I think I part of the reason I was extra-amiable towards the W B Mason sales rep I met with was that he was young, apparently single*, and not too shabbly aesthetically. But I had to be making amends for yesterday when I opted to chat up the unicycle guy in the parking lot. There was no romantic ulterior motive there, I assure you. Though there is something liberating in having a unicyclist in your parking lot to chat up. I made this corny joke , which he didn't even get , yet not only did I not have any corny-joke regret, there was none of that uncertainty that naturally accompanies talking to strangers. Not that I'm shy...but if you totally don't know a person, there's no way of knowing if striking up an unsolicited convo is going to evoke a mean "why the fuck you talkin' to me??" type reaction. But dude was on a unicycle for chrissakes. I don't think surly people ride unicycles, and besides: isn't riding a unicycle in a public area a sort of invitation for comment anyway??

*this means I spotted no wedding ring. But really you can't go on that as an indicator of fair game anymore. This dude--a ring-free dude-- at Staples who was answering my questions on a laptop uttered the words "my fiancee" about a dozen times.. I mean, we were looking at a laptop that was the same brand as the one HIS FIANCEE owns and he was talking of his personal experience of the brand. So there *was* context. But still, his verbage...it just seemed like he used the phrase excessively...like he could've trotted it out there initially and then proceeded with the easier pronoun "she". But he said it quite alot and that made me suspect that I had been eyeing him like a fattie looks at a Twinkie. I very well mighta been.

until they make" Major Dad: the Movie" this will hafta do

2010-07-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

this movie looks like it will be all SORTS of kick ass--

So that jibe about "Major Dad:the Movie" was in jest. I would, however, be game for a movie version of Simon & Simon. Though I INSIST that they retain and prominently feature the original theme song. The Simon y Simon opening credits music is one of the best instrumentals ever. It just makes me happy and makes me want to dance like a drunk uncle at a wedding reception (y'know, all bouncy knees & wild elbows) (OK, OK, if you're straining your brain trying to recollect what the eff I'm on about, well strain thyself no further)

But back to "Get Low" The sole unfortunate thing about this flick (from my initial impression anyway) is that the two words of that title calls to mind countless ass-wobbling hip hop anthems and the lower-bod dexterity tests they incited on the dance floor. Not really synching up with the apparent tone of the movie. But other than that, it looks utterly awesome-sauce. Bill Murray is the cat's jammies, I used to adore Lucas Black from way back in his American Gothic days (I loved that show! "Someone's at the door!!") And of course, Bobby Duvall is always a solid performer (hey, we lunch together, I'm perfectly within my rights to address him thusly) The movie (at least the glimpse I got from the trailer) has a sepia feelin' to it, and that reminds me lots of "O Brother Where Art Thou" (a FAAAAVE of mine) though I don't think this movie will be quite so comical as O Brother. I just really dig that whole aesthetic just the same.

And yes, it is a bonus to see Gerald McRaney in the mix there. It's an unexpected twist. I get an odd thrill out of seeing arbitrary obscurities pop up somewhere you're not expecting them. And I guess that's an easy reaction to get outta me because, you're never really expecting to see Gerald McRaney anywhere are you? I don't want this to sound like I don't think he's good, that is not what I'm saying at all. He's just not exactly monopolizing the cultural consciousness nowadays, eh? And I like that...one sure tires of all the A-listers .It can be refreshing to have someone from the shadows of stage left photo-bomb into the sphere of spotlight. Another example: generally I do not give a baker's fuck about any fare that can be classed as an "action movie". However, I've kinda been eyeing "The Expendables" with some interest. Why? DOLPH LUNDGREN. He's in the movie AND cropping up on the poster. His name, while not right up top, is about in the middle and in BIG PRINT. Decent! Though I can't say the Dolph Lundgren factor would delight me enough to persuade me to pay to see a flick like The Expendables. Oh, but if somebody else wants to buy me a ticket, I'll certainly show up. I love me some cineplex popcorn!!

one of my fave bands in the news

2010-07-17T21:33:00.001-07:00

I don't know what I think about this news story. I mean, I suppose as a model, or , one-time model, you want to be paid for your work, even if your work is mouldering away unseen for nigh on 30 years. But this broad is suing for 2 MILLION dollars, her argument being that --

"the album design, in which the Photograph is featured prominently, was a substantial factor in generating recognition and buzz for the Contra album, thus increasing sales and profits."

What-EV, lady. I loved Vampire Weekend's first album and was eagerly awaiting a follow up. I would have sought out Contra even if the cover had been a dead rat in a pile of pig vomit.

If her signature was really forged on a release document, then YES that is bad. But how were the fine fellahs of Vampire Weekend to know that wasn't a legit signature? (of course I give them the benefit of the doubt, I adore them) If she makes any loot with this moneygrubbing litigious endeavor, I say it should come from the pockets of this photographer or his agency.

Well this whole subject gives me a fine excuse to post this, which I love lots---

These guys are playing a show in Holyoke MA in September. I kinda want to see them, but it depends on how much $$$ tickets are. I mean, as much as I gush over 'em, I can only really sing along to 1/3 of any given Vampire Weekend song. I feel like, to shill out 100 bucks for a concert ticket, one ought to be , how you say.."hardcore"? And the minimum requirement for hardcore status, I believe, is to be able to sing along accurately to EVERY song. I hardly measure up..

EXCLUSIVE!!!

2010-07-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

I gotta post this video here, because my friend Andrea would give me hell if I put it up on Facebook. And I'd hate to waste it (all glorious 37 seconds of it)

I went with pals into NYC this past Saturday. This was our emerging from Penn Station into the magnificent metro...

Weird thought I had at work today

2010-07-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

The cleaning crew left a giant wheeled garbage can in the hallway outside the supply room (the very supply room that I go in and out of constantly throughout the day) and after my 3rd trip past it, I mused: I could hide in there, I could take some paper wrapping from our last McKesson shipment, pull it over the top of me and no one would know I'm in there. But then I thought of the down side of no one knowing that I'm hiding in the garbage-- half eaten taco salads raining down on my head and the like. And so I thought : It's too bad I couldn't hide in there, and then have Mr Bundles come in and wheel me away to freedom like he did for Annie. Except Mr Bundles doesn't pick up trash, he picks up big carts of laundry, and if I waited for the cleaning crew to wheel me away to freedom, I would have to hunker down in there all day, perhaps suffering the aforementioned taco salads upside the head. And escaping with the laundry is not a feasible option, as our laundry is brough over to Kleen drycleaners (not picked up) with NO predictable regularity...Larry collects it all in a ginormo-sized buff plastic trash bag and hauls it over there himself. It would not particularly trouble me that Larry would throw his back out on account of the bag of dirty bags unexpectedly being 1000x heavier than usual, but it would suck that the additional weight of moi would be DEAD weight, what with my having asphyxiated from hiding in a garbage bag and all.

Eventually I did flee to freedom, and had a hankering for a cheeseburger and so currently am at a McDonalds, polishing off a Happy Meal. I should have foregone the Happy Meal and ordered a Unbearably HILARIOUS meal like the dude at the booth behind me ordered. He is on the seat attached to mine, (we're seated back-to-back) and since he sat down there, the bench has been quaking almost nonstop. Since the shakes are *sometimes* coinciding with jests his companion is making, then I am presuming it's humor-induced, laughter-related quaking. I don't hear any laughs, but not everyone has a booming guffaw. I mean, shit, if he's NOT laughing over there, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with him....

2010-07-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

How bizarre is this??
Actually gets more bizarre: the new development on this project is that they added Micki Dolenz to the cast. Don’t get me wrong, Dolenz has always been my fave Monkee. And, nevertheless, I gotta question the thought process behind casting that dude in anything. It’s either that he’s the only one trying out for the part (which is hard to believe…you could populate a mid-size country with all the struggling actors waiting tables out there) OR producers are deliberately striving for that kitsch effect.

H & G

2010-06-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

Me surveying my finished peeps in my workshop/parent's garage...

I have got to shake this dumbass tendency I have to provide background narration of "HMMMM hmm hmm hmmmmm" It's like I feel that running commentary is a must, but I can't really think of any worthwhile comment at times, and so I go with "HMMM hmmm humm hummmm"

Dear Ralph Macchio...

2010-06-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry that I used to scoff at my cousin Denise when she used to buy Tiger Beat because you were on the cover. I'm sorry that I found you underwhelming / uninteresting when you were on (RIP) Ugly Betty. This video is all I need to convince me that I have misjudged you; you are, in fact, all sorts of rad

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

mystery pic

2010-06-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

One of my 2010 wall calendars is of Art Nouveau paintings. Some of them I find not so Art Nouveau-ish, but most of the selections are pretty lovely. I particularly liked April, I liked it so much, that I left it up thru most of May. May was about 3/4 through when I took the calendar down and scanned the April pic. But I was very disappointed that *nowhere* on the calendar is the artwork's name or creator mentioned.

Anyways, without further blather, the mystery pic---

2010-06-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Hey kiddies. If I've seemed a smidge derelict in my blogging duties, blame it on Hansel & Gretel. This past weekend was WHS Alumni Weekend and this year happens to be my 15th alumni year. We had to put a float in the alum parade (parade theme :fairy tales or nursery rhymes). Well, I suppose we didn't **HAVE** to do something for the parade (class of 1985 did absolutely nada for alumni this year.. . .losers) but a small contingent of us felt like we oughtta. A small contingent from a small class...I'm not gonna name names or point fingers (BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!*) but only about 1/6 of our class worked on this thing. It's a good thing we had Phil, who is in the carpentry/construction trade. He pretty much built the candy house on his own. We pitched in on painting & embellishments & such, but he did all the structural work. He was amazing. Liz was the major organizing force (also amazing...and slightly annoying in a way I can't quite articulate). And my assignment was Hansel & Gretel. Liz had talked about using a projector to blow up an image of H&G, then trace that projected image onto big paper, paste the big paper onto cardboard...basically to make cardboard cutout Hansel & Gretel. I'm sure I am partly influenced by the 3D mania that is monopolizing the cinemas these days, but this cardboard cut-out notion struck me as a little lame-ish and shabby. But, instead of pointing at Liz and yelling "LAAAAAME! SHABBY!!!" I just said "Well, can't we do something more 3D, like with papier mache?" To which Liz retorted , "Can you make 2 people out of papier mache?" Ohhhh SNAP. This is why it doesn't pay to contribute to the conversation. And that is how Hansel and Gretel became solely my bailiwick. (not the best verbage that, but bailiwick is a f-ing kickarse word and I was suddenly very compelled to bust it out there)

So I have spent the 1st half of June making papier mache people and then doing general float work on Tues & Thurs nights. Ok, well the people aren't entirely papier mache (only head, arms & legs) if I did 100% papier mache, I suspect I'd still be waiting for that shit to dry. To be utterly precise, Hansel and Gretel were: papier mache, paint, chicken wire, wood, newspapers, brown & white gingham patterned cotton, cheap Family Dollar kiddie shoes spray painted brown, ribbon, brown dyed mop heads, one of my old white tees, Crazy glue, Hot glue, spray adhesive, zip ties and Mighty Putty (not necessarily in that order). I say "were", because a few of us (me, Phil, and Liz...natch) gathered this past Monday night to demolish the float and I put H& G in the cardboard burn pile. My Dad was appalled that I sent them off to their doom. But, like I sez to him, I sez -- I got footage for all posterity of my crafting triumph, I can keep that. What the hell would I do with two 3ft high characters? A little too elaborate to repurpose as doorstops, thems.

So yeah, not only did I shoot a quickie vid of H&G in the garage-workshop that birthed them (just minutes after I'd finished up) , I also have about 4 minutes of group float work (the Fri night before the parade) and also I had my niece film the whole alumni parade (approx 19minutes...seems like 5 min of that being clowns on mini wheelie ATVs) So if you wanna see any of that, lemme know. Say the words and I will post that shit (otherwise, I'll not waste time uploading)

In the afternoon, our class had a small, chillaxed, boozy BBQ, which I popped into after my apres-parade nap. That was nice. And then that night, the all-alumni party at the Mountain. That was marvy. I had the good sense to *not* bring my flip cam to that ( obviously a pretty ginormo potential for disaster in that idea) There were a few, uhhh, snafus. I got in a minor tiff with my sis (but it was minor. . and we made up by the end of the night) I had an embarrassing mudbutt episode in the constantly packed ladies room (but just the one episode...and I camped out in that damn stall, courtesy-flushing away until there came--quite miraculously--a 3 second lull in traffic. Like, I figure it was too minor a crisis for GOD to have intervened, but perhaps a miracle granting apprentice of some sort was at work there. Is there a patron saint of drunken diarrhea, I wonder??) Anyways, overall, it was a hell of a lotta fun. I'm already stoked for next year!! But if my sister asks me to be her DD (will be her 20th year ) then, I'm sorry...feck that...I will be scraping together a taxi fund.

* this parenthetical scorn is futile... as none of my h.s. classmates read this blog. Unless they psychically intuited its existence, that all caps hint of disapproval is totally in vain

LCS--I call BULLSHEIZER!!

2010-06-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

Heidy-hooo..anybody out there watching Season 7 of Last Comic Standing?? If you haven't been, you can catch up-- it's only 2 episodes in (though the premier was double length) and the full eps are available on the NBC website. And you *should* catch up-- it is the only MUST must-see TV of the summer (sez ME and I am the authority on good taste)

Anyways, they had some great picks from the NYC auditions--Mike DeStefano was terrific, Kirk Metzger very good. Plus, I was especially pleased that Tommy Johnagin was picked. He's very funny in a smart sort of way, I remember him popping up in a previous season and he was passed over then and I was appalled.

But the travesty of justice I alluded to previously was them not picking Jared Logan. He was excellent in both his try-out and the night's showcase. He kinda reminds me of Sean Cullen, who I thought was so weird & quirky (awesomely so) back in season 6. They could have made room for Logan, I mean, out of the 4 chicks that got picked, only 1 of them was very funny (Jamie Lee). Roy Wood Jr wasn't all that great. Y'know, I really liked all of Logan's material, despite the fact I think I've heard it before. He might have had a Comedy Central special before. I'm just going to presume he's been ousted for being overqualified. Or maybe it's a situation like Jim Norton backing out of season 2 --some kinda contractual obligations..

Bamm on Bam violence and unrelated musings

2010-06-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

The assailant in the attack was said to be a white haired cartoon toddler, clad in an orange and black loincloth.

Ok, well if you follow the link, you’ll learn quickly that, NO, this was not a case of Bamm Bamm vs Bam. But that was my initial suspicion when I read the headline. I mean, the motive is there ( moniker theft) and the M.O. absolutely matches. It’s a good thing for the Rubbles that this crazy bat-wielding broad was caught or else Bamm would have to make with a decent alibi. And if he couldn’t. . . THE DIP!!

Ohmigawd, WHAT was the name of that judge that Christopher Lloyd played in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? He was pretty fucking terrifying, that’s fer sure.

Speaking of judges, I was straining at the brain this morning to come up with the real life name of the actor that played the judge on Night Court. I bring this up because I spotted the opportunity for a decent segue, but mostly I mention it to indicate what very arbitrary and unexpected stops My Train of Thought makes. Not at all predictable like route stops on Amtrak or Soul Train (I type “Soul Train” , but in my head I hear “Soooooooooul Train!” like they trill in the opening credits) I was on one of my a.m. bathroom breaks, enjoying the downtime, and by some detour of my Brain Train I was pondering Night Court… there really was some follow-able chain of thoughts that led there (I didn’t jump the rails entirely) but I’ll be damned if I can remember what that was. But anyways, somehow-er-nuther I was thinking about Night Court. I still find the Night Court theme song strangely memorable….which is not to say I like it. It was very saxy, but in a bad way, not in an awesome, Yakety-Sax sorta way As for the show itself, it seems like it was quite popular during its run, but I can’t fathom why, can you? I think people watched it for Bull. He was the Fonzie/ Rerun/ JJ/ Schneider/Kramer etc etc. for that show. I myself, had this 6 month spell where I watched syndicated episodes…it wasn’t because of Bull though…I have no idea what I watched that show for. .What a crappy show. But then again, I’ve lived thru some very questionable TV kicks that I just *cannot* account for : Wishbone, Bananas in Pajamas, Matlock.

Anyways, I kept trying to think of who played that judge, and the name “Harry” kept popping into my head, but then I’d dismiss it thinking: “Nooo no noo, that was the CHARACTER name…what was the ACTOR’S name?? He was in the dumb forgettable TV show based on the life of Dave Barry and he was in IT with John Ritter and Pennywise the clown and a big assorted cast of others….has he done anything lately???oh what is his name??” Of course, when I returned from el bano I promptly looked it up on IMDB and found that—tricky!!--- “Harry” is his real name and his character’s name. (It’s Harry Anderson…like you were yelling 2 paragraphs ago) Whenever they do that on a TV show, and they do it a lot, methinks, I feel like it’s either the writers being lazy with name generation (“Ohhh…we just really can’t come up with another name that fits his face”) or possibly the actor is so helplessly stupid and bad at acting that he will not be able to stay in character when other actors address him by a strange name. Probably that’s not the case most of the time (either scenario…or is it neither scenarion? When I shift in to high-gear rambling my grammar starts to suffer, I’m afraid..) but I just always think that. Of course, there’s Tony Danza…who seems to be Tony in EVERYTHING. But in that case, it’s permissable, because he’s Tony Danza and normal rules don’t apply to him on account of him being all sorts of awesome. When I was in 3rd grade, I wanted to marry Tony Danza when I grew up . Shut up. You know you did too.

In summation: I hate Night Court and I hope Bam Margera is on the mend (and not brain damaged).

{EPILOGUE—I remembered, in the course of all this blathering, how I got to contemplating Night Court: I was thinking of this movie I watched last night (Spring Breakdown—rented it off iTunes. DO NOT waste your money!!) and how astonishingly terrible it was. I was considering whether it was bad enough for me to visit its IMDB page and post a message board post solely to have my repulsion noted. The last time I did that it was for this awful movie that I saw on a bus coming back from Boston and had we not been speeding down the interstate (and instead were travelling <50mph)>) I might have attempted a tuck ‘n’ roll out the emergency exit to escape this turd of a movie. Oh, and that movie was (relevance imminent) Dave Berry’s Guide to Guys. And the crappiness of that made me reflect that Dave Barry seems to have made a nice living out of being not that fresh or insightful or clever (though, I acknowledge that this was just an off-the-cuff, uninformed rogue notion, since I have never actually read any Dave Barry…I suppose I was just taking that movie to be exemplary of his entire oeuvre, and that’s probably unfair of me) and even had a whole sitcom about him in the 90s and who was it in that? Oh his big role was on Night Court…and yadda yadda yadda…you see how the Train of Thought got headed down the aforesaid track, yes?}

My Name Is No Longer Earl

2010-06-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

Memphis Beat looks like it may be worthwhile. Methinks it will be refreshing to watch Jason Lee play someone other than Earl Hickey for a switcheroo. I do adore Jason Lee but that sitcom was getting MUCHO STALE.

consumption

2010-06-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to drop some elbees, and eat healthier, & what not (yep, yet again..) I was grocery shopping in Price Chopper the other day and not too far from the produce section is this "cheeses of the world" kiosk. I have always been a cheese fan, but OMFG. now that I am trying to..well, not abstain from cheese, but significantly limit my intake, the stuff seems more MAGICAL than ever!!

So I was circling said kiosk like a Great White (the shark, not the band) (haa) and I spied this little brick called Juusto. Oh, marvy! I was then not only trying to resist cheese, but I was trying to resist exotic, unexplored cheese (having never tried Juusto). It was only thru an act of SUPERHUMAN WILLPOWER that I managed not to buy the cheese. Oh yeah, and I summoned up that superhuman willpower by looking at the nutrition facts. I've been doing that a lot lately, I'm afraid (and sometimes it'll knock ya on yer arse!!) I actually don't think the fat & calories of the Juusto were as astronomical as I was expecting them to be, but then I took note that the recommended serving size is a 1" cube. That's redonkulous!!! I know anorexic hummingbirds that eat bigger chunks of cheese!! OK, well there's only one anorexic hummingbird I know (Ralph) and I only saw him eat the cheese that one time, but it was an ENORMOUS piece (camembert, if I recall correctly).

Anyways, I need someone who's tried Juusto to tell me it was actually rather putrid and I'm not missing out on anything. But DON'T lie to me--only tell me that if it's the God's honest truth!!

So in this dietary rehab endeavor, I have enlisted the aid of this secret society that requires me to "journal" what I eat and tally it all up by its points value. (ok so, it's not all that secret a society) . Anyways, I was contemplating whether or not I *really* had to jot down dinner & apps from last night (I went here; their Carne Asada Salad was waaay delish. I recommend it!!) considering the fact that I yarfed it all up at about 1:30 this morning. Today I feel surprisingly good considering how sadistic I was to my poor liver. I was almost refreshed , like my body was saying "Oh hey..we've not done that in a while". But I am not moronic enough to really think my body is so subversive.

ridiculous commercial I just saw

2010-05-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

This was just on TV--

--to which I gotta make the obvious wisecrack (everytime I see it...aloud...I really do): That dude has more serious fucking problems than ED to yak about with his doc!! If you're having regular conversations with your reflection like that, you need a check up from the neck up!!Maybe put off your chat about Viagra and ask about some anti-hallucinatory meds, eh??

Fartsy artsy

2010-05-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was covering the front desk while the receptionist was attending our all-agency meeting. I decided, during this front desk stint, I'd work on one of my "fun" work projects--signage for the bathroom. Larry asked me to make a sign for the bathroom that somehow reminds potty patrons to use the fan if they're going to leave behind a big stink cloud in there. I object to such signage. I mean, you feel bad enough if you stink up the loo, (oh yes, I've been there) you'd don't need someone nagging you on top of it. That's just mean. It just...it... it makes me want to take a shit of defiance in the middle of the floor. Well....ok....I AM overstating my ire a smidge, but it really does vex me. I don't like being micromanaged.

In Larry's defense, he does not care about laying down bathroom law. However some o' the office folk came to him the other day asking that a bigger fan be installed. I know he does all the plunging, but apparently even when there are issues of mere malodor, he's the go-to guy. How lucky is he?

Even if I take issue with the signage, it's a good project, as it requires me to (ever so slightly) flex my creative muscles. Somebody had put a sign in one of the bathrooms previously (that got taken down...*not* by me--I swear!) That said "Don't be one of these...{then a shabby clip art skunk...he really looked more like a badger than anything. But from the context, I got that it was a skunk} Turn on the fan...please!" So, I was disappointed in their lame choice of graphic, and I didn't like people trying to be the boss o' me (there, of all places!!) but that sign had one thing right...RHYMING. If you want people to get a rule ingrained in their noggin for the long run--bust a rhyme. Think about it: "Red sky @ night, sailor's delight" and the one that governs my life: "Beer before liquor never sicker, Liquor before beer-in the clear" and, ohhh, about a ka-JILLION others. So I was tossing about possible rhyming sign verbage but they were all tending toward the uhh, crasser end of the spectrum ("If you stink up the can, turn up the fan" was the nicest I had).

But then I actually got down to designing the thing yesterday a.m, and I ditched the rhyme-plan altogether and went for something high end...

Of course, it was shot down. Dunno if you can read it here, but it reads "Please avail yourself of the fan. Thank you." *I* LIKE the term "avail yourself", but I suppose it's not kosher for general public signage. If I MUST dumb it down then I am scrapping the delightful Victorian ephemera...they're getting black, all-caps block letters on a white background.

As is my custom, I spent the bulk of the all-agency meeting (the later session, that I attended) doodling. I didn't fill the page as much I usually do, since I unfortunately got stuck with a seat close to the front. Here is all that I could manage--

Goode? How 'bout GREAT...

2010-05-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

I confess: I'm a suckah for a schmoopy rom-com (provided that neither of the 2 leads irks and/or repulses me...in other words ...well, I'm not namin' names, but that means no "Alex & Emma" or "Fool's Gold" for me)

But prior to renting Leap Year on iTunes the other day, I had no opinion of Matthew Goode one way or t'other. I like Amy Adams though, so I thought I'd give it a go.

I do recommend it (if you like that sort of thing). The funny thing is that Goode plays a dude who's really kind of an asshole. But because he was also RIDICULOUSLY CUTE at the same time, I wound up being totally dismissive of the assholishness. It ain't right, but there you have it. I am a shallow, superficial broad. It is now a matter of record.

Summer Lovin' part deux

2010-05-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

I was gonna blog yesterday about how very enthused about summer I am, and the Grease thing was just an opening side-tangent, and then I got carried away on that tangent and then I found myself too tired to keep writing and get around to getting to the point (methought I was gonna do a faceplant on my keyboard!!) So here we go...

I am stoked--nay--MEGA-STOKED for summer. The weather lately has been way hot and I just love it. I think I might love summer more every year.

Here's some mental cud for y'all to gnosh on...

complete this sentence (sincerely, that is. DON'T be a smartass...this isn't Match Game '74 and I am certainly NOT Gene Rayburn...thought I do look quite dashing when brandishing a skinny mic) :

Nothin' makes it feel like summer more than________________

Am also not looking for the obvious, no-brainer answers to that question, ie: "80 degree weather" or "it being June 1st". There's a zillion, subjective, personal indicators of summer, some of them unexpected. Ferinstance... I am very seasonal about tunes... in the summer, there are 2 musical genres I gravitate toward--2 pretty disparate genres. Every summer needs to have at least one bona fide club banger. So I want to listen to those every summer...all the bangin'-est, most infectious hip-hop in my tunes aresenal. The other type music I want to hear in the summer is 50s or 60s rock 'n' roll--but not just any & all of it. It has to be 50s music one would listen to whilest "cruising the strip" as they did back in the day (or I have been led to believe they did anyways... small side tangent...I sometimes feel like I got the shaft in regards to the era I wiled away my teens in. I mean, I dunno why, but I hold this romanticized notion of youth in bygone eras. The 50s/ 60s seemed rife with some sort of magical ambiance, and the 70s seemed way more FUN than what I got stuck with. Even the 80s (to a slightly lesser degree) seem cooler than...bleccch ...the 90s. That's *precisely* the decade in which the magical ambience reserves dried up, I'm sure of it, and it's SO unfair)

Ok, wheeeeere the hell was I? Oh yes... in the summer I most dig 50s cruisin' music or 60s music of the sort that woulda cropped up in Dirty Dancing. Example: I always love to hear "Stay" [Maurice Williams & the Zodiacs; this one's actually in Dirty Dancing] and recently have downloaded "Come On, Let's Go" by Ritchie Valens and am really digging it.

Oh, speaking of new iTunes buys (file this one under "club bangers" though....old skool club bangers) I just got & cannot stop listening to Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three's "The Roof is on Fire" I just love it. It's this interesting dichotomy... the song is riddled with these old-timey hip-hop cliches ("everybody say HOOO!" urging listeners to wave their hands above their heads in a manner that implies apathy, etc. etc.) which I certainly don't fault it for. I mean, at the time of its recording, this was new material. It has only been borrowed, and re-borrowed and rendered trite in years hence. But still, because of all the old gems in there, the song winds up with a somewhat, ummmm, dorky vibe (which I happen to love , btw) Y'know, it sounds just a bit like your dad trying out his hip-hop chops. Anyways, add another layer of dorkiness when you notice that in parts of the song, Rock Master Scott sounds EXACTLY like DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba! (and yes, I get dork points x infinity for noticing that. 'Sokay, I own it. But do a little audio-comparison...you'll see that I'm totally right!) So you've got this fun, dorky-innocent vibe and then...."MOTHERFUCKER" hollered multiple times at the end of the song. That is like, the CUSS GODFATHER!! Or quite high up in the hierarchy of profanity, at least! If you don't know the song already, that kinda takes you unawares (the MF-bomb, that is).

Ok, a few more of my own seasonal harbingers...

Flip-flops! (that's one for many folks, I'm sure)

Sunglasses that look like---->>

would those just be referred to as Ray Bans? I believe Ray Ban makes lots of other styles, so methinks that would be a misnomer. That style needs a name though...or maybe it has a name and I just am clueless as to what it is.

I happen to be, like the Imelda Marcos of sunglasses (well, I'm workin' towards it anyhow) and I have all different styles (no amber lenses or granny glasses though...both look horrid on me!) but this style is somehow, to me, the summeriest. The penultimate summer outfit would involve just such shades....flip-flops.....and some manner of fluorescent fabric betwixt the two.

Shishkabobs!! This is what I wanna eat all summer. I just love grilling, despite the fact that 8 outta 10 times when I light the grill I singe off some arm hair. Or maybe....because of that fact. Perhaps I thrive on the element of danger. And definitely I's got arm hair to spare. I have rather hirsute arms, I fear. I'm lucky that I'm fair haired. Anyways, I just did veggie kabobs the other night (though generally I throw some cow meat on the skewer) and the mushrooms were MAAAAD DELICIOUS!!
Sangria!! This is what I wanna drink all summer. Ohh, but that might either break the bank or KICK MY LIVER'S ASS! So, instead, here's my bev-itinerary for the next 3 mos: iced coffee --probably just in the a.m. Then my afternoons I will imbibe some combination of Diet Cokes, iced teas, Miller Chill, & sangria (NOT all mixed together, dumbass)

summer lovin'

2010-05-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

..that reminds me, a Grease sing-along is hitting theaters across the country this summer. Major cities only-- that's the pisser. These things never come to "a theater near me". Therefore, I have never attended a sing-along cinematic event. Of course, with The Rocky Horror Picture Show (which is probably the most commonly staged sing-along) I don't really feel deprived. I'm not really into Rocky Horror (odd, right? it seems like I would be..). But a Grease sing-along, I would really dig. Well, I don't totally adore the movie like so many do. The overall message is pretty despicable--it's something to the tune of-- you need to let fly all your inhibitions and succumb to a total whorebag makeover to hang on to that man (paraphrasing there). But I'm more of an escapist than I am a moralist, so that's not a huge impediment to me enjoying the flick. My big thing is that Olivia Newton John irks me, and I'm pretty tepid in my feelings on Travolta (even in his Barbarino days) I used to really like Kenickie, but now that portrayal is just a sad reminder of what a stud the sad sack that is now Jeff Conaway once upon a time was. (I feel like that made no sense. You get my gist, no?) But there's still the uber-cool Stockard Channing, and most importantly, I know and love all the songs. That's why I'd really appreciate the sing-along, but the closest they're coming to me is Boston, and I just don't foresee it happenin'.

I watched some Sound of Music anniversary documentary, and they showed how they throw these mega sing-along/ act along showings at the Hollywood Bowl. Now *that* is my ultimate sing-along event. I would SO love that.

donkey monikers--Epilogue Dos

2010-05-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe I rattled off 50 donkey names and I forgot to list “Ira”. Thatsa good ‘un-- should definitely be on there.

Here’s a fun little morsel to add to your Sandra Fact File…. I had a Gigapet once upon a time…it was pink and the pet was a koala, and I named him Ira.

donkey monikers-- an epilogue

2010-05-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

Once I got mentally unblocked, the names started rolling. I rattled off (kinda stream-of-consciousness-like) 50 names (I had to stop somewhere) that struck me as funny and/ or cute.

I shall share with y'all, in case you are ever plagued with the dilemma of a nameless donkey (some may also be suitable for anonymous alpacas or goats)--

Donkey Kong
Dominic
Don Donkey (the mafia donkey)
Algernon
Allistair
Fletch
Gordon
Angus
Magnus
Gustavo
Heinrich
Georg (pron. Gay-org)
Monty
Shecky
Sherm /Sherman
Delroy
Leroy
LaMont
Gary
Barry
Gerald
Bob
Freddy
Friedrich
Irv
Marco
Bartholomew
Gregory
Amos
Telly
Neville
Cecil
Paco
Pablo
Henry
Howie
Moses
Phillip
Chachi
Fonzie
Potsy
Willis
Kevin
Torgo
George
Benji
Mork
Pete
Boober
Jefferson

woopsie

2010-05-20T09:02:00.001-07:00

OK, no tormenting, organ-readjusting pants today, but I am not without my wardrobe snafus. This dress has a tie in the back…the left sash just had a little float-about in the toilet l (which, regrettably, I only realized after my business had concluded)

So odd, because,I am usually hyperconscientious about keeping my tie-backs to the exterior of the toilet bowl. This particular awareness I believe stemmed from a particularly disastrous lace-in-the-toilet incident (yours truly was dressed up in bridesmaid finery at the time)

donkey monikers

2010-05-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

My friend’s sister is getting a donkey. Said friend emailed me about this straight away as I’ve opined to her in the past that donkeys are the cutest and best farm animals. I wrote her back -- “just say the word and I will throw at you a bevy of high quality donkey names” Now she’s said the word and…well… I was going to start her off with a dozen but I’ve become blocked.

I thought it would be funny to go veddy Brit w/ this –use an upper-class twit sort of name. All my brain could come up with was Allistair, Algernon, and Niles. Niles I nixed because it only reminds me of the old dude who was Rose’s boyfriend on the Golden Girls. Giles too, is no good (Buffy…which I didn’t even watch….spoiled that one). I typed “Algernon Allistair” into the ask.com search engine and one of the top results was this site called The Peerage ….which I just might make use of. It rather amuses me , the notion of culling a donkey name from that site.

The list is still in progress, but my #1 (that I put down immediately) is Donkey Kong. It’s a little simple…but it makes me laugh.

I will keep y'all posted on this developing story (hey, slow news day, eh?)

Pants, pants, pants, pants, fabulous PAAAANTS

2010-05-19T13:26:00.001-07:00

I really do—for the most part--- like the pants I have on today. They’re a good pale shade khaki, and they fit me just perfectly thru the thgh & leg. But HOLY MOTHEROFPETE’SDRAGON are they tight around the gut!! I mean, it’s not only that the inner seams are embossed on my epidermis, but I think I might wind up with hairline fractures to my pelvic bone!! DAMN! I wonder if anyone has ever suffered organ dislocation due to too-tight pants.

And forget the “muffin-top” , I’ve got like, a “soufflé-top” going on (tell me: would Pop-over top have been a more comical/ effective metaphor??) I’ve even unbuttoned the top two buttons of my button-fly. Yep, right here at work. It pained me to do so (as I am generally a PARAGON of propriety) but it pained me even more not to do so…

But hey.. I lost 0.6 of a pound in the past week. If I keep going at this rate, these pantalones will be downright comfy in 9 or 10 years.